By Ninnik Nishukan
Summary: Well, it had to come up sooner or later…right? Pre-Odds Man In, season four. Adult subjects, but hardly detailed enough for an M-rating.
Drakken was grumbling to himself when he got home.
Two whole hours to get there and back, and a whole hour spent trying to convince his informant to help him gain access to the Atmosfreezer— and he had nothing to show for it!
People just didn't want to accept an honest bribe anymore! What was the world coming to? Now he'd have to figure out some other way to get it, which would take who knew how much time— and he'd been hoping to put the plan into motion tomorrow!
And worse yet, he'd have to tell Shego, and he could just imagine her eye roll already.
Walking down the long, wide hallway that held both their rooms, Drakken headed for Shego's door and was about to knock when he heard some sounds he'd never heard from her room before.
These sounds vaguely reminded him of the sounds in that movie he'd caught about three seconds of once when, as a young teenager, he'd been told to go downstairs and play with his Cousin Eddie in the den when they were visiting his aunt.
Or maybe the sounds in that disturbing internet video he'd stumbled across a few weeks ago. First and last time he ever searched for 'doomsday', anyway!
Well, Shego could watch smut on her own time! Right now it was time for their pre-scheme conference! Okay, so he was back early, and it wasn't quite that time yet, but still! He'd wasted enough time today already, and—
There was another noise from inside, then, except it wasn't from the TV this time. It was from Shego. It was Shego's voice.
A moan. Then another one, followed by a groan.
What was she doing, was she in pain— what was she—
He could feel the acute discomfort start at his toes and move upwards like an inevitable tidal wave; hot and prickly. Okay, no knocking on the door. Only turning around and walking away. Only letting her have her privacy.
Just as he was about to leave, however, the volume increased, her noises becoming more excited and— and needy, if such a word could even be applied to Shego—
He stared at the door, the little hairs at the back of his neck standing on end, his fingers twitching, his mouth agape. Only then did it even occur to him that she might not be alone. Some alien, dark grey thing twisted and curled in his gut at the thought.
He tried to ignore it as he stood there, listening; after a moment, he discovered that she had to be alone after all— unless her partner was Marcel Marceau— and the thing in his stomach let go— but then he realized he was standing outside her door and listening to her—
He scurried down the hallway as quickly and soundlessly as he could, head down, teeth gritted and face hot. He'd just hide in his room for the rest of the night until he could wipe away the shocked and guilty expression. That sounded like a good plan.
His body was of quite a different opinion, though.
He winced as his stomach growled.
He'd only intended to slip into the kitchen, grab a quick snack and be tucked away safely in his room within five minutes, tops, and he was almost done, almost ready to leave when she walked in.
Her cheeks were flushed, she was moving at a relaxed saunter and her mouth was quirked in a tiny smile.
When she saw him, her eyebrows lifted in slight surprise, but then she only shrugged, walked up to the fridge and got herself a bottle of water. "You're back early," she commented casually, uncorking the bottle and taking a long swig. "I thought you said you'd be gone until at least seven."
"We couldn't come to an agreement," he muttered, ducking his head as he stuffed the last bit of sandwich into his mouth.
She snorted delicately. "Meaning your last check bounced?"
His answer was just a vexed grunt as he gulped down the dregs of his orange juice and dropped the glass in the sink.
"How long have you been back, anyway?" Shego asked, and there was a minuscule but nevertheless present note of apprehension in her otherwise laidback voice as she put the bottle back in the fridge.
'Long enough,' he almost blurted out, but managed to keep quiet. When she turned around and gave him an odd look, he realized he still hadn't answered her, and was simply staring at her.
"What?" She asked impatiently, and he wondered what his expression had to be like. He could feel his face growing hot, and watched her look turn even more quizzical.
"Nothing," he mumbled, face practically ablaze. He was sure he was purple by now.
"What?" She repeated, voice sharpening considerably.
All of a sudden, he began to get angry under her suspicious scrutiny, embarrassment morphing into defensiveness. "Nothing! It's none of my business what you do in your spare time in your own room!" He shouted, hardly even realizing what he was saying.
She froze as it hit her exactly what was up with him, and the nice, warm, boneless afterglow fled her instantly. It was as if somebody had dumped a bucket of ice cubes down the back of her shirt. "Were you— were you spying on me?" She managed to press out, trying to regain her composure even as her whole body felt stiff.
Drakken gawked in outrage. "Me? Spying? Don't be ridiculous! So now I can't walk down the hallway of my own home without being accused of— and it's not as if I needed to spy to know what you were doing! You were certainly making enough noise!" He barked, lashing out in the face of his own shame. He knew he was objecting a little too loudly, and hoped she wouldn't pick up on it. He hadn't been spying, exactly, but if she ever found out he'd hovered outside her door like that— but it was his lair, wasn't it? He could stand around in his own hallway, couldn't he?
As he watched what little color her face had drain away, leaving her paler than ever for a moment before her cheeks abruptly flushed, he knew he'd said something very stupid.
"You said you were gonna be gone until seven!" Shego snapped, jaw tightening. So he'd heard her, he really had heard her— "I didn't think anybody was home, okay?"
"This is a workplace, Shego!" He reminded her strictly, scrambling for familiar ground. "We're not the only ones around here, and besides, you know how people have such annoying habits of getting past security— what if my mother or Kim Possible had—"
She groaned, burying her face in her hands for a second before she looked up again with a scowl. "Look! I don't usually—I grew up with a big family, so don't you think I know how to be quiet?"
His throat went dry as this bit of news sunk in with him. "Usually? You mean you— you do this when I'm home, too? And I don't know about it?"
"Next time I'll send out a memo!" She snarled, uneasy under his astonished stare and growing offended. Everybody did it, but he was acting like he never— "You were right from the start, Doc— what I do in my spare time in my own room is none of your business!" She added, taking care to remind him of the severe line he was not only overstepping, but practically clog dancing across.
"Well! Then maybe you can try not making it my business by being so loud!" He sniped back at her, indignant and trying to shift his focus from the strange hot and cold spells going up and down his back.
She threw her hands up. "I don't even know why we're having this conversation!"
"Don't look at me!" Drakken objected, gesturing at himself. "I was trying to pretend nothing happened, but you just had to—"
"Well, what did you expect me to do?" Shego challenged, gesturing at him, too, now; though hers was more accusing. "You were acting all weird!" She'd never seen him like that, all flustered and clammed up, refusing to look at her, face like a boiled beet— never.
Again, his face went purple. "Wh-what— I just— it was embarrassing, okay?" He stuttered. "I didn't want to hear that!"
She felt her fists clench as he looked at him; he looked like a kid who'd just been told to finish his spinach. So she'd had a little afternoon relaxation, so what? Did he have to make such a big deal out of it? Did he have to look like that when referring to it? Like he thought it was— what, distasteful? Or was he really just that uncomfortable? Either way, she wasn't going to stand for it— as if it wasn't more embarrassing for her, anyway!
"Oh, and what— you're Mr. Prissy Pants now, huh?" She spat, shaking her head. "Always sleeping with both hands above the covers? Like you never—"
Oh, great! Just when he'd thought this conversation couldn't possibly become any more embarrassing! Drakken's eyes were wide as saucers now, and his answer came out in a defensive babble. "I'm too busy to think about— and if I did, I wouldn't be so loud and I wouldn't— while somebody was home—"
"Listen, with our jobs, it's not always that easy to find the right time and place!" She pointed out bluntly, interrupting him. "I'm a woman and I have needs, Dr. D, and I don't always feel like going to the trouble of dating some guy to—" She cut herself off, then, scowling at him. "Okay, you know what? Again, I really don't know why we're even having this conversation!"
"Fine! Me neither!" He retorted waspishly.
"Whatever!" She shot back, and then they stomped off in opposite directions.
When Drakken had closed the door of his room behind him, he found himself flushed, warm and slightly damp with perspiration. Irritably clawing at his tight collar, he pulled his lab coat off and chucked it on the floor before he peeled off his gloves.
When had it become this hot? Had they said anything about this on the weather forecast today?
Slumping down on the edge of his bed, he pulled his boot off. It wasn't until five minutes later that he realized he was just sitting there, one boot still in his hand and the other still on his foot, simply gazing into space as thought after vivid thought assaulted him.
Why didn't he always have this good a memory, he wondered in annoyance.
As he leaned down to pull off his other boot, he happened to glance down at his pants.
He hadn't really thought about— he hadn't done— when was the last—
Maybe he should just take a cold shower. That should do the trick.
Getting up, he went to fetch a towel from his dresser, but another five minutes later, he still hadn't made it to the shower.
Sometimes even while he was home, he thought, while he was home, just a few doors down, all quiet…
He really shouldn't be doing this, he thought, not while that was on his mind.
He really shouldn't.
Shego was idly contemplating what to have for dinner— trying to resist the impulses brought forth by her foul mood, which was urging her to pig out— and just avoiding Drakken in general when she realized she'd have to go talk to him.
Because he still hadn't given her a heads up about what their work schedule would be for the rest of the week, and if there was one thing she hated, it was being woken up at all kinds of unnatural hours of the day because he suddenly needed her assistance or having to cancel spa appointments or workout sessions because he hadn't been able to make up his mind about what kind of evil he wanted to do and when he wanted to do it.
With the exception of her brothers or the cheerleader, Drakken was basically the last person she wanted to see right then, for reasons that were more obvious than usual.
She'd always been worried something like this might happen. Sure, it was a big lair, but they were still living in the same 'house', for lack of a better word, and she'd always known it'd only been a matter of time before—
Well, so far, neither of them had walked in on the other person in the shower or anything like that, which was probably because they each had private bathrooms, but still, she'd known that sooner or later— and now it had happened. She'd just never really thought she'd be the first victim of Murphy's Law in this case. She'd always imagined it'd be Drakken accidentally dropping his pants or something— not this, anyway. She'd have even preferred him walking in on her on the toilet instead of this, for Pete's sake!
What had he heard, anyway, she wondered, cringing, what had she sounded like—
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. It wasn't as if it mattered. No need to torture herself. He'd heard her, and it wouldn't make him un-hear her if she tried to remember what she'd sounded like.
And if she wanted to work, she needed to talk to him.
So it was with a disgusted sigh that she chucked the bag of frozen fries back into the freezer and stalked off to his room, pounding her fist on the door, hard.
There was a muffled curse from inside, followed by the sound of something falling over.
"Wh-what? I'm busy! Go away!" Drakken yelled.
Shego crossed her arms over her chest, unrelenting. "Okay, but if you want me to be a part of your plan, you better tell me what we'll be doing or I'm just gonna take the rest of the week off! You know I don't like short notices, so I'm not gonna come running tomorrow if you suddenly need my help!"
There was a loud clatter from behind the door, a few annoyed grunts, some hard, thumping footsteps, and then Drakken poked his head out of the doorway. "We'll be going ahead with everything as scheduled, okay, Shego?" Drakken gritted out, glaring. "I'll manage to get the Atmosfreezer somehow, so you can just— what?"
"Uh…" Shego's eyebrows were practically touching her hairline as she took in the sight of Drakken's messy hair, flushed, sweaty face and crooked bathrobe; not to mention the way he seemed to be unwilling to open the door more than a small crack.
Drakken's glare subsided a bit, only to be replaced by an almost nervous look. "What?"
She cleared her throat. "…what were you doing, Dr. D?"
He halted, eyes widening, and the pause made the atmosphere go up a few notches in awkwardness.
His face flushed violently. "Getting…ready for bed," he supplied, frowning. "I was just about to hit the shower," he added, giving one of the lapels of his bathrobe a short tug, as if holding it up as evidence.
Oh, he was lying all right, Shego thought. Through his teeth.
Blinking, Shego tried not to consider the implications of the timing of it all— that he'd been doing that now, just after they'd had that conversation—
It was too much to think about, really, because then she might also happen to think about what he'd been thinking about when he'd— and how and what he'd—
There was a dizzy, practically otherworldly moment where she could almost, almost see herself reaching out for his red, flustered face, but it passed just as quickly, and she shook her head at herself, not even wanting to know where it had come from.
Luckily she didn't really need to think about where it'd come from, anyway, because there was the perfect distraction.
"Getting ready for bed?" She asked dryly. "At six thirty?"
He flushed, if possible, even redder. "Well, it's been a long day…!"
Yep, the tables had certainly turned now.
She shook her head, smirking a bit. "So…you'd never do it when somebody else was home, huh, Dr. D?"
He snapped for air, scandalized. "Wha— you—"
"Whatever," Shego said breezily, turning on her heel. "I'll just leave you to your…work. See you in the morning."
Drakken spluttered, closing the robe tighter around his neck and scowling at her back, absolutely mortified.
He was just about to close the door when Shego tossed him a playful look across her shoulder.
"Hey, look at the bright side, Doc— at least you weren't loud," she purred evilly.
"No vacation bonus for you, Shego!" He declared, slamming the door.
"G'night, Doc," she said, chuckling to herself as she went.
Back inside his room, Drakken let out an explosive sigh as he sat down on the bed again. There was simply no way he was finishing this now.
Why, he wasn't even in the mood anymore! Not after having been mocked like that!
His body was of quite a different opinion, though.
Author's notes: Probably one of the quickest KP stories I've ever written. I'll let you decide whether that's a good thing or not.
Eh, I just figured…what with them living together for all those years, who knows?
Hah, re-watching an episode or two of the show, I'm just shaking my head at myself for writing stories about their sex lives— these people are ridiculous! What was I thinking? XD Ah well, the world of fanfics often causes temporary or prolonged insanity in its visitors, it seems. :P Kekeke…
No beta. Nitpick away, kids.
More Obscure: Named after the song More Obscure by the Norwegian band Dipsomaniacs. Mostly because I just couldn't think of a title, but also because it seemed vaguely fitting somehow.
Shego's porn: Most of the porn I've seen has been pretty boring, lame, uninspired and of a poor quality in general. I'm guessing when you're a rich, world-travelling criminal, however, you can probably get your hands on some quality stuff. :P Not saying she sits around watching porn all the time, or even has a lot of it, just saying she might have a DVD or two (in the fan fiction world, of course).
'Doomsday': If you wanna know, go look it up. And no, I've never actually seen such a video, I just needed some word that Drakken might look up that'd be pretty innocent but could also plausibly send him to a not-that-nice porn video.I hadn't even heard of the expression until I went looking for words.
Marcel Marceau: World-famous French mime. I totally stole this joke from one of my favorite movies ever, Frankie and Johnny. "Marcel Marceau comes louder than this guy." :P
Drakken's check bouncing: Very likely indeed, considering the financial trouble he had in Odds Man In.