Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda, Nintendo, or any of these characters.
Author's Note: Hi everyone, this is Kurai Hitokiri here! I was just working on the last two chapters of Childhood Ignorance that I should post within the next few days... or maybe today. I dunno, it depends if I can get people to stop pestering me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story.
By Kurai Hitokiri
If there's one thing you learn in High School, it's that boys and girls are always in denial over who likes who more. One person will eventually confess to the other person their undying love and then life moves on. End of story, zippo, zilch.
My friends Sheik and Malon are out of their right minds, though. They aren't normal people. I mean, Malon asked me to introduce her to the 'cute boy who plays Tenor Sax and Flute' and as soon as I do all she can say is 'you look like a girl.' Really, Malon, can you say something to the guy you're crushing on other than commenting on how much they're a man woman?
Come on, I can do better than that and I'm a freakin' Tomboy!!!
But then again, Sheik just had to retaliate with that comment about how if it weren't for Mal's girly voice and build, she might just pass for a man… Oh God, don't let me go into it.
My name's Miles Sullivan, trumpeter for the Hyrule High Marching Band as well as the Jazz band. You may know me from my little tricks in the story Recording Capabilities, as I so fondly documented… What, you don't know who I am? Don't you remember the cell phone and the tackling and the… Forget it.
Malon and Sheik so obviously like each other. I bet they're just sooo busy hating each other that they forget about it. It annoys the heck out of me having to listen to them day in and day out at lunchtime. I've had to take aspirin just to get by. Is that really necessary?
Well, impossibly stupid fighting problems… Heh, heh…
Sounds like a job for Miles Sullivan and her crew of Band Geek companions.
Lunchtime as usual in this dull place. Well, I wouldn't actually call it dull since there are food fights twenty four seven along with the cuss words flying through the air like baseballs. But other than that, yeah, pretty dull.
I had just slammed down my blue backpack, trying wildly to fix my hair from the little fistfight that Malon (of course) had started. Darn, how much could two people fight in one day? Another thing: Why was I dragged into this while they clearly hated each other?! That was just no fair.
Couldn't they just admit their undying love and just start smooching already?
"Fight again?" my friend, Margaret asked as she lay her book down upon the table and pushed her glasses up. No, ya think? I went to the library, got my hair nearly ripped out, and bruises covering my entire body for fun.
"Well, at least it wasn't like last time with the closet, and the Marimba, and the…" my other friend, Mackenzie began.
"Stop right there," I muttered, glaring at her.
Almost instantly Mackenzie stopped, shrinking against the table and looking at me as though I were some dog foaming at the mouth with rabies. "Gosh Miles, you scare me sometimes."
"Okay, all the time!"
Pulling my sandwich from my backpack, I merely chuckled. Ohh, if she wanted to insult
me then let's see how she likes this… Let's see… Ahh yes, Mackenzie Stewart, recording #10
"Mackenzie, don't make loose this out…" I said, pulling my cell phone from my pocket. That's right, it's awesome to have this cell phone… Despite the fact that it's really tacky and I only get twenty dollars every three months.
Almost instantly she paled, much to my delight. "You wouldn't dare."
Oh yes I would. Mess with me when I'm in a bad mood!
"Whoa Miles, calm down a bit there," a sudden voice said. "We all know that Mackenzie's off her rocker, but she's human too… At least, I think she is."
Another of my friends, Michael, ambled over to the table with a broad grin on his face. "What's up, Miles?" He looked to Mack for a moment, blinking then frowning. "Oh, hey Ms. Puerta."
Oh God, there they go again. Well, at least this fight will be a bit interesting. You see, Mackenzie and Michael have never really liked each other, despite the fact that they went out once upon a time. Michael likes to poke a bit of fun at Mackenzie once and a while… especially about her boyfriend (she denies it, but they never broke up).
If I'm right she'll turn red and deny it…
Oh would you look at that! I'm right!
"I am not Ms. Puerta!" Mackenzie cried, her fists tightening. Yep, nothing like a good little fight to cheer up the soul. "I never even kissed the guy! I just felt sorry for him."
"That's what you say," I muttered, shoulders trembling with laughter. Okay, I had to admit that I was feeling a lot better because of all this. Shame on me, I'm so evil that I feed off of other people's misfortunes to maintain my happiness. Then again, being evil is too much fun, so I'm not really sorry.
Oh wow, Mackenzie's actually glaring at me. Doesn't burn though. Wow, it's actually sorta weak.
"I wish I could strangle you right now, Miles."
"You wish you could, but you can't even if you could," I said, yawning and watching as my friend Hailey chuckled from across the table.
I glanced at her for a moment, frowning slightly. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Fine, don't speak, be all silent and mysterious."
I didn't mean it literally, sheez!!!
Still, I couldn't help but sigh. How was I going to solve this… little problem between Sheik and Mal? It was easy to come up with something to solve Link and Zel's problem, but this would be a little trickier. Sheik isn't dumb enough to fall for the cell phone trick… neither is Malon. They've seen me in action before, and they know what to expect from me… There's only one option, then…
Emma Reinhart is a kind and courteous girl. Head of the Alto Sax section in each band as well as a High Honors Student. She's the role model for every Junior in her year… Except for when she's helping me pull devious pranks upon nutcases. (No offense, Zel)
Everyone thinks that she's innocent but that's the perfect cover for someone as evil as she is. Heck, she's even pulled one over on me… well, that worked until I used the silent treatment.
In this particular case she seemed extremely eager to help me.
"You're going to pull one over on Sheik and Malon?" Emma whispered to me in the midst of band class. Her eyes sorta brightened and a wide smirk spread across her face. Oh yeah, this is gonna be good.
"It's the only way to get them to admit their feelings, so yeah," I said, laughing slightly while attempting to keep a stoic expression wrought on my face. "They expect me to use my recordings against them. And I will… except you're going to be the one doing the recording."
"They'd never expect me to do something like that… Sneaky and vile…" Emma berated. "…I like it. I'm in!"
Handing her my cell phone, I smiled evilly.
Operation trick nerds now begins...
The next day I called Sheik and Mal to the Band Room and used one of the practice rooms. Mr. Light had heard of my plan, and usually disapproved, but this time he said he'd make an exception since he was really, really tired of Sheik and Malon throwing notes at each other then erupting in anger during the midst of a song.
So here we are, sitting in a practice room with each one of them sitting calmly down while throwing glares at one another. I just better get down to business before blood starts flying around the room. This shirt I'm wearing is new, and I don't want to trash it… yet.
"Let me be frank with the two of you," I said, pacing the room slightly then stopping to glare at them. "I want you two to quit fighting! We've all had enough of all this bickering, and frankly, I've been tossed, beaten, and stomped on and haven't said anything. Well, now I am saying something. Would you two just admit your undying love and kiss already?!"
"I'll stop fighting when he stops," Malon grumbled.
"I stop? You want me to stop when you're the one who started all this?"
"I just said that you were feminine, you're the one who brought my body structure into it!"
"I am NOT feminine!! You'd better take that back, man-girl!"
"At least I don't wear scarves all the time. Are you a man or not?"
"It's called a COWL! And let me enlighten you a bit: You don't need anything to look manly, you're manlier than I'll ever be."
"You did not just go there."
"Oh I did!"
"'Malon's pretty… I think the stuff that I say is just so that she'll speak to me, I'm afraid that she'll treat me invisible if I'm anything else but a Moron.'"
At the sound of the recording Sheik looked up at me, his eyes wide with terror. "Where the heck did you get that, Miles?!"
"You should be more careful about what you say." With that I promptly looked at Malon, who was equally stunned, and winked. "See, told ya the cute boy in the flute section likes ya."
"Whoa Sheik, you're getting violent… So let's just take a moment to cool down and-."
"I'M GONNA MANGLE YOU!!!"
Next thing I know I'm out of the practice room and running around the Band Room with an angry Sheik on my tail. Oh crap, I didn't think it would upset him this much. This is almost like the time Link tackled me in the middle of a bus because I was playing a trick on him. Would Malon like to interrupt now and stop this rabid Sheikah from attacking me?
"Busy Miles?" Emma said, laughing as I zoomed by. Oh, that's not very nice.
"Wow, smooth," Hailey said, trying to stifle her laughter. Darn it, the one time she does talk she has to say something about this. Why doesn't she talk otherwise?
"Err… Miles, you can stop running now," Margaret said, grabbing me by the arm and forcing me around.
Well I'll be darned…
I'm brilliant after all. (Thanks to Emma, this time though)
Malon's got Sheik by the shoulders and she whispering to him. The instant she says whatever Sheik is turning as red as a cherry. She must've finally said something that was actually well thought out. Man, I'm proud of her for ending what she started.
Well, you know, I'm just gonna end it here, since I don't wanna elaborate on a big, sloppy kiss.
Turning to Emma and friends, I smiled. The Sax player grinned as we slapped hands together in victory.
Author's Note: Wahahahahaaa!!! I hope you enjoyed the story!!! Please review and tell me what you think!