Note: Ok, despite my lack of reviews, you shall not kill my enthusiasm! I'm posting another story. Oh, and in other news, THE WRITERS STRIKE IS OVER! I could sing, and people cry when I sing, and not in a good way. But there is still one more new episode of Supernatural, and wasn't last week's episode totally awesome? So Groundhog Day! And Pig N A Poke! HAHA! Ugh, Add. So Add. Anyways, here it is.
A Day In The Life Of Iola Natalie Morton's Voice Mail
"Hello, this is Iola. Or I-I. I'm either at school, or at home, or hanging with my best buddies Frank and Joe. Or with my other best buds, Callie and Tony. Or I'm with my brother. And, obviously, if I'm doing any of those things, my phone is turned off. Or I dropped my phone is the toilet, again. Or in the macaroni and cheese, again. Or I forgot to charge it. Oh, and there is always the possibility I'm sleeping. And maybe I spilled wine on it, again. And, if this is those people trying to get me to buy their pens for those India kids, it's not that I don't care about the poor kids in India, I really do, but pens? Did you skip that class in college on creativity, or- BEEP!"
"Hey, Iola, it's Cal. I'm in the bathroom at school. Where are you? WHY aren't you in school! We have to give that presentation in speech class today and I can't do it alone! You know how I get when I have to give presentations! My palms sweet, I stutter, my pits….Don't you remember the play in second grade? My bunny ears fell off, and the underwear trick didn't-not that it ever does-work and I started crying? HELP! Call me back! Or even, better, come to school. Love Ya', bye!"
"Hey, I-I, where are you? It's lunch, incase you couldn't hear the background noise, and Callie is breathing into a paper bag. Frank is rubbing her back, he say's it's to be nice but really I think his hand is a bit too low- OW! It's not polite to smack your little brother, Franklin. Anyways, Where are you? Everybody is wondering. Usually, when you're sick, you call me and Call, and Chet came in early to work on that art project since art isn't his best class, and he's clueless as usual.-OW, Chet, god, what is it beat Joe to death day? OW! Tony, you hit hard. Wait, why did you hit me? Anyways, call me back, love. I'll drop by your house after school. See you later."
"Hello, Iola, it's Frank. No, my hand was not that low on Callie's back, ignore Joe's message. Anyways, it's still lunch, and I just wanted to call to make sure you're ok. And because Callie's going to pass out if you don't get here. Besides, I NEED you here for Science class, because were dissecting today, and Tony's partner isn't here either, not that I don't think Tony isn't awesome, but last time I dissected with him…remember how far he flung that frog's kidney? Yeah, so even if you are coughing as if you have the plague, if you care if I keep both my eyes, please get to school. Remember, I love you like a sister. Bye."
"Yo, yo, yo, I-I. It's Tony here. I'm in gym class, spotting some geeky kid on the balance beam, and I just wanted to say, where the hell are you? And why was Callie calling you in the bathroom this morning? Are you two dating, or something? Because, if you are, can I watch you two make out sometime? With your skinny little body and Callie's curvy one, oh- SHIT! Geeky guy just fell, and his leg is at this really funny angle. Should I be able to see his bone? Look at that blood! I've got to go, OH GOD!"
"IOLA! Why does Tony think were dating? Due to my lip reading talent, I'm watching him leave a message while I'm suppose to be doing cart wheels. Ha, me doing cartwheels. THAT'S FUNNY! Omigod! Tony's partner just fell off the beam, and he's still talking to you! The bastard! Oh no, the gym teacher is coming! Oh shit oh shit oh-!"
"Um, hey. Iola, this is James, I met you last week in my new English class and you gave me your number? I hope you remember, because otherwise this would be extremely awkward. Anyways, I'm in gym class, and I'm suppose to be doing cartwheels. But really, cartwheels? Does our teacher have a Disorder? Anyways, I have to talk fast, since the teacher is yelling at your one friend for using her phone, while using her phone to dial an ambulance because your other friend let his partner fall of the beam, but with our teacher being all ADD that yelling could stop any minute. So, you, me tomorrow night? I'll pick you up at seven? Maybe a movie and some dinner? Thanks, Audios. Oh CRAP-"
"Iola? This is Mr. Alec, the gym teacher. Would you please tell your friends to stop calling you while they are in my class? My job as a teacher is one the line because of several of your friend's phone call's. Thank you."
"Hello, this is the Make Kids Smile foundation. We were wondering if you would like to buy a pen for five dollars, and have the money go to under privileged children in India. If so, you can contact us at 555-696-6966. Thank you, and have a nice day.
"I-Oh, no don't! Hi, Iola, Honey, this is your mother. I'm just calling to say when you are done at the dentist go straight to school. NO! Peter, that is the incorrect- UGH! Why did I become a corner? You see, love, I've got 10 ME's in training running wild around my autopsy room, and- now why the hell would you want a book on shark dissection? Oh, oh my…Is that legal? Well…I guess, Oh god, honey, just go straight to school when you're done getting your teeth cleaned, do not stop at Wal-Mart for donuts like last time! Well, ok, do that, Nelson. If I get sued I'll just use my witty comebacks to save our sorry arses and all will be alright. Ugh, well, this is your Irish mother signing off. Have a nice day, sweetie. Bah- bye!"
"Sis, hey, it's Chet. Obviously, because nobody else would call you sis. Anyways, I'm in English class and Tony is pouting about you getting him in trouble? Which, since you aren't even here I don't see how you could of, but he won't shut up and were suppose to be doing this paper together, and he won't stop cussing you out for us to even write one word. So, I'm talking to your voice mail box, which is really kind of stupid, because I don't know how this will make him just shut up- OW! Joe wasn't kidding when he said you hit hard! Anyways, call me back when you get this, bye!"
"Is your refrigerator running? Well you better go catch it! HAHAHAHAHA!"
"Hello?, Iola, dear, it's your grand father. Your grand mother kind of forgot to take her medication today and she's decided she is going to have a tea party tonight, and she wants you to come, and to bring your friend Joe. She's seemed to have taken a liking to him. Of course I'm not very happy that every time you bring him over she tried to 'get it on' as you young people say, with him, but, oh well. I shall see you and your dear friend tonight at six. Goodbye!"
"IOLA! It's Callie! I'm in French class, and oh- Oui! Sil te plait!- and speech class is next period. I NEED YOU HERE! Omigod, why do we need to learn how to ask a question 4 ways? I mean really, if I ever go to France I doubt I'll have to ask for water four different ways.- Oh, what? Why the heck would I have to be able to say what color my hair is? Marcy, ugh!- IOLA! GET YOUR SKINNY LITTLE BUTT TO SCHOOL, NOW!- What, hair color? I'm a blonde, Marcy, are you blind? UGH! Je suis blonde!- Why did I take French! Ohhhhh, just get here! NOW!"
"Hello, this is FedEx calling for Iola Morton. We are currently in possession of a package that we have been trying to send you for the last two weeks. Due to the very, um, creative and passionate. Emails, phone calls, and letters you have been sending us you are well WELL aware of this. But, unfortunately, for all of us, this package must have a signature, and can not just be dropped off. We will continue to drop by your house regularly to see if you are there, but there is nothing more we can do. So, please stop sending the video's, letters, and so on. My head of technical support is now going to counseling due to them. Thank you, and have a lovely day."
"Hola! Sarah, your favorite cousin, here! Anyways, Iola, I'm just calling to see if you want to hit the movies after school today. Gymnastics' practice was canceled and I'm so going to be bored. I'm actually in Social Studies right now. Darn, my teacher had a mustache. It's a she. Oh god, she's coming towards me. Oh, hey Mrs. Buckingham. This? No, it's not a cell phone. It's… a turtle! No! Would I mess with you, HEY, wait-"
"Miss Iola Morton? This is Principle Baxter. Countless teacher's have been complaining of student's calling your number today. You have better make this stop or I will not hesitate to block their number from every single one of their cell phones. Or, well, get the computer teacher to do it. I will also be warned all teacher's of your friend's. You better put a stop to this. Thank you."
"Oh god! IOLA NATALIE MORTON! It's Frank, incase you can't tell by the voice, and I'm calling to say that I'm in science, and Tony is, -God, Tony, we are not suppose to stab to brain!- And anyways, I am going to be really very mad at you when this class is over. Tony is being an idiot, and we are SO going to fail this assignment! –Tony, the scalpel is NOT a crayon!- Ugh, just- TONY!- "
(Tony then steals the phone from Frank)
"I-I! It's your fault I've got detention! If I hadn't been talking to your voice mail I wouldn't have- Well, really, I would have let that nerdy kid fall- But it's still your fault! Ugh, no FRANK!"
(There is the clanging noise of the phone falling to the ground. In the background you can hear Tony.)
"Hey, Mr. Felix, I'm just dissecting this fine animal!...Oh well, as you can see were having a slight problem with the brain…NO! I was certainly not stabbing it!...What cell phone?...Oh, you mean that phone? Never seen it before in my life!...wait, you can't just hang up! What if it was an important call!...Right, good point, why the heck would they leave their phone on the science room floor?..."
(The phone is then picked up)
"Iola? If my student's keep calling you, we will have to have a severe punishment."
"Hey, I-I. This is Tony, calling on my own phone. Still in Science class. Frank is mad at me for getting his phone confiscated. Sorry if I got you in trouble. Truce? Uh oh-"
"Iola? This is Mr. Felix. Tony and Frank's science teacher. I should have known. I bet if I hit redial on every phone in this whole school I would get you. PLEASE! This must stop. We will not hesitate to expel your friends. Thank you."
"Ok, Iola. I stole some geeks phone so I could call you. It's Tony. I'm still in Science. Why I'm not in the principle's office is a PURE miracle. Anyways, are you Ok? Oh god, if you're in the hospital…what if you have a brain tumor? OK, now I'm hyperventilating. –No, Frank, I do not need to put my head in between my knees!- Call me back. I'm worried. Love you. Bye."
"Hey, I-I, I'm using the phone Tony stole. Seriously, are you ok? Darn, Tony got in my head again and now I'm freaking out. Call me back ASAP, bye."
"Iola, darling, it's your cousin Jeffery. You are now listening to the voice of dead body number 3 on CSI! IS that sooooo cool or what? Glee! Call me back, love love, and we'll get drunk over the phone and celebrate! TTFN!"
"Hello? Iola, Honey. Hey. Your mother told me to call you and remind you that right after your dentist appointment you are to go straight to school. No going to Wal-Mart or the mall or anywhere else. Have a good day, sweetie."
"Iola, girlie, are you ok? Tony just called from his science class on a stolen phone to say that something is wrong with you! Are you ok? That's it, I'm so breaking into your house after school to bring you chicken soup from that restraint down the street, since I can't cook for crap. Remember in smart living when I burnt our cupcakes? Nobody let me cook after that, I only got to wash the dishes. It wasn't fun. Gah, I'm worried. I ramble when I'm worried. At least I don't answer everything with a question like Callie when I'm worried/lying. Anyways, call me back when you get this. Don't make me call your mom!"
"Iola, love, it's your mum. What's going on? All your friend's keep calling me to see if your alive? Don't tell me you forgot to tell your friend's you wouldn't be at school today! Remember last time, you all got suspended, and Callie got her nose broken? Oh, god, call me back when you get this, pumpkin pie!"
"Iola, it's Callie. I have to give a speech about modern TV shows in five minutes, and I am seriously freaking out, But never mind me, are you ok? Frank told me that you're sick. What the heck is going on?"
(There is then the sound of the phone being dropped)
"Sorry, sweaty palms. Call me, ok ? I won't be mad, I'm just worried. Remember I love you. Bye."
"Hey, little sister, it's Chet. Are you ok? Tony says you were either abducted by aliens, or have a serious illness, and Tony is often on crack, but the serious illness would explain our absence. You better call me. See you at home. Hopefully."
"IOLA! Where the heck are you? Joe again. I'm really worried. Where are you? WHERE? My doctor's number is 949-444-0909. He's really good, I know this due to the whole accident prone thing. Remember when I fell off your scooter the day before kindergarten? That hurt. Ugh, rambling. Call me back. Bye."
"I-I? It's Callie. I'm in the nurses office with a bloody nose. I passed out in the middle of the speech, right when I hit the Numb3rs section. Anyways, I'm not really sure why I'm calling you, because you still haven't called me back. I guess I'm just bored and worried sick about you. Oh crap, I'm getting blood on the phone! I've got to go, See you later!"
"Hey, Iola, this is yourself calling! Note to self, get a good fake excuse letter for why I wasn't at school at all today! Oh, and find out why there are so many voice mails in your voice mail box. And remember to put the ice-cream you just bought at Wal-Mart in the freezer. And see how Callie did on that speech. And find out why your elderly neighbor just hugged you and told you to stay strong. Do I have a brain tumor nobody told me about? Oh, there's Joe waiting on my door step.- HEY JOE!"
Voice Mail Box Full.