How NOT to Ask Out Lily Evans

A collection of the many disastrous ways James Potter tries to ask out Lily Evans.

Chapter 1

Ask Her Out Straight


"Hmm…?" the boy looked up.

"I fancy Evans." James continued shyly.

"As in Lily Evans?" Sirius checked.


"No way!"


"What as in red Lily Evans?"

"That's the one."

"In our year?"

"That's right!"

Sirius looked at him thoughtfully, "since when?"


"Oh! That's a surprise."

"You think she's ugly?" James asked, worried.

"She's okay," Sirius said.

"Oh. Well, Padfoot, I really like her."

"You do?"


There was a pause. "James, are you gonna ask her out?"

"Dunno…" James replied quietly.

"She'll obviously go out with you, you've had loads of hotter girlfriends and girls asking you out," Sirius said. "Just ask her out straight."

"Alright," James grinned, happily.

"She'll be jumping at your feet with excitement."


"Hey, Evans," he said, ruffling his hair, confidently. He gave her a handsome, cocky smile.

"Potter," Lily said, "what do you want."

"To ask you a little question."

"Oh, is it about homework, I'll help you, but I disapprove of copying immensely, just so you know," Lily was know to be extremely smart and school related. She always had homework in on time and answered questions in class.

"This is nothing to do with home," James assured her.

"Oh, what is it then?" she tucked a loose lock of hair behind one ear.

"Well…will you go out with me?" he asked, ruffling his hair once again.


"Sorry, I thought you just said 'no'," James said, sure he had been mistaken. No girl could possibly refuse him.

"I did say no!" she repeated.


"Cause I don't like you!"

"You don't?" he looked at her incredulously.

"No, Potter, you are a conceited, arrogant, pompous git!" she snapped.

"Some big words there, Evans!" he teased, reaching in to press a kiss to her cheek. She moved her cheek, quickly.

"Potter, do that again and I'll hex you!" she warned.

"Are you sure?" he asked, making kissing faces at her.

"Yes, bugger off," she said drawing her wand.

James backed off slowly, "see you later, Evans."
She ignored him.

"Well that went well," Peter said.

James ignored him, sulking. No-one had ever rejected him, and the rejection stung at his heart.

"Bad luck, James," Sirius said, grabbing his shoulder.

It was at this point, James decided he would have Lily Evans. This lead to many hilarious attempts to get her. James Potter loved Lily Evans, from this point and always.