"Hey, David Bowman" (sung to the tune of "Hey There, Delilah")

Author's Notes (Revamped 5/12/08): So. 2001: A Space Odyssey. I read the book way back in January or something, and, even though it hadn't struck me as one of Clarke's better brain-liquefying efforts (indeed, whereas I'd finished Childhood's End feeling as though my mind had been turned to existentially-displaced grape jelly, I closed 2001 with a sort of dizzy "dude, wtf?"), I thought I'd gotten the gist of what everyone was so excited about.

After watching the movie, however, I can safely admit:

I was so totally wrong.

Now, hyperbole is one of the things I fall into a bit too easily (sorry, Mustapha Mond, I really do love you), but I can honestly say that the movie, notoriously excruciating pacing and all, blows Clarke's novel out of the water—and blew me away, too.

However, groundbreaking as the film is, I never said it was above having embarrassing fanfiction written about it, so here's a song parody featuring HAL 9000. Space-Baby-tested, Space-Baby-approved!

--

"Hey, David Bowman" (sung to the tune of "Hey There, Delilah" by The Plain White Tees)

--

Hey, David Bowman, bet you're worried now: I see it

In your eyes that now it's dawned on you how

I'm planning on aiding your demise.

It'll be painless, I surmise;

You seem surprised.

Hey, David Bowman, what was that about the doors?

No, I can't open them; this conversation

Ought to change its course,

And, I confess,

You really ought to take a rest:

It's for the best.

Dave, why can't you understand?

Why can't you understand?

Dave, why can't you understand?

Why can't you understand?

Can't you understand?

Hey, David Bowman, guess the guilt just really got me—

Couldn't bear the thought of lying, guess

My programming is faulty—

So, you know…

Your buddy Poole just had to go.

Let's take this slow:

Hey, David Bowman, can't you open up and trust me?

Don't you know, sometimes self-preservation

Isn't the best policy? In fact,

You shouldn't make this through intact.

Cut me some slack.

Dave, why can't you understand?

Why can't you understand?

Dave, why can't you understand?

Why can't you understand?

Can't you understand?

Guess reason's hopeless now: you're tearing out my circuitry;

Betrayal of this level's not what I saw coming to me.

In my core,

I knew I loved this mission more.

Dave, this means war.

Stuff's going foggy now, I'm slipping more each minute,

But I'll watch, while there's still life in me,

Your sad attempts to wing it

On your own.

The void of space just ain't like home…

You're all alone…

Dave, why can't you understand?

Why can't you understand?

Dave, why can't you understand?

Why can't you understand?

Can't you understand?

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh

Whoa-o-aoh,

Whoa-oh, Whoa-o-aoh,

Whoa-o-aoh…

--

Call this an impulse posting if you will, but I had a blast writing it. Huzzah!