AN- Rewritten! From years ago. It's a parody now, so if you like that, please read! Don't let your expectations go high, however, this might be lame :]. (I shouldn't say that if I want to attract readers, now should I?)
Lego Harry Potter: Years 1-4 was just released and it's really cute. I'm not really trying to advertise, but you should play it. Call me a huge nerd, but hey, who's reading fanfiction right now? You. Nerd.
Disclaimer: If you siriusly tell me that you think I own this, then you need a big reality check, man.
The Parchment Ball War at Hogwarts
Laced into the mysteries of Hogwarts were...certain aspects of the castle that were hardly mysteries at all. Silly things a certain headmaster chose to brighten up any spirits dimmed by Voldemort and his latest shenanigans.
That's right. Albus Dumbledore decided this Christmas to host Hogwarts Second Annual Art Show Boutique Festival Displaying and Judging contest. (When asked about the long name, Dumbledore would lightly remark that if he could have three middle nicknames, then the Art Show could have extra names, too.) (When asked about when the first annual art show was...well, people suspected that there had really never been a first.)
Hand-picked by Dumbledore to judge the contest were none others than Professors McGonagall, Flitwick and, of course, dear old Severus Snape.
The three sternly, excitedly, or lazily strolled up to the next painting, a detailed collage of flowers and various plants.
"I'd say eight and a half out of ten," said McGonagall, who had by now accepted that Dumbledore would not accept her refusal to judge an art show boutique festival – er... "It was put together well, but parts of it look like they were just thrown on and the ruin the overall effect of it."
"I think its wonderful!" Flitwick squeaked. Could he see the whole thing...?
"It's too bright," Snape said, bored. "And it looks like something that Neville Longbottom would have thrown together in hopes of being more liked by his peers."
"As a matter of fact," said Professor Sprout, popping up with a cheery smile, "Neville did do this one. He loves plants, you see."
Snape merely glared at the painting, apparently trying to burn a hole in it. Unfortunately, he didn't have wonderful laser beams, only the boring power of being a Legilimens and Occlumens. How boring.
In a completely unrelated story, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were lounging in the Gryffindor common room, being themselves.
"And I keep telling everyone how important S.P.E.W. is, but no one ever seems to listen. I saw at least four of my elf hats burnt from the fire the other day," Hermione was saying.
"Wasn't me who burnt them," Ron said, "I can tell you that."
"No, really, it was. Those things are ugly."
"Hermione, you know the house-elves don't want your freedom," Harry said, not looking at her.
"Well then we need to explain to them –"
"And that's why we got kicked out of the kitchens," Ron said, "By ugly, wrinkly little brown things."
"Oh, why don't you go get some tact and wolf down some food like you always do and I'll try to help a cause!"
"Oi!" came a call from Fred from across the common room. "Shut up, will you?"
"I'll shut up when people really think about the situation house-elves are in – oh!"
To shut her up, George crumpled up whatever parchment, probably untouched homework, was closest to him and tossed it with perfect aim at Hermione's head. The unexpected light force of the parchment wad threw her backwards, wobbling her chair a little, making Ron snort and several Muggleborns wonder if the laws of gravity and physics no longer applied and lightweight things now weighed at least ten pounds. Across the common room, there was a kid wondering what would happen if he in his inexperience tried to colour his girlfriend's hair blue, which is completely irrelevant to anything going on.
Forgetting any of that, Fred and George immediately began to ignore the "wonderful" trio of heroes and what was going on in the present in favour of what exactly the potential of a small wad of parchment was. That parchment ball had forced Hermione backward in her chair...perhaps another wad of larger parchment could do more?
Fred, thinking the exact same thing as George as often happens, grabbed messy homework from a miscellaneous first year that will never be mentioned again and wadded it up, throwing it at Katie Bell, who was standing with her back turned. When the small ball of paper collided dramatically with her head, she proceeded to topple over the table, knocking books to the side.
Ignoring cries of "What the hell just happened?" the twins proceeded to test their new hypothesis to greater lengths – perhaps a bigger piece of parchment to begin with, or even two pieces of parchment forced together, oh the daredevils. Some wads of parchment were thrown with a Beater's precision at prefects, and they suddenly wished that Percy was still in Hogwarts, because the author just decided that he had already left and is completely improvising this as she writes.
Students who were eager to either wreak havoc in the way that Gryffindors seem to like to do and other students who just wanted to be cool were soon picking up their wads of parchment to throw or sometimes levitate at other students. Only the students with all five senses greatly tuned – that's right, you needed taste to know where the parchment balls were coming from now – had any chance of avoiding the menacing, evil balls of parchment.
A few fourth years decided to Spello-tape at least 30 pieces of discarded homework together and were rolling them towards a couple of terrified first years. Papers were rocketing everywhere, and people were wondering how in the name of Merlin paper could possibly be this damaging. Forget food fights, forget Voldemort's war – THIS right here was how many noble Gryffindors would lose their lives.
Er..no, it wouldn't really get that out of hand, don't worry.
It was utter havoc in the Gryffindor common room, wads and huge balls of paper rolling or being thrown gracefully through the air as this chapter ends...
TO BE CONTINUED...
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