Cannonball Run 5: Special Edition

Chapter 1: A New Race

AN:Greetings and welcome!
You have read Cannonball Run 5 and most likely caught the note about the Special Edition. Well, this is it. This is pretty much CR5, only with new racers, villains, vehicles, and subplots.
As usual, the characters featured are the intellectual property of their creators. Except where otherwise noted, the cars featured are all from Rockstar Games' "Midnight Club" series and "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas". The concept of a worldwide Cannonball featuring characters from popular television shows, cartoons, movies, books, comics, and video games belongs to Charles Xavier as does the character of Alice J. Foyt. The characters of Marcus and Regis were created by Turbo Man who also came up with the concepts of Sherriff Cooper DeVille, Jimmy "Dr. Feelgood" DeMarco, and the Lone Wolf. With one exception, the cars used by the new competitors come from "Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition." The characters of Puck and Wily are mine, though.
Anyways, here we go.


Ann Arbor, Michigan. Headquarters of Car and Driver magazine. A crowd of reporters had gathered waiting for the man named Brock Yates. Finally, Brock appeared and the reporters all started asking questions at the same time.

"Settle down, people." said Brock's partner, Mr. X. "Brock has something to say first."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the press." said Brock. "The Cannonball Run is back!" The reporters all cheered. "In one month's time, a new race will be ready to begin its worldwide run. We are awaiting the participants for their entry. Are there any questions?"

A red-headed woman in a yellow jumpsuit raised her hand. "April O'Neil, Channel Six News. Is there any word on the prize money?"

"We are putting up the sum of 250,000,000 to be given to the winning team." said

Brock. "Next question."

An older man with glasses and a bandage around his thumb waved. "Les Nessman, WKRP in Cincinatti. What's this we've heard about gadget restrictions?"

"Oh yes. That." said Brock. "As you know, last year one team used a device which gave them an unfair advantage. As a result, this year will see a restriction on gadgetry. Teams will be limited to three useful gadgets. Also, there will be no weapons allowed due to the shootout in Sydney last year. I'm sorry, but it had to be done."

A young man with frizzy blonde hair and glasses raised his hand next. "Matthew Brock, WNYX New York. Is it true that the swimsuit competition will be expanded to non-humans?"

"What swimsuit competition?" asked Brock, confused. "What are you talking about?"

Matthew checked his notes. "Oh, sorry." he said. "I'm in the wrong place."

A dark-haired woman raised her hand. "Pamela Finkelstein, U62. Mr. Yates, you've got this incredible transglobal road race, but you have not yet mentioned who will be broadcasting televised coverage of it. Can you please tell us who will be covering the race?"

"Since you were so kind as to point that out," said Brock "I think we'll give exclusive coverage to, what's your station again?"

"U62." said Pamela.

"We will be giving exclusive coverage to U62." said Brock. The rest of the reporters groaned. "That's all I have to say." he said. "Thank you all for coming."

The reporters continued asking questions as Brock walked away.

"Mr. Yates, what about any possible threats?"

"Sir, how will you be protecting the pize money?"

"Brock, what about your peace talks with Cambodia?" asked Matthew. "Wait a minute."

"What now?" asked Mr. X.

"Have the transcontinental bridges built." said Brock. "Also, send J.J. and Victor to U62 to work with their personel. Also, contact anyone you think can provide protection for the Cannonballers."

"What about Lara and her team?" asked Mr. X.

"I'll call her now." said Brock as he took out his cell phone and dialled.


In a garage somewhere in Philadelphia, Lara Croft finished zipping up the red jumpsuit that was to be her racing uniform when her cell phone rang. "Lara." she said, answering.

"Lara?" replied Brock. "This is Brock. It's on."

"Got it." said Lara. She hung up and approached two of her team-mates, Joanna Dark and Chun Li. They were also wearing their uniforms: Joanna in blue and black and Chun Li in white.

"Chun-Li, Joanna. Good to see you again." She said as she nodded hello.

"And you too, Lara." Joanna replied. "It'll be great to be running the Cannonball again."

"Any luck finding a fourth member?" Chun-Li asked Lara.

Lara shook her head. "Mai's off taking part in another Duel Monsters tournament, and Mirai's got to take care of things in Tokyo. Amara and Michelle aren't interested either."

"Well, do we actually need a fourth person?" Chun-Li asked.

"Sure we do." Lara said. "It's traditional."

"Don't panic, girls. I called in an acquaintance of mine from the secret agent world." Joanna said. "I'm sure she'll fit in nicely."

She turned to the back of the garage and called out. "Okay, you can come out now."

A woman with short, black hair emerged from the rear of the garage.

"Lara, Chun-Li, I'd like you to meet Cate Archer." Joanna announced.

"Oh, yes. I've heard about you." Lara said as she shook Cate's hand. "A top agent for UNITY."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Lady Croft." Cate replied. "You and your partners are all women of great renown. Joanna tells me that you need a fourth member for your race team to take part in the Cannonball Run."

"That's right." Chun-Li said. She pointed over to a red Vector M12. "That's our vehicle, the Zender Alpha."

"Looks like the right kind of vehicle for the job." Cate said. "All members of the team take turns at driving, correct?"

"Yes. That's why we need to see if you can handle it before we can accept you as part of the team." Joanna said. "But I have no doubt you can handle it."

"Well, shall we go then?" Cate asked.

"Let's." said Lara as the ladies entered the car. Cate started it and headed straight for the highway.

As soon as she hit the highway, a Pennsylvania State Police cruiser noticed them and gave chase. It was also about then that the credits and theme song began.

"Weird Al" Yankovic as George Newman (UHF)
Michael Richards as Stanley Spadowski (UHF)
Gedde Watanabe as Kuni (UHF)
Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)
Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes)
Wile E. Coyote (Looney Tunes)
Hank Hill (King of the Hill)
Bobby Hill (King of the Hill)
Dale Gribble (King of the Hill)
Bill Dauterive (King of the Hill)
Boomhauer (King of the Hill)

Coming down I'm coming round,
this time I think I'm waking up.
Give me loud to drown it out,
before the world starts breaking up.
You change and then you change again,
turning like a wheel inside your head.

Jessie (Pokemon)
James (Pokemon)
Meowth (Pokemon)
Annie (Pokemon)
Oakley (Pokemon)
Angelina Jolie as Sara "Sway" Wayland (Gone In Sixty Seconds)
Matt Schulze as Vince (The Fast and the Furious)
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Nemesis (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis)
Rob Zombie
Kermit the Frog (Muppets)
Fozzie Bear (Muppets)
Gonzo the Great (Muppets)
Animal (Muppets)
Andrew MacCarthy as Larry Wilson (Weekend at Bernie's)
Jonathan Silverman as Richard Parker (Weekend at Bernie's)
Terry Kiser as Bernie Lomax (Weekend at Bernie's)

The Zender left the highway with the patrol car in hot pursuit. After Cate hit the surface street, a second patrol car turned around to chase her, only to be hit head on by the first patrol car. A third car picked up the pursuit.

Hsu Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)
Chan Tanaka (Electronic Gaming Monthly)
Sushi X (Electronic Gaming Monthly)
Mark Lynn-Baker as Larry Appleton (Perfect Strangers)
Bronson Pinchot as Balki Bartokomous (Perfect Strangers)
Jaleel White as Steve Urkel (Family Matters)
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)
Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark)
Chun Li (Street Fighter 2)
Cate Archer (The Operative: No One Lives Forever)
Drew Barrymore as Dylan Sanders (Charlie's Angels)
Lucy Liu as Alex Munday (Charlie's Angels)
Cameron Diaz as Natalie Cook (Charlie's Angels)
Mike Myers as Wayne Campbell (Wayne's World)
Dana Carvey as Garth Algar (Wayne's World)

Yours and mine and left and right.
There's still two sides to everyone.
You and I get on with life,
and pray we'll find a better one.

Freddie Prinze Jr. as Freddie Jones (Scooby Doo)
Sarah Michelle Gellar as Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo) and Buffy Summers (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)
Linda Cardellini as Velma Dinkley (Scooby Doo)
Matthew Lillard as Norville "Shaggy" Rogers (Scooby Doo)
Scooby Doo (Scooby Doo)
Artemis Fowl (Artemis Fowl)
Butler (Artmeis Fowl)
Zach Braff as Dr. John "JD" Dorian (Scrubs)
Mark Wahlberg as Charlie Croker (The Italian Job)
Charlize Theron as Stella Bridger (The Italian Job)
Seth Green as Lyle the Napster (The Italian Job)
Mel Gibson as Mad Max Rockatansky (Mad Max)
Sam J. Jones as Highway (The Highwayman)
Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Michaelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Ted Danson as Sam Malone (Cheers)
Woody Harrelson as Woody Boyd (Cheers)
John Ratzenberger as Cliff Clavin (Cheers)
George Wendt as Norm Peterson (Cheers)

You change and then you change again.
Turning like a wheel inside your head.

Michael J. Nelson as Mike Nelson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Gypsy (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Crow T. Robot (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Dustin Worles (Mischief 3000)
Dado Carvalho (Mischief 3000)
Ray "Reza" Motarefi (Mischief 3000)
Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)
Nicholas Brendan as Xander Harris (Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)
Nicolas Cage as Randall "Memphis" Raines (Gone In Sixty Seconds)
Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto (The Fast and the Furious)
Jesse James (Monster Garage)
Beavis (Beavis and Butthead)
Butthead (Beavis and Butthead)
Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)
Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)
Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)
Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons)
Maggie Simpson (The Simpsons)
Carl Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Sean "Sweet" Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Cesar Vialpando (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Claude Speed (Grand Theft Auto 3)
Derek Luke as Jaleel "The Kid" (Biker Boyz)
Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible)
Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)

Overdrive we're going life or death.
Overdrive we're going life or death.
Overdrive we're going life or death.
Two strangers on the mend.

Peter Weller as Buckaroo Banzai (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Lewis Smith as Perfect Tommy (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Jeff Goldblum as Sydney "New Jersey" Zweibel (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Jason Statham as Marcus (CR4 by Turbo Man) and Handsome Rob (The Italian Job)
Will Ferrell as Regis (CR4 by Turbo Man)
Uma Thurman as Beatrix Kiddo/"The Bride" (Kill Bill)
Danny Strong as Scott Alukab (original)
Scott Bakula as Sam Beckett (Quantum Leap)
Dean Stockwell as Al Calavicci (Quantum Leap)
Matt Trakker (MASK)
Bruce Sato (MASK)
Gloria Baker (MASK)
Bernard Bernoulli (Maniac Mansion)
Ben (Full Throttle)
Sam (Sam and Max)
Max (Sam and Max)
Corvax (Muzzy)
Robert Patrick as the T-1000 (Terminator 2: Judgement Day)
Kristanna Loken as the T-X (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)
Bob Einstein as Super Dave Osbourne (Super Dave)
Art Irizawa as Fuji Hakayito (Super Dave)
Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker/Spiderman (Spiderman)
Thomas Jayne as Frank Castle/The Punisher (The Punisher)
Jennifer Garner as Elektra Natchios (Elektra)
Eric Bana as Bruce Banner (The Hulk)
Frankie Muniz as Malcolm (Malcolm in the Middle)
Justin Berfield as Reese (Malcolm in the Middle)
Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis (Malcolm in the Middle)
Martin Henderson as Cary Ford (Torque)
Ashton Kutcher as Jesse Richmond (Dude, Where's My Car)
Seann William Scott as Chester Greenburg (Dude, Where's My Car?)

Hurry now we're getting out.
This time there's nothing stopping us.
Leave behind this vacant town tonight
and let it turn to rust.

Cate raced out of the city with another group of police cars joining the first one. The Zender tore around a turn and swerved to avoid an oncoming car. The police cavalcade rounded the same turn and one of the cars swerved to avoid the car as well. Unfortunately, the move sent him into an embankment which flipped him over.

Pierce Brosnan as James Bond (Die Another Day)
Richard Kiel as Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me)
Nina Williams (Tekken)
Anna Williams (Tekken)
Bill Murray as Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters)
Ernie Hudson as Winston Zeddmore (Ghostbusters)
Rick Moranis as Louis Tully (Ghostbusters)
Don Johnson as Nash Bridges (Nash Bridges)
Cheech Marin as Joe Dominguez (Nash Bridges)
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk (Monk)
Will Smith as Agent J (Men In Black)
Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K (Men In Black)
David Duchovny as Agent Fox Mulder (The X-Files)
Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Miles "Tails" Prower (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Knuckles the Echidna (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold (National Lampoon's Vacation)
Beverley D'angelo as Ellen Griswold (National Lampoon's Vacation)
Topher Grace as Russell "Rusty" Griswold
Brittany Snow as Audrey Griswold
(The Griswold kids are played by different actors in each Vacation film, so why not now?)
Michael T. Weiss as Jarod (The Pretender)
Johnny Five (Short Circuit)
Mario (Super Mario Brothers)
Luigi (Super Mario Brothers)
Link (The Legend of Zelda)

You change and then you change again,
turning like a wheel inside your head.

David Hasselhoff as Michael Knight (Knight Rider)
KITT (Knight Rider)
Mr. T as B.A. Baracus (The A-Team)
Dwight Schultz as "Howling Mad" Murdock (The A-Team)
Wario (Super Mario Land 2)
Waluigi (Mario Tennis)
Bowser (Super Mario Brothers)
Malcolm Jamal Warner as Wily (original)
Wil Wheaton as Puck (original)
Takeshi Kaga as Chairman Kaga (Iron Chef)
Chen Kenichi (Iron Chef)
Masahiko Kobe (Iron Chef)
Tommy Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)
Max Payne (Max Payne)
Brad Pitt as Lone Wolf (original character created by Turbo Man)

The Zender entered another town and encountered a roadblock set up by the local constabulary. Cate quickly hit the brakes. The pursuing patrol cars steered around her and managed to avoid a collision with the car...but not the roadblock. Cate used the chaos to turn down a side street. Most of the police cars followed.

Steve Guttenberg as Carey Mahoney (Police Academy)
Michael Winslow as Larvell Jones (Police Academy)
Chuck Norris as Cordell Walker (Walker, Texas Ranger)
Bubba Smith as Moses Hightower (Police Academy)
Patrick Warburton as Eugene Tackleberry (David Graf actually played "Tack" in the Police Academy films, but sadly, he is no longer with us)
Art Hindle as Flash (Speed Zone)
Marion Ramsey as Laverne Hooks (Police Academy)
Bruce Mahler as Douglas Fackler (Police Academy)
Bobcat Goldthwait as Zed (Police Academy)

Burt Reynolds as J.J. McClure (Cannonball Run)
Dom Deluise as Victor Prinsi (Cannonball Run)
Brock Yates
Jack Nicholson as Mr. X (CR3 by Charles Xavier)
Phil Keoghan (The Amazing Race)
The Big Schwag (Monster Garage)
Frankie Whiteside (Monster Garage)
David Spade
Better Than Ezra
Blues Traveller
Counting Crows
Sheryl Crow
Lenny Kravitz
LL Cool J
Love Fist (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)
Meat Loaf
Brad Turner (MASK)
Josh Duhamel as Danny McCoy (Las Vegas)
Marsha Thomason as Nessa Holt(Las Vegas)
Mary Lynn Rajskub as Chloe O'Brian (24)
Peter Facinelli as Van Ray (Fastlane)
Bill Bellamy as Deaqon Hayes (Fastlane)
David Carradine as Sherriff Cooper DeVille (original by Turbo Man)
Mykelti Williamson as Bobby "Fearless" Smith (Boomtown)
Donnie Wahlberg as Joel Stevens (Boomtown)
Dean MacKenzie as Cross (Need For Speed: Most Wanted)
Joe Pantoliano as Jimmy "Dr. Feelgood" DeMarco (original by Turbo Man)
Glenn Close as Commander Alice Foyt (CR3 by Charles Xavier)

Overdrive we're going life or death.
Overdrive we're going life or death.
Overdrive we're going life or death.
Two strangers, no relation, on the mend.

Eric Etebari as Darden/"Fabio" (2 Fast 2 Furious)
John Cenatiempo as Korpi/"Fonzie" (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Troy Brown as Paul Hackett (2 Fast 2 Furious)X
Corey Eubanks as Max Campisi (2 Fast 2 Furious)X
Sam Maloof as Joe Osbourne (2 Fast 2 Furious)X
Troy Robinson as Feliz Vispone (2 Fast 2 Furious)X
(X These are the other guys who tried out to work for Carter Verone)
Master P as Johnny B (Gone in Sixty Seconds)
Reggie Lee as Lance Nguyen (The Fast and the Furious)
Tanner (Driver)
Dan Aykroyd as Capt. Tom Everett (Caddyshack 2) and Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)
Mitzi Martin as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Nichole Hiltz as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Linda Kim as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Mia Trudeau as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Kim Marie Johnson as Hot Alien Chick (Dude, Where's My Car)
Ray Park as the Warrior (original character created by Turbo Man)
Isabelle (Moldiver)
Brooke (Moldiver)
Jennifer (Moldiver)
Vivien (Moldiver)
Sayuri (Moldiver)
Natassja (Moldiver)
Elizabeth (Moldiver)
Joey Leone (Grand Theft Auto III)
Joe Flaherty as Vic DeRubis (Speed Zone)
Andrea Parker as Miss Parker (The Pretender)
Patrick Bauchau as Sydney (The Pretender)
John Gries as Broots (The Pretender)

April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Richard Sanders as Les Nessman (WKRP In Cincinatti)
Andy Dick as Matthew Brock (Newsradio)
Fran Drescher as Pamela Finkelstein (UHF)
David Bowe as Bob (UHF)
The Road Runner (Looney Tunes)
Giovanni (Pokemon)
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (Muppets)
Beaker (Muppets)
Reginald VelJohnson as Carl Winslow (Family Matters)
John Forsythe as voice of Charlie (Charlie's Angels)
Sarah Chalke as Elliot Reed (Scrubs)
Donald Faison as Christopher Turk (Scrubs)
Judy Reyes as Carla Espinosa (Scrubs)
John C. McGinley as Dr. Perry Cox (Scrubs)
Neil Flynn as the janitor (Scrubs)
Mos Def as Left Ear (The Italian Job)
Franky G as Wrench (The Italian Job)
Bruce Spence as the Gyro Captain (Mad Max 2:The Road Warrior)
Mark "Jacko" Jackson as Jetto (The Highwayman)
Mason Strong (Roadkill)
Spike (Roadkill)
Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Rhea Perlman as Carla Tortelli (Cheers)
Mary Jo Pehl as Pearl Forrester (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Bill Corbett as the Observer/"Brain-Guy" (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Kevin Murphy as Professor Bobo (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Joel Hodgson as Joel Robinson (Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Mr. Van Dreisen (Beavis and Butthead)

Coming down I'm coming round.
This time I think I'm waking up.
Give me loud to drown it out,
before the world starts breaking up.

Squeaky-Voiced Teenager (The Simpsons)
Apu (The Simpsons)
Chief Clancy Wiggum (The Simpsons)
Principal Seymour Skinner (The Simpsons)
Edna Krabappel (The Simpsons)
Snake (The Simpsons)
Comic Book Guy (The Simpsons)
Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)
James Pedeasten (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Kendl Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Lawrence Fishburne as Smoke (Biker Boyz)
Apone (Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition)
Dr. Fred Edison (Maniac Mansion)
Glottis (Grim Fandango)
Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey (Malcolm in the Middle)
Misty (Grand Theft Auto 3)
Harold Ramis as Egon Spengler (Ghostbusters)
John Cleese as R (Die Another Day)
Earl Boen as Dr. Peter Silberman (The Terminator)
Nicholas Guest as Todd Chester (National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Margo Chester (National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
Makoto (Midnight Club 2)
Ichiro (Midnight Club 2)
Nikko (Midnight Club 2)
Hiroyuki Sakai (Iron Chef)
Masaharu Morimoto (Iron Chef)
Shadoe Stevens Tim Matheson as Jack O'Neil (Speed Zone)
Mimi Kuzyk as Heather Scott (Speed Zone)
Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)
Will Arnett as George Oscar "Gob" Bluth (Arrested Development)
Jane Kaczmarek as Lois (Malcolm in the Middle)
Bryan Cranston as Hal (Malcolm in the Middle)
Wildcat (Tale Spin)
Chad Lindberg as Jesse (The Fast and the Furious)
Jude Law as Sky Captain (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)
Giovanni Ribisi as Dex Dearborn (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)
Queen Latifah as Belle (Taxi)
Jimmy Fallon as Andy Washburn (Taxi)
James Best as Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane (The Dukes of Hazzard)
Jimbo Jones (The Simpsons)
Dolph (The Simpsons)
Kearney (The Simpsons)
Val Kilmer as Nick Rivers (Top Secret)
Mike Henry as Junior (Smokey and the Bandit)
Greg Evigan as B.J. McKay (B.J. and the Bear)
Jon Heder as Napoleon Dynamite (Napoleon Dynamite)
The Stig (Top Gear)
Nadia Bjorlin as Natasha Martin (Redline)
Nathan Phillips as Carlo (Redline)
Kelsey Grammer as Frasier Crane (Frasier)
Peri Gilpin as Roz Doyle (Frasier)

You change and then you change again.
Turning like a wheel inside your head.

Pepe Serna as Reno Nevada (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Keisuke Takahashi (Initial D)
Athrun Zala (Gundam Seed)
Nicol Amalfi (Gundam Seed)
Dearka Elsman (Gundam Seed)
Yzak Joule (Gundam Seed)
Jodi Ann Paterson as Giant Woman (Dude, Where's My Car)
Udo Kier as Yuri (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)
Kari Wurher as Tanya Adams (Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2)
Cam Jones (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)
Paul Hogan as Mick "Crocodile" Dundee (Crocodile Dundee)
Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter) (R.I.P)
Richard Dean Anderson as MacGyver (MacGyver)
Hugo Weaving as "Big Donnie" Canaglio (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)
Dominic Purcell as Alex (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)
Anthony Simcoe as Rocco (Cannonball Run 2004: Down Under)
Kane Hodder as Jason Voorhees (Friday the Thirteenth)
Andrew Bryniarski as Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
Brad Loree as Michael Myers (Halloween)
Jonathan Breck as the Creeper (Jeepers Creepers)
The Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)
Jacqueline McKenzie as Diana Skouris (The 4400)
Conchita Campbell as Maia Rutledge (The 4400)
Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl)
Moe Szyslak (The Simpsons)
Bob Denver as Gilligan (Gilligan's Island) (R.I.P)
Russell Johnson as Professor Roy Hinckley (Gilligan's Island)
Dawn Wells as Mary Ann Summers (Gilligan's Island)
David Caruso as Horatio Caine (CSI: Miami)
Alex Rodriguez as Eric Delko (CSI: Miami)
Jeff Perry as Harvey Leek (Nash Bridges)
Cress Williams as Antwon Babcock (Nash Bridges)
Carl Lumbly as John Parker (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai)
Laura Harris as Marybeth (The Faculty)
Josh Hartnett as Zeke Tyler (The Faculty)
Blanka (Street Fighter 2)
Chip Foose
Stalker (G.I.Joe)
Gung Ho (G.I.Joe)
Roadblock (G.I.Joe)
Snake-Eyes (G.I.Joe)
Steve "Tombstone" Stearle (Monster Garage)
Chris "Body Drop" Artiaga (Monster Garage)
Ian Whyte as the Predator (Alien vs. Predator)
Tom Woodruff Jr. as the Alien (Alien vs. Predator)
Vernon Fenwick (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Christine (Christine)
Richard Roundtree as Officer Kante (original by Turbo Man)
Ron Perlman as Hellboy (Hellboy)
Selma Blair as Liz Sherman (Hellboy)
Doug Jones as Abe Sapien (Hellboy)
David Hyde Pierce as Voice of Abe Sabien (Hellboy)
Ladislav Beran as Karl Ruprecht Kroenen (Hellboy)
Tracy Morgan as Brian Fellow (Saturday Night Live)
Derrick Thackery (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
Gerard Butler as Dracula (Dracula 2000)
Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing (Van Helsing)
Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein's Monster (Van Helsing)
John Raimi (Geist)
Nigel Shiftright (Road & Track)
Brendan Fehr as Stuntman (Biker Boyz)
Larenz Tate as Wood (Biker Boyz)
Rick Gonzalez as Primo (Biker Boyz)
Dante Baco as Philly (Biker Boyz)
Dion Basco as Flip (Biker Boyz)
Monet Mazur as Shane (Torque)
Jay Hernandez as Dalton (Torque)
Will Yun Lee as Val (Torque)
Denis Leary William Sanderson as Larry (Newhart)
Tony Papenfuss as First Darryl (Newhart)
John Voldstad as Second Darryl (Newhart)
Vinnie Jones as the Sphinx (Gone In Sixty Seconds)
Slimer (Ghostbusters)
worm aliens (Men In Black)
Dietrich Bader as Rex (Napoleon Dynamite)
Phil Cassidy (Grand Theft Auto III)

Overdrive we're going life or death.
Overdrive we're going life or death.
Overdrive we're going life or death.
Two strangers, no relation, on the mend.

-"Overdrive" by the Foo Fighters.

The Zender Alpha roared down the road, with at least twenty police cars behind it, sirens blaring.

"Can you lose these guys?" asked Lara.

"Watch." said Cate.

Up ahead, a sign by the road read SPEED LIMIT: 65 MPH. With a quick movement Cate steered the car towards the wooden sign and crashed right through it. On the other side of the sign was a dirt road. One of the pursuing officers tried to follow but went into the ditch.

"This is pursuit leader." said one of the officers. "I'm breaking off the chase. This is getting too dangerous."

"WHOO!" Chun-Li yelled. "You go, girl!"

"Told you she was good." said Joanna.

"So, what size jumpsuit do you wear?" asked Lara.

"Thanks, but I've already got one." said Cate.


J.J. McClure sat in a black Trans-Am at a stoplight. George Newman pulled alongside in a suped-up Nash Metropolitan. They exchanged glances.

"I used to drag race down here back in high school." explained J.J. "That railroad crossing is exactly a quarter mile from here. On green, I'm going for it."

He and George revved their engines. Suddenly, the light went green and the cars took off.

J.J. took an early lead, so George pushed a button marked "Push to go fast" and went faster.

Just then, a train started to approach the crossing. J.J. and George floored their accelerators in an effort to beat the train.

The two cars flew over the crossing a good distance from the approaching train.
J.J. and George traded a look of admiration. J.J. gave his trademark high-pitched laugh.

The two looked back at the road and George noticed a truck had pulled into his path. He let out a scream of terror just before he hit it.

The Nash flipped into the air and came back down hard, smashing itself into twisted metal.

After the Metropolitan came to a rest, J.J. parked and ran over to it. George staggered from the wreckage and stumbled around. "George!" yelled J.J. "George! George! George..."


At Station U62, George slept at his makeup table. His friend Bob walked over and yelled "George!"

George woke up and shook his head to completely wake up.

"Mr. Yates is here." said Bob. "Also, the car is ready."

"Thanks, Bob." said George. He got up and walked over to the stage.

Brock sat on the stage as the audience applauded. George walked in.

"Welcome to Town Talk. I am your host, George Newman." announced George. "Today, our guest is Brock Yates, creator of the infamous Cannonball Run."

The audience applauded.

"Mr. Yates, the Cannonball has been called an automotive counterpart to the Bay of Pigs." said George. "How does it feel to have created something so...legendary?"

"Well, when I put together the first race," said Brock "I was just showing what I thought of the national speed limit. I had no idea it would become such a sensation."

"I see." said George. "Anyways, what are your plans for future Cannonballs? Nudge nudge, wink wink."

"Well, I'm glad you asked." said Brock. "We're doing it again."

More applause from the audience.

"Again you say?" asked George.

"Absolutely." said Brock. "The Cannonballers will meet at a predetermined location and then it's adventure time, mates!"

"So, you're running a new Cannonball." said George. "That sounds like it's going to be fun."

"Don't you have an announcement as well?" asked Brock.

"Yes, I do." said George. "Thanks to the efforts of our own Pamela Finkelstein, U62 has secured exclusive broadcasting rights."

The audience cheered again.

"But wait, there's more." said George. "We are not only covering the Cannonball, we're entering it as well."

More cheers.

"Do you have a car yet?" asked Brock.

"Check it out." said George. At the other end of the stage, a pair of curtains opened and revealed a Ford Crown Victoria taxi cab with a hood scoop and racing tires. Kuni, the host of "Wheel of Fish" crouched on the hood in a karate stance.

"Konichi-wa, Yates-san." said Kuni. "Let me introduce you to our entry."

"We picked up this car at Crazy Ernie's Used Car lot." said George. "It was their last sale before Crazy Ernie got picked up for threatening to club that baby seal. We've spent all week suping it up and customizing it. We call it the Super Taxi."

"Nice." said Brock. "Do you think this will give you a chance against the other Cannonballers?"

"I don't think they're anything to worry about." said George.

"Ay, they're so stupid!" said Kuni.

"Don't you have another team member?" asked Brock.

"Oh yeah!" said George. "Of course! Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the host of U62's number one show for the past fifteen years, Stanley Spadowski!"

The audience let out a deafening cheer as Stanley strutted in with veteran Cannonballers J.J. McClure and Victor Prinsi.

"Ah, I see you've met Mr. McClure and Mr. Prinsi." said Brock.

"Oh yeah." said Stanley as he vigorously shook Brock's hand. "It's so nice to meet you, Mr. Yates. Thank you so much for this oportunity."

"We've been training Mr. Spadowski in the ways of Cannonballing." said J.J. "I believe he is fully trained now."

"These guys are all ready for the Cannonball." said Victor.

"And we'll set off for the meeting place right now." said George. "Come on, Kuni."

With that, George, Stanley, and Kuni climbed into the Super Taxi with Stanley driving.

"Remember, folks." said Brock. "The Cannonball starts this week. You have been warned. So, you guys trained Mr. Spadowski to drive, right?"

"That and so much more." said Victor.

"You didn't." said Brock.

"He did." said J.J.

"Okay, let's head for Boston and..." said George. "What's with the mask and cape, Stanley?"

"Da Da DAAAAAAAAHHHH!" called Stanley as Captain Chaos as he started the Super Taxi and raced out of the studio, tearing a hole in the wall.


Jimmy DeMarco turned off the television. He knew better than to rest when so much money was on the line. He had become the most successful drug dealer in Miami by not resting when couldn't afford to.

"Tanner, report." he ordered.

Shortly afterward, a tough-looking guy stepped into DeMarco's office. "You called?" he asked.

"Tanner, what do you know about the Cannonball Run?" asked DeMarco.

"Every year, motor madmen from around the world gather to take part in a road race for money." said Tanner. "I heard this year's pot was 250,000,000."

"Exactly." said DeMarco. "But do these motor madmen know how to spend it properly? No. Thus, do they deserve it? No. I know how to use that money and if I have it, it will be used properly."

"So, you want me to enter the Cannonball?" asked Tanner.

"No, Tanner." said DeMarco. "You're a very good wheelman, but even with your skills, victory is not one hundred percent certain. I want you to put together an operation to steal the prize money. I know you have contacts like that."

"I see." said Tanner. "I'll start putting together an operation right now."

"You do that." said DeMarco. "See if you can find Alice J. Foyt. She was the one who tried to stop the Cannonball last year and the year before. She will be especially motivated to help stop the race."

"Alice J. Foyt. Got it." said Tanner. "I'm off."

Tanner left and DeMarco turned to look out the window. "This will be it." he thought. "This will be the one that defines you."

AN:And so it begins again. Please, review.