Cannonball Run 5: Special Edition

Chapter Five: Asian Invasion

AN:Tim Lee, aka Generation X7 wrote part of one scene as a preview for CR6. I made a few modifications, but the part mostly appears as he wrote it. I marked off the scene to give credit where credit is due.
Well, enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You lost ALL your vehicles?" asked DeMarco.

"Those Cannonballers are something else!" said Korpi over the phone. "We made several attacks and they handled each one easily. We're working on some new plans now."

"They'd better work!" said DeMarco. "What have you got?"

"Paul and Feliz found a weapon of some sort." explained Korpi. "We're going to try to use it as soon as we can figure out what it does and how to use it."

"That's good." said DeMarco. "Get on it immediately."

"We've also checked the race route." said Korpi. "We're going to try to reroute the Cannonballers towards a hostile area."

"I like it." said DeMarco. "Simple, but effective."

"There's just one thing." said Korpi. "We ain't got no wheels."

"No problem." said DeMarco. "I've got a large collection of cars that I've picked up over the years. I anticipated this possibility, ALTHOUGH NOT ON THIS SCALE, and have placed vehicles from my collection around the world. I have also included your Mustang, the Stallion, and a few cars from Lance's shop. They will be delivered to you shortly."

XXXXXXXXXX

"As of now, all of our racers have entered the Asian continent." announced Phil Keoghan. "What new obstacles and dangers will they face? For that, we go to Frankie Whiteside and the Big Schwag."

"Thanks, Phil." said Frankie. "We've heard some rumors of some kind of warlords operating in the area. If the racers encounter them, there could be major trouble."

"Not only that," added Schwag "but many of the drivers have driven this whole way without rest. If they're not careful, driver fatigue can be an issue."

XXXXXXXXXX

Jaleel the Kid was realizing that Schwag was right. After a couple of days on the road, he was getting tired.

He spotted a train station with a departing freight train. He revved up the engine on his bike and headed towards the train.

He hit a hill and jumped onto the back of the train. He screeched to a halt and came face to face with the engineer.

"Where is this train going?" he asked.

"Hong Kong." relied the engineer.

"Thank you." said Kid. He laid down and quickly went to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Meanwhile, we have an interview with one of the teams." said Phil as he stood next to a big screen television. "We have that now."

The television turned on showing Mike Nelson and Gypsy in the backseat of the Emu. Mike was on the passenger side. "Oh, hi." he said.

"Mike Nelson, how is the race going so far?" asked Phil.

"It's going great." said Mike. "There was a little drama earlier when we accidentally cut off the Vice City team. Things got a little calmer after that. Then, we reached Oklahoma and got pulled over by a state trooper. That was kind of tense...until Gypsy ate his ticket book."

"Needed salt." said Gypsy.

"How is Siberia treating you?" asked Phil.

"Okay so far." said Mike. "We've heard of the local highway patrol's reliance on radar and have prepared accordingly. We have dedicated radar detectors in use and Tom is keeping watch over them. Right, Tom?"

The camera pulled back a little to show Tom in the front passenger seat...fast asleep.

"Servo!" yelled Mike as he grabbed Tom's head and shook him awake.

"Wha? Uh?" stammered Tom as he woke up. "I'm awake!"

"Tom, I asked you to keep an eye on the scanners!" yelled Mike. "We can't afford to have you falling asleep right now!"

"I know, Mike!" complained Tom. "I've been up so long, I can barely keep my head up. Maybe if I just get some shut-eye."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea. No!" said Mike. "Tom, you have to stay awake. Repeat after me: I must stay awake! I must stay awake!"

"I must stay awake! I must stay awake!" Mike and Tom said together.

"Good, you've got it." said Mike. "You know, I hope Crow is staying awake since he's driving. Crow, how are you doing?"

The camera panned over to Crow in the driver's seat. His pupils took up half of his eyes and he was trembling so hard, he practically registered on the Richter scale.

"I-I-I-I-I'm doingfinedoingfinereallyreallydoingfinedoingfine!" stammered Crow. "I'mdoingeverythingIcantost-st-stay awake! Coffee! Espresso! D-d-dietpills! Jolt! S-S-S-Surge! MountainDew! Chocolatecoveredcoffeebeans! Reallyreallydoingeverything!"

"I see." said Phil. "Well, I'll let you get back to the race. Good luck."

"Thank you, Phil." said Mike as a Siberian police cruiser pulled up behind the Emu and turned its roof lights on.

"Mike!" yelled Gypsy.

Mike turned around and saw the cruiser. He then turned back to the front seat to discover Tom was asleep again.

"Tom!" he yelled.

Tom woke up immediately. "I'm awake!" he yelled. "What's that sound?"

"It's my HEART!" said Crow as he started to hyperventilate.

"No, Crow!" said Tom. "Don't explode!"

"It's coming!" said Crow.

"Crow, get us out of here!" yelled Mike.

Crow floored the accelerator, hit the nitrous, and yelled "SUUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGE!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"In the meantime, we have a little wager going on between two members of the Cannonball band." said Phil as the Counting Crows' Adam Duritz and Better Than Ezra's Kevin Griffin stood next to him. "So, guys. Tell me about this wager."

"Well, Phil." said Adam. "I've got a bet on the Paris Cop Car and Kevin has a bet on the PT Phoenix."

"The wager goes as follows:" said Kevin "If the Paris Cop Car makes it out of Asia first, the Crows get to perform the song closing out the continent."

"And if the PT Phoenix crosses the bridge first," said Adam "Ezra gets to perform the song."

"And what song is this?" asked Phil.

"'Can't Get There From Here.'" said Adam.

"By R.E.M." said Kevin.

"Thank you." said Phil. "For now, though, we have another musical performance."

On the performance stage, Meat Loaf was setting up with Coldplay.

"Okay, just like we practiced." said Meat.

"Understood." said Chris Martin. "Here we go."

Chris started on the piano. After a few seconds of playing, Meat joined in on vocals.

The screen door slams.
Mary's dress waves.
Like a vision, she dances across the porch,
as the radio plays.
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely.
Hey, that's me and I want you only.
Don't turn me home again.
I just can't face myself alone again.

Don't run back inside.
Darling, you know just what I'm here for.
So, you're scared and you're thinking,
that maybe we ain't that young anymore.
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night.
You ain't a beauty, but hey, you're alright.
Oh, and that's alright with me.

Guy Berryman, Jon Buckland, and Will Champion joined in at that point.

You can hide 'neath your covers and study your pain.
Make crosses from your lovers. Throw roses in the rain.
Waste your summer praying in vain,
for a savior to rise from these streets.

Well, I'm no hero. That's understood.
All the redemption I can offer girl beneath this dirty hood.
With a chance to make it good somehow.
Hey, what else can we do now?
Except,

roll down the window,
and let the wind blow back your hair.
Well, the night's busting open.
These two lanes will take us anywhere.
We got one last chance to make it real.
To trade in these wings on some wheels.
Climb in back.
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks.

Oh oh, come take my hand.
Riding out tonight to case the promised land.
Oh oh thunder road.
Oh thunder road.
Oh thunder road.

Lying out there like a killer in the sun.
Hey, I know it's late, we can make it if we run.
Oh thunder road.
Sit tight, take hold.
Thunder road.

Well, I got this guitar,
and I learned how to make it talk.
And my car's out back,
if you're ready to take that long walk.
From your front porch to my front seat.
The door's open but the ride ain't free.
And I know you're lonely.
For words I ain't spoken.
But tonight we'll be free.
All the promises'll be broken.

There were ghosts in the eyes,
of all the boys you sent away.
They haunt this dusty beach road,
in the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets.
They scream your name at night in the street.
Your graduation gown lies in rags at your feet.
And in the lonely cool before dawn,
you hear their engines roaring on.
But when you get to the porch they're gone.
On the wind, so Mary climb in.
It's a town full of losers,
and I'm pulling out of here to win.

-"Thunder Road" by Bruce Springsteen.

"Okay, viewers." said Phil. "I invite you to continue watching because there's more to come. For the Cannonball Run, I'm Phil Keoghan."

Phil walked off the stage and passed David Spade.

"I get the next one." said David.

"You've got it." said Phil as he approached the catering table.

"I don't know if you've heard, but the racers have entered Asia." said Tom Everett.

"I also heard some of the officials talking." said Tanner. "Around the halfway point, they're going to move the base of operations to another location which will serve as the finish line."

"I think we're going to have to work fast." said Everett.

"Right." said Tanner. "I'll snoop around. You man the fort."

"Roger." said Everett. "I read you loud and clear."

Tanner walked away as Phil walked up to the table. "Are you serving lunch yet?" asked Phil.

"Yes." said Everett. "What would you like?"

"I'd like a roast beef sandwich, please." said Phil.

"Don't have it." said Everett.

"Okay, I'd like a roast turkey on Italian, then." said Phil.

Everett leaned closer to Phil and said "DON'T...have it. No, I think you'll be having the number seven, the cheese and peppers omelette."

"Sounds...appetizing." said Phil.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Russia, Urkel kept driving the Backdraft. He was still in Earnhardt form.

"The way I figure it, we should reach China by nightfall." he said.

"That's good time." said Larry.

"So, Dale." said Balki.

"You can call me Steve." said Urkel.

"Okay." said Balki. "Can you keep this up throughout the race?"

"I wish I could." said Urkel. "Unfortunately, the transformation chamber has a limited effect. It will wear off sometime."

"How long will it last?" asked Larry.

"It's completely random." said Urkel. "It could wear off tomorrow. It could wear off in a couple of hours. It could wear off..." Suddenly, his voice went nasal again. "...any minute now."

"Uh oh." said Balki.

"Don't panic." said Urkel. "I can get this under control." He tried to steer the car to the side of the road. "Okay, maybe not."

Larry and Balki tried to get the car under control. Balki reached over the seat and took the wheel while Larry tried to push the brake pedal.

"Try the handbrake!" yelled Balki.

Larry grabbed the handbrake and pulled it. The brakes locked up and the Backdraft went sliding off the road into a sign showing the way to Mongolia, turning it ninety degrees.

Larry and Balki climbed out and surveyed the damage. Larry checked the sign while Balki looked at the car's front end.

"Balki, how does the front bumper look?" asked Larry.

"Well, it's red." said Balki. "And it's got an opening divided into four..."

"No, I mean how bad is the damage?" said Larry.

"There's a small dent and some scratched paint." said Balki.

Urkel jumped out of the car and ran over to them. He had reverted to his normal form. "Was anybody hurt?" he asked.

Larry and Balki looked at each other. "Not yet!" they said. They then chased him across the road.

After they made it across the road, the Mongoose came along. Beatrix was sleeping in the passenger seat while Sam drove.

"Mongolia is that way, huh?" said Sam. "Then, I'm going this way." He then turned right down the road leading to Mongolia.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Korea...

"This looks like a good place to get some food." said Super Dave. He pulled into a small roadside store and he and Fuji exited the car.

Super Dave and Fuji walked into the store and started looking around for food. Fuji went straight for the deli.

"Super Dave!" yelled someone. Super Dave looked to see Gonzo and Fozzie approaching.

"The Muppets!" said Super Dave. "I bet this race is an amazing experience for you."

"Not as amazing as meeting you." said Gonzo. "It's so incredible to meet such a big name among daredevils."

"Oh, thanks." said Super Dave. "Back atcha."

"Super." said Fuji as he walked over.

"Oh, guys." said Super Dave. "This is my stunt co-ordinator, Fuji Hakayito. Fuji, meet Gonzo the Great and Fozzie Bear."

"Pleased to meet you." said Fuji. "Super, I had a little trouble with our food orders. My Korean's a little rusty. The order was..."

Super Dave started waving his hands to get Fuji to shut up.

"...two hot chicken sandwiches, a box of chicken nuggets, an order of chicken fingers, three chicken salads, and five cold chicken sandwiches."

Super Dave stopped waving his hands and turned to the Muppets. Fozzie was covering his mouth with his hands and Gonzo's mouth hung open in shock.

"Look, I can explain." said Super Dave.

"YOU MONSTER!" yelled Gonzo. "Those are my lovelies!"

"Sorry!" said Super Dave.

"That's it!" said Gonzo. "No more Mr. Nice Weirdo! I challenge you to...a daredevil race!"

Fozzie gasped. Super Dave cast a glare at Fuji.

"Sorry, Super." said Fuji.

"To the cars!" said Gonzo.

Outside, Kermit and Animal waited by the Modicum.

"Uh, Kermit?" asked Fozzie. "What if one of us were to initiate a challenge with another racer and need the car for that challenge?"

"If you want to use the car, just ask." said Kermit.

"Uh, okay." said Fozzie. "Gonzo, Kermit says you have to ask."

"Kermit, I need the car." said Gonzo.

"I don't even want to know." said Kermit.

XXXXXXXXXX

"And then he tells us 'Be seeing you.' and drives off." said Peter Venkman.

"That's just crazy." said Egon over the communicator. "How's the car running?"

"Incredibly." said Winston. "We're making great time."

"Have you tried the Ecto-Booster yet?" asked Egon.

"What's that?" asked Louis.

"It's a device I rigged up to increase the speed of the Ecto-1." said Egon. "It runs off the same principle of the proton packs."

"So, why isn't it in the Ecto-1?" asked Peter.

"It's still in the experimental stage." said Egon.

"So, you put it in a Porsche?" asked Louis.

"The Ecto-1 is like family." said Egon.

"Want us to test it?" asked Peter.

"How?" asked Winston.

Just then, the Jersey XS passed them.

"Ask and you shall receive." said Winston.

"That was the Ghostbusters we just passed." said Perfect Tommy.

"Looks like they weren't 'fraid of no losing." said Sydney.

"Don't get overconfident, they're coming up." said Buckaroo.

Peter accelerated until he was right next to the Jersey XS. Once there, he thumbed his nose at Team Banzai.

"Immature, isn't he?" asked Sydney.

"I think he wants to race." said Buckaroo. He returned a nod. A second later, the cars took off racing.

The Modo Prego took an early lead.

"See ya 'round, doctor." said Peter.

"Activating Hyperthruster." said Buckaroo. "Three...two...one...sayanora."

The Jersey XS's headlights went yellow and the car jumped to super speed.

"Wow, that's handy." said Louis.

"Let's see how this Ecto-Booster works." said Peter. He found the switch for it and pressed it.

The Modo Prego was bathed in a blue force field and took off like a shot.

"What the hell?" asked Perfect Tommy. "He's catching up with us!"

"You can tune your car to perfection, but there's sooner or later going to be another car that's faster." said Buckaroo.

AN:Starting here, this scene is written by GenerationX7 with a few modifications.

Down the road, ZAFT Gundam pilot Athrun Zala was behind the wheel of a black 1970 Chevy Impala. His three war buddies Nicol Amalfi, Dearka Elsman and Yzak Joule were in the car with him.

"So, how do you like our R&R, guys?" asked Athrun.

"No Naturals to kill, no Archangel to try to destroy, and certainly no Strike Gundam foiling our plans to get rid of the Archangel?" asked Dearka. "I'm definitely enjoying this."

"Buckaroo, watch this guy!" said Sydney.

Buckaroo almost didn't see the Impala in time. He swerved around it at the last second. Unfortunately, he still caused Athrun to lose control. Peter barely missed him as well.

"Hang on!" yelled Athrun.

The Impala did a few doughnuts on the road. Nicol, Dearka and Yzak screamed. Finally, Athrun managed to regain control and stop the car.

"What the hell was that?" asked Yzak.

"Fast speed? Not slowing down?" said Athrun. "I think that was a Cannonball Run vehicle."

"The Cannonball Run?" said Dearka. "What the hell is the Cannonball Run?"

"A race that will take racers around the world. Winner receives a big cash prize." said Nicol.

"Did you say big cash prize?" asked Yzak.

"Yep, this year it's 250 million dollars." said Athrun.

"You guys know what we can do with that money right?" asked Dearka.

"I could retire to the tropics!" said Yzak.

"I could buy my own house in the PLANTs and settle down with Lacus." said Athrun.

"I could start my own orchestra with that." said Nicol.

"I'm just gonna quit ZAFT and buy myself a mansion." said Dearka. "Screw this war! We could enter the Cannonball Run next year and make the big bucks!"

"YEAH!" they all shouted.

AN:And that's where GenerationX7's contribution ends.

"Peter, I really think you should shut this thing off." said Louis.

"Yeah, we almost killed those guys." said Winston.

"So? If they come back from the dead, we can handle them." said Peter. "Alright, I'll shut it down."

"He appears to shutting down his speed booster." said Sydney.

"I think we should shut ours down as well." said Buckaroo. "Don't want to risk that again."

The Hyperthruster and Ecto-Booster were shut down. The two cars pulled up to the next stoplight and the drivers rolled down their windows.

"Hey, Buckaroo!" called Peter. "You alright?"

"Yeah." said Buckaroo. "That was something I'd rather not experience again."

"Same here." said Peter. "How about we agree that we don't use these again unless there's an emergency?"

"Agreed." said Buckaroo.

"Well, I'll see you later." said Peter. "Drive carefully."

"Thanks." said Buckaroo. "And remember: wherever you go, there you are."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in Mongolia, Beatrix stirred in the Mongoose's passenger seat as she woke up.

"Sleep well?" asked Sam.

"Sure did." said Beatrix. "Scott, why are we in Mongolia? I thought we were supposed to avoid it."

"We're not in Mongolia." said Sam.

"Um, I've been here before." said Beatrix. "It was a particularly elusive target. This is Mongolia."

"Maybe it just looks like Mongolia." said Sam as Al appeared in the backseat.

"Keep going, Sam." said Al. "Sam, what are you doing?! I thought I told you to avoid Mongolia!"

"This is not Mongolia." said Sam.

"Sam, this is Mongolia!" yelled Al.

"See this road sign coming up?" asked Sam. "Does that say we're in..."

They passed the sign. It did indeed say they were in Mongolia.

"Oh boy." said Sam.

"It's not a major problem." said Beatrix as the Speedway came up behind them. "We can find another shortcut somewhere down the line."

"If we live that long." said Al.

In the Speedway, Van and Deaq looked at the Mongoose.

"Did you run that plate?" asked Van.

"Yeah, the car is registered to Beatrix Kiddo." said Deaq.

"What do we know about her?" asked Van.

"She's an internationally known assassin." said Deaq. "A former member of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad."

"Sounds like someone Joey Leone would call for assistance." said Van.

"What do you say we subdue the suspect?" asked Deaq.

"Why not?" asked Van.

He pushed the accelerator. He connected with the Mongoose's rear bumper.

"What does he want?" asked Beatrix.

"He wants to attack us." said Sam. He floored the accelerator himself.

"He's making a break for it." said Deaq.

"Not if I can help it." said Van.

"Sam, we're coming up on the accident site!" said Al.

"How did this happen?" asked Sam.

"This is not a time to beat yourself up." said Beatrix.

"How did this happen?" asked Sam again.

"Oh!" said Al as he realized Sam was talking to him. "According to eyewitness reports, you go off an embankment up ahead and roll the car. The gas tank blows and you both burn to death."

"Do you think we can make that turn up ahead at this speed?" asked Sam.

"Not likely." said Beatrix.

"She's right." said Al. "Ziggy says you have a lucky thirteen percent chance to keep this car on the road at this speed."

"What if we were to drive straight down it?" asked Sam.

"That could work." said Beatrix.

"Good thinking, Sam." said Al. "Ziggy puts your odds of surviving that at ninety-two percent."

Sam tried to go into the turn, but he was rammed by Van again. He started to slide sideways towards the embankment, then turned the wheel towards the spin. The Mongoose straightened out and drove down the embankment. Sam kept the car under control and brought it to a rest at the base of the embankment.

"I'll handle these two." said Beatrix.

Van turned to face the Mongoose and drove in.

"You almost killed them!" said Deaq.

"Sorry, it was an accident." said Van. "I didn't think he was going to brake."

As he approached, Beatrix rolled across the hood of the Mongoose and jumped onto the hood of the Speedway with her sword drawn.

Van and Deaq jumped out of the car. "Drop the sword and surrender." ordered Deaq.

"Why are you trying to kill us?" asked Beatrix.

"It was an accident. I'm sorry." said Van.

"What are you doing here?" asked Deaq. "Did Leone hire you?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Beatrix as she put her sword to his throat.

"We got a report that a Liberty City mafia figure named Joey Leone had a wager on the Cannonball Run." said Van. "We thought that he probably hired you to eliminate his competition."

"What?" asked Sam. "We ARE his competition!"

"You're Cannonballers?" asked Deaq. "Oh, sorry about that. We thought you were trying to disrupt the race."

"Well, now you know better." said Beatrix as she retracted her sword.

"We'll take a look at the entrant list now." said Van as he and Deaq put away their guns. "I'd like to prevent this from happening in the future."

"Yeah, me too. Me too." said Deaq.

"Good luck in the race." said Van as he started to get back into the Speedway.

"Once again, sorry about that mix-up." said Deaq.

Beatrix jumped off of the car and walked over to the Mongoose. "Let's go." she said. "This was just a misunderstanding."

"I can't believe we almost died because of a misunderstanding." said Sam.

"Good job, Sam." said Al. "You didn't die in Mongolia and will make it out safely."

"Okay." said Sam.

"Now, you die in Chile in a week." said Al.

Sam gave him an annoyed look.

XXXXXXXXXX

Kermit and Super Dave pulled up to a spot in the road and stopped. Fuji climbed out of the Alarde and Kermit, Fozzie, and Animal climbed out of the Modicum. Gonzo climbed into the Modicum's driver's seat.

"Okay, here's the details on the race." said Gonzo. "We start here, then drive down this hill. Then, it's right at the next corner, up that hill, around the turn at the top of the hill, then down the hill and over that jump." He pointed to a jump ramp on the other side of the river. "The one who jumps the farthest wins. How does that sound?"

"I accept, but I think you should have a ten second head start." said Super Dave. "That way, there's less chance of a disaster."

"Okay." said Gonzo.

The two revved their engines. Their teammates cheered them on.

"Go, Gonzo, go!" cheered Fozzie.

"Come on, Super!" cheered Fuji. "You can do it!"

"GONZO! GONZO!" cheered Animal.

Kermit dropped his hand and Gonzo took off. Gonzo drove down the hill at high speed. Ten seconds after he started, Super Dave followed.

Gonzo cheered maniacally as he raced up the hill. Super Dave glared with determination as he followed.

Gonzo let out a "WHEEEEE!" as he rounded the turn and started down the hill.

"Here he comes!" said Fozzie.

Gonzo hit the ramp just as Super Dave rounded the turn at the top of the hill. Gonzo flew over the river and landed nose-first in the mud at the river's side. The car pitched forward and Gonzo was ejected from the vehicle. He flew through the air squealing with delight, then crashed into the side of the hill.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." he said.

Super Dave raced down the hill and hit the ramp. The Alarde flew over the river and landed on the hill just above Gonzo. It was then that Super Dave realized he was heading for the edge of an embankment and hit the brakes. He came to a stop at the very top of the embankment.

"I think I just won." he said.

Fuji ran over to the Alarde's passenger side and said "Super! You did it! You won!"

"Gonzo, are you alright?" asked Kermit.

"I'll let you know after I get myself reassembled." said Gonzo.

"I think I'll go over there and congratulate him for his efforts." said Super Dave as he opened the door.

"That would be nice." said Fuji.

Super Dave stepped out of the car and fell down the embankment...the fifty foot embankment...the fifty foot ROCKY embankment screaming all the way.

Fuji looked down the embankment in horror. Super Dave just yelled "Oh, new pain!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the mountains of Japan, Dominic, Memphis, and Jesse had stopped to get snacks.

Jesse sat on the hood of the Bestia and pushed on the control arm for the supercharger's intake valves. "All I want is the oil!" he said in a scary voice. "Just walk away and I'll spare your lives! Just walk away!"

"If you break that, you're fixing it!" said Dominic.

"That'll take what? Two minutes?" replied Jesse.

In New York, Belle and Washburn walked into a bar that had the race shown on television.

"Hey, you okay now?" asked Washburn.

"No." said Belle. "I didn't get to take part with the cab."

"I'll buy you a drink." said Washburn.

"Hey, what's this?" asked Belle as she looked at the television.

"One of our teams has apparently stopped for snacks." announced David as a spy satellite showed the Bestia. "It appears to be the team consisting of Memphis Raines, Dominic Toretto, and Jesse James."

"Looks like the Cannonball." said Washburn.

"This could be interesting." said Belle as she took a seat.

Memphis returned with the snacks. "Okay, guys." he said. "I found some kind of candy. I hope you enjoy."

Jesse and Dominic each took a piece of candy.

"What flavor is this?" asked Jesse. "I can't read Japanese."

"There's one way to find out." said Dominic as he ripped open the package and took a bite out of the candy. He spit it out a second later and hit the fender of a yellow RX-7. "Watermelon! I hate watermelon!"

"What did you do that for?" yelled a man. Apparently, he was the RX-7's driver.

"Sorry, I didn't see it there." said Dominic.

"You're sorry?" replied the driver. "Do you have any idea how much work went into this car?"

"Jeesh!" said Memphis as he took a bite of his candy. "It's just a car! Who do you think you are?"

"Me? I am the master racer of the Akagi Red Suns!" said the driver. "My name is Keisuke Takahashi, but you may call me K.T!"

"Alright, Katie." said Jesse.

"Are you mocking me?" asked K.T.

"Dude, chill!" said Dominic. "Look, this is my bad. I'll take care of this."

"Very well." said K.T. "I'll race you down the mountain."

"You're on." said Dominic.

The drivers took to their cars. Dominic was driving the Bestia with Jesse in the front and Memphis in back. K.T. climbed into his RX-7.

"Looks like some competition from the locals." announced David.

"Twenty bucks says the muscle car wins." said Belle.

Washburn surveyed the scene. "You've got yourself a bet." he said.

Seconds later, both cars had been started and pulled up to the starting line. Another man ran out in front of the two cars and held up his hands. A couple of seconds later, he dropped them and the race was on.

Both cars were running neck and neck until the first bend. At that point, K.T. took the lead. They raced to a hairpin turn a little distance away. Both K.T. and Dominic took it with little trouble.

"Come on, pass him!" said Memphis.

"I'm trying!" said Dominic. "He keeps cutting me off!"

They went into the next turn. Dominic managed to take the turn tighter than K.T. and took a small lead.

"Is that a blow off valve I hear?" asked Washburn.

"Yeah, and I think it might be hooked up to a wastegate." said Belle.

"This guy is loaded for bear." said Washburn.

"Alright, floor it!" said Jesse.

K.T. got back on the gas and passed Dominic.

"I said 'floor it'!" said Jesse.

The cars went into the next turn and almost touched.

"This guy is good." said Belle.

"He should be." said Washburn. "He's got the home court advantage."

"Come on, I should know that car's weaknesses!" said Dominic. "I drive one back home!"

"All I know is that the stock security system is easy to defeat." said Memphis. "And it fetches a decent price."

"I know that you really shouldn't make one into a sand rail." said Jesse.

"I've got it." said Dominic as he took another turn. "NOS."

"Use it on the straightaway." said Memphis.

The two cars took the next turn and ended up on a straightaway.

"Hit it!" yelled Memphis. Jesse flashed an Ozzy salute.

Dominic hit his nitrous switch. The Bestia rocketed past K.T. and took the lead.

"Yeah!" yelled Dominic.

"Oh, there goes the nitrous shot." said Belle.

"Not to mention twenty dollars." said Washburn.

Dominic and K.T. hit a few more turns, but Dominic held his lead. They ended up winning by a car length.

Dominic parked and K.T. pulled alongside him.

"I can't believe I lost to a gaijin!" said K.T. "You are truly a remarkable racer. I'll let you go, but don't spit on my car again."

"You're not too bad yourself." said Dominic. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got a bigger race to run."

"Farewell, chromedome." said K.T.

"Adios, Katie." said Jesse.

As the team drove off, Memphis said "You know, I just thought of something. Japanese street racers don't use nitrous oxide."

"Yeah, think we should tell him..." asked Jesse before Dominic covered his mouth.

"Shut up about the secret weapon." said Dominic.

Back in New York, Washburn handed twenty dollars to Belle.

"Dominic Toretto can race the touge. Who knew?" he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

At the famed Twin Ring Motegi race track, the Mako pulled up to the starting line.

"What are we doing here?" asked Vince.

"Following the text message." said Sway.

"What did it say?" asked Vince.

"We were supposed to come here and wait for a challenger." said Sway.

"So, when does he get here?" asked Vince.

Sway's cell phone rang and she saw she had a text message. "Your challenger has arrived." she read. "Some say his blood can be used to cure cancer. Some say he can watch 60 Minutes in just forty. What we do know is that he is called...the Stig."

They heard an engine roar and looked over their shoulders. The Stig's Gemballa was driving up behind them. He came to a stop next to the Mako and rolled down his window.

"He wants to take on one of us." said Sway.

"I'll handle it." said Vince.

Sway climbed out and let Vince take the wheel. He and the Stig both revved their engines. Sway stood off to the side and watched.

A flag was waved and the two were off. Vince took a quick lead with the Mako's superior horsepower. He brought it into the first turn at high speed. However, the Stig overtook him on the following straightway.

Vince gripped the wheel harshly and floored the accelerator. He started to catch up to the Stig, but had to brake when he got to the next turn.

The Stig accelerated down the next straightaway while listening to his Jerry Seinfeld CD. I get very unnerved by the way they drive down there. That's why I don't like being in those communities. Because they drive slow and sit low.

The two cars raced under an overpass for the Super Speedway and headed into a series of twisted turns. Vince found every chance to pass the Stig cut off by another turn.

The Stig raced onto another straightaway and Vince finally got his chance to pass him. Vince cut around him and headed into the next turn.

As he started to catch up to Vince on the next straightaway, the Stig continued to listen to his CD. Always with the left turn signal on from when they left the house that morning. That's a legal turn in Florida. It's known as an eventual left.

Vince cut through another turn under another overpass with the Stig right on his tail. He maneuvered through the last few turns before hitting the main stretch. That's when the Stig passed him.

Vince tried to pass him again, but failed. The Gemballa raced across the finish line half a car length ahead of the Mako.

The two cars came to rest next to Sway. "What happened?" she asked as Vince angrily got out of the Mako.

"Next time, you're racing!" he yelled.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Tokyo, the Torque JX rolled down the R246 to a hero's welcome. "Iron Chef" fans lined the street and cheered as the car drove along.

"(They seem to have been expecting us.)" said Chen.

"(We seem to be getting a lot of favor from them.)" said Kobe.

"(Stop the car.)" said Kaga.

Chen stopped the car. Kaga and the two Iron Chefs climbed out. The crowd cheered.

Elsewhere in Tokyo, Isabelle and the Dolls were in their headquarters with the television on. The Iron Chefs were visible onscreen.

"Where is my other camera?" asked Isabelle.

"Hey, Isabelle." said Brooke. "I think you should see this."

Isabelle walked over to the television. "What's going on here?" she asked.

"Cannonballers." said Vivien.

"(People of Tokyo!)" said Kaga. "(I would like to thank you for turning out to cheer us on! It means much when so many people show up to give support for me and my Iron Chefs! I thank you for your enthusiasm!)"

The crowd cheered some more, then a woman in a hooded cloak walked up with a box.

"Kaga-san," she said "as a gift from a huge fan, I would like to present this box."

"Arigato." said the Chairman as he received the box.

"(Something is not right.)" said Chen. "(The presenter was not Japanese, yet is presenting the gift in Tokyo?)"

"(Perhaps she traveled all this way.)" said Kobe. "(Remember, our show is watched in many other countries.)"

"(Yes, but we will be traveling to those countries.)" said Chen. "(She could have presented the gift there.)"

"(You have a point.)" said Kobe. "(Chairman!)"

Quickly understanding what he meant, Kaga stepped on the woman's cloak. When she took a step back, the cloak was ripped off. She was none other than Linda, one of Mitzi's girls. The crowd gasped (most likely because of how she was dressed).

"I see." said Kaga as he set the box down on the roof of the car. "Tell me, what is in the box?"

"Something to take you out of the race permanently." said Linda.

"(It's a bomb!)" said the Chairman. The crowd screamed. Kaga added "(If there are any members of the Tokyo PD bomb squad in attendance, I ask you to please assist us!)"

"Just try to get near it." said Mitzi as she jumped out of the crowd with the rest of her girls.

"(This could be a problem.)" said Chen.

The Dolls were watching this as well. "Who are these girls?" asked Elizabeth.

"They look like those girls from the 'Addicted To Love' video." said Sayuri.

"Great, another group of not-so-innocent girls roped into messing with that damn race." said Isabelle.

Approaching from the north, the MIB were picking up some odd readings on their systems.

"What's up?" asked Mulder.

"Something's registering on the scope." said K.

"Can we get a visual?" asked J.

"Let's see." said K as he started pushing buttons. Soon, an image of the girls came up on their monitor.

"Now, there's an alien invasion I wouldn't mind facing." said Mulder.

"Oh God, not them!" said K.

"What's wrong?" asked J.

"You'll find out." said K.

The girls were easily and quickly preventing the bomb squad from reaching the Iron Chefs. Every time a bomb squad member came close, one of the girls knocked him back with a martial arts maneuver.

"(We might have to disarm this bomb ourselves!)" said Chen.

"(What do you want me to do?)" asked Kobe. "(Make it into lasagna?)"

"Help is on the way!" said J as the Lusso XT raced onto the scene. He screeched to a halt and the agents jumped out.

"Here come the MIBs." said Kobe.

"Don't you mean the SOBs?" asked Mitzi.

"Mitzi, how many times do we have to tell you Earth is off limits to you?" asked K.

"How many times do we have to tell you we don't care?" asked Mia.

"Agent K, the smartass girl is giving you lip." said J.

"I can see that." said K. "I think it's time to teach this lass a lesson. Mulder, trunk."

Mulder opened the trunk and let out a low whistle. He pulled out a pair of futuristic looking weapons and handed them to the MIBs.

"Hey, guys." said J. "Any help would be appreciated."

"Understood." said Kaga. "Can you do something about this bomb?"

"No way, man." said J.

"I can do it." said Mulder.

"Something's coming up on the sensors." said K.

"Try to figure it out." said J.

"You're wasting your time...and ours." said Nichole.

"Oh yeah?" asked J. "Your time to do what?"

"To stop the race and get revenge on those two wastoids." said Kim.

"Who are you talking about?" asked J. "The guys in the orange Renault?"

"Yes." said Mia. "Wait, did we just share too much?"

"Yeah, and it looks like we have to stop you." said J.

"Really?" asked Mitzi. "Try to stop this."

Mitzi and her cohorts grouped together and started to merge together. Then, the merged form grew into a giant woman.

"(I did not see that coming.)" said Kobe.

"You wouldn't know how to contact that Godzilla dude by any chance?" asked J.

"Agent J, guess what I found in the Iron Chefs' car?" said K.

"Is it my toothbrush?" asked J. "You know, because I forgot to bring it."

"No, it's oregano." said K. "It happens to be a substance that these ladies are quite allergic to."

"You wouldn't dare." said the giant woman.

"Kobe-san, would you mind if we used your oregano?" asked K.

"Go ahead." said Kobe.

K picked up the oregano, but Kobe stopped him.

"Wait, I have to prepare it first." said Kobe. He took the oregano, ground it in a bowl, and gave it back to K.

"Thank you." said K as he loaded the oregano into his blaster.

With that, the giant woman ended her attack. The people of Tokyo cheered at the end of the battle.

"Nice find, K." said J.

"I knew there was no way we could defeat them straight up, so we needed some strategy." said K.

"Wait a second." said Kobe. "This isn't oregano! It's parsley!"

"And that was the strategy." said K.

"Should we neuralize all these people?" asked J.

"Nah." said K. "It would blow out the battery."

"Okay, the bomb's taken care of." said Mulder as he walked over with Chen and Chairman Kaga. Suddenly, there was a loud explosion. Everyone looked to see a smouldering crater between the Torque JX and Lusso XT.

"You couldn't defuse it, could you?" said J.

At their headquarters, the Dolls walked into the garage.

"Well, now that the Cannonballers have been taken care of." said Isabelle.

"Guess we can get on with our vacation." said Jennifer.

"I still don't understand why we're taking this." said Sayuri as she pointed to a black Cadillac Sixteen concept car.

"We're taking the Onyx because we need transportation." said Isabelle.

"Why is it named after a Pokemon?" asked Natassja.

"Actually, Dr. Machinegal called it the Onyx after a precious stone that happens to be black." said Isabelle. "Any other questions?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Vince and Sway drove across the bridge to mainland Asia.

"You're not still mad that you got toasted by the Stig, are you?" asked Sway from the passenger seat.

"You better believe it." said Vince as he drove.

"Hey, don't drive angry." said Sway.

Behind them, Joey and Vic came up in the Assassin.

"Hey, isn't that another Cannonballer?" asked Vic.

"Yeah, and he's not the one I bet on." said Joey as he drove.

"Hit him." said Vic. "Maybe some dents will get his attention."

"It's a Corvette." said Joey.

"So?" asked Vic.

"Fiberglass body." said Joey. "Doesn't dent."

"Hit him anyway." said Vic.

"And it's not so much that he spanked me." said Vince. "He probably also cost us some time and some positions."

Joey rear-ended him hard.

"Hey, no dents." said Vic.

"I told you." said Joey. "Fiberglass."

"Great, now this guy." said Vince.

He threw the gearshift into the next gear. Just then, Jezz gave an announcement over the radio.

"We all have our musical heroes and in Scotland, it's no different. This is a song by a hard-rocking group from Glasgow. The D.J. never has it, JAMC Automatic. This is the Jesus and Mary Chain."

As Vince started to pull away, Love Fist began the song.

As soon as I get my head 'round you,
I come around catching sparks off you.
I get an electric charge off you.
That second hand living it just won't do.

Joey threw the Assassin into the next gear and picked up a gun from the center console.

And the way I feel tonight,
I could die and I wouldn't mind.
And there's something going on inside.

Joey rammed into the back of the Mako again. Vince responded by jamming on his brakes and ramming him back.

Makes you want to feel.
Makes you want to try.
Makes you want to blow,
the stars from the sky.

The Mako and Assassin came off the bridge into China. Both cars swerved around a large truck.

I can't stand up.
I can't cool down.
I can't get my head,
off the ground.

Joey pulled alongside the Mako and drew his gun. Vince hit the brakes and let him pass.

As soon as I get my head 'round you,
I come around catching sparks off you.
And all I ever got from you,
was all I ever took from you.

Joey slowed down to get a shot at Vince, only to lose it when Vince hit the accelerator.

And the world could die in pain,
and I wouldn't feel no shame.
And there's nothing holding me to blame.

The two cars weaved through traffic again. When they cleared it, Joey had lost sight of the Mako.

Makes you want to feel.
Makes you want to try.
Makes you want to blow,
the stars from the sky.

While Joey searched for the Mako, it raced past him.

I'm taking myself,
to the dirty part of town,
where all my troubles,
can't be found.

Joey pulled alongside the Mako and aimed his gun again. This time, Vince swerved into him, making the door pop open and Joey fall out.

Head.

Joey flailed his arm while holding onto the door handle. "Grab on!" he yelled. "Grab on!"

Vic quickly reached over and grabbed the gun. As Vince tried to speed away, Vic aimed at him and fired the gun.

I said head on.
Head.
Head on.
Head.

Vic managed to take out a side mirror before Joey pulled himself back into the car.

Makes you want to feel.
Makes you want to try.
Makes you want to feel.
Makes you want to try.

-"Head On" by the Jesus and Mary Chain.

"Moron!" yelled Joey as he hit Vic in the back of the head.

"What?" said Vic. "You said 'Grab on.'"

"To my hand, not the gun!" yelled Joey as he took the wheel.

"See ya." said Vince. He swerved into the Assassin once again.

Joey tried to avoid him and ended up driving into the guardrail. The collision removed the front bumper and immobilized the vehicle.

"Oh man." moaned Joey. "Still got the gun?"

Vic held up the gun. The barrel had become dislodged from the rest of it.

Sway looked back at the Assassin, then looked at Vince. "Feel better now?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do." said Vince.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in China...

"Where are we going?" asked Jarod as he looked over the map.

"I'd like to help, but I was built without GPS." said Johnny Five.

"Maybe this guy can help." said Jarod as they came upon a man standing next to a sign reading 'This way to Hong Kong.'

Johnny pulled up next to the man and asked "Excuse me, is this sign correct?"

"Absolutely it is." said the man. "This is a shortcut will take you right through Chinese territory. The Chinese highway patrol is notoriously harsh on speeders."

"Who are you?" asked Jarod.

"I'm a race official." said the man. "Brock sent me. By the way, you'd better hurry. Three other teams have been through here."

"How long ago?" asked Jarod.

"Let's see." said the man. "The red RX-7 came through maybe ten minutes ago..."

"Thanks, we'll be on our way." said Johnny Five.

The Vortex 5 took off and the man looked up with a sly smile. He took out his cell phone and called someone. "Lance? It's Johnny."

"Go ahead, Johnny." said Lance.

"The detour is working." said Johnny B. "I've been here only an hour and I've already sent four cars into the trap."

"Good work." said Lance.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I'd like to know how the Crown Mail is doing!" said Jezz Torrent from Love Fist.

"Let's see." said Chloe as she went to the computer. "The Crown Mail is currently running in eighth."

"What about the Fripon X?" asked Willy, the band's drummer.

"Fripon X isn't doing too bad." said Chloe. "Currently, it's somewhere in the area of Beijing."

"How about the Saikou XS?" asked guitarist Percy.

Chloe checked the computer and quickly got confused. She checked it again and got more confused. "Good question." she said.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Kentucky, Wario and his team were having a party in the cabin. Visitors were enjoying snacks and drinks. Pop music was playing over the stereo. The guests were talking to each other.

"So, you girls come here often?" asked Bowser.

The two girls he was talking to laughed, turned, and walked away.

"Fine, leave!" shouted Bowser.

Elsewhere in the living room, Wario was playing a game on the Gamecube. Waluigi and several guests were watching.

"Mario and I go way back." said Wario as he maneuvered Mario through a series of traps.

Wario stopped and a trap crushed Mario.

"I thought you said you were good at this game?" said a girl who was watching.

"I am." said Wario.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What about the Monstruo?" asked Love Fist bassist Dick.

"One second." said Chloe as she went to her computer. She found the Monstruo. She then double-checked. "Oh God." she said, then got up and ran to Brock's office.

Brock was talking with Schwag and Frankie. "We seem to getting some resistance from a drug dealer in Miami." said Brock. "Mr. X's source managed to get in contact with him. We now have more information on..."

Chloe ran into the office. "Mr. Yates!" she yelled. "We have a problem!"

"What kind of problem?" asked Brock.

"A few teams are being rerouted towards a hostile area." said Chloe. "I remember it from CTU briefings."

"What's wrong with said area?" asked Frankie.

"Well..." said Chloe.

Out at the caterer's table, Nessa was getting a salad from Everett.

"Italian or thousand island?" asked Everett.

"Italian, but not too much." said Nessa.

"Say when." said Everett as he started to pour.

"YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" yelled Schwag from Brock's office. He made Everett spill the rest of the salad dressing on Nessa's salad.

"When." said Nessa.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Supernova cruised through China. Wily was driving.

"Can I play with the hydros?" asked Puck.

"Maybe when we park." said Wily.

"Just cruisin' to the next block." said Puck. "Rollin' along in my automobile."

Suddenly, the Hammerhead blew past them. "Hey, check out the looks on their faces." said Dustin as he trained his camera on Wily and Puck.

Dado then cut in front of them, forcing Wily to get on the brakes.

"Now, that was just rude!" said Puck.

"I'm going to blow him into the weeds when I get the chance." said Wily.

As the Hammerhead raced through the next turn, it quickly got on the brakes itself. When Wily rounded the turn, he saw why. The Cannonballers were lined up in a row after being stopped at the sign.

Wily laughed as he pulled alongside the Hammerhead. "Fancy seeing you here." said Puck. Dado returned a scowl.

"Now, that's what I call karma." said Wily.

"In more ways than one." said Puck, drawing a blank state from Wily. "You see, a car was involved." he explained.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I think we may be lost." said Ethan.

"I thought there was something odd about that official." said Snake.

"Hey, there's a couple of other cars." said Ethan. The Zender Alpha and Schneller V8 were ahead of them.

Ethan pulled alongside the two. "What's going on?" asked Snake.

"I'm not sure." said Lara. "Some guy said this was the best way to Hong Kong and now we're lost."

"Where are we going?" asked Ethan.

"I have no idea." said Corvax.

"Look." said Cate. The three cars were approaching an imposing looking compound. Turrets with gatling guns and giant bunkers guarded the entrance they were driving into.

The cars pulled into the main courtyard. The buildings in the courtyard looked like something out of a sci-fi film. All around were bizarre-looking military vehicles, monsterous creatures, and dangerous-looking men, several of whom looked exactly alike.

The cars stopped. Everyone inside climbed out and looked around. "Where are we?" asked Chun Li.

The Vortex 5 and Grifter pulled in behind them.

"I wish I knew." said Lara.

"Snake, I know where we are." said Ethan.

"Me too." said Snake. "But where is the guy?"

Jarod and Johnny Five got out of the Vortex 5. Johnny Five said in a girl's voice "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

Charlie and Stella climbed out of the Grifter. "What the hell?" asked Charlie.

The men and creatures surrounded the racers, looking like they were going to inflict serious harm.

Just then, another man who looked exactly like many of the others, only better dressed, walked in. "Greetings." he said in a Russian accent.

"Yuri." said Snake.

"I see the legendary Solid Snake recognizes me." said Yuri. "Welcome to my fortress, Cannonballers. I hope you enjoy your stay because it will be quite lengthy. We hope to recruit some of you or all of you to be soldiers in my grand army."

"Actually, we can't stay." said Lara. "We're currently on a little expedition." She started to unzip her jumpsuit with her right hand. "Just let me show you my credentials."

Suddenly, she zipped back up with her left hand. She unzipped with her right hand again, only to zip back up with her left hand again.

"I know these credentials you speak of." said Yuri. "And they are very nice. However, I would prefer not to allow my men to view them because I don't want them distracted. And by the way, that's just me controlling the right side of your brain. You should see how I do with the whole thing."

"Oh yeah, I'd love to see that." asked Chun Li.

Yuri gave Chun Li a look and put his fingers to his forehead. Suddenly, Chun Li turned to Lara, put her hands together, pushed forward, and said "Kikoken!" A fireball shot from Chun Li's hands towards Lara, who barely made it out of the way in time.

"Sorry." said Chun Li.

"That was just a sample of my abilities." said Yuri. "Just wait until I show you the full scale."

"Whoa, wait!" said Ethan. "Surely, you realize there are many more Cannonballers out there. Many of them could prove to be ample additions to your army. If you hurry, you can probably catch them. We're not going anywhere. Your base defenses make sure of that."

"I recognize your intention of trying to save your skin." said Yuri. "However, I realize your words have truth to them. I will organize an effort to recruit many of your opponents, then come back for you."

Yuri turned to leave and said "Prepare a squad of troops to capture as many Cannonballers as possible. And that robot..." he added as he pointed to Johnny Five. "...have a group of engineers disassemble it for research."

Johnny Five immediately got scared. "Disassembled?" he said. "DISASSEMBLED?" He raced off flailing his arms yelling "No disassemble! No disassemble!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, come on!" yelled Nash as he pulled up to the fork in the road. Several Cannonballers were lined up behind the ice cream truck where Shaggy and Scooby Doo were arguing with Johnny B. Beavis and Butthead were watching.

"All I'm asking for is identification!" said Shaggy.

"Rah! Rirentification!" said Scooby.

"Rah, rirentification! Heh heh!" said Beavis.

"I forgot it!" said Johnny B. "Jeeze!"

Nash, Joe, and Monk climbed out of the Paris Cop Car.

As Nash walked past the Hammerhead, Dustin sat on the passenger side door wearing his pig-cop mask. "Hey, is this line gonna move?" he asked.

"We'll see." said Nash.

"Dustin!" whispered Reza.

"What?" asked Dustin. Suddenly, he remembered he was wearing the mask and quickly took it off.

Nash walked over to Marge Simpson.

"Marge, what's going on?" asked Nash.

"The man next to the sign says he's an official and the route he's pointing out is a safe way through China." she said. "Unfortunately, Shaggy didn't trust him and the man won't show him any I.D."

"Thanks." said Nash. "By the way, where's your husband?"

"He's in our car." said Richard Parker. "He's currently locked in a staring contest with Bernie."

In the Ascent 470ds, Homer stared into Bernie's eyes. A few seconds later, he blinked and yelled "D'oh!" He started over. He stared into Bernie's eyes. He blinked a few seconds later and yelled "D'oh!"

Nash walked over to Johnny B and Shaggy and said "Okay, what seems to be the problem?"

"I'm trying to send these guys on the correct road and they're holding up the line." said Johnny B.

"Where does this road go?" asked Joe.

"The road goes through the Ural Mountains, around Tibet, and straight on to Hong Kong." said Johnny B.

"He said 'Urinal' mountains." said Butthead.

"Excuse us." said Nash. He turned to Joe and Monk and said "Okay, something's wonky here. What do you think?"

"It sounds tempting." said Joe. "I'd take it if the circumstances weren't so suspicious."

"Nash, this man is lying." said Monk. "The Ural Mountains are on the other side of the continent."

"Sounds good to me." said Nash. He went back to Johnny B and said "Okay, why don't you come clean?"

"About what?" asked Johnny B.

"Well, for starters," said Nash as a ratcheting sound was heard "you can tell us who you're working for and why you're sending us down a bogus shortcut."

"I told you I'm working for the race officials." said Johnny B. "And this shortcut is legit."

"Really?" said Nash. "So, you won't mind if we take this other road and work something out at the next town."

"It's your funeral." said Johnny B.

"Well, if you say so." said Nash as he patted Johnny B on the side. "Alright, guys. The shortcut is bad! Follow me and we'll work something out."

Johnny B tried to walk after them and was pulled back when he discovered what the ratcheting sound was: Nash had handcuffed him to the sign. He tried to get the cuffs free, but to no avail.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Get me out of here!"

"Nice knowing you, whatever your name is." said Nash as he opened the door to the Paris Cop Car.

"You just wait!" yelled Johnny B as he reached into his pocket. "I got friends! I'm gonna..." He stopped when he realized what he was looking for wasn't in there.

"Looking for this?" asked Nash as he held up Johnny B's cell phone. He then tossed the phone off to the side and got into the Paris Cop Car. He started it and drove off. The Cannonballers followed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Several troops and vehicles moved out of Yuri's fortress. Not far away, the Highway Hunters sat in their new cars and watched.

"Hey, DeMarco." said Korpi over his cell phone. He was sitting in the Stallion with Darden. "Thanks for the new cars."

"Thought you'd like 'em." said DeMarco. "Just to be clear, the Corvair is called Tampa, the Ranchero is called Picador, the Skyline is called Sultan, and you remember the Stallion."

"Nice to have it back." said Darden.

"So, what's going on?" asked DeMarco.

"The rerouting we set up? It worked." reported Korpi. "Four cars are now at Yuri's fortress and Yuri is going out to capture as many more as he can."

"Excellent." said DeMarco. "Keep an eye on the action. I want to know what happens. By the way, is Paulie looking over the instructions for that doohicky he and Feliz found?"

"Yeah." said Korpi. "Yeah, he is. I'll keep you posted."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Why did you tell Yuri about the other Cannonballers?" yelled Cate.

"I had to." said Ethan. "He was about to turn us into his mind-controlled slaves."

"You saw what he made me do." said Chun Li. "Imagine what we'd do if it wasn't a demonstration."

"Yeah, I think I can." said Stella.

"In any case, we have to try to stop him." said Snake. "Since we can't leave the base, we're going to have to perform some sabotage."

"Right." said Joanna. "Cate and I will knock out his base defenses. If he can't defend against invaders, he'll have to call off the attack."

"If his radar is taken out, he's also open for attack." said Ethan. "Snake and I will go after that."

"Maybe if someone, say me, were to hack into his computer system," said Lyle "it would confuse him enough to allow us to work unimpeded."

"Sounds like a plan." said Lara.

"Let's go." said Cate.

XXXXXXXXXX

"NO DISASSEMBLE! NO DISASSEMBLE!" yelled Johnny Five as he rolled around one of Yuri's buildings flailing his arms.

He rolled into a hallway and saw an engineer walking towards him. "Relax, it's not going to hurt." said the engineer.

Johnny tried to retreat, but another engineer was behind him. "Open wide." he said.

"What are you doing?" asked Jarod as he entered the hallway.

"We're taking this robot to be disassembled and studied." said the engineer.

"Well, if you want to risk a meltdown." said Jarod.

"What are you talking about?" asked the engineer.

"Apparently, Yuri didn't bother to ask me for I.D." said Jarod. "I'm Jarod Fermi, nuclear power specialist. I was called because there is a system malfunction in the base's reactor. Unfortunately, my arrival coincided with that of those Cannonballers and, wouldn't you know it, guilt by association."

"What about the robot?" asked the engineer.

"That's my inspection unit." said Jarod. "He's programmed with an advanced artificial intelligence system to make it easier to work with him. He tends to get a little jumpy every now and then."

Johnny jumped up and down a few times.

"The main control room is a couple of halls over." said the engineer. "Sorry for the mix-up."

"Don't worry about it." said Jarod.

The engineers left.

"I didn't know you could jump like that." said Jarod.

"My sister is a lowrider." said Johnny.

"Come on, let's try to find that control room." said Jarod. "If we shut down the power, we can escape more easily."

Outside, one of Yuri's troops prepared his Gatling Tank for battle. While he was looking over a circuit panel, he looked up and saw the T-X standing in front of him. "I like your tank." she said. She extended an antenna from her finger and stuck it to the circuit board.

XXXXXXXXXX

Frank drove through China in the Warhawk. Bruce sat in back and looked through his bag.

"I know I brought another shirt." said Bruce.

"I don't get it." said Peter. "Why didn't his pants rip off too?"

"I don't know." said Elektra. "Let's just be glad they didn't."

"I think we're in the clear." said Frank. "I haven't seen any law enforcement lately."

"Yeah, I think we can make it to the next country with no problem." said Peter.

Behind them, the Chicane was following.

"Let's see." said Cross. "According to the license plate scanner, that is a Cannonballer's car. Let's see how they like meeting the law."

He pushed the accelerator to the floor and pulled up behind the Warhawk. He switched on his emergency lights in the car's side markers, side mirrors, and sunvisor.

Frank looked in his rearview and said "Uh oh, here comes the fuzz."

"Wait, since when do the Chinese use Corvettes?" asked Elektra.

"Maybe he's part of a special anti-Cannonball task force." said Bruce. "I've heard about them putting together one of those."

"Well then, consider this self-defense." said Peter as he climbed out the window.

"What the..?" asked Cross as he saw Peter crawl onto the roof and look at him.

"Yeah, looks like a cop." said Peter. "Think fast."

Peter raised his hands plams up and pointed his wrists at the Chicane. He pressed the palms of his hands with his fingers and shot a stream of webbing at the car.

"Whoa!" yelled Cross.

The webbing engulfed the Chicane and brought it to a halt.

"What the hell was that?" asked Cross.

Peter crawled back into the Warhawk. "Now, we can make it to the next country without problems." he said.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you telling me the Cannonballers are in danger from a former Soviet commando with psychic powers?" asked Brock.

"That's about the size of it." said Chloe.

"Ai-yi-yi." moaned Brock. "It's times like these I wish I still had that MG."

"Brock!" yelled Danny as he ran into the office. "I took over Chloe's workstation after she came up here."

"You WHAT?" said Chloe.

"Look, no one was using it and we had to find out the status of the racers." said Danny.

"Well, next time ask first!" yelled Chloe.

"Well, next time stick around so I CAN ask!" yelled Danny.

"Guys!" yelled Brock. "There will be time for this later. Danny, what did you find out?"

"About a dozen and a half Cannonballers have gathered in a Chinese village to protect themselves." said Danny.

Brock sighed with relief. "Finally, some good news." he said.

"It's not all good." said Danny. "Another half dozen are about to face a squadron of troops."

"I think I'm having a relapse." said Brock.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Look at this maroon." said Bugs when he saw one of Yuri's Lasher tanks ahead of him. "Right in the middle of the road."

"Let me take care of it." said Daffy as he climbed out of the Crusero's window. "Hey, what's going on here?" he asked.

The Lasher tank turned its cannon until it was pointing directly at Daffy's face. Daffy looked away and squeaked "Mother!"

The cannon fired. When the smoke cleared, Daffy's tongue was hanging out of his mangled and fire-blackened beak, his feathers were messed up, and his baseball cap was fire-blackened and torn up. He quickly shook his head and repaired the damage. "I dare you to try that again!" he said.

The cannon fired again. This time, his beak was blown onto the back of his head. He grabbed it and repositioned it on his face. "You're despicable." he said.

Bugs floored the accelerator and raced around the Lasher tank. He then got on the radio and yelled "Hurry, guys! Hurry! Run for the hills or you'll be up to your armpits in soldiers!"

Yuri's soldiers came out of hiding as the Cannonballers raced for perceived safety.

Let's go.

When two tribes go to war,
a point is all that you can score.
(Let's go to war. Let's go to war)
When two tribes go to war,
a point is all that you can score.
(Working for the black gas.)

A group of Lasher tanks and Gatling Tanks approached the Saikou.

"Mama mia!" yelled Luigi.

"No problem!" said Link. "Check it out!"

He opened the backseat and revealed a treasure chest.

Mario opened the chest and took out a Starman. "Just what we need." he said.

Mario threw the Starman at the dashboard and the car started flashing yellow. Luigi drove towards the tanks and knocked them out of the way when he ran into them.

Cowboy number one,
a born-again poor man's son.
(Poor man's son, yeah)
On the air America,
I modeled shirts by Van Heusen.
(Working for the black gas)
Yeah.

"Gear up." said Sweet from the Beast's backseat. He and his teammates held up submachine guns.

When two tribes go to war,
a point is all that you can score.
(Let's go to war. Let's go to war)
When two tribes go to war,
a point is all that you can score.
(Working for the black gas.)

A Brute started to go after the RSMC 15.

"What a mess." said Knuckles.

"I got this one." said Sonic.

He jumped out of the car and ran towards the Brute. As soon as the Brute caught sight of him, it tried to grab him. Sonic ran around the Brute while it turned to try to pick him up. Quickly, it got dizzy and fell over.

Sonic returned to the car and jumped back in. "Big and dumb." he said.

Switch off your shield.
Switch off and feel.
I'm working on loving.
Yeah.

Giving you back the good times.
Ship it out.
Out.
I'm working for the black gas.

A Chaos Drone approached the L.A. Cop Car.

"Trouble." said Marcus.

"No trouble." said Regis. He leaned out the window and aimed the shotgun at the Chaos Drone. He pulled the trigger.

"click"

Regis looked scared. "Run!" he yelled.

Tell the world that you're winning.
Love and life, love and life.
Listen to the voice and follow me.
Listen to the voice and follow me.

"Now!" yelled C.J. as the Beast came alongside the Chaos Drone. Claude and Cesar aimed their guns out of the driver's side windows while the Johnson brothers climbed out of the passenger side windows. They all fired on the Chaos Drone and rendered it inoperable.

When two tribes go to war,
a point is all that you can score.
When two tribes go to war,
a point is all that you can score.

A Mastermind tank targeted the Fripon X. Inside, Malcolm grabbed his head in pain.

"My head!" he groaned. "They're attacking my mind!"

In the Bryanston V, Bernard dropped the map and said "Another geek is in trouble!"

"How do you know?" asked Ben.

"The Force!" said Bernard.

We've got two tribes.
We've got the bomb.
we've got the bomb.
Yeah.
Sock it to me biscuits now.

Are we living in a land,
where sex and horror,
are the new Gods?
Yeah.

"Okay, I'm sure that's the vehicle that's attacking Malcolm." said Bernard as he looked at the Mastermind.

"Let's hit it!" said Ben.

When two tribes go to war,
a point is all that you can score.

-"Two Tribes" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

"The kid in the Volkswagen is almost under control." said the Mastermind's commander as he poked his head out of the hatch.

"Sir, we have an incoming projectile!" said the driver.

"What?" said the commander. He turned in the direction of the projectile to see Max flying towards him. Max tackled the commander and slipped into the tank. The tank shook around and eventually self-destructed. Max ran away from the bewildered tank crew and returned to the Bryanston V.

"You alright?" asked Reese.

"Yeah, I think so." said Malcolm.

"Good." said Reese. Then he punched Malcolm in the arm.

The six cars raced off, leaving Yuri's army in ruins.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Dominator pulled up to Yuri's fortress.

"This appears to be the place." said Sydney.

"Nice work, Broots." said Miss Parker. "I told you hacking into the Cannonball race officials' computer would help us find Jarod."

"I don't know, Miss Parker." said Broots. "I've got a bad feeling about this. Maybe we shouldn't be here."

"We'll just find Jarod, grab him, and leave." said Miss Parker as she went for the door handle.

The three Centre agents climbed out of the car. Yuri approached them.

"Who are you and what brings you to my fortress?" he asked.

"My name is Sydney. I work for a group called the Centre. We believe that one of our projects, a Pretender named Jarod, is currently being held in your facility."

"Ah, yes." said Yuri. "The man with the robot."

"We would like to request a deal." said Miss Parker. "We'd like to leave with our project while you can have his robot companion."

"What use would I have with his robot?" asked Yuri.

"We believe his robot friend to be someone else's project." said Broots. "He is highly advanced with an almost lifelike artificial intelligence."

"And what is so special about your project?" asked Yuri.

"He is a Pretender." said Sydney. "He has the ability to acquire skills faster than normal people. In fact, of all our Pretenders, his skill is the most defined."

"What makes him more valuable to you than to myself?" asked Yuri.

"Listen, you glorified spoon bender!" said Miss Parker. "That Pretender is our property and we will not be leaving without him! Is that clear?"

"Immensely." said Yuri. "I could use someone with your drive. You will be joining me now."

"Are you satisfied now?" asked Broots. "We could have just waited until Jarod left this place, but..."

Miss Parker turned and punched him out.

"Amazing." said Yuri. "I only took over half of her mind."

"Not that amazing if you factor in she doesn't really like him." said Sydney.

Nina and Anna Williams hid by the power station.

"Who are those people?" asked Nina.

"Who cares as long as they're keeping Yuri busy." said Anna. "Come on, we have to find Lara and her team."

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Chinese village, various teams gathered in a restaurant to work out a plan.

"How long have we been here?" asked George Newman.

"Twenty minutes." said Kuni. "Time's wasting."

"Yeah." said George. Suddenly, a cat jumped up on his table. After a moment of hesitation, he gave the cat a petting.

"Okay, teams. Listen up." said Nash. "I have received word that a local madman has been informed of our presence and is looking to capture some of the racers. That means you will most likely be subject to whatever torture he has planned."

All of the racers looked at him in silence.

"And you will most likely not finish the race." said Nash.

Then, everyone started to talk at once.

"People! People!" said Nash. "It is only imperitive that we somehow come up with a plan to protect ourselves from this madman. If any of us were to fall victim to his plans, it would be a tragedy. So, does anybody have any ideas?"

"Maybe we can put on a comedy show." said Bobby Hill. "Then, he wouldn't attack us."

"Maybe we can call in an airstrike." said James Bond.

"I think we should ward them off with Lisa's sax playing." said Bart Simpson.

"Bart!" yelled Lisa.

"Hey, this is a serious issue!" said Nash. "I'm looking for a serious solution!"

"I've got an idea." said Cary Ford. "Let's form a convoy. Twenty something pairs of eyes to look for enemies are sure to be better than two."

"There!" said Nash. "Hear that? Ford has a better idea!"

"How about we stay together until a time when we're certain the threat has passed?" asked Buffy.

"Sounds reasonable." said Nash.

"And better than letting this madman get us." said Larry Wilson.

"I support this convoy suggestion." said Rob Zombie.

"What do you think, George?" asked Nash. He looked towards George and saw him wearing sunglasses and holding the cat while stroking it. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I asked you to come here out of respect for the family." said George in his best Godfather voice.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ethan and Snake snuck through the base's psychic radar station.

"How did Yuri know we were in the race?" asked Snake.

"He's psychic." said Ethan. "He read our minds."

"The racers are somewhere in Asia at this moment." announced David Spade. "Unfortunately, we do not have any information as to who is in the lead due to conflicting reports. We should have a definite answer soon, so stay tuned."

Ethan and Snake followed the voice and traced it to a plasma screen t.v. which one of Yuri's Initiates was watching while eating popcorn.

"On the other hand, he could be watching the race on television." said Ethan.

"Where's the control room to this place?" asked Snake.

"A couple floors up." said the Initiate.

"Thanks." said Snake before realizing who told him that.

"By the way, I thought the great Solid Snake would be more steathy than that." said the Initiate as he got up.

"Luckily, I can also defend myself in case that fails." said Snake.

Before the Initiate could attack, a dark-haired woman snuck up behind him and knocked him out. "Where's the party?" she asked.

"Hey, I know you." said Ethan. "You're Tanya Adams, a commando for the Allies."

"By the way, thanks for distracting Yuri." said Tanya. "I was able to slip in completely unnoticed."

"What are you doing here?" asked Snake.

"I was sent to take out the radar." said Tanya. "My boys are prepping for an airstrike."

"Sounds perfect." said Ethan. "What do you say we work together on this?"

"Let's rock and roll." said Tanya.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Chinese village, the convoy was lined up.

"Everybody's ready to move out." said Monk. "We just need the go-ahead."

"We'll have that as soon as we know where we're going." said Nash as he walked towards the Paris Cop Car. "We're going to need directions to Hong Kong."

"If it helps, Beavis and I speak very good Chinese." said Butthead. "We can probably ask for directions for you."

"I was going to have Joe ask, but if you insist." said Nash.

"Yeah yeah." said Beavis. He and Butthead walked over to a villager.

Butthead looked at the man and said "Uh, eggroll?"

The villager looked at him in confusion.

"Um, chop suey? Heh heh." asked Beavis.

The villager looked even more confused.

"Uh, fried rice?" asked Butthead.

"Ah, jeeze." said Nash. "Joe, get in there before they start an international incident."

"Got it, Nash." said Joe. He walked over to Beavis and Butthead, tapped them on the shoulders, and said "Hey, guys. Back to your car."

Beavis and Butthead walked back to their car.

"Hey, Nash!" said Joe. "What should I ask him?"

"Ask how to get to Hong Kong." said Nash.

"Alright." said Joe. He turned to the villager and asked him a question in Cantonese.

The villager responded by unleashing an angry tirade on him. He marched back into his house, still yelling and turning around once in a while to shake his fist at Joe.

"Oh, okay." said Joe. He walked back to the car and said "He said he doesn't know."

Elsewhere, Clark was walking around looking at the sights in the village. He found a man piling sections of boards onto the back of a truck. "Hey, need help?" he asked.

The man said something in Cantonese.

"Oh, no problem." said Clark. He picked up another board as the man's assistant came over to help. Clark ended up swinging the board into the assistant's crotch.

"Oh, sorry about that." said Clark as he turned around and hit the man in the head.

"Are you alright?" asked Clark as he turned around again. This time, the assistant ducked. "Oh, nice move." said Clark as he turned back to him. However, he hit the chocks holding the truck in position and knocked them aside.

The truck then started to roll down the hill. People then jumped out of the way as the truck rolled towards them. The truck then crashed into the front of a shop.

Clark and the two men watched this, then Clark ran.

Somewhere else in town, Rusty and Audrey walked around. They heard bells.

"What is that? A wedding?" asked Rusty.

"No, I heard about this in social studies." said Audrey. "In this region of China, they ring those bells when someone commits a serious offense. In short order, they're going to hang someone."

Suddenly, Rusty's and Audrey's eyes widened when they realized who it was. "Dad!" they both yelled.

Everyone was climbing into their cars. The Griswolds ran over and jumped into the Regina.

"Alright, let's hit it!" yelled Nash.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, so far, everyone has made it past the first attack." said Chloe. "However, there are no doubt more on the way."

"Send Sky Captain and the other protectors." said Brock. "They're going to get a workout on this. I wish we had someone else to call."

"We do." said Danny as he produced Buckaroo Banzai's PDA. "We received this from Team Banzai during the inspections. He said we should use it if there was any trouble."

"Let me have it." said Brock. "I think this definitely qualifies."

Danny handed him the PDA and he hooked it up to his computer. After he checked the program contained within, the computer automaticly logged on to the internet, opened a web page, and opened a video feed. Brock saw a hispanic man sitting in a chair.

"I'm telling you now," said the man "Mr. Yates is not going to call at this early st..." He noticed Brock had logged on and said "Hi, Mr. Yates."

"Mr. Reno Nevada." said Brock. "I was told to call you if something went screwy."

"Something did?" asked Reno.

"Psychic madman with a private army." said Brock. "Know anything about that?"

"Sounds like Yuri." said Reno. "We've got some information on him."

"Can you send it to us?" asked Brock. "Also, can you give us some direct assistance?"

"We have Blue Blaze Irregulars operating all over the world." said Reno. "Unfortunately, none of them are in Asia at the moment. Sorry."

Brock groaned. "Please send us the information on Yuri, then."

"You got it." said Reno. "I'll also keep the Blue Blazers in the other continents posted."

"Thank you, Reno." said Brock. "I'll let you get back to what you were doing."

"See you later." said Reno.

Reno closed the video conference. "Well, that's kind of a load off." said Brock.

Danny's beeper went off. "This isn't." he said as he checked it. "Someone's in the vault." He ran off to check on the report.

Danny ran past David and several others.

"So, what's the deal on this convoy?" asked John Popper.

"Apparently, several of the teams have banded together to protect themselves from Yuri." said David.

"Who's in this convoy?" asked Phil.

"Let me check the list." said David as he went to a piece of paper. "Let's see, the Paris Cop Car is leading it. Following are the Monsoni, Torrida, Ascent 470ds, Citi Turbo, PT Phoenix..."

"Wait, the PT Phoenix is BEHIND the Paris Cop Car?" asked Kevin.

"Yes." said David.

Kevin looked at a smiling Adam and said "Don't start."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Butler, are we on the right track?" asked Artemis.

"Hong Kong is dead ahead." said Butler.

"Smashing." said Artemis.

"Master Fowl, what's that?" asked Butler. One of Yuri's Floating Disks was coming up over the treeline.

"I don't know, but it doesn't look friendly." said J.D.

The Floating Disk began firing laser blasts at the Crown Mail.

"Dr. Dorian, I believe you have made a fair assessment." said Artemis as he dodged the laser blasts.

"We can't dodge them forever." said Butler. "We need to do something."

"There should be a mirror in the back." said Artemis. "Perhaps we can use it to deflect the laser blasts."

"This it?" asked J.D. as he picked up a mirror.

"Yes, give it to Butler, QUICKLY!" said Artemis.

J.D. handed the mirror to Butler and Butler quickly climbed out the window and sat on the windowsill. "That's right." he said. "As the lovely Pat Benatar said, hit me with your best shot."

The Floating Disk opened fire again. The first shot missed the van completely. The second deflected off the mirror and went skyward. The third hit the mirror and shot right back at the Floating Disk. The laser connected with the vessel that had fired it, knocking it out of the sky. The Floating Disk crashed next to the Crown Mail and the resulting explosion knocked Butler off balance. Butler fell out of the window and grabbed the rearview for dear life.

"Butler!" yelled Artemis.

"I got him!" yelled J.D. as he grabbed Butler's waistband and shirt and tried to pull him back into the van. Butler pulled himself up, sat on the sill for a second, then climbed back in.

"Oh, thank you!" said Artemis. "I don't know what I'd do without him and I don't think I could have pulled him in myself. Butler, are you alright?"

"Alright?" said Butler. "That was the most fun I've had in ages! I mean, just hanging out the window like that. J.D, you wanna try it?"

"Absolutely!" said J.D.

Butler stepped away from the window and J.D. climbed out. He held onto the A-pillar and howled with glee.

Just then, another Floating Disk appeared and started firing on the Crown Mail. Artemis swerved to avoid getting hit and J.D. lost his grip. He fell out of the window and landed on the road head first.

"J.D?" asked Butler as the doctor came out of his daydream. "Wanna try it?"

"Nope!" squeaked J.D.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, that was lucky of them." said Korpi as he put the Stallion in gear. "Let's keep on it."

"Right." said Darden. "You guys try to find the rest."

"On it." said Joe. He and Max ran for a blue Corvair, the Tampa.

"Same here." said Feliz as he went for a tan Ranchero, the Picador. "Paul's still looking over the manual for the thingamabob."

"Where's Lance?" asked Korpi.

"He's looking for Johnny." said Darden. "For some reason, the guy hasn't been answering his cell phone."

"Come on, where are you, Johnny?" asked Lance as he drove towards the detour in a Nissan Skyline four-door, the Sultan. The car was painted purple and had black and yellow alien things on the hood and front doors. "What the?" he said.

He pulled up to the detour to find Johnny handcuffed to the sign and climbed out of the car.

"What happened?" asked Lance.

"Ah, shut up and get me out of here!" snapped Johnny.

XXXXXXXXXX

The convoy headed through southern China.

"I think we're about fifty miles or so to Vietnam." said Joe.

"Good, we'll be in the clear when we get to Malaysia." said Nash.

"Nash, I was thinking." said Monk. "What about the teams that didn't join the convoy?"

"Are you a religious man...Mr. Monk?" asked Nash. "I'm afraid all we can do right now is pray."

A few cars back, in the bed of the Jones J450, Hank and Bobby laid back and looked at the clouds.

"That one looks like a propane grill." said Hank.

"I see a former president who shall remain nameless." said Bobby.

In the truck's cab, Dale was driving while Bill and Boomhauer sat in the passenger seats.

"Okay, I'm looking for a place to turn off and break away." said Dale.

"Wha?" said Bill.

"Hey yo, man." said Boomhauer. "That ding-dang convoy suppose keep us safe from that there psychic nut."

"Sure, that's just what they WANT you to think." said Dale. Finally, he found a dirt road and turned off.

From the Torrida behind them, Buffy watched in surprise.

"Where are they going?" she asked.

"This could be a problem." said Willow.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Yuri's base, Lara and her team snuck through the Battle Lab.

"What are we looking for?" asked Cate.

"It's the control system for the base defenses." said Joanna. "If we shut them down, we should be able to escape easily and get Yuri to recall his troops."

"You there, halt!" ordered an Initiate.

"Uh oh!" said Chun Li. "Let's go!"

Another pair of Initiates ran down the stairs next to them.

"Blast, the control system is most likely past them!" said Lara.

"No problem!" said Cate as she took out her belt buckle grappler. She fired the hook at the third floor landing and winched herself up. She turned and aimed her Petri Airweight revolver at them.

"It will take more than that to take us down." said one of the Initiates. He was right. While he and his partner were taking aim at Cate, Joanna released a DrugSpy and tagged them with a pair of darts. They fell unconcious immediately.

"They'll be out for a while." said Joanna. "Let's take care of those defenses."

"More guards are no doubt on the way." said Lara. "Chun Li and I will stand guard."

"Got it." said Cate. She and Joanna proceeded to the control room.

Lara and Chun Li stood guard. Another pair of Initiates entered the hallway. "Stop them!" said one.

"I got this." said Chun Li.

As the Initiates approached, she went into her Lightning Leg attack. She started hitting the two Initiates with kicks and quickly sent them to the floor.

Chun Li made a victory sign and cheered "Yatta!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere in the south of China, the Knight and Cocotte raced along the road.

"And so, number one son..." said Murdock "...remember one thing."

"KITT." said Michael.

"Michael, I've run a scan on Mr. Murdock four times now." said KITT. "He checks out fine physically."

"Remind me to rework this thing's scanners when we finish this race." said B.A.

"Dudes, I've been thinking." said Michaelangelo. "Why don't we stop off some place and pick up some kind of Chinese food? Think of the pizzas we could make with it."

"It's a nice idea, Michaelangelo." said Leonardo. "But I think we can wait until we get back to New York to try it out."

"Leonardo, did I just hear you right?" asked Donatello. "You're turning down the opportunity to try new pizza?"

"We have a race to concentrate on." said Leonardo.

The Stallion was parked not far away and Darden was watching through binoculars.

"Here come a pair of racers." he said.

"Look what they're about to face." said Korpi.

The Knight and Cocotte continued down the road and a trio of Gatling Tanks emerged from the forest.

"Whoa." said B.A. "What are these things?"

"Got me." said Michael.

"They appear to be vehicles normally used by the private army of a former Soviet specialist." said KITT. "He is known simply as Yuri and..."

One of the Gatling Tanks opened fire on the Knight. Luckily, the bullets failed to penetrate the car's molecular-bonded shell.

"KITT, you alright?" asked Michael.

"No, I'm not alright!" said KITT. "I tend to take it personally when I get shot at!"

"Get us out of here!" said B.A.

"Tanks with machine guns!" said Donatello.

"I got it!" said Raphael as he climbed through the sunroof and took a battle stance on the hood. He pulled out a handful of throwing knives. "Good thing I saved these from that battle with droid-boy." he said.

As the Gatling Tank turned towards the Cocotte, Raphael started throwing the knives at it. The knives hit the tank in the machine gun barrels and became lodged. The Gatling Tank tried to fire at the turtles, but the thing exploded due to the barrels being plugged.

"Ha!" cheered Raphael. "You couldn't hit us with..." Just then, he noticed one of the Gatling Tank's wheels bouncing towards him. "...a big rubber tire!"

The wheel hit Raphael in the chest and knocked him back through the sunroof. "Ever get that rundown feeling?" he asked.

"Where are we going?" asked KITT.

"Head for that junkyard." said B.A.

"Look at them, running around like ants!" said Korpi. "Those tanks are really ripping into them."

Another Gatling Tank rolled by. "I wonder who this guy is going after." said Darden.

Little did he realize, this Gatling Tank had been taken over by the T-X. When it got near the Stallion, the tank's turret turned towards them. It didn't take them long to figure out what was about to happen.

"Run!" yelled Darden.

He and Korpi jumped out of the Stallion just before the Gatling Tank opened fire. The machine gun ripped into the car, shattering glass, ripping up leather, puncturing tires, and punching holes in metal.

Michael steered the Knight into the junkyard. He quickly parked and got out with B.A. and Murdock.

"Alright, we're going to need to make something fast." said B.A.

The Gatling Tank drove after them into the junkyard. Meanwhile, the Turtles recovered from their attack.

"Raphael, are you okay?" asked Leonardo.

"Yeah, I think so." said Raphael.

"Dudes, that machine gun jalopy is going after the A-Dudes!" said Michaelangelo.

"I think we'd better help them out." said Leonardo.

"They're heading into a junkyard." said Donatello. "I can probably help them make a weapon or something."

"Or you can return this car to whence it came." said Raphael.

"Yeah, he's alright." said Donatello.

"It would help if we knew what we were looking for." said Murdock.

"We need something explosive." said B.A.

"KITT, can you find anything that goes boom?" asked Michael.

"I'm detecting canisters containing highly flammable gas about ten meters to my right." said KITT. "Hopefully, that should help."

Michael, B.A, and Murdock walked over to the gas canisters and looked them over. "Yeah, that's the stuff." said B.A.

"Alright, we just need a way to ignite the gas and direct the shots." said Michael.

"Allow me to help." said Donatello.

"It's a five-foot tall talking turtle from the planet Zebulon!" said Murdock.

"Five-foot tall talking turtle, yes." said Donatello. "From planet Zebulon, no."

"You must be one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." said Michael. "But, where are the others?"

"Trying to save our collective hash." said Donatello.

The Gatling Tank drove through the junkyard looking for the Knight.

"Where is it?" asked the gunner.

"How can you lose a brightly colored Evo in the middle of a Chinese junkyard?" asked the tank commander.

Just then, they heard a clank on the tank's armor. "What was that?" asked the driver.

"It came from the rear." said the gunner. He turned the turret to see what the sound was. He saw Michaelangelo waving at him.

"Let's take him down, compadres!" yelled Michaelangelo.

"Turtle power!" called the three. They started to attack the tank with their weapons.

"They're going to break through!" said the driver.

"Evasive action, now!" ordered the commander.

The gunner rotated the turret until he knocked Michaelangelo off the tank. Michaelangelo wrapped his nunchucks around the machine gun and held on for dear life...until he was swung into Leonardo and they both fell to the ground.

"Totally bogus, man." said Michaelangelo as he and Leonardo picked themselves up.

The gunner then swung the turret again and knocked Raphael off and into an empty oil drum. "Hey! Not funny!" he yelled. "Not funny at all!"

"Just gotta wire this and we're done." said B.A.

"Michael, they're coming!" said KITT.

"You know what to do, buddy." said Michael.

"If I do not survive, tell Bonnie she was in my memory banks." said KITT. He put himself into reverse and backed out of the workspace.

"Wait, there he is!" said the gunner when he saw the Knight.

KITT activated a nearby loudspeaker and sent a message to the tank crew: "Your other car is a Pinto!"

"Get him!" ordered the commander.

KITT raced away from the Gatling Tank, but it still took pursuit. KITT raced through the junkyard with the tank firing on him every once in a while. He continued to race around until...

"It's about as done as it's gonna get." said Donatello as he slid one of the gas canisters up and down a pair of rails.

"Bring him back." said B.A.

Michael raised his watch to his mouth and said "KITT, it's ready!"

"Finally." said KITT as he turned around and drove back to the workspace. When he got there, Michael, B.A, Murdock, and Donatello had set up a launch rail for the gas canisters.

"Fire one!" called Murdock. He took a handgrip and pulled a trigger. Nothing happened.

"You forgot to open the valve, fool!" said B.A. as he opened the valve on the canister. Murdock pulled the trigger again and the gas was ignited, turning the canister into a rocket.

The canister shot from the rail and imbedded itself in the tank's turret. However, it didn't explode.

"Fire another one." said Michael. "A second impact will surely detonate that one."

B.A. turned to load another gas canister onto the rail and found Murdock crying. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Oh, it's just the long tube, the flame at the end." said Murdock. "It just reminded me of Hannibal's cigars."

Donatello loaded another canister onto the rail, opened the valve, and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. "What the...?" he said. "The battery's dead!"

"What do you expect?" asked Michael. "You got it from a junkyard!"

The Gatling Tank aimed at the group.

"Anybody got any ideas?" asked Donatello.

"Sorry, I'm fresh out." said Michael.

Suddenly, the gas canister under the tank's gun exploded, taking the turret off. The gunner climbed out and coughed.

"Whoa!" said Michaelangelo. "Gnarly delayed action!"

"Far from it." said Mad Max as he walked into the area and holstered his shotgun.

The tank commander climbed out and found himself with another shotgun in his face. This one was in Highway's hands. "This is where a smart man would leave." he said.

As the Gatling Tank limped out of the junkyard, Michael asked Max "What are you doing here? Did you see us in trouble?"

"No, we were just coming to get a new sway bar." said Max. "Last one got taken out by a bad road."

"When we saw you guys here, we had to stop those guys." said Highway.

"Well, thanks for the help." said Leonardo.

The Knight, Cocotte, and Baja Buggy raced out of the junkyard and continued the race. On the way out, they passed the Gatling Tank the T-X was controlling just as it ran out of ammo.

"I think it's out of bullets." said Darden from his foxhole.

"Good." said Korpi. "Oh shit, look at the car."

Darden looked at the Stallion. The car had been reduced to a smouldering, bullet-riddled hulk.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, one of those." said Tanner as he saw the safe in the vault. He wrote down the name on the safe and started thinking about how to get it open.

"Who's in here?" asked Danny as he entered.

"Uh, just me." said Tanner as he jammed the paper into his shirt. "I got lost looking for the pantry."

"That's back upstairs next to the kitchen." said Danny.

"Oh yeah." said Tanner. "That would be the logical place."

"How much longer are you going to be set up?" asked Danny.

"Not much." said Tanner. "Why?"

"In a couple of weeks, we're planning on pulling up stakes and heading for the finish line." said Danny.

"Where's that?" asked Tanner.

"I'm not at liberty to say." said Danny. "Why do you want to know?"

"I thought we might be able to cater your event there as well." said Tanner.

"We'll let someone else handle us there." said Danny. "I don't think you guys work out there anyway."

"Okay, just checking." said Tanner as he put his hands in his pockets. Somehow, this caused the paper to fall out of his shirt.

"What's this?" asked Danny as he picked up the paper.

"Oh, that's just a list of ingredients for the next job." said Tanner.

"Then, why is the only thing on this list the model name of the safe in the vault?" asked Danny. He picked up his walkie-talkie and said "Security, the caterers are planning to rob the vault! Repeat, the caterers..."

Tanner took out his stungun and jammed it into Danny's chest, letting out a full blast. The security chief hit the floor stunned.

Tanner picked up the paper with the safe model on it and ran.

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere just west of Hanoi, the MASK team continued the race. Gloria was driving.

"Bet this is bringing back some memories." said Matt.

"Sure does." said Gloria. "I wonder how my former teammates are doing?"

Just then, the Tampa and Picador pulled up on opposite sides of the Boost.

"Who are these guys?" asked Matt.

"I don't know." said Bruce. "I didn't see them at the starting line."

Feliz rolled down the window of the Picador as Joe rolled down the window of the Tampa. "Hello, folks." said Joe.

"Gloria, floor it!" said Matt.

"Don't have to tell me twice." said Gloria as she floored it.

"Don't let them get away." said Max. The Picador and Tampa gave chase.

"They're gaining." said Bruce.

"At least we don't have anyone else to worry about." said Matt.

Suddenly, one of Yuri's Magnetron tanks pulled into the road and pointed towards the Boost.

"Uh oh." said Matt.

"No problem." said Gloria as she pushed a button on the dash. A yellow mask slid over her head.

The Magnetron projected an energy beam at the Boost. Gloria looked into the beam and called "Aura, on!"

A bolt of electricity shot from her mask and connected with the energy beam.

"What is she doing?" asked Feliz as he pulled alongside.

The beam from the Magnetron wrestled with the beam from Gloria's mask for a few seconds, then veered off and hit the Picador. The Picador was flipped into the air over the Boost and it came crashing down onto the front of the Tampa, flipping it over as well.

"Ralph Nader was right." said Joe. "This thing is unsafe at any speed."

Gloria swerved around the Magnetron and continued. The Magnetron was unable to turn around in time.

"Looks like the danger factor has been upped." said Matt.

XXXXXXXXXX

On the Sea Phantom, security personel showed up to take Everett into custody.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

"Sir, we have reason to believe you and your partner are planning to rob the safe." said Frankie. "Until we can clear this up, we have no choice but to hold you for interrogation."

"Can I bring my teddy bear?" asked Everett.

Tanner ran into the banquet hall and hit the lightswitches. The room went dark and a ruckus occurred.

"Grab him!" yelled Phil. A second later, Tanner and Everett ran out of the door to the main deck.

The ruckus continued for a few more seconds before Nessa turned the lights back on. They found Schwag holding David up against the wall in a choke hold.

"Schwag, put him down!" said Nessa.

"As soon as he apologizes for 'Tommy Boy'!" said Schwag.

On the deck, Tanner and Everett ran for the gangplank, only to find it guarded.

"Looks like we'll have to find another way out of here." said Tanner.

"There he is!" yelled a guard.

"How good are you at the high dive?" asked Tanner. He and Everett got up and ran for the railing and vaulted over it. They plunged a hundred feet into the water below.

Almost everyone onboard walked over to the railing and looked over.

"What the hell was that all about?" asked David.

XXXXXXXXXX

A couple dozen unconcious Initiates after the fight for the base defenses started, Lara and Chun Li looked over their handiwork.

"I think Yuri needs to recruit more adequate troops." said Lara.

"Better smile when you say that." said Chun Li. "We just gave him that opportunity."

"He has taken it." said Miss Parker as she and Broots walked in. "We will be taking you in now."

"These two don't look like your normal Initiates." said Lara.

Miss Parker and Broots were joined by another dozen Initiates.

"But they do." said Chun Li. "Let's see if they go down like them."

"Need help?" asked Nina as she entered with Anna.

"Any would be appreciated." said Lara.

"Attack them." said Miss Parker.

"What's up with those two?" asked Anna.

"Yuri's mind control." said Chun Li.

"Oh." said the Williams sisters together.

An Initiate attacked Chun Li. Chun Li responded by leaping into the air and landing foot-first on the Initiate's head. She then put her foot against the wall, jumped off, and landed on the Initiate's head again.

Nina attacked the next Initiate with her Left Right Combo, then followed up with a Spider's Knee, followed by a Standing Neck Crusher, ending with a Leg Stretch Arm Lock.

Miss Parker engaged Lara. Lara pulled out her guns.

"So, you are going to shoot me?" asked Miss Parker.

"Not quite." said Lara. She aimed at the ceiling above Miss Parker and fired. The ceiling collapsed, separating Miss Parker and Broots from the group.

Anna dug into another Initiate with a Twisting Rush and followed with a Sudden Storm. A second attacked her, so she defended herself with the Creeping Snake move.

The last of the Initiates attacked Nina. She defended herself with her famed Blonde Bomb move.

"Not bad." said Lara as she holstered her guns. "You seem like someone who I'd like to work with in the future."

"Why thank you." said Nina.

"Let me have your number." said Lara. "I'll call you two if there's an opening."

"Sure thing." said Anna.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dylan drove through Vietnam in the Kuruma.

"Anything wrong so far?" asked Natalie.

"No, it's been pretty smooth sailing." said Dylan. "How are Alex and the guys?"

"Oh, look at this." said Natalie as she looked in back. Dylan turned around to see that Garth was sleeping in the back and sucking his thumb.

Alex and Wayne were asleep as well with Wayne's arms wrapped around Alex. She woke up and noticed whose arms she was in and quickly pulled them off of her.

"Hey, check out this old Riv." said Dylan as she pointed through the windshield. The Buccaneer was in front of them.

"He's blocking the road." said Alex. "I think he wants something."

Dylan brought the car to a halt and climbed out. "What seems to be the problem?" she asked.

"I'm looking for Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"Mad Max?" asked Natalie. "What do you want with him?"

"Why does everybody keep asking that?" asked the Warrior.

"We're here to stop you from racing." said Foyt as she pulled a gun.

"You again?" said Dylan.

"Oh, you remember me." said Foyt. "I'm touched."

"Of course we remember you." said Alex. "You're miss...uh..."

"Foyt!" said Dylan and Natalie.

"Yeah." said Alex.

"Step away from the car right now." said Foyt.

Another engine roar was heard. Everybody turned to see the Majestic approaching. It stopped next to the Kuruma and Joel and Fearless got out.

"Did we have to watch the entire Sumo match?" asked Joel.

"Hey, it was on my list." said Fearless as he pulled his gun. "Alright, ladies. Race ends here."

"Finally, they send me some backup." said Foyt.

"Hey, wait a minute." said Joel. "You're Alice J. Foyt! What are you doing outside?"

"Wait, who are you working for?" asked Foyt.

"Sherriff Cooper DeVille." said Fearless.

"'Coop' DeVille?" asked Foyt.

"'Coop' DeVille." said Joel. "That never gets old."

"What's he doing going after the Cannonballers?" asked Foyt. "That's MY department!"

"Come on." said Fearless. "It's time to go home."

"Not until the Cannonballers are history!" said Foyt.

"Whoa, we don't want to kill them, just arrest them." said Joel.

"We tried arresting them." said Foyt. "It didn't work."

"We also need to take down Rockatansky." said the Warrior.

"Oh, give it a rest!" said Foyt. "Max Rockatansky is the LEAST of our worries at the moment!"

A sudden squeal of tires interrupted the argument and both groups realized the Kuruma had taken off.

"Now, look what you did!" said Joel.

"You know, maybe we should team up ourselves." said Foyt.

"Forget it." said Fearless as he and Joel returned to the Majestic.

Dylan continued to drive.

"That was close." said Natalie.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." said Alex.

"What's going on?" asked Wayne as he woke up. He then noticed the Angels had moved Garth into his arms and jumped away.

"Hang on or you won't get to find out." said Dylan.

They drove past a side road where the black van that attacked Buckaroo was parked. It pulled out and gave chase.

The driver aimed for the rear bumper of the Kuruma. He then turned on the radio and inserted a CD. The Sex Pistols' "Anarchy In The UK" started playing.

"Does anyone hear the Sex Pistols?" asked Wayne.

"No, we hate their 'music'." said Alex, making hand quotes when she said "music".

Suddenly, the car was rammed from behind.

"What was that?" asked Natalie. "Foyt or those cops?"

"Neither." said Garth. "It was a black van."

Dylan and Natalie turned around to see the van.

"Whoa! Lose him!" yelled Garth.

Dylan pushed it to the floor. The van sped up as well.

"He's gaining!" said Alex.

The van rammed the Kuruma again and spun it out. The van stopped and faced the car menacingly. The Buccaneer and Majestic stopped some distance back.

"Who's that?" asked Joel.

"Don't know." said Fearless. "Doesn't act like a cop."

"Is that one of your guys?" asked the Warrior.

"I thought he was with you." said Foyt.

The van revved its engine and prepared to ram the Kuruma. Before it could, a gun was put to the driver's side window. The gun was in the hands of Officer Tackleberry.

"Leave this area NOW!" he ordered.

The van started towards the car, so Tack cocked his gun.

"I mean it!" he said.

After a brief pause, the van raced backwards away from the Kuruma. It performed a bootlegger and turned down a hill. It then raced off down a road.

Hightower stepped in front of the Buccaneer and said "That goes for you too!"

Flash tapped on the Majestic's window and said "Go on. Split!"

The two Buicks backed away as well.

Tackleberry walked up to the Kuruma and said "Okay, miss. You may continue the race."

"Thank you." said Dylan. She turned around and drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Team Rocket made their way through Laos.

"Are we out of Asia yet?" asked Jessie.

"James, tell Jessie I'm not speaking to her." said Annie.

"Come on, you can't still be mad about her saying you had the mental capacity of a brain dead Snorlax!" said James.

"Oakley, tell James I'm not speaking to him." said Annie.

"Annie, I think you're being really immature." said Oakley.

"Jessie, tell Oakley I'm not speaking to her." said Annie.

"Annie, I'm the one you weren't speaking to in the first place." said Jessie.

"Nobody tells me they're not speaking to anyone." said Meowth. "What am I? A hairball?"

Another of Yuri's Initiates watched them drive by through a pair of binoculars.

"We have the target in sight." he reported over the radio. "We're on it."

He led a Mastermind, a Chaos Drone, and a Lasher towards the Pirahna PDQ. Not far away, the Lone Wolf had intercepted the report.

"I should probably let the soldiers get those guys." he thought. "Nah, waste of ammo."

The Lasher tank pulled in front of the Pirahna PDQ. Annie jammed on the brakes.

"Get us out of here!" yelled Jessie.

Annie swerved around the tank, but they didn't realize they were being targeted by the Mastermind.

"Can't you take control of them?" asked the tank commander.

"I'm trying, but it's hard to hit a target that small!" complained the gunner.

"Ah!" yelped Jessie. "They're attacking my mind!"

"What mind?" asked Annie.

"Someone's targeting us with some kind of psychic weapon." said Oakley.

"I think we'd better do something about it before she becomes more of a liability." said Meowth.

"I know!" said James as he took out one of his Pokeballs. "I choose you, Alakazam!"

James tossed the Pokeball and Alakazam popped out. Alakazam looked at the Mastermind and closed his eyes. Suddenly, the tank started to vibrate.

"Lasher, the Mastermind is starting to sustain some kind of damage of psychic origin." said the Mastermind's commander. "I think it might be that creature on the car."

"Understood." said the Lasher's commander. "I'm going after it."

Lone Wolf raced towards the Lasher. On the way, he reached down and picked up a rock.

"Watch this." said the Lasher's commander. "Overkill done right."

Before the gunner could take his shot, Lone Wolf jumped the Nousagi onto the Lasher's turret and then onto the ground.

"What was that?" asked the commander.

The gunner turned the cannon towards Lone Wolf. The mysterious man jammed the rock into the tank's gun and raced off.

"Shoot him!" yelled the commander.

The gunner fired the cannon at Lone Wolf. The shell hit the rock and caused the barrel to explode. The crew then climbed out of the tank's smoke-filled interior. Seconds later, Alakazam managed to neutralize the Mastermind.

"The pain is gone." said Jessie.

"Let's get out of here before they do anything more." said James as he recaptured Alakazam.

"Not just yet." said Annie as she steered towards the Chaos Drone.

"What are you doing?" yelled Oakley.

"I'm thinking if we get in even more danger, the cute one will rescue us again." said Annie. "Then, maybe I can get a date with him."

"Great idea." said Jessie. "Except, I'm the one who will be getting a date with him!"

"Oh, get real!" said Annie. "Oakley, settle this!"

"The cute guy will not be going out with you, Jessie." said Oakley.

"See?" said Annie.

"He'll be going out with me!" said Oakley.

"WHAT?" said Annie.

"What's with those guys?" thought Lone Wolf. "They're fighting even worse now. Wait, what's that?" He took out his cell phone, used the camera to take a picture of the Chaos Drone, and called Chloe. "Chloe, it's Lone Wolf."

"Lone Wolf, what's going on?" asked Chloe. "Things are kind of hectic here. We just found out the caterers were planning to rob the vault. They even stungunned Danny."

"Is he alright?" asked Lone Wolf.

"He'll be okay." said Chloe. "Why are you calling?"

"I'm sending you a picture of some kind of weapon." said Lone Wolf. "I think it might be causing Team Rocket to fight even worse than usual. Can you identify it?"

Chloe received the picture and ran it against her database. "The weapon appears to be one of Yuri's." she said. "It's called a Chaos Drone. The thing is full of some kind of gas that causes violent behavior and triggers fighting."

"Shit! No wonder they're fighting so much!" said Lone Wolf. "Wait, can you run through Team Rocket's Pokedex?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to access it yourself since it isn't hooked up to the internet." said Chloe.

"Thanks anyway." said Lone Wolf.

He hung up, took a deep breath, and crawled over to the Pirahna PDQ. While the members of Team Rocket were fighting, Lone Wolf managed to lift their Pokedex and get away.

"Let's see." he said as he checked through it. "Bingo."

He took another deep breath and snuck back into the car. He picked up one of Jessie's pokeballs and ran out again.

He took the pokeball, said "I choose you, Weezing!" and tossed it into the Pirahna PDQ.

Weezing released some gas of his own and the members of Team Rocket started hacking and coughing. Soon, the effects of the Chaos Drone's gas attack were nullified.

"Now, let's get out of here!" said Oakley.

"Okay!" said Annie as she raced off. Lone Wolf followed and flipped off the Chaos Drone.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I know what would make this game even better." said Hsu as he drove through Thailand. "B-Spec mode like in 'Gran Turismo 4'."

"Sounds great for people too lazy to play video games." said Chan.

"I wonder if this was how the development process for the 'Army Men' games went?" pondered Sushi X.

It was then that a group of Initiates surrounded the Amata. Hsu hit the brakes.

"Chan, I don't think this is the local police force." he said.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." said Chan. "What's going on here?"

"As representatives of the grand army of Yuri, you are coming with us!" said one of the Initiates.

"Uh, do we have to?" asked Chan.

One of the Initiates fired a psychic shot at a nearby tree, knocking it down.

"Where will you be taking us?" asked Chan.

Suddenly, a group of ninjas in red jumped out of the bushes.

"Where did these ninjas come from?" yelled the Initiates' leader.

"I called them." said Sushi X.

"You mean they're from your ninja clan?" asked Hsu.

"They're not just ninjas." said Sushi X. "They're ninja video game reviewers."

"Master Sushi." said the ninjas' leader. "We have been following you at your request. What is your bidding?"

"Do not attack unless attacked." said Sushi X. "Initiates, leave this area now or there will be dire consequences."

"We have orders to apprehend Cannonballers and bring them back to Yuri's headquarters." said the Initiates' leader.

"Suit yourself." said Sushi X. "Change of plans. Attack!"

The ninjas went into battle with the Initiates. Ninja weapons and psychic blasts went flying everywhere.

The Sultan pulled up without being noticed.

"Whoa, check that out." said Johnny B.

"That's a distraction." said Lance. "We can use that to sneak in and sabotage their car."

"Do you think we should help them?" asked Chan.

A shuriken flew between them and stuck in the Crescendo's roof.

"No." said Hsu.

Lance snuck up to the Crescendo with a small time bomb.

"You know, we should probably have a level like this in the game." said Chan.

"Yeah." said Hsu. "A group of soldiers tries to capture you and you have to fight them off with the help of a team of ninjas."

"And you can use all kinds of weapons to fight with!" said Chan more excitedly.

"And you can use magic and psychic powers to fight with as well!" said Hsu.

"It will be EXCELLENT!" cheered Chan as he threw back his fists. In the process, he accidentally hit Lance and knocked him into the side of the car headfirst.

Suddenly, everyone stopped fighting to see the new development. "Who are these guys?" asked someone.

"Uh, these are the guys behind..." said Hsu as he tried to think of a really bad game "...uh, the Game Boy Advance version of Mortal Kombat."

"Ninja strike!" called the ninjas' leader. The ninjas jumped over to the Sultan and started hitting it with their swords. After a few seconds, they jumped away and the Sultan fell apart.

"Whoa." said Hsu.

"We should put THAT in the game as well." said Chan.

"And now for these guys." said the ninjas' leader.

"Actually, you can go on your way." said the Initiates' leader. "We know better than to mess with people who can do THAT."

"Very well." said Sushi X. "Just remember not to show your faces again. I thank you for your assistance. I am in your debt."

"You are most welcome." said the ninja leader. "Say, who are your friends?"

"I am Hsu Tanaka and this is my brother Chan."

"Did you say Tanaka?" asked the ninja leader.

"Uh, we're losing valuable time, so thank you again." said Sushi X as he picked up Chan and got back into the car with Hsu and drove off.

XXXXXXXXXX

The convoy proceeded through Myanmar (or Burma, whichever you call it). Everything seemed to be running smoothly.

"Any problems?" asked Monk.

"Nah, we could've slept through the journey." said Nash.

"It'll take a while, but soon we'll be in Malaysia and then on to Australia." said Joe.

Little did they know, Yuri and a group of his soldiers were waiting for them.

"Sir, I'm not sure if we should be going after them at this time." said their commander.

"It's true they can protect themselves better when they're together." said Yuri. "However, if they fail to protect themselves, we will have a large number of new recruits."

"I copy, sir." said the commander. He signaled the group to advance.

Daphne was watching the treeline when she saw something. "Guys!" she said. "We've got company!"

Freddie got on the radio. "Nash, this is Freddie from Team Mystery Inc. Daphne says she saw something. It might be the madman's army."

Nash looked at the treeline. "I copy, Freddie." he replied. "I have visual. Okay, racers, brace yourselves!"

A group of Lashers and Gatling Tanks approached the Torrida.

"Something tells me they're not going to ask for directions." said Xander.

"Will, we could use a force field right about now." said Buffy.

"I've got it." said Willow. She put her hands together and chanted "Luap deirub I!"

The tanks started firing their weapons. However, Willow's protection spell prevented any damage from taking place.

The Victory was bringing up the rear. Soon, a Gatling Tank and a pair of Chaos Drones got behind it.

"Look at those things, Jaws." said Bond. "Know what I'm thinking?"

"L.A. smog warning time." said Jaws as he went for the switches.

Jaws pushed the switch for the Q Smoke and a plume of smoke poured from the back of the vehicle.

"Take out that Aston!" yelled the Gatling Tank's commander.

"I can't see it!" yelled the gunner.

Suddenly, the Gatling Tank drove into a tree and was spun out. The two Chaos Drones crashed into it.

"Well, it looks like smoking is bad for your health." said Bond.

A Floating Disk took aim at Cary Ford and fired its laser cannon. It missed three times. Ford steered towards a fallen tree and jumped the Monsoni onto another Floating Disk. The first disk fired on him and took out the second. Ford dropped to the ground unharmed. "Nice shooting." he thought.

The Floating Disk came back for another shot, but before it could fire, it was shot down. Cary looked up at what had done that and saw Sky Captain in an old P-51 Mustang.

"It's about time you showed up!" said Nash over the radio.

"Hey, you had the guys in North America handled before I could do anything." said Sky Captain. "On the other hand, these guys are a bit of a problem."

"You think you can take out some of those tanks?" asked Nash.

"Piece of cake for the Rustler." said Sky Captain.

Mason and Spike raced in with the Omega and were soon joined by Jetto on an ATV.

"Hey, Jetto!" said Mason. "I'm going to try to use the Bolt Gun on one of those mind-control tanks! I need you to run interferance!"

"No sweat, mate!" said Jetto. "Let's see them try to hit the Stump!"

A Mastermind tank drove into the area and powered up its mind-control weapon.

"Spike, is the Bolt Gun ready?" asked Mason.

"All set." said Spike.

Mason pulled the trigger and started to zap the Mastermind.

"Sir, he's hitting us with an electrical attack!" said the Mastermind's driver.

"Target him!" said the commander.

While the Mastermind was targeting the Omega, Jetto was aiming for the Mastermind with the Stump's Cluster Rockets. When Jetto fired, the combined force of the attacks easily knocked out the tank.

"Looks like the party came early." said George as he navigated the battle.

Suddenly, Yuri himself appeared on the hood of the Super Taxi. George swerved to knock him off, but it didn't work.

"This guy's good." said George.

"So, you are the one they call Captain Chaos!" said Yuri. "You will make a worthy addition to my grand army."

Stanley thought a little about Yuri's words. "Okay." he said.

"Stanley!" said George.

"I mean...DA DA DAAAAAAA!" called Stanley as he turned into Captain Chaos. He jumped out onto the roof and took a martial arts stance.

"Very impressive." said Yuri. "But let's see how you fight my psychic powers." He put his fingers to his head and concentrated on Chaos. Soon, he looked very shocked. "What?" he said. "I can't get inside your head!"

"Just as well." said George. "You don't want to know what's in there."

"You are immune to my powers." said Yuri. "Then you must be destroyed."

Yuri threw a psychic shot at Chaos, but Chaos easily dodged it. Chaos responded with a flying kick. He knocked Yuri off the hood of the car, but Yuri managed to jump back on.

"Now would be a good time for a miracle." said George.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I've been looking for the main operating system and this is it." said Lyle.

"This is it." said Jarod as he looked around the control room for the Bio Reactor in Yuri's base.

"This is it!" said Joanna as she looked around the control room for Yuri's base defenses.

"This is it?" asked Ethan when he looked around the control room for the Psychic Sensor in Yuri's base.

"If we take out the main computer, the sensor will be shut down." said Snake.

"After that, Yuri's army will be too busy trying to rally their defenses to stop us from leaving."

"Unfortunately, demolition is not my specialty." said Ethan.

"No problem." said Tanya as she took out her twin .45's. "Cha-Ching!" She fired on the main computer and it started to spark after a few shots.

"Demolition may not be your forte, but it's one of mine." said Snake as he took out an explosive. He set it on another computer and set it. As the computer exploded, he repeated the process on another computer. Soon, the main computer started to short out and catch fire.

"Good job." said Ethan. "Now, let's get out of here."

"Shake it, baby!" said Tanya.

In the control room for the base defenses, Joanna took out a Phoenix and Cate took out an explosive disguised as a tube of lipstick.

"Ready?" asked Cate.

"Ready." said Joanna. She used the Phoenix to fire explosive rounds into the control computer. Cate activated the explosive and tossed it to the computer. Soon, the explosives did their trick.

"Let's go." said Cate.

"Not so fast." said an Initiate from behind her. "Yuri's going to want to talk to you."

"How did you get past Lara and Chun Li?" asked Joanna.

"I don't know who you're talking about." said the Initiate. "I was in the can the whole time."

In the control room for the Bio Reactor...

"Okay, I've figured out the system." said Jarod. "I've almost got it shut down."

"How much longer?" asked Johnny Five.

Jarod hit the return key on the computer and the lights went out. "Would you like fries with that?" he joked.

"I think I might achieve veterancy for this." said the Initiate. Suddenly, the lights went out. "What the...?"

The hiss of a spray was heard shortly afterward followed by the thump of a body hitting the floor. When the emergency lights came on, Cate was standing over the unconcious Initiate with a Sleeping Gas Perfume in her hand.

"NOW, let's go." she said.

"Finito." said Lyle as he hit the return key. "And that takes care of the computer."

"Alright." said Charlie. "Let's get the hell out of here."

In the base's main control room, Yuri's men ran around in panic.

"The reactor is about to go critical! We have to shut it down!"

"We've lost the Psychic Sensor! Anyone can attack us now!"

"Several of our tanks are out of control!"

"Our base defenses are down! We're open for attack!"

"What about the backup computer?"

One of the computer experts tried to access the mainframe. Seconds later, he and the others stared at the screen in shock. Across it was the message "YOU'LL NEVER SHUT DOWN THE REAL NAPSTER!"

Within minutes, Joanna and Cate had met up with Lara and Chun Li and gotten outside. Jarod and Johnny Five were already there. Ethan, Snake, and Tanya ran from the Psychic Sensor shortly afterward. Corvax and the Terminators came out of hiding.

"Well, these guys are so screwed up, they'll never stop us!" said Lara.

"On top of what you guys did," said Corvax "the Terminators did some sabotage to Yuri's tanks. Their defenses are very badly off."

"Great, let's get back to racing!" said Jarod.

"I wish I could share your enthusiasm." said Ethan. "Unfortunately, the other Cannonballers are most likely a thousand miles ahead of us."

"No problem." said Tanya. "My boys will definitely help you out in return for sabotaging Yuri's forces. Just get into your cars, park by that War Factory, and the Allies will do the rest."

The Cannonballers got into their respective cars and started them up. They drove over to the spot where Tanya had told them to go. Tanya whipped out her communicator and said "Hey, guys? The base is open for attack. I had some help softening it up. Speaking of that help, do you think you can get a Chronoshift ready for them? Thanks." She then turned to the racers and asked "By the way, what are your teams called?"

"The Lamborghini Ladies." said Lara.

"Team Espion." said Snake.

"Team Fugitive." said Jarod.

"Team Corvax." said Corvax.

"We are the Self-Preservation Society." said Charlie.

"And we are the Williams Sisters." said Anna.

"Great, now I know who to repay." said Tanya.

"What is she doing?" asked Ethan.

Miss Parker, Sydney, and Broots came running out and saw the Vortex 5. Jarod gave them a quick wave.

Suddenly, there was a brilliant flash of light and the cars vanished.

XXXXXXXXXX

In Myanmar...

"Are you ready to submit?" asked Yuri as he prepared to throw another psychic shot.

"Never!" called Chaos.

"Very well." said Yuri. "Then, I shall have the pleasure of..."

Just then, Yuri received a psychic message. "Commander! The base has been attacked from within! Our defenses are down, we have no psychic sensor, our power gird has been disrupted, and many of our units are not functioning properly!"

"What?" replied Yuri. "All troops, return to base! This is an emergency! The Cannonballers can wait!"

Yuri's troops immediately abandoned the fight and raced back to base.

"What made them run like that?" asked Willow.

"I don't know, but we appear to be safe now." said Buffy.

"Okay, guys." said Nash. "Convoy's over. Let's get back to racing."

Yuri rejoined his transport.

"Your orders, sir?" asked his second-in-command.

"Recall almost all troops." ordered Yuri. "Leave a few patrols to pick off any stragglers."

XXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere else in southeast Asia...

"Dad, where are we?" asked Bobby Hill.

"I don't know, Bobby." said Hank. "I think...what the!"

"Dale, are you sure you know where we're going?" asked Bill.

"Absolutely!" said Dale. "The mapmakers are in cahoots with the governments to increase tourism by making you think you're in the same country when you're actually in a more expensive country."

"Huh?" asked Bill. "Wait, stop."

Dale parked the Jones J450 next to a certain ancient temple.

"See?" he said. "We're on some kind of movie set."

"Hey yo, man." said Boomhauer. "This is that there ding dang Angkor Wat, man."

"Dangit, Dale!" sighed Hank. "You just got us lost somewhere in Cambodia!"

"Well, at least we know where we are." said Bill. "Now, we just have to get back on track."

They heard the roar of engines. Then, a group of Magnetrons showed up.

"YAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Dale.

"Bwah!" screamed Hank.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Bill. Bobby and Boomhauer just froze in shock.

"Freeze right there!" ordered the commander of one of the Magnetrons. "You are under arrest!"

"Now, wait just a gotdang minute!" said Hank. "Under whose authority?"

"Why, the grand army of Yuri, of course." said the commander.

"No!" said Hank. "Me, my son, and my friends are going to saddle up and go!"

"Well, we've got the guns and you don't." said the commander.

Suddenly, there was a brilliant flash of light. When it cleared, the Zender Alpha, Monstruo, Schneller V8, Boomerang, Grifter, and Vortex 5 were parked with the Jones J450.

"Not these guys again." groaned Snake as he took out his SOCOM and aimed it at the Magnetrons. Ethan did the same with his sidearm.

Lara, Joanna, and Cate followed suit. The T-X aimed her arm out the car's window and morphed it into a cannon. Johnny Five aimed his laser out the window of his car.

Nina and Anna climbed out and took out their sidearms.

"Boy, how things can change." said Hank.

"Just so you don't get any ideas." said Johnny Five. He then used his laser to cut the tracks of one of the Magnetrons.

The T-X fired an electric pulse at another, leaving it stunned. Lara and her girls and Snake and Ethan fired their weapons as well. They managed to knock out the other Magnetron.

"Let's go!" said Hank as he jumped into the driver's seat. Bobby got in next to him and the others jumped in the back. Soon, all the cars were off.

As the cars were racing along, they came alongside a train. Just waking up on the back of the train was Jaleel the Kid. "Oh man!" he said. "I told that guy to wake me in Hong Kong!" He got on the Cohete and started it. He then raced off after the guys.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day...

"Danny, are you alright?" asked Chloe.

"Yeah, I guess." said Danny. "Those stunguns pack a punch."

"Don't remind me." said David. He knew too well about the pain of a stungun attack.

"The caterers?" asked Danny.

"We managed to chase them off before they could take anything." said Phil.

"Keep a watch for them." said Danny. "They'll be back."

"You'll also be happy to know Yuri is leaving the Cannonballers alone for now." said J.J.

"Yeah, they managed to beat him back a little." said Victor.

"Rest up." said Brock. "We're getting ready to pack up."

Mr. X walked into the main room with Brock. "I think Yuri's going to be back as well." he said.

"I'm afraid so." said Brock. "Luckily, we have Reno and the Blue Blaze Irregulars helping us now."

"I'm a little afraid of what the drug lord is going to throw at us next." said Mr. X.

"For now, let's try to relax and not think about it." said Brock. "In case you haven't noticed, the Cannonballers are about to reach Australia."

Big Schwag and Frankie Whiteside stood next to a map showing southeast Asia.

"Hello, Cannonball fans. Big Schwag..."

"...and Frankie Whiteside..."

"...reporting live. We have received reports that the Cannonballers are about to leave the Asian continent for the land down under, Australia."

"In fact, we know there are several teams about to reach the bridge as we speak." said Frankie.

"And the first car is about to cross the bridge!" said Schwag. "It appears to be. Yes, it is the Citi!"

The Citi drove onto the bridge to Australia. Inside, the Cheers gang were singing along to the CD player.

"...Cause I'm a wanderer! I'm a wanderer! I wanderwanderwanderwanderwanderwanderwander wander..."

"Cliff?" said Norm while singing.

"Yeah?" said Cliff while singing.

"The CD player is skipping again." said Norm.

"With the Citi crossing over first, Team Cheers is in the lead." said Frankie. "For that, we salute those losers."

"I couldn't have said it better myself." said Schwag.

"Hold on, Schwag." said Frankie. "The second car to cross is almost there. Do we have a visual? Yes! It's the Stadt!"

"Did you see that?" asked Jesse. "Second to cross!"

"Does this merit a shibby?" asked Chester.

"Maybe next time." said Jesse.

"Team Dude has a lock on second." said Frankie.

"But third is being taken right now!" said Schwag. "And the team grabbing that is none other than the team in the Veloci!"

Tommy was driving as the Veloci raced onto the bridge.

"Call it what you want, but we just might have a shot at this!" said Tommy.

"I call it a good shot." said Max. "Just keep doing what you're doing."

"And that's the top three right there." said Schwag.

"Will any more show up anytime soon?" asked Frankie. "Maybe they will, maybe they...hold on, there's the fourth right now!"

"I see." said Schwag. "It appears to be...Frankie, it appears to be one of the cars from the Counting Crows-Better Than Ezra performance wager!"

"It is?" asked Frankie. "Let's see who it is!"

"Fingers crossed." said Kevin.

"Moment of truth." said Adam.

The roar of the car's engine got louder as it approached the bridge. The cameramen on the scene turned to get a shot of the vehicle. Just then, it appeared. It was...

The PT Phoenix!

"Yeah!" yelled Kevin.

Adam just groaned. "Well, good wager." he said.

"Thanks." said Kevin.

"Well, I guess you've got a performance to set up for." said Adam.

"You know something?" said Kevin. "Why don't you come up there with us?"

"Really?" asked Adam.

"Hey, I could probably use a backup singer." said Kevin. "Why not?"

"You got it." said Adam.

The band set up within minutes. Kevin had his guitar and he shared the microphone with Adam. Tom Drummond strapped on his bass and Travis McNabb took his seat behind the drums.

"Okay, ready?" asked Kevin. "One, two, three..."

Kevin started with his guitar. Tom and Travis joined in a second later. After a few seconds of just music, Adam started to sing.

When the world is a monster
bad to swallow you whole,
Kick the clay that holds the teeth in.
Throw your trolls out the door.

Kevin took over singing duties.

If you're needing inspiration,
Philomath is where I go, I go.
Lawyer Jeff, he knows the low-down.
He's mighty bad to visit home.

Kevin and Adam then took turns with the lines.

(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way.)

Kevin went back to singing alone.

When your hands are feeling empty,
stickheads jumping off the ground.
Tris is sure to shirr the deers out.
Brother Ray can sing my song.

Kevin and Adam went back to taking turns.

(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here, here, here.
(I've been there, I know the way.)

Adam took solo vocals this time.

Hands down, Calechee bound.
Land locked, kiss the ground.
The dirt of seven continents going round and round.
Go on ahead, Mr. Citywide.
Hypnotize, suit and tie.
Gentlemen testify.

Kevin went back to singing.

If your world is a monster
bad to swallow you whole.
Philomath, they know the low-down.
Throw your trolls out the door.

Kevin went back to trading lines with Adam.

(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.

(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way)
Can't get there from here.
(I've been there, I know the way.)

-"Can't Get There From Here" by R.E.M.

DeMarco watched the performance with disgust. It showed that the Cannonballers had not been stopped or slowed down much. Just then, his phone rang. "Hello?"

"Mr. DeMarco, it's Paul from the Highway Hunters."

"Yes?" asked DeMarco.

"I'm sure you've heard the bad news." said Paul.

"The Cannonballers got through." said DeMarco.

"And the Hunters lost their vehicles again." said Paul.

DeMarco groaned. "Can you give me some GOOD news for a change?"

"Actually, I can." said Paul. "You know that military weapon we got out of that truck?"

"What about it?" asked DeMarco.

"I just finished reading the manual." said Paul. "Get ready for this. It's called the Electronic Disruption Beam. It's designed to completely disrupt the electrical activity in a container, rendering it useless."

"What are you saying?" asked DeMarco.

"It's a weapon that drains all of the electricity out of a car battery and brings the car to a grinding halt." said Paul. "We can use it on the Cannonballers."

AN:Please, review.