Dark Lady Devinity

Author's Note: No one's going to read this story, are they?

I am Canadian, so I thought it be fun to throw in the war of 1812. Cause we won.


It had been a long night. Jedediah lay sprawled out on the hard plastic floor of the Wild West display. He was so tired that even his sense of "Manifest Destiny" was not bothered by the little Canadian and British miniatures that were burning down the White House in the Washington display. He didn't even know when the museum had gotten that display and he hadn't gotten a chance to meet any of the miniature presidents that lived there. However, it was amusing to watch Larry learn that there were Canadians in another display and that they remembered the war of 1812 very well.

If it wasn't for Octavius, Jed would have been feeling pretty energetic and would have been in the middle of the battle between Americans, Canadians and the poor, frazzled night guard. Never mind that the Canadians won the war of 1812. It was the defending of American honour that counted.

Of course, as Octavius had contended, it was Jed's own fault for the events that occurred that night. The two leaders had been good friends since the night that they helped Larry save Akhmenrah's tablet and thus their ability to come alive at night. So it was not uncommon to find the two together, driving around in the remote control car that they got from Larry and playing fetch with Rexy. They had been doing that for a while and there was a warm, fuzzy feeling that had been growing in the pit of Jed's stomach every time he was with Octavius. It was a feeling that only the Roman general could create with one flashy smile.

That night he realized what, exactly, the warm fuzzy feeling was. He had been using the car to play fetch with Rexy again and Octavius was beside him, laughing. The Roman general had one foot planted firmly on the car floor but the other was some millimetres off the floor as that leg's knee was pressed into the dashboard. Oct was leaned back, tears of mirth in his eyes. And the skirt of his toga had ridden up a few millimetres. He didn't notice. And Jed realized that, for a man, Octavius was pretty damn good looking.

He was so shocked, he served to the left; nearly getting them stepped on by the mastodon before he crashed into the main information desk. Teddy Roosevelt hurried over and saw that the two were alright, except for Jed's damaged pride and Octavius' displeased expression.

"That is the second time you have crashed one of these things. And granted, the first time was because we were trying to stop Cecil, but can you really drive one of these contraptions?"

"Better than you can, Toga Boy!"

The two started in on name calling and Teddy had to bring them back to their own exhibits so that they didn't try to kill each other. Thus, Jedediah had found himself back in the Wild West, watching the Canadians bring their evil.

Why were there Canadians in an American museum anyway?

"Did you hurt yourself in the crash?" Jed heard the Roman general's voice before the man stepped into his field of view. He leaned over so that they could look each other directly in the eyes and, subconsciously, so that Jed couldn't look up his skirt.

"No, I'm right as rain." Jed said. "Watchcha doing over here anyway?"

"I did not see you assisting Larry with the saving of your house of politics. I believed that one so devoted to their people would only avoid such conflict if they were very seriously injured."

"Nah. Just didn't feel up to it."

"I would ask if you were ill if it was not for the fact that we are not really alive." Octavius said, as he moved back and sat down alongside Jedediah.

Jed sat up and, looking over at the burning house of government, asked, "You ever think about men in… in the way that one should only think of a woman?"

"Excuse me?" Octavius' voice held confusion.

Jedediah sighed but he had already started in on what was on his mind and there was no turning back. He had come to the conclusion that he found the general attractive and now he was going to do something about it. If Octavius thought that homosexuality was disgusting, then that would be the end of it. If not… well, Teddy and Sacajawea got together so why couldn't he bed himself a Roman General?

"I mean, have you ever found a man attractive?"

There was a long pause. Finally, Octavius said, "Jedediah, I am a general of the Roman Empire."


"So you should know that it is not unusual for the men in my culture to take on other men as lovers. My people are not as uptight as yours." Octavius said. "Well, until that Christianity phenomena hit, or so I have been told."

"Did you… did you just insult my culture?" Jedediah asked. "'Cause, you know, I was gonna kiss you but know I'm not so sure. You're not proving yourself to be a very thoughtful lover."

Octavius stared at Jed, his dark brown eyes wider than should have been possible for a plastic figurine. The cowboy gave him a hurt look, but it was only pretend, as a smirk was trying to break onto his face.

"Wha… what, pray tell, brought this on?" the Roman asked.

"Well, there aren't many women in my display here and you look so pretty in that there skirt you got on. You'd make a fine lady." Jed said. "And here we are, sat before the fire, all romantic. I just thought I'd ask, milady."

"Now you are insult… oh to Pluto with it all. I'll show you how much of a woman I am." Octavius said and threw himself at Jedediah with vigour.

Octavius straddled Jedediah's waist as he shoved his tongue into the cowboy's mouth. The cowboy, however, had no qualms about being in the more subordinate position as he was able to slip his hands underneath the toga and feel the muscles of the Roman's firm, pale thighs. Also, maybe one of those hands went a little farther north than just a thigh.

The two leaders broke away from each other when the Canadians started booing. Larry had put out the fire and managed to keep the west wing of the White House standing.

"He's going to have fun explaining to the curator what happened there." Jedediah said.

"Hmm…" Octavius nodded.

"You know, maybe we should go somewhere less public eye." Jedediah pointed out. As Octavius nodded his agreement once more, the cowboy found that he wasn't as tired anymore. Smirking, he took in the Roman miniature and said;

"I should come to car-crashing revelations more often."