The Loss of Corruption, Forever
A/N: This is a companion piece to The Loss of Innocence, Eternity, where it was Cain's thoughts after the sixth book when Riff betrayed him.
This time, it will be Riff's thoughts, after the events of the last book, so spoilers will be imminent. Seriously, the ending made me cry. Like weep-cry-sob (not in that order) and I don't cry that easily...my eyes are still puffy...chu.
Lord Cain, if only I could tell you how sorry I am for all the pain I caused.
Watching your heart break over and over as I sneered and belittled you was my ultimate sin to you, to God.
But please understand my predicament at the time, where Justice, a woman who plays with irony in the most subtle of ways, awoke my true personality from within; the only thing of me existing rested on the edges of this monster's, Riffael Raffit's, cold heart.
How many times have I tried to remove this sin that is me from your sweet naivety, your gentle smiles, through what was called in society, cowardice, but the only option to keep my sincere desire for your safety alive through you through my death?
Suicide...it may seem unbelievable, but the tortuous inner conflict within my soul would hinder my duty to you, my life was yours, but my soul was chained to your father---
---no. Chained to Augusta.
It seems rather insulting, to attack your father, who was merely the puppet to a rather villainous woman. She was the one who captured our strings and made us dance.
Your brother, your father, you...me.
But even that seemed only the external facade to this situation. So far from our reach, that we could only pull apart this mystery piece by piece...
Though, this is not about your family's blooded history, nor the malevolent reason for your real mother's defection from sanity.
This is my last feeling for you---temporarily placed upon paper, yet forever part of my essence.
I am a horrid creature, Lord Cain. I do not deny the evils of Riffael Raffit; who, so venomously, paid little heed to human life like a carnivorous animal, desiring greed of material objects to sustain the ever growing corruption of my heart.
But maybe I should not speak of Riffael as me...considering that I am more of an artificial creation whose only purpose was to hurt you, torture you...break you.
It was inevitable, when we met under that tree, your crystal-like tears cascading down your face as if you were the little sprite of hope trapped in Pandora's Box. Back then, right now, I realized that something in me shattered; something mechanic about me was destroyed and replaced with your hesitant, but slowly growing laughter whirled in contentment.
I lied when I said I used a simple stone to find you. Riffael's personality ignored, no, adamantly refused to admit that it was the sheer hope and desire to find you that found the both of us with an ethereal connection bounded by love, deeper than master and servant.
Delilah never created me, Lord Cain. You did.
The seed of your mirthful eyes and sweet whispers embedded itself to me, helping me grow; nurturing me to the point where I must truly have a soul. You are indeed...God's Child.
You helped me fight, quarreled with the monster of Riffael over a dead body. Just so much that I can attain that bittersweet chance to make amends, protect you until my body slowly crumbled from God's wrath of a man-made creation not meant for His world.
I almost lost that battle, an artificial creation versus a creation of the Devil. Riffael was strong---strong enough to prove it, yet arrogant enough to underestimate the Hargreaves Family.
The sight of you helped me regain control, helped me destroy Riffael and become your servant, Riff, once again.
Death was inevitable, Lord Cain, even you knew that. Jezebel's last amend for his younger brother was the blood needed to be with you one last time.
It was all your brother ever wanted: the bond that I shared with you. It was rather unfortunate, that the one thing he was searching for had been with him all along.
The last time I would ever see you sitting alone was when the tower began to collapse and I almost felt deja-vu at the scene.
It reminded me of the first time we met, under that tree. Lost and alone...
No more of that, Lord Cain. It was the first and possibly the last time I would ever give you that one true smile. The smile of just me, Riff.
I'm going to save you, Cain. I promised your brother...I promised myself to you.
And then, you embraced me as the tower crumbled, wanting to join me to Hell. Even from that moment, my heart was torn asunder. The thought of your beautiful soul disappearing into the fiery depths of Lucifer's long-lived hatred of God pained me so.
I remember glass falling onto us and I covered you the same way I held you when your father fell from grace.
You were right. I am your Judas, and like the end of the tale, I had hung myself for you, begging for your endless forgiveness. Holding you in my arms as God's merciful shards of relief cascaded down upon us.
It was the least I could do to ease your death. Never held in your birth, so I shall do so in death.
You must believe how happy I was, to have you in my arms as the stained glass tore my back apart, your arms apart, but never us apart.
Thank you, Cain. For making me human and worthy of your boundless love.
Though, I believe it was a misconception on both of our parts. No, I don't really think we will fall into Hell. God, in His truly mysterious way, would never let his beloved Cain suffer after death.
You will ascend to Heaven, your beauty will light the skies in an endless hope. You are released from Pandora's Box, my Lord.
And I, with my jagged glass wings, symbolizing the endless love and devotion I have for you, will help to lift you there, your mother clipping your wings beforehand.
As long as you are safe in my arms, Cain, it's all I'll ever need from Heaven. May your dreams remain untainted for as long you wish.
Goodnight, sweet child. And when the time comes when you will finally wake up from your well needed sleep, with that contented smile, I will be here waiting.
A/N: God, the last book made me cry so badly...It's a beautiful story, really. The last ending scene made me cry the most, with Cain happy in Riff's arms. My eyes tear up just thinking about it! To me, it wasn't a sad ending. It was a bittersweet ending, with so much love in it that the horrifying notion of death is overshadowed by it's beauty.
Review if you can! Thanks.