Phineas and Ferb: Doomsday
By, Clayton Overstreet
"Mom! You can't leave those two here alone! I know you don't believe me but every time you turn your back Phineas and Ferb do all kinds of weird stuff!" Candice whined.
Her mother sighed. "Look Candice, I'll make you a deal. We'll hire the best babysitter in the world to watch the boys for today. If she tells us that they did one thing wrong we'll believe you about everything. Does that sound fair?"
"I guess," Candice admitted. Then she said, "But the babysitter has to be really good. And trained in martial arts. And won't take her eyes off of them for a moment! Where are you going to find someone like that?"
(One hour later)
The doorbell rang. Candice went to answer it followed by her mother. Standing on the porch with a duffle bag was an eighteen-year-old girl with green eyes and red hair and surprisingly pointy breasts. "Hi, I'm Kim Possible. Did somebody call for a babysitter?"
"I did," mom said.
"Well here I am. You're lucky you got me. This is my last summer before I head off to college so I'm making a little extra money."
Candice pushed forward looking her over. "What are your qualifications?"
"Well I've been babysitting since I was thirteen, I'm a cheerleader, and I save the world every week or so from supervillains and alien invaders."
Candice stared. "You're that Kim Possible?" The girl nodded. "I have to warn you my brothers are evil and smart. They do unbelievable things behind my mom's back." Behind Candice's back her mother slowly circled her temple with a finger and rolled her eyes.
"No big," Kim said. "I have two brothers at home who're always doing things like that. They built my car." She pointed over her shoulder. Candice and her mother stared. "My parents are a rocket scientists and a brain surgeon. Can I come in?"
"I guess…" Candice said, still suspicious.
"So Mrs.…" Kim looked at the mother. The other two looked back blankly. "Oh I see." She smiled. "It's okay. My mom didn't even have a first name until the last episode of my show."
"Yeah, well if they showed my last name the guy writing this fic hasn't seen it and all he can remember about my first name is it begins with an L. Anyway," mom said, "The boys are playing in the back yard. We'll pay you twenty dollars an hour and leave some money so you can order pizza. My husband and I will be back later tonight."
"Ahem…" Candice said, tapping her foot.
Her mother sighed. "I'm sorry, but could you keep an extra close eye on the boys? My daughter is convinced they're up to something all the time and I promised."
"Phineas! Ferb!" She called out. The boys came running. "This is Kim Possible. She'll be watching you while we're gone today."
"Wow! Kim Possible! I saw you on TV!" Phineas said. "When you were fighting those aliens! That was so cool. Right Ferb?" Ferb blinked.
Their dad came down stairs. "Ready to go?"
"Sure thing." Mom picked up her car keys. "You boys behave."
"Sure thing mom," Phineas said.
Kim led them into the living room. Candice watched for a moment as their parents walked out the door, but then said, "Okay, I'm going to go make some phone calls." Then she went up to her room.
"So, what do you guys want to do?" Kim asked.
"Usually Ferb and I figure something really cool to do to kill a day. It's summer and when we get back to school we want some good stories to tell."
"I never really had that problem," Kim said. "Something always seems to happen." She saw Perry. Perry looked up at her and made a wet growling noise. "What's that?"
"Our pet platypus Perry."
"Oh. My boyfriend has a naked mole rat." She unzipped the bag she'd brought with her. Meanwhile Perry realized he wasn't being watched and slipped behind the sofa. A trap door appeared and he dropped down it. Kim hummed to herself while she dug through her bag. "Gitchy gitchy goo means that I love… Ah, here we are. I brought some games…" Pulling out a board game she knocked out a red aerosol can.
Phineas picked it up. "What's this?"
"Well it could be hairspray but it might be one of Wade's…" Phineas aimed it as his hair and pushed the button. The mist sprayed over his head and hit Kim in the face. Her eyes rolled up and she fell over.
"Huh, guess it wasn't hairspray," Phineas said.
"Nope," Ferb put in.
Phineas pulled the bag over and started looking through it. "Hey! Check this out!" He pulled out a stack of mug shots. "These must be all the supervillains she fights. Let's see… Motor Ed, Gill, Dr. Drakken, DN Amy, Monkey Fist…"
Ferb held up a mug shot of a girl in green and black. It had a heart drawn around it in green lipstick. In one corner it said: See you at college princess. There was a kiss under it. "What do you suppose that's all about?"
Phineas shrugged. "I don't know. Hey Ferb, I know what we're going to do today! We'll be supervillains!" They got up and ran to the dining room. He pulled out some paper and made a list. "Okay, we'll need to build an evil lair, something we can use to hold the world hostage, and some cool costumes…"
There was a knock at the door. Isabella opened it a moment later. "Hey Phineas! Whatcha doin?"
"Taking over the world."
"Cool! Do you need minions? Cause the girls and I could use out Evil Minion badges."
"Why do you need those?"
She shrugged. "Our troop leader says it's essential in the business world."
Isabella paused. "This isn't illegal is it?"
Flipping through a law book Ferb said, "There's no law against it."
Candice was chatting on the phone. "So I saw Jeremy working at the mall again and he said hi! Can you believe… what? What do you mean my house just flew past your window?" She looked outside and down. The house was flying ten stories in the air. Someone had riveted rockets to the side. "I have to go."
She hung up and ran down stairs. "Phineas! Ferb! What are you doing?" When she got downstairs she saw Phineas in a helmet made out of a bucket that obscured his face with shadows and a cape made out of their mother's sheets.
"We're taking over the world." His voice echoed in the helmet sounding deep and menacing. "Wow… great acoustics."
Candice blinked in shock. Then she looked around and saw Kim sleeping on the couch. Running over she grabbed Kim's shoulders and shook her. "Wake up!" But Kim didn't so much as blink. Turning Candice said, "Phineas I'm telling mom!"
"I can't allow that." He snapped a finger and Isabella and the scouts came out, dressed in tight black outfits and masks.
They grabbed Candice who struggled in their grip. "Hey! Let me go!" Ferb pushed a button and a glass tube rose up out of the floor. They pushed her into it and he pushed it again. Seconds later Candice, inside an escape tube, was launched into the air.
"You know," Phineas said. "That was surprisingly satisfying." He looked over at Isabella. "In that outfit you look more mature."
She winked at him, fluttering her eyelashes. "Evil makes people look hotter. Don't you watch anime?"
"That explains it. You know we were remarkably lucky to find all the parts we needed to turn out house into a fortress and build this weather control device at the local dump. You'd think there was a supervillain in out neighborhood."
"Phineas, don't you think you look a little young to be demanding a ransom from the government?"
He looked himself over. "Maybe you're right…"
Isabella looked at the complicated control panel they had installed. "What's the red button do?"
"Oh you have to have a big red self destruct button. Or else what's the point?"
Dr. Doofenshmirtz was sitting in his blimp when he looked outside. "What is this?" He picked up his binoculars. There was a house with rockets and a huge skull on the front flying over the city. "It is an evil lair! Finally someone else to discuss world domination with!" He paused. "I should bring something."
In his secret lair Perry looked up at the screen. "Agent P! Excellent. Our sources say that an evil lair has appeared over your area. We suspect Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks again. We need you to go up there and find out what's going on!" Perry saluted. "Good luck agent P!"
Candice landed in the bushes near the interstate in the woods. Opening the escape pod there was a brief hiss and steam. She crawled out and through the bushes until she hit the street and began waving down the only truck on the road. The huge semi pulled up and the door opened.
"Thank god! I need a ride into town right now! It's an emergency…" She paused when she saw the middle-aged truck driver. He was dirty, wearing a flannel vest and a scruffy beard. He smiled at her with yellow crooked teeth.
"Ya can sit up here with me." He patted the seat next to him.
Gulping she nervously got into the cab. The door slammed and the semi sped off.
Standing on a stool Phineas looked down. The girls had sewn a bulky torso out of his mother's purple comforter. Putting his helmet behind it made him look like a bodybuilder in a purple leotard. "This is good. Okay Ferb, turn on the link to the UN." Ferb his some keys on his computer while Isabella held a camera on him. The scouts moved Phineas's new body's arms with wires.
Ferb gave him the thumbs up. In the deep and creepy voice the helmet gave him he said, "People of the world! I Professor Maniacal have developed a weather control machine! Unless you surrender the world to me immediately and pay me ten billion dollars I will destroy you all!" He laughed loudly and the scouts lifted the arms over his head.
"They don't believe you," Ferb said, staring at the computer.
"To prove my power," Phineas said. "I will destroy a specific target. A nearby school!" He paused and whispered. "Nobody is at school, right?" Ferb nodded. "Do it." Ferb hit some more buttons.
"Wow Larry, so your daughter is about to graduate high school?" Candice asked.
The trucker nodded. "Yep. My wife and I are very proud of her." He looked outside. "Looks like rain."
Candice looked out the window of the truck. Storm clouds appeared in the air. Then suddenly a tornado shot down from the sky and hit the school, reducing it to rubble in a few seconds. "Mom is going to be so mad…"
Phineas looked at Ferb. "Well?" Ferb gave a thumbs up. He hoped down and took off the helmet. "Well, that was fun."
"That's it?" Isabella asked.
"Yeah. I wanted to take over the world, not really rule it. I'm still just a kid. Maybe when we're older."
"Oh. So what do we do now?"
"To the escape pod!" They all turned and ran to the escape pod. Inside they hit a button and were launched into the air. A similar one closed around the couch with the sleeping Kim and shot after them.
"So, what do we do with the money?" Ferb asked.
Phineas thought about it. "Let's start a charity to clean up after supervillains." Ferb hit some buttons and the money was transferred.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz knocked on the door. His blimp had docked with the flying house. "Hello? Is anybody there? I brought brownies…" The door wasn't locked. He opened it and went inside. "Wow… look at this…" He set the brownies on a table by the door and went to examine the equipment. "Hey, it's a weather machine! I love these!" He looked over at the torso puppet and camera. Picking up the helmet he saw on the floor he put it on and stood behind the puppet. "Not bad!" His voice sounded deep and terrifying. "Nice acoustics! Why with this I could take over the entire tri-state area!"
Suddenly there was a crash and Perry burst through the window and landed in a battle position growling.
"Perry the platypus…" Doofenshmirtz looked around. "Uh, this isn't what it looks like."
Perry shrugged and hit the large red button on the control panel. Things all over the house started to explode. Then he turned and jumped out the window.
"Curse you Perry the platypus!" The house started falling, dragging the blimp with it. It circled as it fell and with a huge explosion landed back in the empty lot where the house used to sit.
Phineas and Ferb said goodbye to the girls and walked home, rolling the escape pod with Kim in it in front of them. She was inside safely seat belted to the couch. "That was kind of fun. And easy too. No wonder Kim stops supervillains all the time. If everybody knew it was that easy to take over the world they'd all do it."
They arrived back at the crater where their home was just as Candice pulled up in the truck. She got out and it drove off while she stared in shock at the hole where their home used to sit. "You guys are so dead."
Perry waddled over and growled. Phineas smiled. "There you are Perry."
Candice turned and saw headlights. In the glare of a streetlight she recognized her mother's car and ran down the street. "Mom!" She ran waving her hand until her mother and father stopped the car and unrolled the window. "Mom, you'll never guess what Phineas and Ferb did!"
Behind her a truck pulled up. On the side it read: P&F Supervillain Repair Foundation. A man in a hardhat got out and asked the boys, "This where the supervillain lair crashed?"
"This is the place," Phineas said.
"Here it is boys!" The man called out. A construction crew pulled up and in a flash they rebuilt the entire house. Phineas handed him a list and a minute later they came in with furniture, posters, and everything else lost in the explosion. They even planted another tree in the backyard and set the couch with Kim back in the living room. .
"You do good work."
"Ten billion dollars goes a long way," the man said. "Okay, time to rebuild that school!" The crew piled in their cars and drove off.
Running alongside the car Candice was saying, "And they turned the house into a secret lair and they destroyed the school and-" she stopped when she saw the house. "But…but… but…"
Smiling her parents got out of the car. In passing their dad ruffled Ferb's hair and mom kissed Phineas on the head. "So what did you boys do today?"
"Held the world hostage," Phineas said.
"That's nice dear. Now where's your babysitter?"
Kim opened the front door yawning loudly. "Hello ma'am."
"We got home a little early. The boys weren't any trouble were they?"
"Oh not at all. In fact I guess I kind of fell asleep. It's all the jet lag finally catching up with me I guess."
"No problem," mom said.
"But… but they… and then they…" Candice blubbered.
"Can we still have pizza?" Phineas asked.
Candice said, "Now wait a minute! Mom you have to believe me! They…" Ferb held up the red aerosol can and sprayed Candice with it. A second later she fell to the ground, snoring loudly.
"It had to be done," Ferb said.
A plate of brownies landed on her head. Phineas picked one up and took a bite. "Hey, these are pretty good." Everyone else took one and ate them.
In another supervillain lair Dr. Doofenshmirtz moved a chess piece. "You have no idea how humiliating it is to be constantly defeated by a small mammal!"
His opponent, Dr. Drakken, said, "Don't get me started."
It's short, but it's a Phineas and Ferb fic. What do you want? Tell me what you think.