There have been quite a number of recurring errors that I have seen in the Inkheart fandom, and I have decided to remedy that by offering you guys your own handy-dandy list of facts about the wonderful story Inkheart. No need to take it personally if you've committed any dreadful errors of these first-hand; it happens to the best of us. Just DON'T DO IT AGAIN. :D. Oh, and sadly, fact number one is that I don't own Inkheart. Sigh. So on to... Things that readers of Inkheart simply ought to know:
1. Dustfinger ≠ Rurouni Kenshin. Yes, they both have red hair and scars on their faces. NO, that does NOT make them the same person.
2. Basta is NOT short for "Bastard." It is actually, in fact, Italian for "you will suffice."
3. Inkheart takes place in Italy. It does. They spent like five seconds telling you that in the book, but remember, Italy, not America. No English. So please don't give your Mary-Sues American names.
4. Oh, on the topic of Mary-Sues: Capricorn didn't have a second cousin. Even if he had, she probably wouldn't have been named Aurora Rose Isabella IV and been an ultra-beautiful blonde who Dustfinger falls madly in love with. Besides, he's already madly in love with both Roxane and Resa.
5. Resa and Dustfinger had sex. Don't be naïve. It's obvious. They even talk about it, and Resa says she's "told Mo everything" but Dustfinger says that he could "never tell Roxane."
6. Cosimo and Brianna had sex. Again… they do everything but spell it out, and that's probably because the book is written on a fifth grade level.
7. Mo is bipolar. This is very clear as well. In Inkheart he is a sweet, easygoing guy. In Inkspell he's jumping down Meggie's throat every other page. There is something wrong with that guy.
8. The book started out being written in German. This one is 100 non-disputable. It was called Tintenhertz. That's why some of the sentences say the same thing three different ways – it wouldn't translate perfectly.
9. Basta is NOT old and unattractive. He would actually have to be between the ages of 30 and 40 so that the whole love triangle with Dustfinger and Roxane would make sense. Besides, Fenoglio even refers to him as "young man."
10. Dustfinger is NOT young and a sexy. He is probably close to forty. He is not sixteen with the body of a Greek god. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you. Even though it does describe in great detail how he spreads grease all over his muscular bare chest to play with fire. Please… just let that go.
11. Flatnose's nose-issue wasn't Darius's fault. He already had the name "Flatnose" back in the Inkworld, so clearly his face didn't get screwed up when he was read into the real world. Even if one of the fire-raisers does CLEARLY blame Darius. Don't believe the hype.
12. On the subject of Darius, he and Eleanor are going to hook up. Like, duh.
13. Farid is NOT a nice guy. He's good at playing a nice guy, but that doesn't mean he is. He is actually an overconfident ego-maniac who only cares about himself, Dustfinger, and Meggie – in that order.
14. Fenoglio is not a nice guy either. He left behind his children and three adoring grandchildren to go live in the world that he created and manipulates to his own liking. Nice.
15. The cast does not come into your world on the weekends – no matter how frequently, loudly, or expressively you read it.
16. Neither do the Harry Potter characters.
17. Cornelia Funke's books are actually extremely suggestive - they're just written on a level so that the kids reading it don't notice. Oh, I see you reaching for your copy now - don't even lie.
18. Basta was still a child-at-heart, and all he needed was group hug and everything would be okay. Think about it: only children can hear the sound that a faerie makes, and he could hear Tinkerbell after Meggie read her out of Peter Pan. I don't think his parents loved him enough. Ah-hah.
19. There is an underlying love-octagon that affects just about every adult in the story. Dustfinger loves Roxane. Dustfinger loves Resa. Resa loves Mo. Mo loves Resa. Basta loves Roxane. Basta loves Resa. Mo loves Dustfinger - oh, wait, how did that get in there?
20. Roxane is a super-bitch - in a good way. She will beat the shit out of anybody who gets in her way, and some people that don't. I find this trait fantastic.
21. She has Dustfinger totally whipped. ;)
22. Resa is a hoe. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. I'd like for her to be a nurturing mother-figure too, but she's not. When she knew she was back in her own world, where her HUSBAND was, she decided to have sex with Dustfinger back in Capricorn-land. I mean, there may have been booze involved - but still, sheesh.
23. Basta pretty much died a virgin. It said he liked to 'ingratiate' himself with the maids, but they all hated his guts, so somehow I don't think he got anywhere. Poor guy - there's another good reason why he's a villain.
24. Or, you know, it could be those horrible arm injuries that Fenoglio talks about - that make Basta a villain, I mean. He's ashamed to show his arms to anybody - how sensitive! TEAR! It's like the Phantom of the Opera - only nothing at all like that.
25. The Prince is totally awesome. I think, in the Inkspell movie, he should be played by that guy from the Staples commercial that had the theme song "Rubber Band Man." Anybody else remember that? That would be totally amazing. I'd get the DVD at midnight when it comes out and watch that over and over.
So there's 25. I'll write more if there's good feedback:)