A/N: Well here it is. The sequel to The Fallen Portrait. If you are not a reader of the previous story I suggest you read the first one first. I do not feel like explaining anything to anyone, so please, do yourself a favor and leave this story to read the first one.
To those who have read my previous story, I hope you enjoy this one. It's a bit more mature I must say, and the characters are older. So yeah. Anyway, on with the prologue.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I've never believed these words, yet day by day, a little piece of him fades away. It's been four years and no word of him has graced my ears. I know he is college now; he has an art major like I always believed. But anything else? No.
What about me? I'm just the same. I have just graduated from high school, what a relief. I almost cried with happiness at my graduation for I was to face no more anger and hate. High school was okay with them by my side, but without him, it was lonely.
One highlight of my high school life was the discovery of a hidden talent. Singing. Mind you, it's not pop, rock or country. My instructor stated it as 'Broadway Talent.' I personally don't think much of my somewhat abnormally high pitched voice, but obviously talent scouts do. I'm to sing at an audition in a couple of months. The winner will sing a solo during a Broadway play.
I'm not sure if I want to do this though. I'm still somewhat shy and carry a low self image. Also, I applied to go to a local college and my studies might interfere with my singing. Another downside is that I have to find myself a pianist to play the piece that goes to song. I've had no luck so far. Despite these things though, I want it badly. Music is such a powerful thing and this is a once in a lifetime chance.
Should I do it?
Sometimes I feel as if my life has passed me by. Here I am twenty years old and still not attending college. My boyfriend is attending Carpton like he always intended to. I can't lie and tell you I'm not jealous.
I probably will never have the finances to attend a college. I'm now working three jobs to pay the rent for the hellhole I call my apartment. Everyday seems a little worse, you know? The future just seems so bleak.
My mom passed away last year. It was bound to happen. Death is sure thing when you drink and drive. Though I have few good memories of her I must say I miss her. I cried at her funeral, the first time in years. My mom and I could've been so much more, it's a pity neither of us realized it until it was too late.
I tried to stop her that night. I told her not to go out, not to leave. She never did listen to me. Two hours later I got a phone call from the police. She had driven herself into a tree and died on impact. I walked around in a daze for days until reality sunk in when the landlord told me I had two days to pack up my stuff and leave. I had no where to go so I stayed with my boyfriend for awhile till I could get back up on my feet.
If it wasn't for him, I'd probably not be here right now. I don't know what I'd do if we ever had to part. As cowardly as it is, I'd probably commit suicide.
Sometimes I wonder about where I'm going and why my life has past me by. Sometimes I'm just sitting and watching the clock tick away.
Where is my life taking me?
It seems like every goal I've set I've easily achieved. Here I am at the great Carpton College on a full ride scholarship. It's pretty amazing, some might say, I don't think it is though. It's just another thing that I'm good at. Achieving.
Following my decision when I was fifteen, I am doing a science major. It's interesting enough, and the courses are more than challenging, but I just want more than this.
I haven't seen my brother in ages. We occasionally talk on the phone, but besides that I have heard no word from him. From what I've gathered from the phone calls it feels as if he has surpassed me in everything. I no longer feel the connection we had for the few months that I knew him. He is more mature now, louder, and happier. It's as if I'm getting to know a whole new person.
My girlfriend and I have been going out for four years now. It seems so long when I say it but it really doesn't feel like it. I plan to buy her a diamond soon because I think it's about time we take the next step. Whenever I think about it though I get really nervous.
What happens if she lets me down?
Sixteen seems so long ago now. I don't regret moving on from that age. My life is so different now, so much more than I had first thought. My art major is giving me more options than I could ever imagine. I can honestly say it's worth the hard work.
I recently got noticed by a director of a design company. I ran into him at a coffee shop one afternoon. I was busy working on a drawing for my life drawing class when he came up to me and asked what company I was with. I told him I was just a student and that my drawing was for an art class. He looked surprised and asked me a question I never expected. 'How would you like to have a job as full time designer at my company?"
I immediately said yes because this would give me a chance to show the world what I could do. It's been tough designing for the company along with my studies, but it's worth it.
On another note, I miss my home. I haven't been there in four long years. There are many things I don't miss about my home world, but the things I do miss, overcome those things that I don't.
I don't know why I keep her picture by my bedside. My feelings for her have long since died and I feel no regret about leaving her behind. Yet I keep her picture. Maybe it's a reminder of my home, reminder of my past self. I should get rid of this picture. I don't want to remember who I used to be. But every time I pick it up to shred it, I don't. It shouldn't be such a problem. I should be able to forget about it all.
So why haven't I?
Everyday a cloud of guilt lingers over my head. I feel as if I'm living today for yesterday. To repair what I broke. To fix what is broken. I've made too many mistakes to count, yet I can count everything I've done right.
Tomorrow is my 21st birthday. I'll be an official adult. I don't want to face tomorrow. I don't want to face the man I'll be for the rest of my life. I don't want to face myself. But I don't have a choice.
I started doing heroin and cocaine when I turned seventeen. I couldn't face the mirror everyday. Negative thoughts plagued my mind and the dirt on my hands could not be washed away. The drugs were sort of like a birthday present. I felt happy for the first time in a year. Tomorrow I can say proudly that I've been clean for two years. I went into rehab at the urgency of one of my dear friends. I was there for a whole year and during that time one of my counselors told me about music composition.
The past two years I have been composing music for orchestras. It's one of the few things that make me happy. I'm doing a score for an upcoming movie. I don't need the money or the fame; I just want to do what I love. I'll be heading back to my home island in a few weeks to work on a piece there. I don't want to leave this world. I don't want to go back.
I know I shouldn't felt this worried and scared, but all I see is failure. The people who finally realized who I am…who I was. My parents, my old friends. It seems almost impossible.
Going back is going to be hard. But facing the people who I once hurt will be even harder.
Is it really worth it?
Questions are answers that are misunderstood.