A/N: I am sure you all know the famous joke.

(And if you don't, go to chickenjoke dot com – my favorites are the Andersen Consultant and Colonel Sanders.)

Well, here's the Hogwarts Version:


Harry Potter: I don't know why it crossed the road. We should get under my Invisibility Cloak and follow it, see what it's up to.

Ron Weasley: Wicked! But we're not going into the Forbidden Forest. – What's for dinner tonight, chicken roast?

Hermione Granger: It's unnatural for a single chicken to behave like that. I read that they are gregarious animals and live in flocks. Maybe someone used a spell on it – I'll be in the library!

Cornelius Fudge: Dumbledore, you're not saying that a chicken crossed this road? But - that cannot be true. Please, it just can't.

Lord Voldemort: This chicken has crossed the road, and I believe it has left us forever. It will be punished, of course.

Lucius Malfoy: Of course, My Lord.

Bellatrix Lestrange: My Lord, I believe this particular chicken only pretended to cross the road. We cannot be sure of its true allegiance.

Draco Malfoy: What do I care about a stupid Muggle animal? For all I care, it can cross the road and get itself killed.

Pansy Parkinson: It might have fleas. Chickens are so dirty.

Neville Longbottom: Trevor escaped again. I think he is scared because Snape fed him that Potion. Maybe that chicken also is afraid and simply wanted to flee - but I'll go and get them back safely.

Firenze: The stars do not concern themselves with such trivial matters. However, I have agreed to aid this chicken should it come into danger on the other side of the road.

Bane: Have you no pride? Centaurs do not mingle with chickens.

Bartemius Crouch Sr.: We must follow and observe this chicken. There may be a simple explanation why it crossed the road... however... if there isn't... we may be forced to employ the Unforgivable Curses.

Moaning Myrtle: You care more about the motives of a filthy chicken than you care about me. Oh, no one ever cares for moaning, miserable, moping Myrtle! Oooooooh! (starts crying and disappears down the u-bend)

Nearly-Headless Nick: I am afraid I am not much of an expert on chicken behaviour. But if it is a ghostly service you require, I shall be happy to help.

Rubeus Hagrid: Hogwarts is summat dangerous fer chickens. Remember 'em dead roosters? If I was you I'd not let a chicken on tha' road to Hogsmeade.

Fang: Wrroooof! (hides in Hagid's hut)

Nymphadora Tonks: We did this road-crossing thing in the Auror training. Would you believe it, I almost failed because I tripped half-way. Hey, I can make my hair look like chicken feathers. Which color should I do?

Fleur Delacour: You 'ave chickens 'ere in 'ogwarts? And zey are allowed to cross ze avenue just like zat? But zees is like a farm!

Rita Skeeter: You don't mind if I use a Quick-Quotes Quill to report on that chicken, do you? – So, why do you think it crossed the road? Come on, dearie, our readers will want some tidbits of that story.

Percy Weasley: I fail to understand why this should be funny. A single chicken crossing a road can be a serious incident. I wrote a twelve-page report on all possible explanations. Mr Crouch should have it by this evening, even though it was due tomorrow morning. I am certain he will appreciate my effort.

Arthur Weasley: Muggle animals are so interesting to observe. Look, after crossing the road, it has started scratching the soil. I am glad Molly agreed to have non-magical chickens at The Burrow.

Molly Weasley: Ginny, dear, did you feed the chickens today like I asked you?

Ginny Weasley: Yes, Mum. (sighs) But don't you want to know why the chicken crossed the road? Harry thinks it's important.

Aberforth Dumbledore: My goats are on the other side of the road. Goats and chickens get along just fine.

Mad-Eye Moody: And how d'you know it is a chicken? Might be a Death Eater in disguise, that's why it's crossing the road. Constant vigilance!

Gilderoy Lockhart: In my next book, I shall tell you about the Giant Chicken of Sumatra and how I defeated it.

Dolores Umbridge: Hem hem. Educational Degree Number Ninety-Nine states that no chickens are allowed to cross the road, unless the Hogwarts High Inquisitor gives permission.

Argus Filch: It might just be a bird to you, but to me it's cleaning chicken shit away. That chicken can just go on crossing the road and need not come back, don't you think so, my sweet?

Mrs Norris: Meow? (thinks of chicken-flavored treats)

Pomona Sprout: That chicken is not going near my vegetable patch, is it? The Chinese Chomping Cabbage might not like that.

Filius Flitwick: I am certain we can protect the cabbage – and the chicken – with an easy little charm. Remember, it is just swish and flick, swish and flick...

Dobby: Would Harry Potter like Dobby to go search for that chicken? Dobby saw it on the other side of the road.

Sirus Black: Just watch Snuffles find that bugger in no time! (transforms into dog shape, and leaps across the road)

Crookshanks: (follows the big black dog)

Sybill Trelawney: Eeeeeek! My boy – my dear boy – no, no, it is kinder not to say it… (pauses dramatically) My dear, I have seen the falcon. Your chicken may have a deadly enemy.

Minerva McGonagall: Potter, are you telling me that after the warning I gave you last Monday you lost your chicken again? If Professor Umbridge finds out, I shall have no choice but to put you in detention.

Severus Snape: That is ten points from Gryffindor. Chickens are not allowed on the road.

Fred Weasley: He just made that up! Hey, how about a Chicken Custard Pie –

George Weasley: – based on the same spell as Canary Creams? Oi, everyone, it's ten percent off you next Skiving Snackbox if you're willing to volunteer as a tester!

Albus Dumbledore: Personally, I find it a rather charming animal. By all means, do let it cross the road if it wants to. – That reminds me, Minerva, have I told you the joke about the chicken and the dragon who walk into a bar and...

Fawkes: Chirp? (thinks of chicken bone)