No Longer the Zeppo 4

Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS, AtS, or KTE. If I did, I wouldn't have to worry about making sure all of my bills are paid off and on time. Any characters you recognize from either show belong to their respective owners; I am only borrowing them for a little while and will return them eventually (though Cash and Xander will be a bit scuffed). Any characters you don't readily recognize are mine to play with as I see fit. So in short, please don't sue me – you'd only get my toaster, IPod, and my lawn gnomes.

A/N: Well, here we are once again. I hope you will like this story and that it makes you smile. This is a BTVS, Angel, and Kindred crossover. I understand that in post-Angel comic books, Spike and Illyria (along with Lorne and Connor) were the only ones to survive the final battle. However in this story, Angel survived. I haven't read the comic books, so as far as I am concerned they don't exist and have no bearing on my story.

Also, Buffy, Willow, and Anya are still dead, but that doesn't mean that they can't make an appearance at some point.

This story is set about ten years after NLTZ 3, making Alexia a teenager. Raising a teen these days is hard enough, but imagine the difficulties if you are a Gangrel and raising a magically gifted teenage girl. Alex's life is not an easy one. Anyway, I hope you will like the story and just remember, reviews always make my day and encourage me to write faster.


The quiet January night in Oakland was disrupted, as clichéd as it was, by the sound of shattering glass and a body being hurled through the now broken front door and on to the street.

"Goddamn it! That hurt!" Alex Harris snarled, picking himself up off the ground and shaking tiny slivers of glass from his clothes and hair.

"Harris, get your ass back in here pronto!" Cash's disembodied voice bellowed from inside the sleazy looking bar. "More importantly, get your ax back in here!"

Alex picked up the ax that had sailed through the door and landed on the pavement next to him. "Get your ass in here, get your ax, chop up the giant cockroaches, be our personal flamethrower," he quietly bitched before running back into the building, determined to help his friends. "Blow me."

Over the next several minutes all that could be heard was indecipherable yelling and sickening squashing sounds. Eventually, the ruckus settled down, returning the chilly January night to one of peace and quiet.

Five people quietly filed out the door, liberally coated in a yellow sticky substance. All of them had identical looks of disgust and loathing on their faces.

"That was possibly one of the more disgusting things I have ever seen," Lonnie muttered, seriously bothered by what he had seen in the bar.

Alex and the others immediately started laughing at that.

"My God, I haven't heard a man scream like that in years! I mean seriously, my daughter screamed less when she got her driver's license. You sounded like a thirteen year old at a Hannah Montana concert," Alex snorted with laughter.

Lonnie looked put out. "They were cockroaches. I hate bugs to begin with, but cockroaches are the worst, especially the ones that are six feet tall and spit yellow shit out of their mouths," he snapped.

Emily did her best to stop laughing, succeeding only slightly. "If it makes you feel any better, they really weren't cockroaches, but Systane demons that coincidentally look like roaches."

"Actually I thought the best part," Cash added, "was when Alex got picked up and tossed out of the bar by one of the roaches."

Alex glared at his sire. "Ha-ha. Yeah it was a scream and a half being chucked out the door like a Frisbee and landing on my head. Are we done here, because I know I need a shower before this stuff hardens?"

"Yeah, just one more thing and we can get out of here," Cash said, giving Alex a knowing look.

The younger Gangrel sighed and concentrated, sending a burst of flames into the busted up bar that had served as a breeding ground for the Systane demons. The demons had taken over the place, using the humans that had once been customers as crèches for their off-spring, turning the humans' bodies into egg sacks. Once the babies had been born, bursting out of their human incubators, killing the hosts immediately, the demons quickly grew into full-sized giant cockroaches that were bent on taking over and destroying all of San Francisco. It had been through pure luck that the Kindred had learned of this latest threat to their existence and had sent their best team of demon hunters to take the monsters out.

Something in the bar immediately caught on fire and fueled by the alcohol and the gasoline that had been dumped on the actual bar, the place went up in flames. Soon the entire building was consumed by the fire, burning away all traces of demonic presence.

"So I will see everyone Tuesday night?" Cash asked loudly over the roaring fire as everyone made their way back to their bikes. Tuesday was the Gangrels' monthly full moon party. This time it was being held on the beach not far from Alex's and Emily's home.

"I don't know Cash. Let me check my social calendar first and I'll get back to you," Cavan quipped as he climbed on to his bike and started it up.

Cash snorted. "You have a social life? Surely you can come up with something more believable than that?"

"Hey, I'll have you know that I am forgoing Tuesday night's Halo III tournament for the full moon party," Cavan yelled, his goofy grin splashed across his face.

"Oh wow, you are leaving your online gaming buddies for us. I am deeply and profoundly touched by your ability to put down a game controller," Cash snarked. "I'll see you guys later. I got better things to do than hang around here, waiting for the fire department to show up and start asking questions."

"Tell Dawn hi for me," Alex yelled at his sire, watching the Gangrel Primogen roar away on his Harley.

Soon afterwards, everyone else followed suit, each of them going their own ways, never seeing the threat that literally lurked in the shadows.

"Oh! Looks like mummy's kitten has gotten him-self some claws. Bad kitten, he should have waited for mummy to give them to him and not from those nasty soul-infested Kindred! Daddy and Spike has that dirty soul thing, but at least kitten knows how to have fun," Drusilla cooed, swaying to music that only she could hear. "All he needs is to let the Beast out and we will paint the town crimson with the blood of humans and Kindred alike. Then kitten can punish Miss Edith for being naughty. She needs to learn to keep quiet and not waste her dinner."

With that, Drusilla looked at the crumpled human in the car. He had foolishly picked her up, thinking he would get lucky. Instead, she was the one who had fun as he screamed in terror. Now though he was barely alive, her meal unfinished, moaning in pain and fear.

"Dinner plates must be cleaned before you can leave the table," she scolded herself and striking swiftly, she reached though the open driver's side window and snapped the human's neck, killing him instantly.

"Oh pooh! Now who is going to drive me back across the bridge?" she wondered out-loud, realizing that her ride was now dead and she didn't know how to drive. "I'm sure Miss Edith will help me find someone else tasty and warm to help me." With that, she started to walk back the way she had come, knowing that eventually she would find someone foolish enough to help her, then she would help herself to their blood. Maybe she would even turn them, adding them to her army of vampires that would aid her in her quest to take the city away from the rotten Kindred.

Alex Harris and San Francisco were definitely in for a treat.

A/N: Well, what do you think, crap or not? Hit the shiny review button and let me know what you think.