DISCLAIMER: - Anything that you recognise is obviously not mine, seriously.
A/N: - Hey Guys – a new story just for a change.
I was watching "What Women Want" on TV the other day and I got a crazy idea for a story so I just ran with it and here we are. It will eventually be Remus/Tonks but this is sort of a prologue.
For all the readers of my other story, There's Something About Remus, this has nothing to do with it but I have decided to do a sequel for that story – since some people requested one.
ANYWAYZ – Enjoi
"Be serious Padfoot, you can't do it!"
The once quiet kitchen of No 12 Grimmauld Place was suddenly filled with loud belligerent voices as the two permanent occupants of the dreary house filed down the basement stairs and took up residence at the long narrow table. One of the wizards, the more shabbier of the pair, pulled a chair out meticulously and took a seat, folding his arms across his chest as he sat, his eyebrows arching high on his forehead in a look of foreboding scepticism as if daring his friend to challenge his previous point.
The other held an air of arrogant class as he swaggered across the room to the head of the table, casually spinning the chair around before sitting on it backwards, his legs straddling the seat. His black hair hung shaggily around his face, messy and in need of a cut, and whilst he was dressed better than the first, he had a rather ragged appearance. A sallow look to his face made him appear drawn and ill and tapered down the rogue handsomeness it was clear he once possessed and a sad glint shone in his eyes even when he was smiling. He narrowed his eyes slightly as he stared across the table at his old friend, his face taking on a solemn look.
"In case you've forgotten in your old age Moony, I'll explain it to you – I. Am. Sirius," he punctuated each word with a small jab to his chest, "and I seriously can do it. Just look at this Remus and then tell me I'm wrong."
With that he opened his mouth until it was as large as he could make it without magical aid, his eyes squinting shut in the process. Moony looked at him across the table, shaking his head slightly and rolling his eyes at the 'child' before him before he let out a bored sigh. They had been debating this pointless issue for the past hour and it was starting to get tiring.
"Close your mouth Sirius."
He did as he was told and snapped his mouth shut before leaning forwards on his chair haughtily, a pretentious smile swept onto his face as though he'd just proved a valid point. He casually flicked his wand and the half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey that he'd been consuming in the drawing room suddenly appeared in front of him, another lazy swish and a summoned cup flew onto the table. As Sirius poured himself a drink, Remus had a vague feeling that he should just drop the issue now and let Sirius think that he'd won, he was a Black after all and thrived on getting the last word in. But there was still an hour left before people would begin to arrive for the Order meeting and Sirius got quite argumentative when he was sloshed, he had to make him see reason.
"I do not doubt that you have a big mouth Padfoot, it's been known to fit your foot on occasion after all," Sirius curled his lip and sneered mockingly across the table, "but I do take issue with the quantity you believe you can fit in it. Your mouth may be a disgusting cess pool but it is not a bottomless pit and 30 is a large number Sirius."
As he spoke, Remus unfolded his arms across his chest and rubbed the back of his neck before folding his hands on top of the table as he lent forward. Sirius stared at his friend beseechingly before revealing his powerful counter-argument.
"Trust me Moony," he attempted to put on a serious face but it just made him look creepy, "30 would fit in nicely."
Remus scoffed cynically as he watched his friend absurdly poke around his mouth with his tongue as if trying to count the invisible objects. When he finished he gave a sharp nod of his head before giving in to a sanctimonious grin.
"Sirius when you take into account the circumference of each one of them and then compare that to the volume of your mouth, I find it hard to believe that they would 'fit nicely'. In fact I have trouble believing that they would all fit it in at all."
Sirius looked crestfallen for a moment as he muddled his way through Remus' statement, his brow furrowed in confusion.
"Don't try to throw in your big fancy professor words like circumference and volume to confuse me; I know what you're trying to say." He swished his arm lazily as he spoke, half the contents of his cup sloshing onto the table. "You don't think I can fit them all in but I know that I can do it."
"Know you can do what?"
The Weasley twins had just entered the basement-kitchen in search of a snack but instead took a seat at the table, opposite Remus, staring at the original duo with piqued interest. Remus let out an exasperated sigh before he reluctantly filled in the red-headed twosome figuring maybe a fresh perspective would make his friend see reason.
"Sirius here seems to believe that he can fit 30 Druballs in his mouth at the same time and I've been trying to convince him that it's virtually physically impossible."
"But Moony I know I can do it, I'll even prove it to you."
Sirius voice held a pleading tone and he looked at his friend determinedly but as Remus shook his head, an incredulous look once again finding its way onto his usually passive features, the twins eyes filled with an amused glint and identical gleeful smirks tugged at the corners of their lips.
"I think I feel a bet coming on Fred."
"I know exactly what you mean George, and we've got the perfect wager for you."
Both Remus and Sirius turned their full attention to the twins - who smiled at each other conspiringly before forcing their faces into a serious expression and facing the original marauders, speaking in the confusing run-on sentences they were famous for.
"As a completely objective third-party with absolutely no interest in the outcome of the event we'll be the judges, we'll count the druballs out," started Fred.
"And Sirius can try to fit all of them in his mouth. Then whoever loses," added George
"Has to try one of the sweets from our new range," concluded Fred.
They glanced at each other briefly before adding together,
"You up for it fellas?"
A grin broke out over Sirius' face as he nodded his head enthusiastically along with the boys.
"I'm game; I bet you I can do it Moony."
Whilst Sirius was one to gamble away on a whim and not think of the consequences, Remus was not as foolhardy. He stared at the twins discerningly as they smiled back at him, the innocent expressions on their faces barely hiding the mischievous twinkle in their eyes.
"Why should I wager that when I get absolutely nothing out of it when I'm proved right? You boys are the only ones who stand to gain something from this in that you get a free tester for whatever new creation you have thought up. Now if Sirius does by some miracle manage to fit them all in, I must say that personally that's not a very appealing option for me."
Remus shuddered visibly at the thought of becoming the Weasley's unwilling test subject and his face scrunched up in a horrified grimace as thoughts of what they could have invented flashed across his mind. It was Fred's well-timed cough that brought Remus out of his own thoughts to find the twins staring at him intently.
"We," George moved his finger to indicate his brother and himself, "are not the only ones who stand to benefit from this bet,"
"You," Fred pointed his finger across the table at Remus, "get to prove that you're right and end this stupid argument."
"Besides if you're so sure your right than you don't have to worry about what happens to the loser," started George.
"And you get to see Sirius suffer," Fred coughed audibly in cover, "I meant taste, our sweets."
The twins looked pleased at their convincing arguments and Remus could feel himself begin to cave in at the thought of proving Sirius wrong.
"See Moony, if you're so sure that it's 'physically impossible' than what are you worried about losing for, unless you're afraid I'll prove you wrong. Marauders would never back down from a bet, so are you a Marauder or are you a chicken?"
George started to make to make clucking sounds but stopped quickly when Fred whacked him in the chest and shot him a menacing look. He tried to pass it off as a cough and they both sat up straighter in their seats, apparently they wanted to appear mature, they must need a tester badly.
Remus knew something was off, they all seemed too eager for him to agree, but it was Sirius' final statement that pushed him over the edge. He knew he should just walk away but whether it was the sly look on Sirius' face or the desire to make him eat his words, Remus soon found himself agreeing to take part in this ridiculous wager.
"Fine, I bet you that you can't do it Sirius."
The twin's angelic faces immediately morphed into identical mischievous grins as they practically jumped out of their chairs and raced towards the cupboard where they knew Sirius kept his candy. Fred flicked his wand and levitated down a jumbo-size bag of Kellerman's Druballs before directing it into his twins waiting arms. George carried it over and hefted it down on to the tabletop, Fred almost immediately joining him as they counted out 30 of the coloured candies.
When they had counted out the full amount, they pushed the rather large pile of sweets along the surface towards the head of the table. Remus let out a small chuckle as he saw Sirius eyes widen in horror, he knew Sirius hadn't thought about this realistically.
"Now are you gentlemen going to live up to your word if you lose," George stared at them doubtfully before Fred joined in with a menacing look.
"Or are we going to have to have to use an Unbreakable Vow."
Remus paled a little under the disturbing gaze of the Weasley boys, whatever they were testing must be horrible if they were afraid the loser was going to back out, but the use of an Unbreakable Vow was inconceivable, surely they were joking. When Fred pulled out his wand and tapped it threateningly against his palm, Remus stammered a little as he tried to reassure them it wasn't necessary.
"No, no I don't believe that's necessary boys. You have my word, on my honour as a wizard, that I won't back out on the wager if I should lose."
"Yeah, mine too."
The twins seemed satisfied with their answers and Fred put his wand back in his pocket whilst George pointed towards the pile of sweets in front of Sirius.
"Well, have at it then."
The sombre tone that had crept into the room dissipated a little as Remus chuckled loudly whilst he watched Sirius stand up from his chair and proceed to lean over the sweets, viewing them from every angle. The twins watched dutifully as Sirius stood back from the table, rubbing his chin with his thumb and index finger trying to decide the best way to approach the challenge.
It was a full 2 minutes before Sirius reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wand before pointing it towards the druballs and reducing them to the size of pin heads.
Remus eyes widened in shock as Sirius summoned the now small pile to him before effortlessly placing all 30 of the Druball's in his waiting mouth, chomping a few times and swallowing them all in one foul gulp. He let out a triumphant laugh as he looked at his stunned best friend.
"Looks like I won the bet Moony, they all fit."
Remus stood up suddenly, his chair rocking back ominously due to the force of his movement. He sputtered in disbelief.
"But that's cheating, right?"
He shot a hopeful look at the twin's and was utterly gobsmacked to find them both shaking their heads in perfect synchronisation.
"Well you never explicitly stated that the use of magic was forbidden," started George.
"So technically it's not cheating."
Fred finished his twins thought before they shot a serious look at Remus.
"So you lose the bet."
As they joined together to give out their official ruling, Sirius let out a whoop of unadulterated joy and Remus couldn't believe what had happened. Sirius had won on a technicality – it wasn't possible. The twins would be cunning enough to spot a loop-hole like that, and maybe Sirius would've if he was sober, but surely he couldn't have when he was half-sloshed. Remus felt his face shift from a look of shocked disbelief to unyielding surprise as comprehension finally dawned on him. He narrowed his gaze at the rest of them.
"You all planned this, didn't you?"
The faces of all three troublemakers immediately turned momentarily guilty before Sirius let out a loud bark of laughter.
"I told you lot that he'd figure it out, I said Old Moony wasn't a fool." He let out another round of laughter before he continued. "You see the boys here needed a new test subject and I wasn't willing to do it myself but I figured that it'd be entertaining to watch you do it."
"So you came up with a plan to trick me."
All three of them nodded energetically, obviously impressed that their plan had worked. Remus lowered himself back down into his seat in stunned silence before rubbing his hands over his face and shaking his head in disbelief – he couldn't believe he'd been duped by the 3 fraudsters, he knew something wasn't right. How could he have been so stupid as to not stipulate the rules?
When he eventually removed his hands from his face, he looked up to find the twins and Sirius staring at him expectantly as Fred held out his hand to reveal and blue and red chequered candy. Remus started to shake his head in refusal but Sirius voice stopped him.
"Now Moony you agreed, on your honour as a wizard, that you would test their new range if you lost and you lost fair and square my friend."
Remus raised his eyebrows at him in question, his heading jutting to the side.
"Ok so it wasn't fair but it was within the rules, or lack of."
Remus grudgingly reached forward and removed the candy from Fred's outstretched hand. He twisted and turned the small cube in his hands, eyeing the small piece with honest apprehension, a large golden W glinted back at him from the center of the sweet. He couldn't believe that he was actually going to willingly consume a Weasley product.
"So what does it do exactly?"
He looked up from his hands to question the twins but just before either of them could open their mouths to respond, he had held up a hand to stop them.
"Actually don't tell me, I don't want to know."
He heard the twins let out stifled chuckles and he could feel Sirius watching him with great excitement as he brought the sweet to his lips. The phrase 'It's now or never' vaguely passed through his mind as he threw his head back and popped the lolly into his mouth, as if trying to swallow a pill.
As soon as the sweet touched his tongue it began to swell, getting bigger and bigger until the strength of it forced Remus' cheeks to puff out and he strained to keep his mouth closed. He felt as though his mouth was completely stuffed full of cotton candy, if he was honest with himself he would admit that the feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant. When there was no room left to fill, the candy seemed to disintegrate into nothingness and Remus opened his mouth suddenly, shaking his head to ward off the niggling sense of disorientation that was engulfing him. He was brought out of his stupor when the Twins excited voices filled the air and they both yelled out at the same time.
"Well, how do you feel?"
With a final stretch of his jaw, Remus looked towards the eager faces of his ex-pupils.
"Besides a little light-headedness I feel fine, I think."
They both eyed him curiously before looking at each other and nodding their heads in satisfaction.
"OK, so what am I thinking then?"
The brows on Remus' forehead furrowed in confusion as he wondered how best to answer Fred's question.
"That I'm completely daft for agreeing to this in the first place."
"Nah, that's not it."
The twins stared at each other quizzically before simultaneously standing up and leaning over the table to further examine him.
"So you can't tell what we're thinking at all?"
"Not that I'm aware of."
Sirius let out an agitated huff as he got up from the table and walked over to the kitchen cupboards, muttering something about this being a 'waste of time'. Meanwhile the twins pushed themselves back from the table and began pacing the kitchen floor. Fred scratched his head in confusion before reaching over and punching his twin in the arm.
"There was something wrong with your potion then, I thought it looked a bit odd."
George defiantly stared back at his brother before punching him back with equal strength.
"Nah, there was something wrong with your spell. Eadray Omensway Indsmay, I knew it didn't sound like a real spell."
He pushed his twin once again for good measure before starting towards the stairs. Fred stared at his retreating twin for a moment before following him up the stairs. Remus heard a voice yell out 'It's Latin ya prat. ' before a loud crashing thud resounded through the house, Fred must have pushed back.
Remus stared at the closed kitchen door until the racket in the stairway ceased, he then shook his head sharply to try and get rid of the fogginess that was settling in his head before sticking a finger in his ear and wiggling it to try and get rid of the ringing.
A moment later Sirius came swaggering back to the table holding a full bottle of firewhiskey and another cup. He placed the cup on the table beside the other one before pouring generous amounts of the amber-liquid in each cup, a disappointed look crossing his face.
"Well that was a bit of a dud, wasn't it?"
He offered one of the cups to Remus who gladly accepted it before letting out a light breath of laughter.
Remus almost choked as he took a sip of his drink only to have it burn a searing path down his throat. He coughed a little and Sirius let out a loud chuckle as he downed his whole drink in one gulp. Remus glared at him as he felt the dull ache in his head blare on further aided by the alcohol, he pushed his drink away as Sirius shot him a questioning glance.
"I've just got a head-ache from their invention, an after-effect I suppose."
Sirius gave curt nod at Remus' answer before refilling his glass and draining it again. He let a whoosh of air out through his clenched teeth as the alcohol cooled his throat.
"Imagine the after-effects if the damned thing had actually worked!"
Ok so that's the first chapter done, hope you like it. Send me a review and let me know what you think, PLEASE.
Hate it/love it – either way hit the tiny little box in the bottom left-hand corner and let me know.
HUGZ N KISSES
( xtra hugz if you figure out the spell Fred used – it's easy as just think latin!)