Kaylee's Little List of Important Stuff To Remember
Author owns no rights to Firefly, and no copyright infringement is intended. Fanfic only.
I been workin' on Serenity for a while now. It was just chance brought me here, ya know. There I was, mindin' my own business one day, when this cute little feller started talkin' to me. Turned out he was a mechanic, on a starship.
Well, I'd always been right handy with engines and what-not myself. Took it up after spending so much time with my Daddy in his shop, I reckon. Anyway, he was kinda cute, and one thing led to another, and. . . .
Well, I wound up with his job! Times ain't always been shiny, mind you, but they ain't all been bad neither. I hadn't never been out in the black 'fore I came to Serenity, and I wasn't much over bein' a school girl when I did. Learned a lotta things the hard way, I did.
1) Strawberries is hard to come by in the black.
2) If it's shiny, it costs more. No matter what it is.
3) When ya go to buy parts, take somebody intimidatin' with ya. A mercenary if ya got one. Our's is right intimidatin' and I always get a good discount on what I need when he's along.
4) "We'll explode" is always a good way to get the Captain's attention when he don't wanna hear about you needin' parts.
5) Stay away from bounty hunters. And reavers. And Feds. I hate to speak ill o' folks, but they's just plain mean, that's all.
6) Never borrow anything you can't afford to pay for if'n you break it.
7) If you're a good mechanic, you ain't never got to worry 'bout findin' work. Ain't that many around.
8) Try not to get shot, it hurts. But if you got a shiny, handsome doctor on board, you should be okay. Once he decides not to let you die, anyway.
9) If your sister-in-law tells ya your husbands a boob, he done went and did somethin' you need to smack him for. Go find him.
10) If the boat's merc wanders by muttering in Mandarin, and throwing words like 'pansy' and 'doc' and 'core boy' in with'em, your husband done went and did something might get him killed. Go find him.
11) Sometimes, a fella just needs convincin'.
12) Don't pass up a chance to take a nice, hot, tub bath. Don't come around very often. And ya might be able ta talk that fella into joinin' ya. (Wink)
13) When the shootin' starts, be somewhere else.
14) When ya leave home, be right careful what you send home to your folks in the way o' information. Ain't no need ta be worryin' them 'bout where your Captain takes you and all.
15) Ain't no point in lyin' to a reader. Makes you look silly. Just 'fess up, and be done with it.
16) You can always adjust somebody's attitude problems by 'adjustin' their climate controls.
17) If there's a Shepherd on your boat, talk to him once in a while. They're a right comfort in tryin' times. Oh, but don't be mentionin' that sharin' a tub bath with someone ya ain't rightly married to.
18) Certain Captains just can't help bein' stubborn. Just kinda learn to work around it. And when he says somethin' mean, let a tear slip out, and your lips tremble. Oh, and the puppy eyes. Always works for me! Well, 'cept for that cat'lyzer, anyway.
19) If the Captain wakes up after a party with a new wife he don't remember gettin', lock the engine room up tight. Just in case.
20) You got to make allowances for core raised doctor boys who can't seem to ever say the right thing. He's tryin'. Really he is. He's just. . . .well, he is, that's all. It don't hurt, though, to swell up and act mad when he sticks his really expensive shoe in his mouth, since he'll come around later tryin' to make it up to ya. (Wink)
I know ain't everybody needs all this. And, truth to tell, I ain't as smart as some folks, 'cept when it comes to machinery. But we's all got our gifts, and that's mine. But, if you're like me, then maybe this little list o' mine'll help ya out some, and you can worry 'bout other things.
And remember, the Captain may be in charge, but she's your baby! Don't forget that, and don't let the Captain forget it, neither.