Chapter 5: We can't escape it…
April hasn't cried that much ever. It was so long since she last cried – even in her hardest times she held her own. But now it felt like she wasn't able to control herself at all so that she let everything slip and cried for all sad and immoral things she did and had felt. Bittersweet memories of her friends, of people she loved so, of everyone who had helped her on her longest journey and for every, everything which was always in her heart – she cries for that now.
- Good morning… Glad to see that you're OK now… How you slept… April heard man's voice. "Oh no, not again…"She thought.
- Glad to see you're OK, April…
- Mother? Is it… you? April asked and stopped crying suddenly. She tried to look where her mother was, but she didn't see anybody or anything. She was like in emptiness again.
- Like I was expecting, you are hurt a bit… Mother said sadly. There was silence for a few minutes. April was wordless. Soon Mother continued:
- … but now my duty has come to an final end, and now is your turn…
- What? April was confused. Whole these ten years she had heard strange things, which she needed to understand and solve. She was simply fed up with them.
- I'm sorry for this but… now is time to say very last goodbyes… Bye, my daughter. I shall not forget you… Then came the silence. The feeling was frustratingly familiar; April felt the same loneliness, silence and helpless like she was in white place again. A few questions were running thought her mind.
After a while April opened slowly her eyes. She noticed she was cuddled in the white sheets in Dark People Library, in the same room where Kian had brought her, in the same bed where she was lying all this time. She didn't know how long exactly she was "gone", speaking with mother. She felt bit dizzy. Soon she realized someone was sitting on the bed and holding her shoulder. April touched the hand.
- You woke up already? The voice was Kian's. When he realized April was all about to turn to him he took his hand off and stood up. April looked at him bit angily.
- Didn't I told you to--
- …leave you be? Kian continued. - Yes, you did but… I… He didn't know anymore what to say.
- Forget about it… I'm sorry I… wasn't myself then… I'm not myself anymore… April shook her head. Her talk was insecure and faint somehow. It sounded like she was whispering.
- I'm sure you will be… We just need to talk, don't we? Kian tried to encourage her to talk things out.
- You know I'm not in a mood for it… April said and sat up on bed. She had enough of lying. "First he found me in my undies and now I'm crying in front of him… Oh, that's so… humiliating" She thought herself suddenly.
- Looked like you was asleep for a while. Did you see a dream? Kian tried to sound friendly.
- Well, yeah… Nothing special, it was just a dream…
- Otherwise, when I found you you've been talking about undreaming… Do you know anything about it; and what is it? April looked confused.
- I-- I don't know. Ask someone else – maybe I was just sputtering something and… No, I need to be alone… please? I'm fine and I can take care of myself. You can go now wherever you want to. April started to get angry again.
- But if I have nowhere to go?
- What? So… go back to the Southlands where you're from, to your Azadi empire or… wherever!
- But… I'm not Azadi anymore. Kian sound bit sad. – I've been let down so badly and I… turned against my own people. The rebels saved me, so I've been almost forced to fight against Azadies. But soon I escaped the war and found you and… you know the rest. April couldn't believe that Kian just told her.
- So… if you're not the Azadi when who—
- I don't know. Didn't I tell you that I have nowhere to go. So I stay here for some time, and then I'll decide where I can go. He sounded so convincing.
- I see. And understand. April grasped. She was all about to say something but she didn't. She was thinking again.
The room was silent. Both Kian and April were searching right words, but they didn't come. At last Kian said what he didn't want to:
- You wanted to be alone? So I'd better go when… April noded and he turned around. He gave up trying to solve April's "mystery". She was hiding herself very well. Kian went to the doorway and almost gone away when he heard April's voice again:
- Wait Kian! Don't… go. She sound bit uneasy. Kian came back.
- Yes? He just asked. April was quiet. She didn't find the right words again. But she needed to say something, so she began:
- Well… "Quickly, say something…" She thought herself. - …You wanted to talk things out… do you? She said at last. "Darn, not that!"She mocked herself thinking.
- Ah, yes… I guess I could help you somehow then-- If I knew more… But if you wanted to be alone, I leave you. Kian smiled a bit.
- No! April shouted. - Ah… no, no. Y-you could stay here, if--. April stopped talking. She was feeling dizzy and weak again, and she was sure she would say something very stupid if she continued.
- OK, let's talk… I guess you're able to understand, and maybe even to help… She said finally. April sounded so calm suddenly, she almost whispered. Actually, she was just nervous and insecure again.
- I think so. Kian smiled and sat on the headboard. – So… you really don't remember anything after your death-- sorry, I meant--
- I know, I know. Well, like I said I woke up in all-white place. Soon I heard my Mother's voice … I didn't understand much, she said that I was dead but there was one chance to help me to… survive. But before helping me she said I've forgotten something… soon I woke up here… . Kian thought a few second and said:
- Well… you have no idea what you have forgotten? He went closer to April.
- I… don't know. Things change, you know. But… some people keep telling me I lost my Faith, like I've forgotten about it. I couldn't say it's still true, but… I don't know, really. April was uneasy again. Kian didn't say anything for that so they both were quiet. Suddenly April looked into Kian's eyes and began:
- I… must confess you something… April looked down. It was easier to talk now.
- …so I… April sighed deeply and began again – So I just wanted to say that when you were sent to kill me… you refused, even though you could get killed. I never thought about that but… I appreciate it very much now. Like I had said, you are the real thing, an honorable man. And you saved me… April gone quiet. She didn't know should her has told this to Kian. He was wordless, but smiled still.
- I… April didn't continue that. She just put her arms around Kian's neck and hugged him with such a passion. Kian smiled and put his arms around April's back too – it was affectionate hug.
April got indescribable feeling again – she was torn deep inside, she has lost and forgotten things, which made her life more uncomfortable. She felt dizzy and weak time to time, like now. But at the same time she felt good, warmness and… affection. She has totally forgotten how that feeling felt. It was so nice, warm and somehow indescribable. But she couldn't call that feeling love – yet.
They were hugging for seconds, soon minutes. When April realized what she was doing. She took quickly her arms off of Kian's neck and coughed a bit. Kian kept holding on still.
- I… April began again and started thinking herself: "Damn! I'm torn and additionally ashamed! I real lost control to myself…"
- It's OK. We're living such hard times, you know it… Kian sound so tender and trustworthy, so charming.
- You are the real thing, Kian… I-- I trust you, totally. April said at last. She couldn't escape the feeling so that she hugged him again and whispered.
- You know we can escape anything in this word… If we just want to… Trust me, I know we can. But…
- Yes? Kian sounded so close.
- …I know I've lost and forgotten many, many things and one of them is… love. We-- I can't escape it anymore. I don't mind is it love at first sign or whatever but… I love you. I mean it feels like… love. April was quiet and looked quickly into Kian's eyes. – OK, OK, I know it's just a fuss but…
- No, no! Kian began. – You're not fussing! He spoke with such tender tone. - I need to tell you something… I love you as well. Kian looked upon April. She lifted her head quickly, so they were now face to face.
- R- really? April was bit surprised. She thought she was just fussing all the time because of the state she was in.
- I do, April… I don't know but there is something about you, which making me fall in love. You are honorable woman too, trust me. And I--. April smiled at last. She felt so good, she almost forgot about the pain which was hurting her soul everywhere. Now the pain became to be bliss.
April wanted to tell Kian to shut up, but instead using words she hugged him more affectionately and they kissed. It was happiness, passion and tender … The Longest Kiss they both have ever given.