She looked out over the water. The bay was beautiful at night. She could see that now the tears had cleared from her eyes. It was the first time in days she'd been able to stop crying. And even though her face was still wet she felt better, lighter. If only a little. She felt okay. She shouldn't, Owen was dead. He was dead and she felt okay after a few days. What was wrong with her?
She felt grief, but it was bearable. It hadn't been like that at first. The night that he had died she had completely broken down. Jack had had to forcibly tear her away from his lifeless form and take her home. She hadn't been into work since. She'd spent most of the last three days curled up in bed crying. She'd wanted to die herself, be with him again. even though she knew there was nothing after death, only darkness.
Now she didn't know how she felt. She was slightly numb (but that could have just been from the cold breeze blowing in off the sea). She was upset but she didn't feel angry or empty or anything life she had expected to feel. And she didn't feel guilty about it.
That shocked her a little bit. But then she thought about Owen. If he were here instead of her he wouldn't feel guilty, so why should she?
Think about Owen-about the way he had smiled, the way he had teased her mercilessly, about what a little shit he had been-made her smile. Maybe it should have made her start to cry again but it didn't, it made her smile. Maybe that was okay. Maybe this was the way it should be.
She missed him. But mourning him the rest of her life wasn't going to bring him back. He was always telling her to loosen up. Maybe that was what she was doing. She would lighten up and think of him and she would smile.
She pushed away from the railing she'd been leaning on and looked over at the small tourist information office. She was ready to face them again now. She face life head on, the way he used to. It still hurt, but she was okay. And she was okay with being okay.
She looked back over the water and said "Goodbye Owen." and under her breath she added "I love you."
Then she squared her shoulders, flicked her dark hair over her shoulder and walked towards the little office.
Maybe things were going to be okay. Maybe.