Sam watched in horror as blood kept pooling out of his brother's mouth and finally saw Dean go limp.
"Scream all you want Sammy boy, your brother's dead…well he will be in a matter of minutes!"
"NO…NO…" Sam couldn't stop the tears falling down his face as he looked at his brother's lifeless body.
"Don't worry Sammy, I kept my end of the deal, your adoring girlfriend is asleep in your apartment," Azazel replied with a smug smile.
"I DON'T CARE, I DON'T WANT HER, I WANT DEAN ALIVE!!"
"Well you should've thought of that before you chose her over your brother," replied Azazel, knowing full well that the guilt was eating away at Sam.
"I DIDN'T CHOOSE HER!...DEANNNNNN!!!!!!"
"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy,"
"SHUTUP, YOU SON OF A BITCH JUST SHUTUP, I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO, DO YOU HEAR ME!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!" Sam felt something inside of him ignite, it was like a bomb was exploding within him, he felt a strange sense of…power.
"Temper, temper," Azazel said as he reached to grab the knife out of Dean. Sam saw Azazel's hand move towards the knife and he faught with everything he had to get loose, if Azazel took the knife out Dean would bleed out right there and then.
"Bye bye Deano…"
"NO!!!!" Sam yelled.
All of a sudden a huge flash of white light lit up and room, and just like that it was gone. Sam unshielded his eyes and was in utter shock at what he saw…or rather didn't see…Azazel was gone. He was just gone, and Sam and Dean were no longer held against the wall.
"Where did…"Sam started, wondering what had happened to Azazel, but he couldn't worry about that right now, he had to get to Dean.
He ran to Dean who had fallen on his side with the knife still sticking out of his abdomen.
"God Dean, hold on…please just hold on," he said as he held his brother's motionless body and dialled 911.
The next few hours were a flurry of events, the paramedics arrived and had to practically pry Dean's body out of Sam's arms. Sam rode in the ambulance on the way to the hospital refusing any treatment and refusing to be looked at until he knew that Dean was going to be okay. As far as he was concerned he didn't deserve to be looked at or checked out…he had done this to his brother…this was his fault…all of it. He was once again the sole reason for Dean getting hurt. When they arrived at the hospital Dean was rushed into the emergency and the police had questions for Sam. Once the cops left Sam waited in the waiting room for what seemed like hours before the doctors came out to speak to him.
"Doc…my brother…how is he?" Sam asked, almost afraid to get an answer.
"We managed to remove the knife and stabilize him. Luckily the knife hadn't hit any major organs, but there was some internal bleeding that we managed to get under control. He's holding his own right now, but the next 48 hours will be critical in assessing his condition and his probability of survival."
"Probability of survival…oh god…Dean has to make it…I can't…I…."
Sam was at a loss for words…Dean had to survive this, he just had to. Finally Sam found his voice.
"Doc can I…can I go see him?"
"Of course, but we do need to get you checked out as well Mr. Plonski," the doc started.
"I will I promise, I just…I need to see my brother first," he replied solemnly.
The Doc could see that Sam and Dean were close just by the way Sam was acting. He could see the desperation and fear in Sam and he couldn't help but feel empathetic towards the young man, he figured Sam could get checked out after he saw his brother.
As he entered Dean's room the site before him made him come to a stand still. Just as that day in the hospital after the incident at the cabin, Dean was hooked onto numerous machines. It was a painful sight to see and Sam hated himself for being the cause of what he was witnessing.
He moved to Dean's bedside and took Dean's hand in his. He looked over Dean for a minute and noticed how pale Dean looked, but not as pale as he had looked right before the paramedics had arrived. He took a second to compose himself before he spoke.
"Dean…god Dean I'm so sorry," he said as he started to cry. "I c-can't…I can't do this without you man…you haveta get better, I don't…I have so much to say, so much to apologize for…please Dean just wake up…just be okay, please."
After the 48 hour watch on Dean's condition was lifted the Doctor was happy to report that Dean's vitals were strong, and they were sure that Dean would be able to recover from this 100%, physically speaking at least. Now all Dean had to do was wake up.
Sam spent every waking minute at the hospital by his brother's side, talking to him, apologising to him, willing him to wake up, and when he wasn't doing that he was trying to figure out what the hell happened back at the warehouse. What was that light…and the power he felt inside him before that light…
"Did I…could I have possibly done that…have my powers gotten that much stronger?"
God, too many questions and Sam had no answers for any of them, all he knew was one minute he was thinking that Dean was going to die right in front of his eyes and he felt this strong power inside him, sort of like the power he felt at Max's house…except this was stronger…and the next thing he knew Azazel had disappeared and he and Dean were no longer being held by invisible restraints.
"God what the hell is happening to me and where the hell did Azazel go…is he dead…or did he flee…from me…?"
That thought alone made Sam shudder and all these questions were hurting his head. He couldn't think about this right now though, he had one priority and one priority only, Dean. Everything else could wait.
**The next day**
Sam had been sitting by Dean's side since he was brought into the hospital yesterday, (he only left to use the washroom and grab quick snacks) and Dean looked just as pale as he did when Sam brought him in. God how he wished his brother would wake up right now.
Sam had no one to talk to, no one to distract him, so the incident at the warehouse kept playing over and over in Sam's mind, the guilt getting stronger and stronger and embedding itself deeper and deeper within Sam. The memories of what yellow-eyes had said to Sam and Dean, directed at hurting Dean, was fresh in Sam's mind, and he had a feeling it would be fresh in his mind forever. God, if a stranger had been listening in on that conversation (though it wasn't much of a conversation), they would've thought that Dean grew up not being loved or cared about…and if Sam was being completely honest, he'd have to agree that he messed up, royally messed up, in being there for Dean and showing Dean that he loved him as much as Dean always showed him.
Sam swiped a hand over his tired face and looked up at his brother's face, but this time he really looked. Dean looked so young lying on the hospital bed yet at the same time he looked so…worn out. Maybe Dean always looked like this and Sam just chose to ignore it because it would make things easier, made things more bearable…god everything made him feel more and more like crap. If there is one thing he is sure about today, it is that he is the worst little brother ever. Everything Azazel said hit so close to the truth that it made Sam want to throw up. To hear everything he ever did to hurt his brother, intentionally or not, and to remember all the excuses he made for himself at the time as to why his brother deserved all the hurtful words and actions coming out of Sam, made Sam want to crawl in a hole and die. If it had been any other family they would have dismissed it as teenage hormones and drama, but the Winchesters weren't any other family, and hurt feelings caused by teenage hormones and drama were replaced with lifelong wounds caused by a little brother who more often than not took advantage of his big brother's big heart, no wonder Dean thought he'd choose Jessica over him
Sam put his head in his hands as he kept hearing Azazel's accusatory words and memories, painful memories, of times he had hurt Dean, came flooding back.
You used to yell at Dean for wanting to get revenge on me but you never could see what it was really about for him could you? He's not like you and your dad, this was never about revenge for him, revenge was a bonus. He was fighting to keep his family together. He fought to keep you and your dad alive, fought to give your daddy some closure…he fought so that no one would feel the pain he felt the day I ripped your precious little mommy out of his life!
16 year old Sammy was starring defiantly at Dean. Sam and John had just gotten into a huge argument, again, and John had stormed out of the motel room. Dean hadn't done anything to side with Sam and that irritated Sam.
"You're just like him!" Sam yelled.
"Don't start Sam,"
"Why not Dean, truth hurts?"
"No! No I won't shutup! God you're just as bad as Dad! All you guys care about is getting revenge, you don't care about anything else!"
"That's not true," Dean defended.
"The hell it isn't, it's always hunt this hunt that, god, you guys are pathetic!"
"WE'RE SAVING LIVES SAM! Since when is that pathetic!" Dean yelled back getting irritated.
Sam scoffed. "Right…cause that's why you do it."
"And why else would we do it Sam?"
"CAUSE, YOU GUYS ARE OBSESSED! OBSESSED WITH REVENGE FOR A WOMAN YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET BACK!" The minute the words left Sam's mouth he regretted it. He saw the anger flash across Dean's face that was then replaced by hurt.
"No Sam, I do it so that you and dad don't end up like mom," Dean said quietly as his voice broke a bit. He then walked into the room him and same were sharing and closed the door behind him.
Sam watched his brother go and knew that he had just messed up big time.
Both of you were so hell bent on getting me and going after what you wanted that you never even stopped to take a look at Dean, he was just your collateral, your soldier. You guys broke him long before I got my hands on him
"I'm not a hunter dad, and I will never be a hunter!" yelled 17 year old Sam.
Sam, Dean, and John had just returned back from a hunt that didn't end too well. It was a week long hunt that resulted in the person they set out to save dying because a ghost got to 65 year old David before they did, and everyone's emotions were running ramped. Sam and John were angry and on edge and Dean…Dean was mentally and emotionally worn out.
"I don't care what you think you're not, but you are a hunter! Don't you ever forget it!"
"No! I'm not! I don't want this STUPID life, it's not a life at all!"
"We save lives Sam, are you so selfish that that means nothing to you!?"
Sam scoffs. "Right…like we saved David?"
"Don't you dare!" yelled his father.
"No dad! Don't you dare! Don't you dare make me look like the bad one here! I deserve my own life, I deserve to be happy!"
"So you're gonna be happy while people out there keep dying!"
"God dad, you make it sound so bad, I just want out of this lifestyle!"
The whole time during the fight, both Sam and John didn't even acknowledge that Dean was standing right in between them to the side until…
"Dean, tell dad you agree with me! That this life is stupid, that this is not how kids should be raised!" Sam said looking at Dean for backup.
"No Dean, you tell your brother how what we do is important, it's more important that living some apple pie life"
Dean just stood there starring at them. He hated it when they did this, when they'd make him choose because no matter what happened he was the one that, one or both, of them ended up being mad at in the end. Dean stopped picking sides along time because all this fighting always seemed like he was being used to spite whoever's side he didn't choose.
"Don't," Dean said shaking his head. "I'm not picking sides."
"Dean, what the hell man, you're supposed to be my big brother, you're supposed to side with me, you know I'm right!"
"No, he knows I'm right, don't you Dean…tell Sam that he's a selfish little brat who has no idea how lucky he has it!"
"LUCKY?!? LUCKY?"…and just like that Dean was a shadow yet again. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME! HOW THE HELL AM I LUCKY. I TRAVEL AROUND CONSTANTLY SO I CAN'T EVEN MAKE MY OWN FRIENDS!"
"Stop being so dramatic Sam! John retorts.
"I'M NOT! I hate this life, I hate everything about this life! I'm miserable here, I hate it, I can't even remember the last time I was actually happy!"
That stung Dean. He had always done everything to make sure Sam was happy, make sure Sam got everything he wanted, well as much as Dean could possibly give him. Sam must have read his mind because the minute he said it he shut up and looked at Dean with guilt all over his face. Sam didn't mean to hurt his feelings but when he got angry like this he didn't really think before he spoke.
"HAPPY?! HAPPY?" yelled their dad. "YOU'RE ALIVE! THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY!"
"ALIVE?!? GOD YOU COULD'VE FOOLED ME, I DON'T EVEN FEEL ALIVE, I FEEL LIKE A FRIGGIN ZOMBIE!"
"STOP! STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!" Dean yelled getting their attention."God just stop"he says deflating.
"I will," Sam replied, ignoring the fact that Dean looked completely and utterly exhausted. "Once you tell Dad I'm right and he's wrong! That we can't live like this!"
"Sam," Dean started.
"No Dean you tell Sam that he's wrong and I'm right, that this is our life and he needs to learn to accept it!"
"No! This is stupid, all you guys do is fight, just stop okay, it gets us nowhere."
"I should've known you wouldn't side with me over dad! God Dean, get a mind of your own for once!" yelled Sam as he ran to their room. "I hate you!"
Dean sighed and took a deep breath, trying to act like those words didn't hurt him. Then he turned to his dad, who was eyeing him down.
"You baby him too much Dean! You need to toughen up! How am I supposed to trust you with him if you can't even calm him down from his tantrums. I expected more out of you Dean," says his dad as he walks off.
And there Dean was, where he always is after Sam and their dad fight, caught in the middle, alone, because once again one of THEIR fights ended up with both of them being mad at HIM and walking away from HIM.
Sam's watching from his door and he heard everything his dad said, and although a part of him feels really guilty for getting Dean in trouble and hurting his feelings, he's too proud to go out there and apologize, because Dean didn't side with him so maybe he deserves to hurt a bit, but he really wishes that he could take back the "I hate you" because he always just says it out of spite because he knows it'll hurt Dean.
Later that night Dean comes into their room to sleep and the heating had been busted all day and their room was freezing. Sam was still fuming from his argument with his dad that he didn't even realize that he was shivering a bit because his blanket was only covering up to his stomach. Sam was pretending to be asleep because he didn't want to start fighting with Dean and he knew that if he started talking to Dean he'd start yelling just because he was still so angry with his dad, and with Dean for not siding with him. He knew Dean hated being asked to choose a side and it really wasn't fair to always put Dean in the middle but just once, just once he'd like Dean to side with him over their dad.
Sam's thoughts were interrupted when he felt warm gentle hands lifting his blanket up until it covered him from the neck down.
"Night Sammy," said Dean who sounded exhausted and emotionally tired.
In that moment all the anger Sam had inside him disappeared and he felt like the biggest jerk in the world.
Sam snapped back to reality feeling disgusted with him self. Yellow-eyes was right, he could be such a dick to Dean, but Dean would always, always forgive him, even when Sam never thought to apologize.