A/N: Sorry guys, I know this has been done. This is my insomnia, sickness, AHBL1 inspired early morning musings. Had to do it. I've taken the scene that broke all our hearts and let us all know how great those two guys are as actors and gave Sam some thoughts. Sorry if it's morbid or hard to understand. That is a writer's mind in the early hours of the morning when the writer hasn't slept at all.
I turn around and there he is. My big brother. He's okay. He's okay and all in all I am too. I wanna get the hell outta here, Dean. Please, let's just go.
"Dean?!" I start walking towards him and he jogs at me. The mud sloshes against my shoes and slows me down. Water drips in my eyes and fatigue fades my sight just a bit. Dean will get us outta here and I can sleep. I wanna sleep so bad.
"SAMMY, LOOK OUT!" Someone grabs my shoulder from behind and at the same time an awful white hot pain lances through my back. I cry out. I can hear myself cry out just before I slide to my knees as what's holding me upright suddenly lets me go. Dean's running now, a full sprint, and I feel his hands fist in my jacket as he slides to a stop. I see the worry on his face. Terror. That's the word to describe what I see on my big brother's face. Numbness steals over me, starting with my legs. I had felt the mud seeping into my jeans at the knees when I fell. Now I feel nothing. I'm cold Dean. He's talking to me. My hearing is faded, my sight. He's trying to get my attention, I think. He's talking to me now. Soft, faded tones I can barely hear. I feel his hands touching my face, my neck. Soon that feeling is faded too. I'm stuck, but I can hear him talking.
"Hey, here, come here. Let me look at ya." I feel him pull me into his arms but I can't really feel him. It's like when you've slept on your hands and you wake up and try for that first minute to touch something. You know you are touching it, you can feel its weight but you can't feel anything about it y'know? I can feel his weight against me, his arms around me. I feel a spark of pain as I feel him push on my back. It fades. I'm looking over his shoulder. "I wanna see you Dean. Let me see you. Something's wrong with me I think." I feel that nameless weight against my face now, my neck, and his face comes into a faded focus before me. There's a grimace there that I see. Horror. That's the word, I think. My mind feels faded.
"Oh, hey look…There's his hands against my face again as my head starts to bob. "It's not even that bad, it's not even that bad alright. Sammy…Sam!" Part of me feels him shaking against me. Maybe in my mind, I don't know. It's faded. My brother is scared of something. "Not that bad, what's wrong with me Dean? Why are you afraid?" I think I feel my head start to weave on my shoulders a bit. My strength is gone. Am I sick? I think so. I can't feel anything except that nameless weight, this time it's holding me up I think. I'm cold, except where Dean's hands are against my face. "Dean. I'm cold. Am I sick?" I think I feel his warmth. That may be in my head too.
"Hey, listen to me. We're gonna patch you up okay? You'll be good as new. Huh? I'm gonna take care of you…I gotcha." "Patch me up? What's wrong with me, Dean? What happened? Am I hurt?" I'm cold and everything's faded. I think you're the only thing keeping my face outta the mud now. The last thing I feel is the desire to look away from the tears brimming in his green eyes. "I'm sorry Dean. I love you and I'm sorry. I'm just not strong enough. Everything is faded."
"It's my job right…watch after my pain-in-the-ass little brother?" His hands are still on my face, in my hair. My eyes are closed now I think. I'm not sure. I can't see him but I think I can feel his weight still against me. His warmth. I'm so cold Dean. Everything is faded now, black creeping in to steal and fade even the gray. I think that's all in my head too. I still hear him though.
"Sam….Sam….Sammy!"His hands brush through my hair and he puts my chin against his shoulder. I can't feel it, I'm watching him, us. From above? I'm not sure, I think so. I see the shine of tears on his face as he buries his head in my hair, my shoulder. I can't feel it though. I can't feel my brother hug me tight. I've wanted that for so long, to feel that again, like when we were kids. I can't feel it now, though. It's faded.
"No….no, n-n-n-n-no. Oh god, oh god….SAM!" The nameless weight is gone. I know now that I can't feel it anymore. Everything fades. Gray turning black turning to nothing. I fade. Dean's cries fade. Has my life faded away? I think so. "God, Dean. I'm sorry. I wanna sleep."