Title: Going Bananas
Rating: All ages
Summary: Xander gets sent to check out local rumours, and finds out that there are still things stranger than his life.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters depicted within this story, nor will I make any money from writing it. Please do not sue, as I'm simply not worth it.
It was when Xander saw the man dressed as a banana running down the street that he finally decided that he really needed to get back to Africa.
Everything had gone so smoothly to begin with; Giles had been told of some weird goings on in the ridiculously titled Nuttytown, and had asked Xander, fresh from his latest sojourn in Africa, to check things out and see if there was a need for the Council to intervene.
Xander had done the usual things once he'd arrived in Nuttytown; checked through the local papers for obituaries, did a few patrols – making sure to keep that part to himself for fear of a gaggle of mother hen Slayers browbeating him into submission – but hadn't found anything that fell into their remit.
That was until he saw the headline in the paper 'Appleman Strikes Again!!' with the picture of a man dressed in a cape with an apple for a head robbing a bank. At first, he'd thought it a joke, although not a very funny one, but when he saw another headline a couple of days later which read 'Bananaman Foils Captain Cream's Fiendish Scheme!!' that he started to think that either the entire town was loony tunes or that there might actually be something to the rumours.
Although he had seen – and done – things that only a few could comprehend, Xander was still someone who had to see something to believe it, and so he had gone in search of the strange looking villains and the even stranger looking hero. That meant changing his sleeping schedule to accommodate going out at daylight hours, something he hadn't had to do in quite some time, as it seemed that the strange occurrences always happened during the day.
Having a woman that looked like Mrs Doubtfire try to kill him with a knitting needle was a refreshing change from the normal routes the female gender took to snuff out his life, although Xander had been more disturbed by the way she'd insisted on him calling her Auntie than the fact she wanted him dead. A quick diagnostic spell had indicated that she was 100 human, despite her lightning fast reflexes, and while he wasn't averse to ending someone's life if necessary, Xander hadn't wanted to draw too much attention to himself so he had instead simply ensured that 'Auntie' would have en extended stay in hospital.
That brought Xander up to the present, and the guy dressed like a banana running down the street. He recognised him from the papers as Bananaman, and had been under the impression that he could fly, but he seemed to be having problems even running at the moment by the way the sweat was pouring out of him.
"Hey, you! Got a banana?" a voice said from behind Xander, which caused him to spin round in a defensive posture as he hadn't heard them get that close.
When he looked around he couldn't see anyone, until a flash of movement caught his eye and he saw a crow looking up at him.
"Have you got a banana?" the crow asked again, and Xander began to wonder whether he'd contracted something in Africa that was causing him to hallucinate.
"Who are you?" Xander asked, trying to make some sort of sense of the situation.
"I'm Crow," the crow told him.
"And I'm human," Xander said in turn, which caused the crow to roll his eyes at him.
"That's my name, Crow. Anyway, I don't have time for that, do you have a banana?" he asked for a third time, his tone indicating that he'd already asked two times too many for his liking.
Too shocked to say anything else, Xander reached into his rucksack and pulled out a banana and handed it to Crow, who seemed to have opposable feathers as they held it quite easily, and then watched as Crow flew over to Bananaman – who had by now stopped dead in his tracks and was huffing and puffing like he'd just run a marathon – and fed him the banana. Bananaman then seemed to pulse with power, and moments later he had taken to the skies, although it looked more like he was swimming in the air than actually flying, with Crow following closely behind.
Xander stayed where he was, almost rooted to the spot, for a further minute as he tried to process everything that had happened the last couple of days, before he shook his head clear and made his way at a fast pace towards the hotel he was staying at.
"There's no way in hell I'm letting any Slayers step foot in this madhouse of a town," Xander muttered as he strode along the pavement, "they'd go insane within the week."