A/N I wrote this along time ago right after Jesse died. This is about Maxie's feelings, it is slightly AU/

Disclaimer: I own the idea not the characters if I did Jesse would still be alive.

The Carnival

One year ago I met him

When he hid in my hospital room

It was the beginning of a relationship

I will never forger

We went through times

Good and bad

He helped me through danger

As I did for him

I only new him for nine months

They were the best nine months of my life

It was when I learned to live

Learned to love

He was there when I almost died

He told me to fight that I could get through it

I wrote him a letter saying good-bye

It told him that I loved him

That I would see him in another life

When I thought I was dying

I survived as did he

I kept the letter to give at another time

We barely saw each other yet it always felt like he was write close

That was until that fateful night

We went to the carnival

The one in the park

We made plans to go to Chicago

To have the time of our lives

He got called to work

He didn't want to go

But I told him he should

He should go serve and protect

He was still in the park that night to protect the innocent

I ran into him and gave him one last kiss

Then we went our separate ways

I was talking with my sister when I saw him again

His partner yelled shooter

Then I was on the ground

The shots went back and forth for what seemed like hours

Then it stopped

Everyone started to get up

He didn't move

I ran to his side

I yelled his name one hundred times

He didn't respond

I looked over his body to see where he was hit

I touched his head and I found blood

I remember being told he would survive

I made myself believe this

I was in denial

He was rushed to the hospital

They did all that they could

I remember being told that the damage was too severe

He could never survive

A few weeks later I sat staring at the coffin of the man I loved

They folded the flag and handed it to me

Shots rang out

To honor his death and what has been his life

I jumped each time I heard the dreadful noise

Now I sit in my room writing our story

I remember the shooting very well

I remember the smell

The feel of grass

The one thing that is most vivid s the fact that the fireworks

Were louder than the gunshots

I will never forget

The first man I ever loved

He will always be in my heart

I will remember him

When I go to the carnival

Or see the flag

Even when I see an officer on the street

I never thought it would be him to leave me alone in this world

I will keep the letter that I wrote for him

I will always regret not telling him how I felt

I will always miss him

I will always love him