Baboons Have Two Butt Cheeks

?! Inside a Hot Air Balloon !?

Bella: Okay, so there was this, like, melon? Then it like, exploded into a T. Rex cake! I was like 'holy pepperoni!' And then there TWO raccoons, so I fed them some fire crackers

Edward: Bella, you DO know that fire crackers aren't actually crackers, right?

Bella: Oh. I guess that's why they blew up then. Heh. Heh. Oops.

Alice: Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo

Emmett: I wonder what shit tastes like...

Edward: Emmett, be my guest to try it


Jasper: Uh... what just happened??

Edward: I think Mike Newton just fell out of the balloon...

Jasper: Wait, aren't we like... thousands of feet off the ground? OH!! Shit...

Mike: I'm okay! Uh... well sort of. Except for my broken butt bone!!

Bella: hehe, he said butt bone!! *giggles*

Emmett: Umm... we have a small problem

Edward: And what exactly is that problem??

Emmett: --Well, see...


Alice: Really? Are you sure?

Bella: YES I am sure!!

Alice: Maybe we can stick it back on with hot glue...

Edward: And just where are you going to find hot glue in a hot air balloon? And besides, I WILL NOT LET YOU GLUE BELLA'S BUTT BACK ON WITH HOT GLUE!!

Bella: lol, the word butt is just so much funnier when he says it!!

Mike: Uh... guys, I'm still... you know, injured?

Alice: I know! We can go shopping for some shit to stick in FlooperDonk's face!!

Bella: Who the ef is FlooberDonk?

Alice: I forgot. BUT DON'T YOU JUST LOVE PURPLE?!?!?!

Jasper: Guys, you do realize that Bella's butt is still... uh... not exactly in one piece don't you?

Alice: Of course it isn't in one piece, Jazzy. Everyone knows that humans have two butt cheeks!

Bella: So do baboons! I think...

Emmett: LALALALALA!! *please don't suspect I did something, please don't suspect I did something*

Edward: Emmett, one, I can read your mind. Two, do you really think that it was that smart to write down that? Where I will obviously find out that you DID do something?

Emmett: Uh... well... BOOGER TREE!!

Edward: Your random outbursts are giving me a headache, Em. I'd appreciate it if you were to... oh, I don't know... SHUT UP?!?!?

Bella: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!! Eddie said a BAAAAAAAAAAD word!! Lmfao, I've always wanted to say that

Alice: Well then why didn't you?

Bella: 'Cuz the unicorn caterpillar had a gummy bear lasso, of course!! Gees, Alice!

Alice: *curls up in a corner and gets sad*

Jacob: Hello, all!!

Bella: WTF, Jake?! You sound like King Arthur!!

Alice: I thought Arthur was an armadillo!

Bella: Isn't he like, an aardvark or something?

Mike: What the hell's an aardvark?!

Bella: Damn! And I thought he died. I just don't have any good luck whatsoever, do I? Besides meeting Edward, that is

*Bella and Edward make out for like half an hour*

Bella: lack... of... oxygen!! *faints*

Alice: Holy gingerbread cows!! Eddie, you just made your wife faint!!


Bella: Eddie! Your O's aren't round!!

Edward: Phew... I thought you were hurt or something, Bella! Never scare me like that again!

Bella: What are you, my dad?! Whoa... that would be weird. But you're Renesmee's dad!! Whoa... so, you're like, my dad, and like, our child's father?! Now I'm confused!!

Edward: NO I am not your father, Bella! That's Charlie!

Bella: Really, I thought that was a cactus :/

Edward: *slaps self*

Alice: DANG IT EDDIE!! I thought I told you to stop being emo!!

Mike: I'm bored

Bella: Shut up, FooberDonk.

Alice: Ahem, it's FlooberDonk.

Bella: I wonder what pickled mustard tastes like

Edward: *frowns in disgust*

Bella: *licks lollipop*

Alice: WAH!! Australian unicorns have attacked the highlighter city of Mongoshkinz!!

Mike: Wops


"NOOOOOOOO!!! WE HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED!!" yelled Bella suddenly.

Mike, who had been observing a large bird like thing at the time, jumped and fell out of the hot air balloon. This, of course, pissed him off quite a bit since he had only gotten back up a few minutes ago. Being the caring person that she was, Bella through a large plastic bag to him, thinking it would make a good parachute. However, as soon as Mike hit the ground, his nose turned into a carrot and started turning oddly prune like.

Emmett then started using Alice's head as a drum, and started a conga line. Of course, forgetting that they were thousands of feet above the ground, he stepped right out of the hot air balloon, and was followed by everyone else except for Edward, who was still sighing and asking himself how he could be related to such idiots.

Later that day, Forks Hospital was visited by four vampires, a rather grotesque-looking Mike, and a very confused Bella who had spent the better part of the afternoon wondering why coke makes mentos explode.