This piece was written as a birthday fic for demonlordlover. It was inspired from a conversation involving the realities of post-coital activities. ;) Sooo, Happy Birthday Nicole!! Enjoy!

Kagome stepped out of the shower and began to towel dry her hair. She glanced over at the mirror and wiped the steam away, studying the reflection in the mirror. "Hmm, I don't look any different!" she thought. "No ethereal glow . . . wait . . . is that? Oh no he didn't!" She wiped more of the steam away and leaned in closer to the mirror. There, staring back at her was a very large, very noticeable, hickey. "Great. I don't think makeup will cover that one," she scowled to herself, one more discrepancy to add to her ever-growing list.

Walking back into the bedroom she found Sesshoumaru sprawled out on his stomach across the bed, deep in sleep. The sheets were tangled around his legs and his hair was sticking up everywhere. She giggled to herself, glad to finally find a time where he didn't always look perfect.

She grabbed her diary and decided to journal some of her thoughts while he slept on. She had fantasized about this night for a very long time, and well, she needed to go over her idea of what would happen to figure out where she went wrong.

Kagome pulled the covers away from him as gently as she could, trying not to wake him. She slid in between the sheets, nearly squealing when she ran her leg across a wet cold spot in the sheets. "What the heck . . . oh," she thought, a sheepish grin coming across her face. "That's right. I remember now. But, EWW! Okay . . . just . . . lay around it," she thought, twisting so that her butt was pressed up against Sesshoumaru's side. "Okay, so not very comfortable, but at least I'm out of that spot," she mused as she opened her diary, searching for the right page.

Finding what she was searching for, she settled in to re-read her written fantasy born of countless romance novels and whispered secrets between girlfriends.

He would ride in on his sparkling jyaki cloud, sweep me off of my feet and carry me away to his castle in the sky. His hair would be flowing behind us, glimmering in the sunlight, his purity and brightness would dazzle in my eyes so that I was breathless just looking at his visage. There would be no doubts of his love, so I would just give a simple wave goodbye to my past.

He would be wearing his armor and swords, symbols of his warrior path through life, but I could see in his dazzling, amber eyes that he had a sensitive soul, betraying his chosen path. He could pretend to be cold and heartless on the outside, but only I knew better - that inside he was as mushy and sensitive as I was and ready to lay down his weapons in favor of family life.

We would understand each other without speaking, communicating through our heated looks. His gaze alone would speak to depths unknown, nearly bringing me to the brink of ecstasy in its smoldering intensity. Sweeping me into his large, yet tastefully furnished bedroom, he would proceed to magically remove both sets of our clothes before I knew what was going on.

Of course I would be dripping from my honey pot, ready for him. He would stare longingly into my eyes, while his fingers explored my body. His touch would cause our mutual powers to tingle against one another, heightening our experience and causing me to reach my first orgasm by his touch alone. Then he would gently slide his fingers into me, bringing me to another orgasm before taking care of my maidenhead with a quick flick of his claw. I would be so far in ecstasyto notice any pain.

Then he would look at me with sadness in his eyes as he readied himself to enter me, as if he feared causing me too much pain. I would encourage him to go on, telling him that he should be unafraid and that I wanted this no matter how much it may hurt. He would give me a gentle smile before his massive sword would thrust into me in one deep thrust, sending me into instantaneous orgasm again.

We would go for hours, soaring on the wings of love as he thrust inside of me while I continued to have multiple orgasms, until they all streamed into one long rush of pleasure. Then we would reach the ultimate peak together, flying into eternal bliss as he leaned over to bite my neck and drink my blood in the Inu traditional mating mark. It would cause no pain, and would bind us to each other for eternity, prolonging each other's life span so that we would die within minutes of each other, old and happy.

As the dawn broke, he would whisper in my ear that I just became pregnant with his hanyou child, and that he could already tell it would be a strapping, strong boy. We both would feel the tears coming to our eyes in ultimate joy as we prepared to live happily ever after.

Kagome bit her lip in frustration as she re-read her words. "It didn't happen like that at all!" she whined in her mind. She decided she needed to create a list of things that she learned, so she could pass it along. Other girls needed to know the truth!

Putting pen to paper, she tried to remember the most frustrating or embarrassing moments. She thought for a while, and then wrote the first entry:

Lesson One:I learned that it is important to tie your hair back beforehand, especially if both you and your lover have very long, very pretty hair. Although it is nice to have draped around you for a few minutes, it tends to get pulled quite a bit. It just gets in the way after a while, so keep a hair tie handy.

Kagome remembered the first indication that things may not go the way she expected it to. She had never given much thought to the realities of dealing with soooo much hair, but it turned out to be a very big problem. "You're on my hair, raise up. Oww. It's twisted around . . . move your leg this way . . . don't move that way! Blech! There's hair in my mouth! Wait . . . just pull it back. Owww! You're laying on it!"

Lesson Two:I learned that people make the funniest faces during sex. But - and this is important - no matter how silly his face may be, never laugh at him. Men can be a little sensitive, even a devastatingly handsome demon.

"What are you laughing at, miko? Are you finding this experience amusing?"

"I - You-Yo-(laughs) your face is all scrunched up. You look ridiculous, I'm sorry!! (laughs) Your tongue was hanging out! (Sporfle) I mean, I'm sorry!!"

(eyes narrowing) "Hmmm . . . perhaps I can make your face scrunch up and we'll see how you like it."

Lesson Three: I learned bodily fluid does not taste as good as they describe it in romance novels.

"Well, it's not supposed to taste like candy! Where did you hear that from?"

Lesson Four: I learned you should not run your fingers through his hair if they are covered in flavored lubricant. I think this one is self-explanatory.

"Ugh! Will you please wipe your hand off before you do that?"

"Sorry! I forgot it was there!"

Lesson Five: I learned you should never ask the question, "What are you doing down there?" at any point during sex.

glare "You're about to find out."

Lesson Six: I learned that the vagina can make strange noises when in use. But that it is normal, and not a sound to induce hysterical embarrassment. Just remember this mantra: It's all right. It's okay.

"Calm down Kagome. I know that. I know what it was. Calm down. You're all right. Come out from under the covers, please?"

Lesson Seven:I learned one should not reach down from the bed and grab the first available item of clothing to clean up the, uh, mess. Make sure it's a sock or something similar. Perhaps you may look into keeping a designated rag or paper towel next to the bed. Look before you wipe.

"Miko, perhaps a sock would have been more appropriate than your new silk robe?"

"Kagome, what are you doing?" he asked, rolling over so he could peer over her shoulder to see what she was writing so furiously in her notebook.

"Nothing!" she squealed, pulling the diary to her chest, the blush creeping across her face.

A mischievous grin spread across his face. He leaned in close so he could whisper in her ear, "Come now, Kagome, you know there are no secrets between a husband and wife . . . what are you writing in that little notebook of yours?"

"Uh, I-I'm just writing down what I want to remember from today! It was our wedding day, after all, silly!" she said as she tried to close the diary and get it stashed under the bed without him noticing.

"Then why are you blushing so much?" he said as he snatched the diary with an evil grin.

"Hey! Give that back! That's mine!" she yelled as she tried vainly to grab it back from his hands. He just chuckled at her attempts and moved the book to his far hand, way out of her reach and proceeded to read what she had written.

She sat down with a huff and crossed her arms. "I can't believe that you arereading my diary!" she hissed at him. "You are sooo childish!"

Her mortification only increased as his expression went from confusion to mirth, from chuckles into full-blown laughter. He laughed so hard he had to stop reading in order to gain some composure. She smacked his chest. "This is why I didn't want you to read it! Stop laughing already!"

"Oh my little miko, I can see that we have a lot of work to do," he said as he smirked at her.

She eyed him with suspicion. "What do you mean we have a lot of work to do?"

"Kagome, sex isn't that fluff that you read constantly in those silly books," he said. "Sex is physical, it sweaty, its dirty and passionate. It's not about flowers and candles." His voice dropped lower and he leaned closer to her. "Sex is my tongue exploring every inch of your body . . it's your tiny little hand wrapped around my cock . . . it's your whimpers in my ear as I pound into you . . . it's about the sweat on your brow . . . it's about how I can still smell you on my fingers . . . that is what sex is."

"So I'm going to remind you of the most important lessons you learned earlier," he said as a predatory gleam came into his face. "I think you need to remember these to write in your diary," reaching over to pull her closer to him.

"Like what lessons?" she said, still angry at him for reading her diary, refusing to uncross her arms from her chest.

"Well, like the fact that it makes your heart race when I kiss your neck like this," he said, bending down to place small trailing kisses down the side of her neck. Her eyes closed in response to his touches.

"You also learned that it gives you goose bumps when I run my finger down your arm like this," Sesshoumaru said as his finger trailing down her arm, pulling it away from her waist and exposing her chest.

"And you learned that when my thumb rubs across your nipple like this, it stands at attention, begging to be played with," he whispered while his hand slid under her pajama top, finding her bare breast. She whimpered softly in response to his touch.

"And a firm pinch of your nipple, like this," he said with a solid squeeze, "will cause you to make the most pitiful sounding whimpers, my dear Kagome." He chuckled lightly in her ear as those whimpers broke the surface.

He ran his hand down from her breast, sliding into the front of her pajama bottoms. "And you learned the further down my hand goes, the faster your heart beats. Are you anticipating something? Wondering where my finger will go next?" Her whimpers grew louder and more insistent. "Tsk tsk. Impatient, aren't we, little one? So many whimpers," he whispered into her ear, his breath hot against her skin.

"Don't forget that you learned how good you are at begging for my fingers," he said as he ran the tip of his finger across the outside of her panties. "Tell me how much you want my fingers inside of you," he said.

"Please," she said.

"Please, what, Kagome?" he said, continuing his teasing strokes on the outside of her panties. "Please continue your lessons with my fingers? Is that what you want?" he said as he pressed his finger down harder.

"Mmmhmmm . . ." was all she could manage to get out.

"Say it out loud. I want to hear you say it. Say, 'Please continue my lessons, Sesshoumaru,'" he said. Her fingers dug into his arm as she squirmed underneath him.

"Ah . . . ah . . pl-please . . . con . . . continue. . . lessons . . . Sess. . . shoumaru," she managed to pant out during his ministrations.

"Good girl," he said as he rewarded her with a long and slender finger, causing her to shudder in his arms.

"Don't forget to write all of this down, Kagome," as his fingers continued to stroke her clit. "Are you remembering everything?" he said. She shook her head yes.

"I think you need to remember your lessons on how much you enjoyed my tongue," he said, "and of course, we will revisit the most important lesson of all. Do you remember what that is, miko?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head, unable to think about anything else but his long, strong fingers. She felt him smirk against her ear. "Oh, I think you will remember. You argued a great deal with me over this issue earlier. Surely you have not forgotten?" he said. She only responded with a plaintive moan. "Do you remember, little one, how I educated you that it will fit?" he said with a laugh against her moans.

He was going to enjoy reminding her of all of her lessons.