Hooray for bad Intel [R
Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson

Summary: One of the worst things that can befall a ninja, is going on a mission based on faulty Intel. But for Naruto and his temporary team-mate, it might just turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to them! Completed!

Disclaimer: Naruto, Konoha and whatnot are not mine, though I certainly wish they were. The story is mine though, all mine.
If the layout looks screwy or symbols seems to be missing, you're probably reading the quickedit-mangled version of this fic on ff dot net, if it grates on your nerves too much, read it on hawksgalaxy dot com or something.

Feedback/Flames: Yes, please. Both of them are equally fun to read, although I must admit that I greatly prefer the first variety. :)
I can be found on ICQ as 21771860, MSN Messenger/E-mail as iamhawk at yahoo dotcom, though not very frequently as real life lately interferes with my online existance more then I'd like. More stories are available at my nifty lil' site at hawksgalaxy dot com or by clicking on my handle up above.

emphasis/shouts/Kindred Domination/post-hypnotic triggers
soundeffect/radio/telephone conversation/TV

Chapter Four:

It was five days after Naruto lost his virginity that the snow started up again, another ruddy storm blowing up against the mountains. A second avalanche took out another part of the village and made the two of them reconsider their decision to stick around until the weather improved.

Unfortunately, the snow had piled up quite a bit during their stay and in some areas, it reached well above Hana's head, in most, it went up to Naruto's.

Naruto had suggested creating a thousand Shadow Clones, dismantling one of the houses and use the planks it was built with to dig their way out, but Hana had nixed that idea after a few moments worth of consideration. She'd pondered building some sort of sleigh, but she wasn't completely sure how to go about doing that and Naruto hadn't been able to give any credible-sounding suggestions for that either.

But, her companion and one of his remarkable traits had given her an idea that was by far more appealing then riding some rickety sleigh down to lower ground.

"Rejoice, Naruto. I'm going to teach you a jutsu." she announced, standing outside in the thick jacket, pants and boots Naruto had found for her. The pants were too tight, the jacket too large and the boots were just a little bit too narrow, but she was grateful for them none the less.

He had been less then thrilled of Hana heading outside, but she had been insistent and he'd eventually given in, curious as to what she was up to.

"Pay close attention, because I don't have enough Chakra to use it more then once, they I'll have to rest up for a few hours before I can use it again. Five times a day if I get plenty of rest in between the times using it is my maximum, so with me using it, it's no real help for us, considering the amount of ground we have to cover to get away from here." she further explained, then grinned as she looked at him. "But in the hands of a Chakra monster like you, well..."

She silently noted the way Naruto flinched when she said 'Chakra monster'. She had noticed a few such odd reactions before, noted how he got introspective for long periods of time and periodically seemingly was about to say something, only to apparently change his mind, grow frustrated and sulk for a while.

She hadn't pried, figuring that he'd tell her whatever was bothering the hell out of him like that when he was ready, not before. She was starting to grow rather curious about it however, even if she had yet to bring up the issue of whatever he was holding back from her.

Besides, she rather enjoyed drawing him out of his periodical funks. Especially in the last five days, after they'd become lovers in the true sense of the word.

True to her expectations, he'd taken to that as a fish to water and his freakishly inhuman stamina had served both of them well in that area as well. Even without her injured foot, she didn't doubt for a second that she would have walked oddly for days after he lost his virginity.

"What sort of jutsu is it?" Naruto asked eagerly.

"Oh, I think you'll like it. It's veeeeeeeery destructive, flashy as hell and it'll clear away snow like nobody's business." Hana drawled, then got into a long explanation of how he was supposed to mould his Chakra, the seals he had to use. Once she'd ensured that he could repeat all her instructions back to her well enough, she sent him into the house to fetch some fire for them.

She had advanced far enough with fire techniques that she didn't really need close proximity to a real fire in order to use them, but it did help, just as it likely would help Naruto out as he was learning the technique. Especially since he hadn't learned any fire techniques before.

He soon came back, carrying a burning piece of an old kitchen cabinet.

"Excellent. Now watch this!" Hana said, then took a deep breath, moved her torso back a bit as she moulded a fair bit of Chakra in preparation, then leaned forward, made a few quick seals and then exhaled as hard as she could.

"Katon: Karyuu Endan!" she shouted in mid-exhalation and blew out a long powerful gout of flame. The snow she aimed it at didn't so much melt, as evaporate. In a twenty meter long line away from her. Even after she had stopped exhaling fire, the snow near the newly dug-out corridor in the snow continued to melt. The temperature around them spiked for several seconds, before the breeze dealt with that and blew in a fresh gust of cold mountain air. She panted a few times, then turned to face Naruto and grinned. "That's the B-ranked Jutsu, Katon: Karyuu Endan. If you can get the hang of that one, we'll be out of these mountains before you know it." she said and limped over, giving him a passionate kiss to tide him over for a while. "Have fun practising it, I'm going inside." she finished.

"Sure thing, Hana-chan!" Naruto exclaimed, although somewhat distractedly. She heard him murmuring her instructions all over again and as she stopped at the door, she heard him shout "Katon: Karyuu Endan!" at the top of his lungs. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled as she saw a few miniscule sparks of fire pop out of his mouth along with a cloud of smoke.

"Good luck, Naruto." Hana whispered to herself and headed inside.

Two days later, after Naruto had spent most of those two days practising, he'd finally managed to get his ability with the new jutsu to a somewhat useful level. His version of it wasn't even half as hot as Hana's, only had about a third of her reach and he couldn't keep it up for as long as she could.

But in return, he could use it almost fifty times in a row before he had to rest up for a bit. But after an hour or so, he could use it a further ten times. But he could also create Shadow Clones and have them use it. Roughly half of them exploded when they tried, as they used up all their Chakra and failed. Roughly a quarter of them exploded in a fireball when they tried to use it. It didn't have the range of a successful one, but at least they did clear up a bit of snow when they blew up. The last quarter, succeeded in activating the technique, even if they vanished after that.

And Naruto could create hundreds of them!

So after resting up for a day, packing their stuff and preparing as much food as they could carry with them and Brightwind could pull behind her on a primitive sleigh that Hana had managed to put together, they set out early in the morning, just after sunset.

Naruto had created nearly five-hundred clones the evening before, who had set out to clear the initial route for them. Some of the good work they had accomplished had been undone by the ever present snowfall, but even though new snow had fallen during the night, it hadn't become so much of it that it was a real hindrance and the three of them made it a fair bit down the mountain before Naruto had to create a new bunch of clones to clear the route for them.

He dug out shelter for the night in the mountainside using his Rasengan. The sleigh that Brightwind had pulled along, contained not only blankets, but also dry firewood, so even if it wasn't by far as comfortable as the house they'd been living in, it was still an improvement by far over some of the other conditions they'd endured during this mission.

In the late afternoon on the second day, they made it down to lower terrain and weren't forced to rely on fire jutsu to make the journey bearable. Hana started out their daily journeys on her own two feet, but in spite of the fact that she managed without the crutch, her right foot started bothering her something fierce after a couple of hours and she once again had to rely on Naruto carrying her during the rest of the day.

Brightwind obviously found this incredibly amusing and Hana cast quite a few dirty looks in the dog's direction whenever she spotted the dog grinning up at her on Naruto's back. Once they'd made it back to lower ground, Naruto summoned a horse-size talking frog and had that head on over to Konoha ahead of them to let them know that they were alive and on their way back to the village.

Hana's eyes had widened at that. She'd heard Naruto regaling her with what she had thought was tall tales of summoning the Frog Boss, Gamabunta. But as she'd never actually seen him ever summoning a frog before that, this sudden irrefutable evidence that he actually was capable of summoning frogs had her doubting her earlier thoughts. Especially as she now knew just how much Chakra her mate actually had!

She had on occasion before wondered if his seemingly tall tales might not be so tall after all, but this last piece of reality crashing down upon her actually caused her to wonder if they might not have been true, every single one of them.

She smiled, leaned forward and used her right hand to turn his head around, then captured his lips with hers in an unusually passionate kiss, even for her.

"Wow! What was that for?" Naruto wondered once he'd regained his bearings after that smoking spectacular kiss.

"For being you." Hana simply responded. "Thanks for telling the frog to speak with my family too, not only the Hokage." she added.

In fact, Naruto had instructed the frog to go to the Inuzuka compound first, the Hokage only after letting Hana's family know that she was all right.

Two days later, they reached a small village where they pooled their money together to buy new clothes, two backpacks, a tent, a new map, some proper un-mended blankets, water flagons and travel rations. Hana also had a real doctor take a look at her leg and he declared her well on her way to full recovery. He'd been appalled to hear that she'd used veterinarian jutsu on herself, but apparently it hadn't caused any sort of problems that he'd been able to spot.

Once they got back to Konoha, she'd ask the Medic Nins at Konoha Hospital to have a look at her. The doctor seemed to know what he was doing, but there were some things that only Medic Nins using medical jutsu could spot. Especially the sort of exotic problems that might result from having used Jutsu designed for animals on a human.

They crossed the border into Rain shortly after that, paying a fisherman with some of their last Ryo to take them across the river between Bird and Rain. Crossing Rain was simpler and they covered more ground, as the fisherman took them ashore not all that far from a merchant route, which meant that they had a proper road to travel on.

But in spite of their increased rate of speed, it was a much larger distance they had to traverse and thus it took them nearly two weeks before they were back in the Country of Fire again.

Thankfully, it was only a day's hard journey until they reached Border Town. Hana had her family wire her some money and the two of them also sent off a brief message to the Hokage, letting her know that they were both okay and now back in their own country.

Using the money they now had, they spoiled themselves rotten and checked into a somewhat fancy hotel for the night.

There hadn't been much opportunity for such since they left the abandoned village, so they took advantage of their facilities for the night to wash themselves thoroughly, gorge themselves on good food and then screw themselves silly for the better part of the night.

Both of them walked a bit oddly the following day, but none of them voiced even a single word of complaint. It had been more then worth it.

They made even better pace now, both of them regaining strength simply by being so close to home again and only eleven days after leaving Border Town, they reached the gates of Konoha.

"Home..." Hana breathed as the gates came into view.

"Home..." Naruto repeated, though he was looking at Hana, rather then the gates. She looked aside at him and observed him for a few seconds, then a wide smile lit up her face, making her seem even more beautiful then normally.

"Home!" she agreed and bent down, giving him another one of her extra-ordinarily passionate kisses and a fierce hug. They kept on hugging and kissing for a few minutes, then parted and started walking for the gates again, both of them with large silly grins adorning their faces.

They headed directly for the Central Administration Building, knowing that it was their duty to report to the Hokage straight away upon their arrival. Such was even more important after a failed mission, like this one had been. In fact, failure to do so unless there was a dire medical emergency, was punishable by death.

Tsunade had admitted them at once, but neither of them had the opportunity to even greet the woman in question, before she'd darted out from behind her desk and wrapped her arms around Naruto in a bone-shattering hug with Sannin-level speed.

Hana was torn between jealousy and amusement as she observed Naruto's head being buried between Tsunade's enormous assets, his arms waving about in mild panic as Tsunade crushed him against her. A faint ticking of her left eyebrow started as the woman seemed reluctant to ease up on the hugging and grew progressively worse as Tsunade started kissing the top of his head, crying and smiling at the same time.

"Hrm!" Hana harrumphed and focused a stern glare at the Hokage. "Tsunade-sama... I'd prefer for you not to molest my boyfriend, thank you very much!" she snapped irritably, causing the Hokage to look over at her with a surprised expression, dropping Naruto who fell flat to his ass onto the ground, taking deep breaths of air now that he wasn't being suffocated by Tsunade's enormous assets.

"Boyfriend?" Tsunade repeated slowly and in utter astonishment, then looked down at Naruto at her feet, panting and gulping down huge breaths of air. "This brat?" she asked for clarification.

"Hey!" Naruto protested.

"Yes!" Hana exclaimed proudly and kindly helped Naruto get back onto his feet, wrapping her left arm around his shoulders in a protective and extremely possessive gesture. Naruto unconsciously slung his right arm around her waist, holding her against him, just as she did to him.

Tsunade looked between the two of them with a non-plussed expression for almost a full minute without saying anything, before she suddenly grinned and let out a cheerful laugh.

"Well, congratulations then!" she exclaimed and headed for her desk. "Come along you two, have a drink with me. This calls for a celebration!" she declared and deftly extracted a bottle of fine sake and three small cups from one of the drawers in her desk.

"But... Our report?" Hana protested.

"Screw that. Shit happens. The frog told me what went down when it got here. Besides, a couple of weeks after you were supposed to return, I sent off three full teams to track you guys down. They dealt with the bandits and the missing Nins. They returned three weeks ago." Tsunade replied and poured sake into the cups, before snatching one of them for herself. "A toast, to your survival and for new relationships!" Tsunade suggested.

Hana hesitantly picked up a cup of her own. She wasn't much of a drinker, but she supposed that a drink might be warranted under the circumstances. Naruto grabbed the last one, even more hesitantly. He really wasn't much of a drinker, only having tasted sake twice before and not really caring for the taste.

"Kampai!" Tsunade declared and downed her cup in one go.

"Kampai..." Hana added more sedately, then slowly drained her sake, also in one go, but much slower then Tsunade.

"Kampai." Naruto agreed and tossed it all down in one go, only to wind up coughing and spluttering.

"Hah! That's the way to do it, brat." Tsunade approved. "Now get yourselves out of my office, you can type up your reports and hand them to my secretary tomorrow on your way to the hospital for a medical evaluation. After that, a week of mandatory leave, unless the medics at the hospital say that you need more time then that. I don't want to see either of you before then, at the earliest." she ordered them.

"Uh... Sure, Tsunade-sama..." Hana hesitantly responded, not at all used to this new Hokage and her behaviour yet.

"A week! Come on, you old hag! I can go on another mission tomorrow! You know it!" Naruto blustered, causing Tsunade to let off a deep sigh and pour herself a second cup of sake.

"No doubt. But wouldn't you rather spend tomorrow with me?" Hana asked, causing Naruto to stop dead in his tracks and the rest of whatever protest he'd been about to make die out unvoiced. Tsunade raised an eyebrow at that and looked up at Naruto and the silly expression on his face.

"Yeah..." he slowly agreed, vacantly nodding his head in full agreement with his girlfriend's extremely favourable suggestion.

"Inuzuka Hana..." Tsunade breathed in an astonished tone of voice. "You're my new idol!" she declared with utter conviction.

"I'm just not sure that this is a good idea, that's all..." Naruto commented and swallowed nervously.

"Ah, come on. They're not that bad! ... Well, Kiba could use some polishing to smoothen out his rough edges, I'll admit." she admitted and grinned. Though to tell the truth, the entire family could use a little polishing, her included. "But it doesn't matter, because if he becomes too much of a nuisance, I can still kick his butt like the little runt he is. But mom'll be cool with us, I promise." Hana argued confidently.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that..." Naruto mumbled, took a deep breath of air and pulled Hana into an alley along with him.

"Naruto, if you're worried about scoring points with my family who all possess enhanced senses, I can assure you that reeking of sex when we tell them about us, isn't the proper way to go about it." Hana commented with wry amusement, though she was unbuttoning her torn and worn Chuunin vest even as she argued against it. It had been a long eleven days since they left Border Town, which was the last time they'd had a proper fuck. There had been a couple of quickies in the tent since then, but compared to their usual sessions, it had been somewhat unsatisfactory.

Enough so that Hana didn't even consider the fact that she wasn't really comfortable with acts of intimacy out in the open.

"It's not that..." Naruto regretfully commented, letting out a longing sigh as Hana fumbled with her sweater, blinking in surprise at hearing that this wasn't about nookie.

"It... Isn't?" Hana asked, slowly letting her hands drop. "Well... What is this about then?" she asked somewhat irritably, feeling deeply cheated at the moment.

"There's something... I have... I should have told you earlier... It's really..." he stuttered, not quite knowing how he should go about telling her this.

"Naruto, I once had to carry the corpse of a Missing Nin on my back for two weeks, after the preservation jutsu had failed to work due some oddities with his bloodline. I have a sense of smell that allows me to pick up on even the tiniest hints of something from twenty feet off, even before I use jutsu to further enhance it, so that was one seriously upsetting two weeks for me! Trust me when I say that I couldn't care less about how you phrase things and that it takes quite a lot to upset me. Just say what's on your mind and we'll deal with it." Hana interjected.

"The Kyuubi is sealed inside of me." Naruto simply stated, causing Hana to blink in surprise and look down at him with an extremely odd expression on her face. "I'll... I'll be going now." Naruto mumbled and turned around, only to suddenly find himself pinned against the wall of the building behind him, Hana's powerful hands clamping down on his shoulders with twin grips of iron.

"I don't think so, packmate of my heart." Hana informed him, then leaned down and gave him a soft gentle kiss on his lips. "Is that all? Is that what you've been fretting about all this time?"

"Is that all?!" Naruto exclaimed. "I'm the Kyuubi!" he hissed in a low tone of voice, so he wouldn't be overheard.

"Bollocks and chickenshit." Hana snorted and pointed at Brightwind, who was seated at the edge of the alley, keeping an eye out to ensure that they wouldn't be disturbed. "There's a spirit bound into Brightwind. Every Inuzuka dog has a spirit bound inside of them. I did the Soul Binding for Brightwind, Fireheart and Soulreaver myself. Trust me when I say that I know quite a lot about sealing crap into living beings." she explained and glared down at him. "You're no more the Kyuubi then Brightwind is the Air Spirit sealed inside of her." she snorted. "You're Uzumaki Naruto, that's the end of that. The fact that you've got some crap sealed up inside of you is completely irrelevant and doesn't affect a single thing." she sternly informed him.

"You're the man who carried me away from danger. You're the man who blushed like a loon the first time you had to help me take a leak. You're the man who kept me alive, who provided for me when I couldn't do so myself. You gave me shelter, you brought me food and you nursed me for weeks! You put up with me when I was cranky, you joked to cheer me up when I was feeling down, you listened when I bitched and moaned. You're the man I've given my undying love to! You're Uzumaki Naruto, beloved packmate of my heart!" Hana ranted, then kissed him again. "And no fucking ruddy bloody demon, tailed or not, will ever change that!" she finished.

"Oh..." Naruto weakly responded, completely at a loss for words in the face of her frantic rant.

"Now come on. I want you to meet my family and then we'll lock ourselves up in my room and make love until the bed breaks. Are we clear on that?" she demanded to know.

"Okay..." he agreed in a faint tone of voice and suddenly found himself dragged off towards the Inuzuka compound, hand in fiercely clenched hand with Hana.

The End!