Disclaimer: I don't own it, sadly.

Warnings: Slash!

A/N: My name is Evil-Irish-Wolf and I'm addicted to James/Sirius slash.

--It's slightly disjointed, but it wouldn't cooperate so it was left like this. I'll just pretend that it's an abstract piece and that I meant to have it come out like that.


Heavy

Sirius and James are in love and together they're simply perfection.

Remus likes to watch them. He's begun to jot down notes.

Nothing in particular, just little snippets of certain moments that seem important and relevant. It's something of a hobby and Sirius is the one that told him to find "an outlet for frustration." Remus isn't naïve enough to think that this is what he meant, but it calms him down nevertheless.

Whenever he's feeling particularly irritated either because of school or the impending full moon, he gets out his ragged parchment and favorite quill and begins to observe and take notes on his favorite people. His notes by now have stopped having any sense of organization. They loop and slash across the off white parchment in varying patterns; which he deems appropriate considering the subjects.

He's been doing this since about fourth year. That's when he really noticed them for the first time, not that he hadn't noticed Sirius and James before; they're slightly hard not to notice. No, this time he noticed Sirius and James, as a pair, as a couple, as them. Suddenly they were a single unit. Not just two separate beings.

It took him all summer to realize what that meant.


It's an incredible sight to behold, to watch James and Sirius together. They don't have to be doing anything in particular. Actually, it's better if they're not putting on a show. It's better if it's not an act to throw people off. It's best when they're just sitting together in the common room, thats when it's easiest to see.

They sit unnecessarily close. They always have. It used to spur rumors, but they've been doing it for so many years that gossip about that has long since ceased.

The couch is big enough for three or four, but still they crunch together and sit side by side, carefully situated so that Sirius's right side is adjoined to James's left. Leg to hip and hip to shoulder, there isn't a gap to be seen. Their heads dip together, bobbing back in forth in conversation. Their eyes get entranced with each other and it looks painful when they eventually have to look away. Each one is dazzled by the other.

Any time that one of them moves, the other leans and follows so as to not break the perfectly aligned fusion that they've made. James leans forward to get a closer look at something on his parchment and Sirius unconsciously moves at the same time, in perfect unison.

Their hands are careful not to touch. They are laid deliberately side by side, but they are the only part of their bodies that don't touch. Remus isn't sure he understands, but this seems important so he jots it down.


It's always there and Remus can see it. He always has been able to, but more recently he's begun to feel it as well.

It's a pressure, a very heavy and slowly building pressure that protrudes out of them. It comes off in waves, ripping and streaming out into every cavern and nook in the castle. Curving and pressing down upon the common room, until Remus finds it hard to concentrate. It just draws him in. Yet, the longer he looks the more the pressure builds up. Sometimes he has to excuse himself to the lavatory before he becomes ill or something equally embarrassing and ridiculous, considering that he's not even part of the situation.

He's often mesmerized by the way that their minds twist and turn in such perfect synchronization; in such harmony that it's impossible to decipher whose thoughts they were to begin with. Their words wrap and coil around one another with such precision it's like they've been primed and rehearsed. It comes in handy when they're in trouble. They can fabricate a story to get out of detention with such agility and ease that the professors never question its legitimacy. It's simply too collaborate and functional to seem fake.

However, it's only for the benefit of others that they use words because, in all honesty, they really don't need mere words to communicate with one another. They never have.

They never say what they mean with words.

They can communicate in such subtler ways and get much more meaning out of it. A glance can say things that their words can't even begin to describe. A million words can't say the same thing as one a single glance between those two. After seven years, they've got it down to a fine art.

A quirk of Sirius's perfectly shaped eyebrow, a crease of confusion in James's forehead and then an understanding mischievous smirk all relay a conversation that no one else can hear.

Remus loves these moments the best because they're open to interpretation, just like a good book. He imagines hundreds of scenarios about what they're thinking. Thousands of different meanings in those few seconds of "speech," splash together in Remus's mind creating a whole world within his subconscious.

He really does need to get out more, but this is just much more interesting than anything else in this school.


He enjoys watching them as Animagus. They dazzle in the moonlight, they simply sparkle. They run about every witch way, darting in between trees, and playing a game that only they know the rules to.

Even though he's transformed into a monster, he can still see the pure and unfiltered love that they have for one another. It makes being a werewolf alright because he's gotten a chance to see this.

It sometimes amazes him that he's not jealous of what's between them.

Remus likes to think that it's because he's such a good person; but it's probably just because even though it's all very romantic and marvelously beautiful, he gets the feeling that it's also very scary.

It has to be horrifically scary to care that deeply and intensely about someone.


Sirius described his emotions for James once, while he was pissed, of course.

Sirius had been lying on top of James's bed with his feet hanging off the edge, swinging aimlessly. An empty discarded bottle lay on the floor and Remus tripped over it as he came in. Sirius glanced up and smiled drunkenly at him.

"Ello, Moony," he'd muttered with only a slight slur in his words. Remus had to commend him for still being about to speak without any obvious impediments. He'd seen how much Sirius had drunk that night.

Remus smiled slightly, "alright, Padfoot?"

"Yeah, yeah. Never been better." Sirius muttered sitting up slowly and smoothing out his hair. "What brings you up here?"

"Just came to check on you," Remus supplied, suddenly aware that he was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"James sent you," Sirius stated his eyes glazing over. It wasn't a question.

"Yes, he was worried about you," Remus said looking at Sirius curiously. "He said that you'd told him you weren't feeling well."

Sirius stared at Remus for a few moments and then said in an oddly emotional and slightly pained voice, "I just feel heavy." He collapsed back onto the bed gripping the duvet tightly and clamping his eyes shut as if trying to block something painful out.

"Heavy…" Remus muttered, trying to remember any illnesses that had this symptom.

"Where?" Remus questioned sitting gently on James's bed to get a better look at his "patient."

Sirius opened his eyes and in that moment Remus knew that whatever this feeling was that Sirius was talking about, he wouldn't even begin to understand it.

Sirius didn't say anything and just lifted his right hand up and set it across his chest. It took a moment for Remus to realize that the palm of Sirius's hand was resting over his heart. His eyes locked again with Sirius's and they fell into a comfortable silence of understanding.

Well, semi-understanding.

Remus doubts that he'll ever truly understand what they mean to one another.


So, he just sits and watches. Casually jotting down important moments, like some sort of historian witnessing a magnificent event that will be dictated to millions for years to come or some sort of scientist monotonously trying to untangle and derive the meaning of the universe, always trying to understand the incomprehensible. Never interfering, but always watching and observing.

They're just such a beautiful sight to behold and Remus feels privileged to have a place in their world, however small it is.


A/N: I like to think of Remus as a secret JPSB slasher. Thanks for reading and please review!