Notes: I want it know that I love Jordan. This was written to in no way bash his character. I've just always thought his jealousy of Aikka which manifests itself in distrust to be quite funny. He's just so transparent. Also, I wrote this ages ago. Like after episode 9 when it first aired a year ago. So why wait so long to upload it? Well, I'm lazy. Oh and once again, there's no actual tentacle rape in this story.
Disclaimer: Oban Star-Racers is the intellectual property of Sav! The World Productions.
Jordan tapped his fingers anxiously against the metal worktable. He glared menacingly at the wall in front of him, scowling with a hatred so intense one would have thought the wall had murdered his mom or something. Every so often he would turn and groan loudly with frustration, much to the displeasure of the others in the room. Namely, Koji and Stan, who were busying working on the Whizzing Arrow, and Stan couldn't take it anymore. He slammed his screwdriver against the Arrow and yelled, "Damn it, Jordan! What is it?"
Jordan's frown deepened making him look like his mouth was doing a pretty good impression of a shifted fault line… after two earthquakes. "She's out with… him." And by she, he meant Molly, and by him, he meant that no good, slimy, demon alien Prince Aikka. But I'm sure you already knew that.
"Oh." Stan quickly turned back toward his work, desperately hoping that if he stopped talking now Jordan would just go back to silently brooding.
"She's just so infuriating!" But no such luck.
Koji sighed exasperatingly. "See what you do," he whispered to Stan. "Now we're gonna have to listen to him!" Stan shrugged and mouthed 'Sorry'.
"I mean, how hard is it to realize that that Prince Guy is our enemy?! I bet he's torturing her right now in order gain Earth's secret for the Corgs!" Jordan stared off into space. He could just see it.
Molly is trapped in a dark room with several threatening sharp objects all along the walls around her. She is strapped down to an operating table, helpless before her evil captor who is completely shrouded in shadows. She struggles against her restraints. "It's no use. You are completely under my control. You should give up now and tell me all of Earth's secrets. Bwahahaha!" Her captor steps into the light, revealing himself to be the notorious Prince Aikka.
Molly gasps "No! I'll never betray the Earth team! Never! You can do your worst!"
"All right," the evil alien fiend replies in his spooky, creepy Alien voice. He lifts up his most deadly weapon and prepares to strike.
"NOOOoooOOOooOOo!!!" Screams Molly in terror.
"She screams in terror?" Stan repeated dubiously. "You know, some how I can't see Molly screaming in terror while she lays helpless before an alien menace." Koji gaped in horror at Stan. "And besides I doubt the Prince would torture her." Stan reasoned. "He wouldn't have to," he added under his breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Stan busied himself with his work.
Jordan glared at the back of his head long and hard. "Maybe." Jordan gasped as realization suddenly hit him. "He's trying to seduce her!"
"That's it!" Jordan slammed his fist into the palm of his other hand. "He's gonna try and woo Molly and… and… get her to tell all our secrets!"
Aikka looks at Molly seductively. "Molly… Would you tell me the Earth Team's secrets?" He runs his hands up and down her bare arms causing her frail little body to shiver and quake with anticipation 'cuz she's a female and females are weak like that.
She manages to come to her senses. "Wait…no… I can't."
She pushes him away, but the philandering prince is not deterred. He leans in close and whispers, "Not even for me?" Molly looks at up him. Her eyes were wide and sparkly with her complete lack of knowledge of the motives of the male gender. Her face flushes and her small, petite bosom heaves as she desperately tries to keep her wits.
"Oh my god!" Jordan exclaimed. "Molly's a girl!" He announced as if it was some shocking revelation. Both Stan and Koji coughed in an attempt to hide their laughter. They were more or less successful, save for a few chortles and giggles that managed to seep out.
"Really, Jordan? I had no idea," Koji retorted, still trying to hold back his laughter.
"You guys don't get it, do you?" Jordan's hands shook uncontrollably and he started to get this crazy look in his eyes. "That filth isn't after our secrets. He's after Molly!"
"What!?" Koji and Stan put down their tools and stared at the hysterical Jordan.
"Yes." Jordan muttered under his breath, clearly losing his grip on reality (bound to happen sooner or later). "Yes, he's after Molly and her VIRGINITY!" He could barely hear Koji and Stan yell 'What?!' again as he sank into yet another montage.
"No stop!" Molly kicks her legs helplessly under the weight of the cruel Prince Aikka.
"Never! I will have you!" The fiend reaches down to maul Molly's … girlie parts. He smashes his mouth against hers, violently stealing kisses from her. He pulls away and for a moment Molly is relieved, believing he will let her go. However, her hopes are dashed as the Evil Prince begins to remove his clothing.
"No!" Molly screams. Why, oh why didn't I listen to Jordan? She thinks as he…
"Stop it! Just stop it!" Koji yelled, finally unable to take it anymore. "Quit talking!" He was practically in tears, and not from worrying about Molly being viciously raped by an alien. No, he was fairly certain she was just fine. He just couldn't take listening to anymore of Jordan's sick fantasies. Well, ok. They weren't exactly fantasies, but still… Enough was enough. "I don't want to hear it!" He broke down into uncontrollable sobs.
"Besides," Stan speaks up. "Aikka's an alien. I doubt he's got the same parts as us humans."
The sinister Aikka removes his clothes, revealing hundreds of phallic shaped tentacles. Molly shrieks out in pain as he thrusts…
"No, Molly!" Jordan shouted in protest, interrupting his own montage. "I have to save her!" And with that he rushed out of the hanger.
Koji sighed in relief. Finally free, he returned peacefully to his work. "Ew." Koji looked over at Stan who had his nosed wrinkled in disgust. "He was gonna describe it, wasn't he?" Koji grimaced and shuddered at the thought of the possible mental images he would have been forced to witness. "There's something wrong with him." Koji nodded, agreeing completely.
Somewhere else, Molly and Prince Aikka were peacefully enjoying each other's company. "And then Yourbas shoot out glitter and streamers over the village and it rains candy for three whole days," Aikka described some weird alien festival on his planet to a highly interested Molly.
"Wow," she breathed amazed. "That sounds incredible. It must so cool to live on Noreasia."
"Hmm… No, it's not really cold there." He responded, completely misunderstanding her in his cute alien way.
"No, that's not what I mean. You see-" She is interrupted mid sentence by someone yelling her name in the distance.
Aikka pointed off behind her. "Isn't that your teammate?" Molly turned to look and sure enough, there was Jordan, running toward her, his face completely red and covered with sweat.
"Jordan, what are yo-" She was cut off mid sentence when he for no reason threw his arms around her and hugged her so tight she was literally suffocating.
"Oh my god, Molly! I made it in time!" He sobbed hysterically. He softly stroked her red hair in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but instead unnerved her beyond all comprehension.
"Jordan, what the hell are you going on about?"
"Don't worry, Molly. You're safe now." Still very caught up in the moment, he shot a glare at Prince Aikka. "I'll protect you from this menace." He pushed Molly behind him to shield her from Aikka's … Aikka-ness. "You sick fiend! I bet you thought you'd get away with it! Never did you suspect that I'd be on to you! I won't let you tentacle rape this innocent youth!"
"Tentacle rape?" Both Molly and Aikka exclaimed at once. "Jordan, what the fu-!" Molly was interrupted mid curse word.
"Not now, Molly! You can thank me with your eternal gratitude and complementary free sex later. Right now I need to take care of this slime!"
"Jordan, would you just-!" And then they erupted into a semi-fight with Molly trying to yell at Jordan and Jordan completely not listening. All the while, Prince Aikka stood off the side, quietly contemplating Jordan's words. In other words, he was trying to figure what the Earthling had meant by tentacle rape, because he, the dashing and wonderful Prince Aikka, did not have tentacles, thus…
"Earth girls have tentacles?" Aikka whispered incredulously. "I had no idea…" He stared at Molly as if she had just grown a second head, which, granted, would not be as weird as her having tentacles for reproductive organs. "Um… Molly," he started nervously and clearly weirded out. "I … uhh… have to… go… over there… right now." And with that he made his timely departure… very quickly.
"Ha," snorted Jordan, puffing out his chest proudly. "Showed him. You can start thanking me now."
Molly turned to him slowly, looking at him with what only could be described as the utmost hatred. "Oh, I'll thank you all right..." However, the way she said that would give one the idea that she had no intention of thanking him. In fact, from the way she said the word thank, one would think she planned to do something painful to him that he would not enjoy. Like she was angry or something. But that's just ridiculous, because he just saved her from being raped.
But if that's the case, why was she picking up that rock?
Meanwhile, Prince Aikka was just returning home, still in deep thought about what had just transpired. He bypassed his advisor and trainer and went straight to his room. He laid motionless on his bed for hours, continuing to reflect. "So," He finally said, "Earth girls have tentacles…" He rolled over so he could gaze out the window wistfully. "I wonder what that would feel like."