To read the newest chapter (as of Feb. 27th) go to the previous one in the scroll, which is titled "7".
To read alongside Chapters 10 and 11 of "A rite of passage"
"No Edward…What I need is a pregnancy test, happy?"
I almost had us splattered on the windshield with the force I hit the brakes when she said those words.
Thank goodness for seatbelts.
"Are you kidding me?"
She looked at me like I had two heads.
"Yes I am… Because a fictitious pregnancy scare to get a laugh out of your best friend that you've been sleeping with is so damn funny… Now, let's go get those condoms!" She said caustically.
"Okay, that was a stupid question."
Cars were now honking at me and maneuvering to get by.
"How long have you been suspecting?"
"Just today, when I realized the festival is tonight. I didn't know I was late."
"Well, I've never paid great attention to it, but I'd say over a week."
"Oh shit indeed."
"Not to recriminate… But weren't you on the patch?"
"Yes… Though… I may not have changed it on the right day… a few times… I know how this sounds okay, but you know how oblivious and distracted I am… That's why Esme had me on the patch instead of the pill…"
"Okay, then, CVS it is."
I drove up to the pharmacy in complete shock. This was a curveball that I had not been expecting. I could see her fear and I damned myself for not being careful. It had all been very nice and dandy for me. She was on the patch, she had told me. But then again nothing is infallible in this world, is it?
I parked at the pharmacy and we both got out. We wandered in until we found the aisle we were looking for. I grabbed a couple and started reading.
"Really dude, I don't care which one just let's go, I can't really stomach the comparison shopping.
We grabbed one and went to pay for it. Soon enough we were at home.
Thankfully mom and dad were not in. I suspected they'd be going directly to the festival.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I said.
"I much rather not think about it. I'm just hoping this is just a scare. I can't really think of the possibilities."
To be honest I was freaking out, and I suspected that if it hadn't been Bella the one about to pee in a stick to find out if I had knocked her up, I would be running for the hills.
One fine man I am.
I could see her already clamming up and I wanted to kick myself. I kept feeling I was being left behind.
I so desperately wanted her to talk to me. But she was gone. Sometimes she would just be gone. Her body would be here but her mind some place where I could not reach her. The worst time had been when her parents died. I felt abandoned and terribly sad.
How selfish I was. I just wanted her to be with me. To talk to me.
This time I could feel it physically burning my chest. It almost trumped the fear of what we were just about to find out.
And then I saw her come out of the bathroom holding our future in her hands.
That night Mom went upstairs with Bella while Dad took me to the backyard. He yelled at me for two hours straight. I was actually trying not to smile, since it was so funny and pathetic how I had thought their reaction had been so good, and completely not what I had expected
But this… This made so much more sense.
"Are you smiling? Tell me please if there is a reason to smile because I don't see it. I thought you would at least have been safe. " I didn't think I had see my father this angered before.
"Bella was on the patch."
"And you seriously think that leaving the responsibility of protection to her is a mature idea? For Pete's sake Edward Cullen! And may I remind you that contraceptive methods are not one hundred percent safe? To really be safe you have to take other precautions. And of course all of this of course happened under my roof. I really don't know what else to say to you. You are of course going to face this like a grown up man, you understand me?"
This really offended me.
"You think I'd leave her? She's my best friend!"
"Well, You certainly didn't treat her like your best friend nor like sister either… Listen, I know you care for her, but you should have known better. I really would have expected more of you Edward."
"Wow, you almost had me fooled earlier today."
"Listen to me young man. My first and foremost preoccupation is her.
First of all, despite this having enormous connotations for you, it is going to be infinitely worse for her.
And second, her emotional state worries both your mother and I. I do not need to tell you how delicate it is. After losing Charlie and Renee… This whole situation has different repercussions.
And finally unlike you and your brother she was not ours. Because of a horrible tragedy and an immense vow of confidence from very good friends of ours we got her, and believe me she is my daughter. But we know we are not her biological parents. We have been so blessed to have her and to have her love us. I can feel that she looks at us like her parents, but we are never, ever going to replace the ones that she lost.
Do you think that when she's going through something so difficult as this I'm going to do anything but hold her and tell her it is all going to be okay? You heard her! She acted like she thought we were going to kick her out. You have no idea what it is to fee like you are alone in the world. And that is what goes in that child's head."
"But she is not alone."
"No, of course she is not. But try to convince her of that. That's what we're trying to do. Of course, I know that she made a mistake as well. I know that you are not the only one to blame. And once she's calmer I will talk to her, as I know your mother will too."
He breathed deeply and looked at me, I could see him heat up again.
"Now, you on the other hand are a man and my son and right now I'm just so mad at you that I'm just going to keep yelling at you until I feel better and you are just going to listen to it, okay?"
"Yes dad. I know I let you and mom down. But I really truly care about her. And it was never our intention to get in trouble. I know we thought we had everything under control. But we didn't. And I know that it was purely just stupidity. There is nothing else to call it."
"Okay. I think I've yelled enough and you've listened enough. You are my son and I love you and I will support you. But you are going to have to earn my trust again, and I hope you use this opportunity to show me what kind of man you want to be. Now that you have two people that need you to be there for them."
"I love you dad"
"I love you too son. Now go to sleep."
I went upstairs and realized that Bella and I hadn't even talked about what just had happened. I decided to go to her and talk but as I went through the bathroom I saw her fast asleep next to mom, who was still awake and did not look happy to see me.
"Oh no! You don't even try to come here young man! You go to sleep in your room now. I'll be staying here."
Great, I have part II coming.
Going to school had been awkward, though more for her than for me. I didn't care about the other people there, what I really wanted was to talk.
Was I the only person that thought important for us to talk about our feeling?
About the fact that we were facing this situation without even defining us first?
At least I had held her hand. I wanted her to know that she was not alone but I also wanted to show, to her and everybody else, that she belonged with me.
Our friends looked still shaken at lunch and having all of us there with the clichéd elephant in the room was beyond uncomfortable, until as usual the girls gave orders and we had to follow. I understood that they needed us to go away, as they were about to grill Bella with questions that were too personal and intimate. But I did not want to leave. Why could they talk about a situation that was only mine and hers, when nobody cared that I hadn't had a chance to deal with it myself. I resigned myself and proceeded to deal with another shit storm that was about to hit.
Jasper, Emmett and I walked out the cafeteria in silence and towards one of the fields where no one else could hear us. I knew Emmett was about to have a go at me, I saw his look when we arrived.
"What the fuck were you thinking Edward?!" He said it as he pushed me forcefully on the chest with both hands.
He had caught me a little off guard and I stumbled backwards as Jasper quickly tried to contain him.
I owed him this. I decided to let him take out his anger on me.
"It's okay Jasper" I said.
"How could you?" He came again at me. "How could you take advantage of her?" As he tried to push me again, this time though, my feet were planted firmly on the ground.
"I didn't take advantage of her okay? I deserve you to be furious at me, but I did not take advantage of her. This was something we both wanted and we both did it. And even though I was wrong and I should have known better, it was never my intention to use her."
"But you did." He said pushing me again. That did it. Three times were enough.
"Okay you do not want to push me again!" I yelled at him as I pointed my finger.
Jasper was trying to come in between us.
"Yeah , why? He was getting too close to me.
"Please guys, you can't fight, you are brothers" Said Jasper.
"He's not my brother, not after what he did to my sister!"
"Emmett please!" Jasper yelled.
"You have every right to be mad at me, but you don't know what is going on with us, and frankly it's none of your business."
"It is my business after what you did to her."
"What I did to her? What I did to her is nothing different from what you do to Rosalie, you big hypocrite. I just royally messed up, and should have been more careful."
"So you are telling me you love her then?"
"Well… yeah Emmett. I'm telling you that I love her, and now I'd like to have the chance to tell her that instead of telling you. Happy?"
"Okay… But I can't tell you I'm sorry for being pissed off at you right now."
"I don't expect you to. I would have done the same it if had been someone else. Now, I'm going to go find her."
After leaving them I walked back to the cafeteria to look for her, but instead I saw her at the end of the hallway, looking distraught. I could see she had seen me, but then she just turned towards another hallway, knowing well that I wanted to talk to her. I started calling her name but she was totally ignoring me.
What's wrong with everyone today? Is it 'Bash Edward day'?
I could not believe what she was telling me. Was she just going to bail on me?
I was beyond mad, I might be irrevocably in love with her but man, could she be a royal pain the ass.
As we were arguing and I realized I had been doing this a lot lately. Trying to convince her that she was not the evil influence on me. That I wasn't always picking up after her. I got completely fed up. I had been taking everyone's anger, everyone's yelling and I couldn't take it anymore.
So I did something very shitty.
I left her there.
I walked to my car ready to leave, I just wanted to drive aimlessly until all the voices in my head telling me what a complete fuck up I was would go away. I got in the car and put the key in the ignition. But I couldn't turn it.
I started thinking about what she had told me, and then I thought of her when we were together. I thought of those moment when for a few seconds it was impossible to determine if we were friends or we were a couple. I wanted to stay on those instants. But we had had been making such painfully slow progress.
'Letting things come naturally' was the crap I had said.
I couldn't wait for things to come naturally.
Since when are we typical normal people?
We were the kind of people that would just stampede their way into things. We were harsh and even rude a lot of the times. Weren't we so proud of our Hamlet stunt? We lived for the shock.
And right then I decided I would gladly fight her to have her deal with our issues. I needed to make a statement. And that's when I figured it out. She had been so hurt about people signaling her out.
I grabbed a sharpie I kept on the glove box and took off my shirt.
This time I wasn't going to let go.