How to Anger an Edward
So you liked the last chapter did you? Well, good, because I have another chapter for you, except this one is how to anger the rare species called Edward Cullen. There are actually ten top ways to anger this species so let's get down to it.
The number ten way is to make him wear a dress. To do this you could:
Get him to play Truth or Dare and conceal your thoughts so he doesn't know what you are thinking, this might take some practice.
Get him when he is to busy worrying about/kissing Bella, you might want to get Emmett to help you keep him in place while you get him in the dress, you might also want to get Bella in on this so she can properly distract him.
To put the cherry on the cake, you're going to want to force him to stand in front of his family, Bella, and the werewolves to get him really angry, it really only needs to be one of the werewolves, best choice would be Jacob, because he would be thinking about this for quite a long time and with their cool mind connection thingie, all of them will see it sooner or later. And if you want to add sprinkles to that cake, you could put him in a very girlie, frilly dress.
The number nine way is to scream sing "It's a Small World" over and over again in your head so that he goes mad from song overload and every time he tries to think of a song to put Bella to sleep all he can think of is "It's a Small World".
The number eight way is to take away his CD collection and replace it with songs by Fergie, from High School Musical 1&2, CD's with only the song "Umbrella" by Rihanna on them, and Snoop Dog. This should make him really pissed and Emmett very happy.
The number seven way is to paint his vanquish…hot pink. Get Alice and Emmett to help you, they should enjoy it. And, every time he tries to repaint it just go back out there and paint it again and again and again until he finally gives up. The first time he sees it he will most likely be ready to kill you and feed you to the wolves…werewolves that is, but you will probably get a good laugh from Bella though.
The number six way is to take his shampoo and replace it with neon orange hair dye…if you can find it. When he finally notices, which might be a while depending on how well his family can conceal their thoughts, he will be royally pissed and probably break the treaty just to come and suck the life out of you.
The number five way is to take all of his nice conservative clothes out of his closet and replace them all with very revealing clothes. Make sure you tell everyone in his family not to let him borrow any of their clothes, otherwise it won't work. When he comes to school wearing one of the outfits you
'kindly' provided him, you will be greatly rewarded with lots of glimpses of his hot bod, even if you do get killed afterward.
The number four way is to take Bella's shampoo and replace it with werewolf smelling shampoo. This should cause him to go into a rampage of fury, thinking that Jacob has violated Bella's personal space again. When he finds out it's your fault you probably won't last long, but you would have been able to enjoy watching Jacob run around screaming like a little girl while being chased by a furious Edward.
The number three way is to restrain him and put his hair into mini ponytails. You are going to want to enlist the help of Emmett to restrain him and use crazy glue so that he cannot take them out. Afterward he will probably chase you and Emmett with his cute little ponytails bouncing all over, enjoy it while you can.
The number two way is to take his gold shag rug and dye it neon yellow. The carpet not matching his room will cause him to go OCD (or CDO, in alphabetical order as it should be) about it and run around in little circles screaming before he comes to kill you.
And finally, the number one way is to let Alice take over his life. Have her send him to Japan to join a host club and have her spend all the money he save for Bella's tuition at the mall. When he gets back from Japan he will probably hunt you…and Alice down and kill you both, but it will be fun and you will have a lot of new and fancy clothes.
Now you know how to anger the rare species called Edward Cullen. The next chapter will be on how to make Rosalie hate Emmett. It should be enjoyable.
Thanx to Rose Dawn for her help with this chapter. Check out her stories and please R&R!!