Title: Misadventures of Zack (How Zack Arrived at Radiant Garden)
Warning: Un-beta'ed, AU
Genre: General, humour, crossover
Word Count: 612
Main character(s): Zack, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Aerith, Cloud
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts, Chain of Memories, Kingdom Hearts II are copyright to Square-Enix, Sony, Disney and Nomura Tetsuya. Final Fantasy VII is copyright to Sony, Square-Soft and Nomura Tetsuya.
Summary: Zack's not so-harrowing trip to Radiant Garden. One shot.
Author's Notes: Originally, this was supposed to be Sora fighting Zack in the Coliseum, both arriving at Radiant Garden and a tearful reunion between him, Cloud and Aerith... only it ended up as not and instead as being humourous.
"So I woke up and suddenly found myself in this place, like some underground carven instead of floating in the Lifestream. I decided to wander around, you know, trying to find a way out and of course, trying to find you guys when I ran into this guy. Get this, he had blue flames for hair! Oh, and he had yellowing pointy teeth, too. But that's beside the point. The guy said he was the Lord of the Underworld or something and he could help me find you. Said that he knows you, except his description of you was a bit weird. Bat wing? Pffft. Anyway, he said that he could help me if I do one teeny favour for him. He wants me to off some kid named Hercules who's apparently a demi-god or something. As if I would! I've seen smarmy guys like him all the time in the upper ranks. So I told him he can shove that idea up his– Right, sorry. I managed to hightail out of there, narrowly escaping some three-headed beast-dog – one of the heads drooled on me which is why I smell like dog breath."
"Once outside, I met some guy at the market – he was trying to sell me some sundials and he told me where I can find a gummi. I thought he meant those gummi sweets and you have to eat it or something to travel but then I found out he meant some sort of ship called a Gummi, of all things. Did you know it looked like a jelly? Yes? Okay, then. I managed to wrangle myself a Gummi – no, no, I didn't steal it. Honest to Gaia, I was... borrowing it. Really! I swear in Shiva's name! I've never actually piloted anything in my entire life – driving doesn't count and neither does riding a chocobo – and well, I got lost a few times. Took a wrong turn somewhere on the left meteorite or something. I ended up in a place with pirates– the captain's a total whackjob, you know? Keeps walking like this (and here he demonstrates) and drinking rum. I swear he's a total p-- Sorry, sorry. Anyway, they were looking for some black pearl or something. Got into a skirmish with the royal navy of sorts. I didn't stick around to watch but left. I arrived at some place where I ended up as a little black sports car. Really! Everyone was a car there! Got bugs stuck in my windshield, too. Nasty."
"But after I got back to space, I got directions from some friendly space alien I saw floating outside the ship window– I swear, it was an alien! It was all blue with big ears and eyes and six arms– what's that? Bless you.[1 Anyway, the alien pointed me in the right direction and since I felt sorry for the poor fella, drifting off in space so I took him along with me. And that's how I arrived here! You know you got some grump mechanic back there, right? Kept waving his wrench at me when I landed, bawling me out about some damage to the Gummi. But here I am, in one piece! And it's great to see you guys again."
Sora gaped, Riku quirked an eyebrow and Kairi giggled behind her hand. The guy said it all in one breath. It was amazing he wasn't blue in the face.
Aerith and Cloud didn't seemed as amazed as them. Aerith throwing herself at the man with a cry of joy, arms circling his neck, squeezing him tight. Cloud wore a smile on his face as well as fond exasperation.
"Welcome back, Zack."
[1 Sora telling Zack Stitch's name but he misheard it as a sneeze.