Bring out your bastards, yes bring out Kirk's bastards

We know there's more than one

For he's been roaming the galaxy

And sowing his wild seeds

And having all sorts of fun

Doctor Carol Marcus and poor dead Marimonie

Both gave him a child

But what did he care, when he's out traveling out there

And does not see the fruits that he's piled.


All you dear ladies, who are having your babies

Wouldn't you like to get your maternity

For such a viral man, who spreds his seed like sand

You should sue him for paternity


His ship's a jealous mistress, for he's won her distrust

For his eye does so roam

Yet in the end she knows he's her friend

Because he always comes home


It's being said he's not right in his head

And he wanders the halls in confusion

Rumor says Spock, keeps his door locked

To keep out unwelcomed intrusion

Chorus – repeat twice

Dana Bell 2004