AN: I do not own these characters… that right belongs to the one and only Stephenie Meyer. Well, enough of the legal mumbo jumbo, I bet you're all about ready to bite me a million times right? Sorry it's taken forever -work has been hectic, and preparing for summer classes has been the same. Enjoy the end of the story though!
"Oh dear god Carlisle… you keep them in here?!" I glanced away from Carlisle for a half of a second to look at Edward. His eyes were locked on Carlisle's closet. The one in his office that he always kept locked up like a cupcake at a fat kid summer camp. That was all the prompt I needed before I was out of my chair. I saw Carlisle attempt to stop me, but Jasper and Edward were holding him back by his elbows. I had to admit, at times those two were kind of cool.
Finally… I got the lock jimmied. I had to remind myself to thank Rosalie for teaching me that when the bet was over.
When the door came open… I couldn't believe my eyes. It was like I had landed myself a front row ticket to the dirtiest toy store in America. Furry handcuffs in every color of the rainbow, whips, leather, and things that made even I, Emmett the sexual deviant glad that vampires couldn't blush. Then a certain outfit caught my eye…
"Wow Carlisle… and you thought Rosalie and I were bad…" I said, holding up a school teacher out fit that could barely had enough cloth to be considered clothing. "You think she'll wear this one tomorrow when she teaches our lesson?"
"Get out!" Carlisle said. His face reminded me of mine the first time my human parents had walked in on me discovering my manhood.
"Aww come on Carlisle, he's joking!" Edward said trying to hide his laughter.
"No, get out!" Carlisle had his arms free from the other two, and was walking towards the window.
"Why is there a Halloween costume in here?" I asked, turning my attention back to the closet. I pulled out another hanger -and my eyes bulged even more. A cape. A medallion. And white, plastic, fangs. "Oh my god! Are you serious?! Carlisle!"
When I faced him, to pelt him with another sample of my witty remarks, I saw he had the window open and he was pointing out it -his face serious. Someone is outside the house. I walked towards the window, throwing Edward and Jasper odd looks when I noticed them walking away. At first, I didn't see anything, so I leaned further out the window. "Carlisle… I don't see anything…."
That's when he pushed me.
Good news, I managed to land on one of the bushes in Esme's garden. Bad news, it was her rose bush. I stared up at the house and watched Carlisle close the window.
"I guess he's finally kicked me out," I said to the rosebush beside me.
"Wrong -he's kicked us all out." I saw a Edward and Jasper standing beside the rosebush I was laying on. Edward reached his arm out, and helped me pull myself up. Esme's rosebushes were toast.
"She is not going to be happy about that is she?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck, trying to think of a way to prop them up a bit.
"Emmett, even if you bit them, they wouldn't make it…" Edward said lifting one of the broken branches and watching it fall limply back into the dirt.
"Maybe we should plant new ones…" I said, looking down at the pitiful plant in front of me.
"If you don't want to find out how vampires die… I'd say that's a pretty good idea." Jasper said, looking up at the girls' window. The light was still on. Seriously… how long could girls talk about sex? It wasn't as if they were like… us or something. Nah, they had probably moved on to painting their toenails.
"Not exactly Emmett… right now, Rosalie is showing Bella what to do with a banana…" Edward said grimacing.
"A banana?" I asked. Why the hell are they making dessert when I'm out here trying to perk up a rose bush?
"No… Emmett… not dessert. She's using the banana as a prop…"
Then a flashback just about threw me on my butt again. I knew what Rosalie was doing with that banana, and for a second, I felt like scaling the house to get to her.
"Back off Romeo… because Juliet will kill you if you lose her car. That, and I'm not sure how much of this Jasper can take before he's climbing through that window." After hearing that, I looked over and saw Jasper with his hands over his eyes, shaking like he was ready to have a seizure.
"Let's just go get the damn bushes." Jasper said roughly. With a grin, I put my arm around his shoulder, and headed off towards the Jeep.
Fifteen minutes later, we were standing outside Newton's shop staring at the Garden Center. Who knew that there were like, fifty kinds of rosebushes?
"Were they red or yellow?" I asked, holding up two different pots.
"Or white?" Jasper said with a third.
"They have pink ones over here…" Edward said, pointing at a different section.
"What the hell… why do girls need different colored flowers? Aren't the fact that they're roses mean enough to them?" I asked glaring at the plant.
"I guess not… Hey, how are we going to pay for these?"
"Hey! What are you doing over there? This is private property!"
I turned and saw a security guard headed our way, with his flashlight and nightstick out.
"Grab whatever you can and throw them in the back! Esme will kill us all if she has to bail us out of jail again!" I yelled to the guys, putting both of the pots I had in the Jeep. Edward and Jasper didn't take a lot of time to follow my lead, and were in the car just in time for me to pull out of there.
"We should have paid for them," Jasper mumbled from the back seat.
"Well, if you want me to turn around, I'm sure we can leave a few dollars by the door." My sarcasm was not hidden.
"Right, I'm sure I'd love to explain to Bella's father why I'm in jail. 'I'm sorry sir, I swear we were going to leave the money on the front door.' Right, Jasper." Edward said, holding the pot of pink roses in his lap.
"I was just saying…" Jasper sighed, staring down at his own little set of yellow roses.
Finally, at dawn, they were planted. I had taken the bush I massacred into the forest behind our house and buried it. I figured it would rather be among its own kind, than in a yard waste bin. When I came back up to the house, Jasper and Edward were sneaking in the front door, motioning me to hurry up. Esme would be starting her "class" soon.
When I first woke up, I thought I was lost, but then I quickly remembered where I was. Edward's house. Edward's house, with his family, and in about an hour, we would have our last sex education lesson from Esme. Thank goodness. I seriously didn't know if I could live another night like last night. With Alice trying to teach me how to use a vibrator and Rosalie showing me what she could do with a banana. I had to admit, these vampires had a lot of time on their hands.
After I had showered, and changed into yet another set of clothes handed to me by Alice, I went downstairs to have breakfast. Emmett's clothes were covered in dirt, and he reminded me of one of the male models I had seen in an outdoor magazine at the Newton's store. Except… Emmett looked way better.
"I'm going to hurry up and change before Esme get's down here!" He said, sprinting past me like an Olympic runner.
By the whistling that came down the staircase next, I figured he must have just barely made it. Sure enough, it was Esme. She was as cheerful as ever. I assumed it was because she was ready to be finished with these talks as we were. Edward ushered me to the table we had occupied the yesterday before I could even tell him I was hungry.
"You can eat later…" he whispered into my ear. Shivers went down my spine, as his hand gripped my own. I decided then that I would eat whenever he wanted me to, as long as he kept this up.
"I'm ready!" Alice chimed, skipping into the living room. Jasper walked dully behind her, looking over at me, as if he knew what was running through my mind. I couldn't imagine my face being any redder. Rosalie had taken her spot gracefully, looking around for Emmett, who came bounding down the stairs.
"Aw, you aren't going to wear your teaching outfit?"
"Excuse me? My what?"
"You don't have to play innocent with us anymore Esme! We saw the closet!" Emmett said, smiling as he sat down.
"The what? You must be mistaken."
Even I could tell that the look on her face meant that Emmett wasn't mistaken. Although I was confused, I could definitely tell the boys had been up to something last night, and it wasn't something that Esme had expected.
"Oh yeah… I've got to hand it to you Esme, not even Rosalie and I dress up as vampires!" Emmett's grin gave everything away. I knew they weren't talking about Halloween.
"Well, this explains why Carlisle went to work at four this morning." She said, beginning to set up the slides once again. We were all quiet after that.
"Well, boys, I hope you learned a lot last night, because I know the girls did…"
"Well, one girl did." Rosalie said grinning at me. My face flushed, and all I could think about was what Rosalie had taught me to do with a banana the night before. At one point she even wrestled me down and tried to make me prove to her that I had paid attention –nearly choking me in the process. I still had an unsettling feeling that she would rather see me die than become a vampire…
I looked over at Edward… he was watching me intently. It was times like these that I was glad he couldn't read my mind, because my thoughts were not on Esme's lesson. I attempted to use the tactic I had used when I first met him, and pulled my hair down over my shoulder to cover my face. I knew it was red, because the more I thought about how embarrassed I was, the more I thought of why I was embarrassed.
Because, when I actually took Rosalie's graphic little representation into consideration, the more I thought that a banana was all wrong. A Popsicle would be much more… appropriate, what with Edward being cold and hard and all…
Cold. And hard. Holy crow. I was turning into Emmett.
"Edward… Get… Bella… Under… Control… now!"
I looked over and saw Jasper gripping his desk with all of his might. Crap. I forgot that even though Edward couldn't hear what I was thinking, Jasper could feel it, and I wasn't feeling very innocent at the moment.
"Bella?" Edward asked, looking over at me. Through my hair, I could see everyone staring at me, and Rosalie, above all people, was smirking.
"I'm fine." I was afraid that if I said anything else, I would stutter and make a fool of myself. Not that I already hadn't.
"Edward this isn't fair!" Alice said, rubbing Jasper's back cautiously. She was trying to stay far enough away from him so that if he tried anything, she could jump across the desk.
"I'm fine Edward!" I said, a little louder than I had meant to.
"Continuing on with our discussion…" Esme started again, "When men feel like they need release themselves…"
I couldn't pay attention after that. So instead, I looked around the room. Alice was still rubbing Jasper's back soothingly, and he looked… sort of calmed down. Then I saw Rosalie and Emmett… he was rubbing her thigh, and her hand was tightly gripped over his. I looked away as quickly as possible, but at that moment, Esme had chosen to turn the lights in the living room off. A sudden surge of electricity traveled through my body, and I was gripping the desk more than Jasper.
I heard Edward chuckle. He was getting a kick out of this. He was laughing when all I wanted to do was throw myself at him, rip my shirt off, and wrap my legs around that muscular little waste of-
Then, all of a sudden, Edward had me over his shoulder, and we were headed for the stairs. For a moment, I thought my daydream was coming true. That is, until I saw Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme all headed the same direction as us. I managed to catch a glimpse of desks colliding, and Alice's brand name shirt, being thrown across the room.
When we were all safely in Carlisle office, with the door locked I might add, we all sat down and stared at each other.
"Well, I guess we win…" Rosalie said cheerfully, looking over at Emmett.
"I didn't think that my slide show would effect him that badly…" Esme said, pacing the room.
"I think it was me rubbing Rosie's leg, actually Esme…" Emmett said, looking a bit baffled.
"Actually…" I started, then shut my mouth, but it was too late.
"Actually…?" Emmett asked, grinning.
"I think it might have been me…" I whispered, figuring the lower my voice was, the less embarrassment I would face.
"You? Yeah right." Emmett scoffed. I saw Rosalie rolling her eyes behind him, and suddenly I went on defense.
"Yeah me!" I said, grabbing Edward's thigh. "Jasper just did what I imagined doing to Edward!"
"Bella, remember how Emmett tries to get something out of someone by using…"
"Reverse psychology. Man, Bella, I didn't think you would fall for it, then BAM! You are grabbing Edward and yelling about your fantasies. You caught yourself a wild one there Eddikins." Emmett said, shaking his head with laughter.
Then, we heard the doorbell.
"Oh my! I hope that's not the milkman, he knows he can come in after one ring!" Esme screamed.
"Come in…." Alice's voice laughed. We all hurled ourselves down the stairs, just in time to see Jasper adjusting his shirt, a bashful look covering his usually somber face.
"Here Rosalie…" Alice said, dangling her keys in front of Rosalie's nose.
"You don't seem very upset…" Rosalie said, her eyes narrowing towards Alice.
"Of course not, after you showed Bella what she could do with a banana, I saw this happening. I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost, and besides… Jasper's birthday is tomorrow." Alice said opening the door.
Sitting out front, in the driveway, was a brand new 2008 Dodge Charger. Bright green. "Happy birthday Jasper!"
She handed a stunned Jasper the keys, as we all went outside to admire his car. It was very, very nice.
"…and here I thought I was getting her all excited, she probably knew this was going to be delivered right as we were finishing up." Jasper mumbled as he ran his hand down the side of the car.
"Aw, Jazz, don't worry, the car was only half of my excitement."
"You two better knock it off, or Bella and Edward will be on the floor next. The little pervert," Emmett said, grinning at me.
Then, another car came pulling up. It looked like the same car my father drove, oh dear… what was Charlie doing up here? When it finally came to a stop, I was overly pleased to see that it wasn't Charlie. It was Bill, one of the sergeants.
"That's them officer! Those are the three trespassers I saw last night!" Another man fumbled out of the vehicle, pointing his fingers at Edward, Emmett, and Jasper.
"You're sure?" Bill asked the guy, looking at the three boys oddly.
"Yes! There's the Jeep I told you about right there." Once again the man's finger was pointing around. I saw Emmett lean over to Edward.
"I didn't think the pudgy bastard was running fast enough to see anything!"
"Boy's where were you last night?" Bill asked Jasper, flipping open his notepad.
"Having a sexual education lesson with my father," Emmett said, looking around the yard.
"You were… what?"
"My father was teaching us about sex."
"Aren't you a little old for that?"
"That's what we told him."
It was like watching a ping pong match.
"Aren't you the kid we had to tell to leave the parking lot of the Italian restaurant a few months back? You and… this little blonde lady right here?"
"Is that why your father thinks he needs to have this talk? I let you off with a warning, he didn't need to know about it."
"No, he gave us all the talk because of this big guy right here," Emmett said pointing to Edward. "Our mom found a basket full of goodies that may or may not be used during sexual activities."
This time the cop turned to Edward, "Is that true?" He didn't even sound like this was police work anymore; now he sounded like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Then he looked down at me. Please don't recognize me! Please, please, please!
"Well, kind of," Edward said nonchalantly, "If the oaf wouldn't have planted that stuff in my room, this whole mess would have never happened."
"Bella, does your father know about this?" Bill asked me.
"Not exactly…" I answered back.
"You should probably let him know… so he can… talk to you about… it." Bill said, turning red.
"What about the Newton's flowers?!" The fat security guard asked.
"The what?" Esme asked, her eyebrow making a perfect arch.
"These boys were over at the Newton's last night stealing rose bushes!" The security guard yelled.
"Rose bushes?" Esme asked, glaring at the boys.
"I told them to turn around so we could pay for them!" Jasper said quickly.
"You nark!" Emmett yelled.
"You're the one who smashed her rose bush!" Jasper said pointing at Emmett.
"My rosebush?!" Esme shrieked.
"Damn it Jasper, shut up! You and Edward helped me steal the new ones. It was like two in the morning. You knew we weren't going to pay for them, everything in Forks closes down at eight. What did you think we were going to do Jasper? Drive to a twenty-four hour lawn and garden center? I don't think so…"
"I'm sorry ma'am, but depending on what this security guard says, I might have to take them down to the station," Bill said, looking as if he really didn't want to try to put Emmett in a pair of cuffs.
"Oh, you're taking these little thieves to the station alright." The guard said grinning.
"Come on man… we'll pay for them," Emmett said.
"You should have thought of that last night bucko."
"Bucko? Dude, Edward, tell me he didn't call me bucko." Emmett said grinning at Edward.
"Officer, handcuff these boys before you have to charge them with assault and battery," Esme said, shaking her head.
"Yes, ma'am," Bill said, taking out three pairs of cuffs. We watched Emmett, Jasper, and Edward get put into handcuffs and led into the back seat of the cruiser.
"Wait for me Rosalie! Wait for me on the outside!" Emmett yelled through the cracked window as the cop rolled down their driveway.
"What a drama queen…" Rosalie said, rolling her eyes.
"Well, Bella, looks like we're going to have to explain to Charlie what you have been doing here all weekend, because that cop is going to tell him everything he heard just now…" Alice sighed, watching the car pull out of sight.
"At least Edward can explain why he's in jail…" Esme said, glaring at her garden.
"Oh man… can you say shot gun wedding?" I groaned, looking at the other three girls.
"Well, if you two get one, I want one," Rosalie said, crossing her arms.
"Oooh! Well, I'm already planning mine, and Bella, you said I could plan yours, why don't I just plan Rosalie's too and we can have a triple wedding?" Alice practically screamed.
"Why not…" Rosalie said shrugging.
"I'm in." I said. If you can't beat them- join them, and I knew that if Alice and Rosalie had it their way, we would be having the weddings soon, and I would really be joining them soon after that.
"Well, while you girls plan your little shindigs, I better go call Carlisle and let him know he needs to pick up the boys on his way home," Esme said, heading towards the house.
Alice put her hand on my shoulder, "You know Bella, now we're all marrying felons…"
AN2: I hope you all enjoyed reading that as much as I did writing it! Of course, I will be writing a sequel, including what happens when Carlisle goes to pick up the boys, and the wedding plans. Look out for it!