Okay, so this is one of my favs. I have a few notes to make it more comprehensible…
1) This is full of inside jokes between silvanelf and I. Were going to let you in on a few of them.
- We believe Josef's worst days are rainy ones (check out our other fics)
- We destroy Josef's Renoir painting every chance we get (only to have it magically restored by the next fic!)

2) This is a bunch of stuff thrown into a single plot. There is not supposed to be an explanation as to why it all happens besides that is was a rainy day!
- Don't read too far into the vampire enemy, just accept that Josef has enemies.

3) I take 'Konstantin' to be Josef's true name. He uses the shorter version 'Konstan' in business and legal issues with the mortal world. Vampires call him 'Konstantin' and humans call him 'Konstan' (unless it's New York in 1950's then it's 'Fitzgerald'…confused, I am!)

Alright, that's it!!

I don't own Moonlight or any of it's profits. Rated PG-13


Josef and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day


plink, plink

What was that? Josef's groggy mind tried to comprehend the sound. Then something cold and wet hit him on the forehead. Josef's eyes flashed open and he sat, bolt upright, slamming his head into the lid of his freezer. Ouch! Damn, he thought, laying back down and rubbing his sore head.

That's when he felt the water on his forehead and realized what the sound had been. Something is dripping, but how? I'm in my freezer. Unless… Josef looked around and realized that the ice had melted away. Damnit, my freezer's broken.

Josef open the freezer and crawled out. What ungodly hour is it? he thought, looking towards the clock on the wall. SIX! The sun won't set for hours… Josef glared at his malfunctioning freezer and cursed his luck. He walked out of the room towards his bedroom, looking for some clothes.

The first thing that caught his eye as he entered the room was the window. The blinds had not been shut, but instead of the bright evening sunlight, the sky was dark and overcast.

It was one of those rare rainy days in LA. No good will come of today, he thought. Josef hated rainy days. All his worst days were rainy days. He didn't think of himself as superstitious, but if it was raining he never left the house. He looked defiantly out the window, Bring it on, bring it on…

Deciding he might try and make the most of his early start to the day, he flipped on the array of television screens in his bedroom, only to see that the company he had invested in the night before had gone under during the day. "Damnit," he growled, flipping the screens off. He had seen enough to tell him he did want to see anymore. That's $10 million down the drain.

Josef trudged from his room, deciding a drink might cheer him up. While dragging his feet, musing over other rainy days, he missed the top step of the staircase. He tumbled down the stairs, not bothering to catch himself. He landed with a thud at the bottom of the stairs. Pain shot through his arm and he looked over to see that he had a double compound fracture. Double damn.

His security came running to see what the disturbance was. "Mr. Konstantin? Is everything alright, sir?" the guard asked, looking at Josef's arm.

"Yeah, yeah, can you help me?" Josef replied, holding out his broken arm so the security guard could reset it.

The man gritted his teeth and grabbed Josef's arm. "This is going to hurt…"

"I know, damnit, just do it already."

The man yanked Josef's arm back into place. "AGHHHHHHH!" Josef roared. His security let go of his arm and backed away. Josef took a deep breath, then flexed his fingers to make sure everything was working properly. "Thanks," Josef muttered pushing himself off the floor. The security guard tried to help him up, but Josef shooed him away. "Don't you have something else to do?" The guard nodded and hurried out of the room.

Josef shook his head to clear it of the haze that clouded his mind. "ROSE," Josef called, walking towards the freshie wing.

"They're not here, sir," His guard said, popping his head around the corner. "None of them are. They all went clubbing. You're not usually up at this time."

"When will they be back?" Josef asked.

"Late. You gave them the day off."

Josef groaned. He had forgotten about that. It was the last Friday night of the month.

"I think Samantha left a donation for you in the fridge," the guard suggested.

"Call Rose, I want her here ASAP," Josef ordered. The guard disappeared again.

Josef headed towards the kitchen and the bottled blood. In the refrigerator he found a bottle marked 'Sam' and took a swig. He spit the blood up all over the counter. Shit. How many times do I have to tell her? Never donate while on birth control. It's bad enough that it's cold, but bitter too…

Josef poured the rest of the bottle down the sink. He made his way to the liquor cabinet in dire need of a belt. He opened the door only to find it bare. Damnit, damnit, damnit! Why can't Mick just bed Beth already? Then he'll stop drinking through my liquor.

Josef walked to the living room window, the cloud cover providing enough of a guard against the sun. He watched the sun set. Great…The night's barely started and already it's been a very bad day.

The clouds suddenly parted, allowing the bright evening rays of the sun to spill into the room. Blinded by the sudden light, Josef ducked down below the window to escape the harsh rays.

Josef sat curled under his bay window with his knees tucked to his chest. Well this is just great, Josef thought, watching as his routes of escape were flooded with sunlight. Trapped.

Josef pulled out his phone and dialed. "Hey, Paula," he tried, unsuccessfully, to hide the depression in his voice. "Yeah, I just wanted to know everything was alright…Oh"—his voice fell—"Well, thanks. Could you just hold the phone to her ear?"

Josef didn't know why he was calling or just what he wanted to say, but his voice choked up and he couldn't speak. The line was silent. No breath. No heartbeat. No life. Just like she has been for the last 50 years…

Josef choked back a sob and hung up. He had hoped to hear her voice, that sweet loving voice that always managed to bring a smile to his face. When he needed her most, she wasn't there…because of him, she'd never be there.

He hung his head between his knees and let his tears fall. I hate rainy days. The tears came faster as memories of other lost people flashed before his eyes. His sister. His mother. His mentor. His sire. Countless friends and even his wife.

Josef lay curled under the window, morning his past, until the sun finally disappeared beyond the horizon. Josef slowly got up. He had decided to go back upstairs and lay in bed until the sun came up again.

As he reached the bottom of the stairs he smelt smoke. His fire alarm went off. He turned to look down the freshie hallway to see flames licking out from under Tiffany's door. Damn foolish girl, probably left a candle burning again… Josef rushed outside as the flames grew nearer.

"Thank you officer," Josef said.

"Sorry we couldn't save more, Mr. Konstan," the Fire Chief said. "Are you sure you don't want a coat?"

Jose was standing outside, in the rain in nothing but a pair of silk PJ bottoms. "No, I'm fine."

The man shook his head, indicating that he thought Josef was crazy. His crew finished loading the truck and they drove off.

Josef's security approached him. "Sorry, sir, but Rose is refusing to come over," he said.

Josef glared at him. "Tell her it is not a request," he growled through gritted teeth. "And finish moving the cars to safety." The guard took off.

Josef turned to look at his house. Or more correctly, what was left of his house. The freshie wing was entirely gone, (The girls are going to kill Tiffany…) and the entry and garage were burnt as well. Luckily, Josef had acted in time to get his Ferrari out of harm's way, before the fire came near it.

He walked back into the house and looked around. The first thing he noticed was that the Renoir in his entryway was destroyed. The fire and water damage had ruined it beyond repair. This day has officially become horrible

Josef's body slumped as he walked into the living room. He didn't have the heart to dwell on how much that painting had meant to him. He flumped onto the couch. He was warm, wet, hungry, and depressed. The air was permeated with smoke, which hindered Josef sensing abilities.

Josef realized too late that he was not alone. He turned around in time to catch a stake in the heart. He fell to the floor, unable to move.

An old vampire leaned over his face and whispered, "I told you I would get you back one day." The vamp twisted the stake, causing Josef to spasm in pain. He pulled out a silver blade and held it to Josef's neck.

He slowly, very slowly, pushed the sharp, poisonous, blade into Josef's neck. Pain and fear seared through Josef as he realized the vampire panned to behead him.

Josef felt every inch the blade cut into his neck. He could feel the effect of heavy blood loss on his body, but he couldn't do anything about it. Josef grasped onto consciousness, trying to hold out. The vampire had managed to slide the blade half-way through Josef's throat when the knife hit his spinal cord. Josef managed a muffled cry, causing more of his blood to spill out of the unclosing wound.

The world spun and Josef's eyes closed. He heard the sounds of muffled fighting, but it was distant and vague. Then he felt a searing sensation in his chest. He tried to scream, but his voice was gone and a strong pair of hands held him firmly to the floor.

He looked up to recognize his security. "Don't move sir. You're really hurt and you're going to need blood if you're going to heal."

No shit, Sherlock, Josef thought, as the guard pressed a glass to his lips.

"I know you don't like the bagged stuff, but it's all that's left in the house."

Josef drank it begrudgingly, shivering from the horrible aftertaste, but he could feel himself start to heal. The cut molded itself back together. The guard let go of Josef, who slowly sat up. "Go get Rose, I don't care what she says," Josef demanded.

The anger in Josef's voice made his security jump to attention. "And then get rid of the body," Josef said, pointing to the now decapitated form of his attacker.

"Yes, sir." The guard was out the door before Josef got a chance to thank him for saving his life. Josef walked back towards the kitchen, lethargic and tired. All he wanted was some time in his freezer, but that was impossible.

As he crossed the living room he stubbed his toe on the table. He cursed his clumsiness, then the table, then Tiffany (for the fire), then modern technology, then that company he no longer owned, and finally nature for having rainy days.

Josef heard a car approach. That better be Rose… he thought. He walked to the front door to find his trusty guard leading a groggy looking Rose into the room. "Thanks," Josef said, "Now, get rid of the body and then go round up the other girls."

The guard nodded, grabbed the body and left. Rose looked nervously at Josef. His fangs had extended at the sound of her heartbeat, So hungry…need blood…

Josef grabbed Rose around the waist and pulled her towards him. She tried to protest but he flicked her hair aside and plunged his fangs into her neck.

She taste excellent. The first thing to go right all day... Josef mused as he felt Rose lose consciousness. He took more than he should have, but he was hungry. When he finally pulled away he realized her blood tasted funny. Like it was thick…

Josef looked around as his head began to spin. Fuck. He pulled out his phone and called Mick.

"Mick, I need you. I ate something…" Josef dropped the phone as the room spun wildly on its axis.

Josef lay on his couch. The smell of smoke mixed with his own blood made him nauseous. The room kept spinning, but it felt worse to close his eyes. Josef couldn't remember correctly, but if was correctly this is what drugs felt like.

That was another bad day, Josef thought. The first and last time he ever drank from a druggy. One of his freshies had shot-up then come over to feed him. He remembered feeling something like this, although that had been more pleasant…

"Josef? Josef?!" Mick was standing in front of him.

How'd he get here? Josef looked up at his friend's worried face.

"What happened?"

"Rainy day," Josef muttered.


Josef sighed and rolled up into a sitting position. He took a moment to refocus his vision and said. "I've had a terrible day and when I finally got a fresh meal, she tasted weird and now I feel like I'm high."

"Where's the girl?" Mick asked, in detective mode. Josef pointed towards the kitchen. Since the freshie wing was burnt he had set Rose at the kitchen table. Mick wandered off to investigate. Josef tried to stand to follow him but fell immediately back to the couch.

Mick found Rose and smelled the air. The smoke hindered his senses and all he could see was the fire. Okay, old-fashioned way… Mick reached in to the freshie's purse and pulled out an odd array of things, keys, wallet, make-up, and…

Codeine? She's taking cough syrup. That means… Mick groaned. Josef must have been hungry if he hadn't noticed that this girl was sick. He checked her forehead, Yep, she has a fever. Mick took the bottle back to the living room to tell Josef that his beloved freshie had given him the common cold and a high dose of drug laced cough syrup.

Mick found Josef passed out on the floor by the couch. He tried to shake his awake, but Josef just moaned and continued to sleep.

Well, that's probably for the best, Mick thought. He can sleep of the effects of the drug and cold and I can put off telling him that I crashed into his Ferrari in my rush to get over here…