MJ: A really sad oneshot/songfic...I'll provide a reason for the whole angsty thing at the end of the story, so for now, just enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Storm Hawks or the song.
Three years have gone by...It's still so hard to believe, but those years have crawled by slowly - it feels more like thirty than three. It's been three years...since I've seen his smile, heard his laugh, looked into those cerulean eyes.
I run a hand through my red hair - it's much longer now. I stare at my reflection - my eyes look hollow and cold, much like how I feel, without him near to me. Three years ago is when the final battle with Cyclonia happened, and he...well, he stood between me and Cyclonis, sacrificing himself so I could have a chance to destroy the evil empress.
I lay, looking at my hands
I search in these lines
I've not the answer
I'm crying and I don't know
watching the sky
I stand here, in my room, in a dingy old apartment I own on Neon. Only place I can really afford. It just hasn't been the same since he died. Sure, I managed to defeat Cyclonis, and rid Atmos of the empire's evil for a while - you know how somebody always seems to step up and fill that void, I'm sure...But, the victory would've been sweeter if he wasn't bleeding to death nearby.
A memory comes to my mind - it was a few days before the battle. About a month before that, we had finally admitted - we loved each other. So, because we knew that one or both of us might not survive, we gave ourselves to each other. Gods, that night felt like no other, our bodies moving like we had been made to fit with the other's. Those few hours were the best of my life, and neither of us had regrets when we woke the next morning...I was so happy, and he smiled and told me he loved me.
I search an answer
I'm free, free to be
I'm not another liar
I just want to be myself... myself
Gods, I long for his touch, to feel his lips on my own again. I know I've betrayed his memory, too - before he died, he made me swear I would continue living, continue smiling, and to find love again. So like him, to think of other people's happines before his own, even when he's in my arms and bleeding...dying...Red never suited him, especially then, when I knew his life was slipping away with that crimson liquid. He was the only person I could ever love, and that remains true to this day. Sure, I've gone out with a few people, but they can't fill the hole in my heart like he did.
It hurts, you know? To wake up each morning, realizing you're alone in a bed that should have another person. It's not fair...but, that's life - it doesn't care if you're the savior of Atmos or the worst criminal...It doesn't care if you have friends or not, if you have somebody you love or not. I know it sounds selfish of me, but I want him back - I don't care what I have to do, I want him back. I want to run my fingers through his blonde hair, to feel his skin against my own, to stare into his ocean-colored eyes as we make love.
And now the beat inside me
is a sort of a cold breeze and I've
never any feeling inside
Three long years...I can't seem to quite wrap my mind around that concept. It seems as though it has been longer. I know I'm still alive - I'm breathing, my heart's still beating...But, it isn't beating the same...It seems shallower, slower...I know it's the same rhythym it was before I realized my feelings, but without him...It's just so hard to keep going on.
My dreams are haunted by images of his death, my sleep is restless because he isn't there beside me, my body feels cold because his warm embrace isn't there when I wake up. Every time I step out of this old apartment, it hurts to see the sun shining brightly - why does it do this, when I feel like it should be raining? It shone this brightly when he was alive, and to see it still like this hurts me so much. He always said my hair seemed like a flame when the sun hit it, that my eyes shone brighter than emeralds when I was smiling...Both are now dull and lifeless, because he isn't here with me.
bring my body
carry it into another world
I know I live... but like a stone I'm falling down
The other Storm Hawks still visit, and every time they say they're so sorry this happened...How can they be sorry? They aren't the ones who killed him. They have no reason to be sorry. Yet, each time, they apologize for something they never did. They don't understand it, either - he was my life, my reason to keep on going, my strength to keep fighting...and now, all of that's gone to the grave with him. I always visit his grave once a month...it helps a little, visiting him, telling him of all the things that have happened recently, even though I know he can't hear me.
I pray, looking into the sky
I can feel this rain
right now it's falling on me
fly, I just want to fly
There are so many times I wish I could just die, so I could be with him again. I've come close to actually killing myself before - one of my blades, most of the time I come close, the same ones that killed Cyclonis...the same ones I protected him with. I'm still looking at myself in the mirror, and I'm surprised to see a tear falling down my face...it's the first one that I've shed in so long...my ability to cry was lost a year after his death, my tears spent the day we buried him, my other friends trying to comfort me in vain.
I know it sounds so selfish, to want to die like this...but I just want to be with him, even if it is in death. I just wish I could feel his touch again, his breath on the back of my neck as he hugs me from behind. Sighing, I turn away from the mirror - I feel disgusted with myself, crying now after these few years...Even though it feels like it should've been more. My gaze shifts to the old photobook on the table beside my bed, and I run my hand over the worn leather cover, fingers stopping to open it. More tears come to my eyes when I see the first picture on the page - it's me and him, on our last trip to Tropica...He's smiling, his arm over my shoulder, and while I, too, am smiling, my face is as red as my hair. Flipping through the pages, I feel my lips curving into a small smile as more and more pictures of us are gazed at by faded green.
life is all mine
some days I cry alone,
but I know I'm not the only one
I'm here, another day is gone
I hear Radarr make a questioning noise - he's asking if I'm okay. I nod, wiping away my tears. I can see that he doesn't believe me, not when I'm crying. He leaps onto my shoulder, a paw on my cheek...he's been my closest friend all these years, and I'm so grateful for that. I glad he is still my friend, even though I'm no longer the same strong Sky Knight he loyally stayed beside when we were Storm Hawks. He knows how much I loved him, even though he's dead. All I have left are pictures and memories...I suppose those are enough, even though there's such a hole in my heart that can never be filled.
So, I wrote this...Piper said maybe getting my feelings out on paper can help...I have to admit, it really does help, even though nobody will ever read it...Perhaps this is the start of something else...a story of friendship and love, of life and death...my story...his story...our story. I'm now looking at the calendar, and see that today's the one marked...I'll stop writing for now, since I've got to go visit him...His grave's on Terra Vapos - they were so kind to let us bury him there...Then again, he was their domo, so maybe they felt it was their duty to have his final resting place amongst them - either way, I'm grateful they still let me visit. Well, I'll wrap this up now - I still love you, Finn, even in death...
Aerrow, your beloved Sky Knight, your faithful lover forever.
MJ: Okay, so...I've been really depressed lately. The comment in my other stories really hide that, don't they? Well, anyway, this kinda helped - yes, writing an extremely sad story helped me a bit. Oh, the song was "Falling Again" by Lacuna Coil...Please review and tell me what you think - tears are allowed, but flamers will be extinguished by the all-mighty-plot-bunny-of-doom.