Don't Worry, I'm A Doctor

Jade x Dist



Emperor Peony looked up at the colonel from his position on the floor. He had been in the rather dull office for near an hour to review some even duller politics, but not a sound had come from his childhood friend since he arrived… until now anyway.

"What is it?" he got up from his back to actually see his face. Jade sat as he always did, at his desk, back straight, papers in hand. Now there was something amiss about him, the tiniest hints of a smirk trying to pull at his lips, something must have happened but his response was the usual one.

"Oh nothing, your majesty."

The blonde frowned and crossed his arms, pouting face resting on the edge of the large, wooden desk. "Don't give me that, something happened. What are you reading?" Pushing up on his hands he leaned over the sheet of paper the colonelwas holdung. "A Prisoner report? …Oh, it's Saphir."

"Yes, it seems he's taken ill." A full smile was on his lips now, it made the other somewhat uneasy. Suddenly he rose from his place of work, hands in his pockets, and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I hope you'll give me leave, your majesty, someone has to check up on the poor man, don't you think?"

Peony raised an eyebrow, usually Jade wasn't so chipper about seeing their childhood friend, but after all these years he knew better. Jade andDate's odd little relation was best left to… well… Jade and Dist.

"Alright… but don't hurt him."

"I can't make any promises." He half sang before the door shut and he was out of sight.


He was going to die.

Dist had always been more prone to sickness to his comrades but this seemed far more severe then any flu or cold he had faced before… then again he gave every flu and cold that title. Still as he could do nothing but lay there, day in and day out, coughing and sniffling into his less then adequate prison issue bedding, the thought that perhaps that four eyed snake had somehow poisoned him never left his mind.

A frantic set of sneezes shook his already painful head. There was no other reason for his sickness, even in winter Grand Chokema, even in the prisons, was always warm. Perhaps this was some foul disease acquired from another inmate but with his own cell being so far away from others that was doubtful. Maybe it was some divine intervention from Lorelei himself… if you believed in that sort of thing. In the end it didn't really matter, but what else was there to do but fume about who to blame?

He was just going to die anyway.

Luckily, a sound at his barred door brought him out of such thoughts. Curious to who would actually care enough about him to face contamination in his time of need he managed to lean up just enough to see who entered, only to flop back down with a huff.

"Good afternoon to you too, Dist." Jade shut the door behind him, making sure to lock it.

"Go away, Jade." He sniffed, the last thing he needed right now was the colonel mocking him at one of the few times his nose actually was running.

"And leave you like this? Honestly, how cruel do you think I am?" faintly he heard something being dropped at the foot of his bed. It was hard in his groggy state but he sat up, supporting himself with shaking limbs to glare holes in the intruder. Unfortunately something broke his gaze.

"… Why are you wearing that?"

Jade's smirk was as smug as ever. He had left behind his usual Malkuth military uniform form more casual clothes, covered by a white lab coat. A stethoscope completed the outfit, joined by a black bag at his feet which the former God General could only imagine what objects of torture he must be carrying. He pulled the sheets of his bed up like a protective barrier, as if they might help in some way, a shiver of fear joined those of fever. "I've already told you everything I know in the last dozen interrogations, there's no further need to put me through this hell!"

"No, no, you have it all wrong, as usual." Reaching in the bad he pulled out a pair of latex gloved, pulling them over his hands and stretching his thin, calculating fingers until they were comfortable. It almost seemed he had taken the Dist's "mad scientist" role for himself, he sure fit the part. "I read the report that you were sick and thought I would come here to check up on you." The mechanic jumped a bit when he saw the colonel pull a long, slender glass tub from his bag, but was relieved to see it was only a thermometer. "After all, I did study medicine."

"You studied to be an autopsist." He growled before the thermometer was shoved into his mouth, he promptly spit it back out. "I've 'played doctor' with you before Jade, even when we were children you tried to cut me open."

The brunet would have none of his whining. Picking up the tool he again pushed into the other's mouth, if anything to shut him up, and took his face in his hands, giving it a squeeze that was had enough strength for a warning, despite the friendly smile on his face. "Be a good boy and keep that in your mouth."

Though he pouted, the ivory haired man nodded, rubbing his now sore cheeks. Why did he have to pick on him now? He was already sick, he didn't deserve this.

Jade waited a minute or so, watching the clock and keeping one firm hand on his smaller companion's shoulder to keep him from skittering off somewhere like he always did. When he felt it was time he swiped the tool from his lips and gave it a quick examination. "A hundred and three, my, I'm surprised you're not delusional yet. Seems you truly are ill."

"Of course I am, you imbecile!" He flailed a bit under the other's hand but found the action made him dizzy and stopped. "Did you think I was feigning this hell? What good would it do me trapped in here?"

"No, I doubted you had the composure to act out any illness, I just assumed the guards had taken your usual runny nose for something worse."

"How dare you! You know my-GAHK!" when he opened his mouth to rant Jade's glove finger found its way inside. The limber digit pressed his tongue down, making the man gag and cough as he tried to rid himself of the intruder.

"Hold still or I'll go down your throat," He warned calmly, "which, by the way, doesn't look well at all." The smaller man eventually halted his arguments, but that didn't stop the awkward feeling he got from having Jade in his mouth like this. His stomach was fluttering and there was the odd lingering sensation of being violated.

When the other finally pulled away he voiced his concerns, "Why are you doing this, Jade?"

"What do you mean?" he feigned innocence as he put the buds of his stethoscope to his ears. "Someone has to make sure you don't die in here."

"Why do you care?" he asked bitterly.

"I don't." he answered simply, it was to be expected, but that didn't halt the twinge of hurt Dist felt in his chest, like a hand had taken hold of his heart strings and twisted them for a moment. After all, they had been friends once; he could show a little concern…

"Take off your shirt."

That brought him away from his thoughts. "…what?"

"I need to hear your chest and heart, take off your shirt." He stated it as if was obvious but that didn't halt the heat that came to his face. He may have dressed brazenly but that didn't mean he wanted his childhood friend to see him half naked. Still, he would most likely see more warnings and punishment if he kept refusing him like this. With shaking hands he began to undo the buttons of his pale red night clothes, this was not how he envisioned the day to go when he woke up sick this morning, otherwise he would have worn something nicer and less… pink.

The colonel watched the other, a smile hinting at his lips. "I never pegged you as the shy type, Dist."

"S-shut up, I'm not shy." The small man hissed as he pulled the fabric from his shoulders. "I have nothing to be ashamed of."

Jade chuckled softly, those crimson eyes looking him over like an experiment subject and making him all the more uncomfortable. "You're right, nothing at all, by the looks of it. You really haven't changed at all from when we were young."

Dist huffed and pouted at the comment, about to retort until he felt something cold and metallic on his bare skin. He yelped before he realized it was Jade and his bloody stethoscope. The colonel's eyes were far off as they listened to the other's weak, scratchy breaths and occasional cough. The mechanic himself wasn't exactly comfortable with his hand traveling up and down his chest; did he really need to be so thorough?

"And you deny your nose runs." The soldier playing doctor finally spoke. "Your chest is full of mucus, its no wonder you have that cough."

"Of course it's full of mucus, I'm sick." The smaller man whined, shoving the exploring hand away, "What did you expect?"

"And I see it has done nothing to improve that charm of your's." he smirked, though he had to admit, the sickness at least improved the smaller man's appearance. He had a soft flush of pink to his cheeks and chest, in stark contrast to his usual pale skin, and his tasseled ivory hair hung over his violet eyes, which were softened from how tired he was. It was rather cute, and his attempt to look angry in his exhausted, fevered state made it all the more adorable, he was always fun to tease. Playfully he gave him a gentle flick across the forehead, which, since he was already dizzy, caused him to fall back in the bed with a soft thud. "Time for you to get some sleep, I'll fetch you some medicine to dull the pain but in the end all you can do with something like this is sleep it off."

Dist huffed but it was a relief to finally be on his back, it was a bit less dizzying. "Why would you get me of all people medicine?"

"What? You want to sit there and suffer, possibly die of fever, suffocate on your own mucus, or even-"

"Alright! I get it! Do whatever you want." With a sigh he rolled over, his head was far too fogged from the fever to argue anyway, much less ponder on the colonel's wonderful images.

Jade smiled, he did enjoy how easily he got his way when Dist was this sick. He gave his grumbling childhood companion a pat on the head, at which he only growled and turned on his heal to leave the room. It wouldn't take long to get something for his flu, but there was no harm in taking his time, making him wait. He would defiantly be all the more entertaining when he returned.


When Jade finally did come back to the suffering prisoner's cell he found him to be asleep, lying on his side and half falling off the bed, covers half hazzardly pulled over and entangled in his skinny limbs. The brunet sighed; he never could take care of himself. Careful not to disturb the smaller mans sleep he pulled the bed sheets out from under him and arranged them to their proper place, he must had been rolling around with fever for some time before he arrived. Tucking him in so he wouldn't go tumbling to the floor he stared down at the, for once, innocent face of the mechanic and smiled to himself.

Then he licked a single finger and stuck in his exposed ear.

Of course the moistened intrusion awoke the sleeper, who released a shrill scream and jumped before scrambling franticly under his blankets, trying to figure out what was going on. That is until he saw Jade and everything made sense. Glaring holes in the colonel Dist rubbed his ear in disgust. "What the hell did you do dat for…?" his voice was slowed and somewhat slurred.

"Just a gentle wake up call, my sweet." He said in a sarcastic, motherly tone as he began poring the contents of the bottle he had collected into one of the other's cups on the bedside table. "Now be a good boy and drink this."

"I don wanna…" the smaller man whined, rubbing his droopy eyes, the flu had already exhausted him, Jade's wake up call didn't help at all. "'Sides you prolly poisoned it."

Well the colonel would have non of that, with one smooth motion he grabbed the mechanic by the back of his short ivory hair and made him face the ceiling, after which he promptly put the glass to his lips and emptied the contents. Dist coughed and gagged but the mixture went down anyway. Once it was finished Jade released him, leaving the man to spat and wiped his lips with his sleeve.

"That tasted awful."

"The price of health, I suppose." He responded without much concern, setting the glass back down.

"You're mean Jade… I don't know why I ever liked you in the first place."

The colonel cocked an eyebrow, but shrugged the statement off, he had a high fever and it was probably beginning to take hold, making him delusional. "Get some sleep, Dist."

"Noooo!" he was sounding more and more like a child every second. "You never answered my question earlier."

"And what question might that be?" He feigned innocence.

"You know very well what question, why are you taking care of me like this? Is it some sick form of entertainment to you, watching me squirm?"

Jade only smiled, his reason was his own and the other didn't need to know. "Go to sleep, Saphir." He stated again, this time using his real name.

The mechanic noticed it too, blinking curiously at his use of such a far off title, but it calmed him enough to at least lie back down. The colonel promptly pushed the covers over him, thankful he would be too sick and tired to remember the small act of kindness when he woke up.

"Good night." He turned and began to leave.


There was a small debate at to whether to actually stop and listen to whatever question the other had, in the end he returned to the fact that he wouldn't recall any of this later and decided to give him mercy because of his condition.

Thus he turned back. "Yes?" He half expected him to whine for a glass of water or something just as childish.

But instead he wiggled shyly in his bed, apparently unable to figure out how to word his question. With a sigh Jade stalked over to his bed side and leaned down. "What is it, Saphir?"

It was at that moment the Dist decided to lean up, something the colonel hadn't expected him to do in his woozy state, and stole a quick kiss from his lips. Their mouths met for just a second, and then he fell back down with a soft thump into the pillows. He heard him mumble something along the lines of "Thank you" but he was lost to the realm of dreams too quickly for him to question.

Jade stared at the sleeping form for a moment, eyes oddly wide for his face. It was a strange situation, that was for sure, but not a horrible one. He had known of Dist's feelings, probably more them Dist himself, he was just surprised he had actually acted on them for once. After a moment of thought his face stretched to a smirk, it hadn't been a bad kiss, and there was a great chance he could use it as blackmail the next time he started spouting about how much he hated the colonel.

He brushed some loosened, white bangs from his peaceful face and finally headed for the door, this had been more entertaining then he'd ever expected.


He was going to die.

Jade lay in his bed, waiting for death. Apparently that one little kiss had given invitation to the germs the mechanic had been carrying to attack him as well. He couldn't leave his room, he could barely sit up. That would teach him to play around with Dist, he should have known, perhaps this was what he deserved in the eyes of some far off, just god. Screw them then.

The door to his room creaked open, who ever it was, as soon as he was well, they were dead. He didn't want anyone furthering his suffering.

"Aww, is my Jade still in bed? Poor thing." It was the annoyingly cheerful voice of Malkuth's beloved emperor. Damn, he couldn't rightly kill him, could he?

"What the hell do you want, your majesty?"

"I heard you were sick and I thought I'd bring along someone to take care of you."

Jade cocked an eyebrow, that was a bit suspicious but he didn't feel up to figuring it out. "How nice of you… who is it?"

The door shut and he could hear Peony speaking to someone but couldn't make out the words. Not a second later the door opened again, and what came in made his face drop. Groaning he rolled away from the door, this was not something he wanted to put up with.

"Good afternoon to you too, Jade." A high, snide voice met his ears, along with the snickering of a certain blonde behind him.

"You two have fun now." And then the door slammed shut, locking to two alone together.

The more he tried to turn away, the more his intruder leaned over the bed. It was Dist; of course, it had to be him, that was just his luck. He was dressed in the same doctor's coat he had been decked in the day before and a smile on his face just as smug as his had been.

"Dist…" the colonel growled, finally facing the other by lying on his back. "Why are you here?"

"Do you really need to ask?" chuckling he crawled on the bed, perched with knees on either side of the groggy colonel, resting on his hand. "You took care of me, now I'm here to return the favor."

Jade gave a heavy sigh, holding a hand to his brow; a migraine was beginning to form. This was wonderful, just perfect. "Fine, whatever."

"Good boy." The tired brunet might not have felt like arguing but that didn't stop him from glaring at his companion out of the corner of his eye. He watched while the clumsier man fumbled in the same black bag for earlier until he finally pulled out a thermometer.

"Temperature first."

Jade sighed; this was going to be tedious. Still he opened his mouth, might as well get things over with.

But oddly Dist shook his head. "Nope." An evil smile crossed his face. "Other end."

His eyes widened, perhaps this was going to be a bit worse then tedious.