Disclaimer: if you don't realize that Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon own Invader Zim then shall zampire kitties rain upon you in a shower of terror!

This fic was written for the lovely and deliciously mad ladies in the ZADR chat room, I guaranteed to them I'd have the first chapter up, and gosh dang it I will! shakes fist

Warning now: ZADR and slight food kink, yeah you heard me!


Every member of the Foodcourtian lower classes receives semi annual updates, this was also true for Zim who the intergalactic postal service always seemed to find when Sizzlorr could not.

And so he would occasionally receive digital newsletters on the latest deals and various equipment updates, the latest of which was a new training device that was to be compulsory for all members of Sloogork's Flavor monster and its affiliates.

What was yet to be discovered was a system flaw in the device that would cause malfunctions and random combustion, but neither Zim nor the workers of Foodcourtia would discover this problem until it was too late.

Our story really begins on a not so pleasant day in that unnamed host city of Zim's home base; a bizarre cartoonish house with creepy lawn gnomes, when the package crash landed in the middle of the living room wrapped in a metal protective sphere.

"GIR! STOP PLAYING PIGGY-BALL IN THE HOUSE!!"

And so enters Zim.

"But I wanna pig-BAAAAAAAAWL!"

GIR, not far behind, rolls in with a flurry of robotic limbs and rubber pig-ball, lord knows what lengths he went to acquire it.

It was about this point that Zim noticed the package sphere in the middle of a smoking crater.

"What is this?"

"It, uh, looks like a package for you." The computer spoke up.

"Can I eet it? Pleaseohpleaseohplease?"

"No GIR," Zim picked it up "Only I can- ARGH! IT BURNS!" he flung the heated sphere at the wall causing it to crack open and the content's so spill out.

"Ooh shiny!" he ran over to the yet to be assembled device in glee.

"What is it?"

"It seems to be the parts of a training device for-"

Zim interrupted the computer, "Ah! The tallest must have sent it to aid me in my mission! But why did they not send a weapon of doom? So much doom I need!"

He picked up the manual and with a few quick movements from his pak it was assembled and ready to be attached.

The device was about the size of a rubix cube and had a large purple light with a symbol of a mouth licking it's lips on it.

Once the device was attached to Zim's pak the computer informed him that it required a 30 hour hibernation cycle to set up the system.

"Very well, I will be in the human sleepy room if anyone comes!" He had turned to exit when GIR tugged on the hem of his uniform, wearing a sleeping cap and hugging the rubber pig-ball to his side.

"Can I have a nap too?"

"No GIR, you need to guard the base while I'm asleep." Zim tugged in vain to get loose from the robot's grip.

"But I like naps, I likes it a lot!" the little blue eyed robot's grip tightened on the pig ball causing it to squeak in protest.

"No GIR!"

"But I want ta nap toooOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

Thankfully Zim gave in and flung GIR, mid-tantrum, into the bedroom where the tiny robot promptly fell asleep.

Zim could do nothing but follow in kind.


Exactly 30 hours later the device beeped twice and sent a small electric pulse through it's host body and a wake up call.

This probably wouldn't be that bad if Zim hadn't been lying in a puddle of robot drool that caused the small shock to be, well, not quite so small.

"NNNGAAAARH!" he leaped up and attempted to run but ended up slipping on the wet sheets and falling head first into a bedpost.

"ooog my head!" he moan in pain and looked down at GIR who was still curled up at his feet with that stupid pig-ball in his mouth.

GIR would later wake up in the toilet.

But before Zim could do anything else his pak reminded him of the program.

"Very well, onto the training!"

The instructions lead him to the replica of an earth kitchen and told him to make breakfast.

"But I'm not hungr-" Several volts flowed through his small frame in argument.

"AGH! It stings like bees! WHY THE BEES!"

And so began a painful morning of training.


Excuse the briefness but that was just the intro!

Read and review!