Promo before episode...
Pein and Itachi are sitting in studios chairs with their names in it.
Pein: Hi, if you don't know me, I'm Pein.
Itachi: And I'm Itachi. If you don't know us, this show will be telling you about us in retard, ridiculous, stupid ways.
Pein: With Humor involved!
Itachi: Normally you people don't see us do this stuff, so it might ruin your thought about this show.
Pein: It could cause injuries! Beware!
Itachi: Now lets start our first episode while I beat Pein in scrabble.
Sasuke arrives in the room with Itachi sitting in the chair. Itachi has a deviuos look on his face while Sasuke looks angry.
Sasuke: ITACHI! I will seriously leave you in the dirt!
Itachi: Really? Can you imagine it still? I hope you've got the m. sharingan that I've informed you about.
Sasuke: I'm guessing you've gotten a new way to say the other sharingan, eh?
Itachi: No, I just got done listening to lil' wayne.
Sasuke: Really? I never had enough money to get his new album, so I was hoping you could buy it for me?
Itachi: Nope. Sorry little dude. Pein hardly pays me enough, but I get by.
Sasuke: How long have you've been saving up?
Itachi looks around the room thinking.
Itachi: Oh, three months.
Sasuke snickers a little.
Itachi: Whats so funny?
Sasuke: No wonder why I didn't join the akatsuki. Pein SUCKS!!!!
Itachi: You couldn't join the akatsuki in the first place since I'm here!
Sasuke: I never wanted to join! Itachi, you got us off subject FOR NO REASON!!!
Itachi: I don't care,foolish little brother! Anyway, did you come with my cheetos?
Sasuke smacks his head and digs into his pocket.
Sasuke: Heres your friggin' chips.
Itachi: I asked for CHEETOS, not FRITO LAYS! I'm allergic!
Sasuke: I don't give a flute! Plus, father contacted me from the dead. He wanted to give you a message.
Itachi's eyebrows rise up. Sasuke pulls out a holgraphic message projector. Then, it opens up. There was standing Itachi's and Sasuke's father.
father: Itachi. Goodness you've grown. I just wanted to say... I SAVED MORE THAN A HUNDRED BUCKS BY SWITCHING TO GEIKO!!!!! I just wanted to give you the heads up!
After that, the projector blew up. Itachi slapped his head.
Itachi: DARN! I've should have switched to geiko. My shevy is all tore up from the floor up.
Sasuke: Since when do you have a shevy?
Itachi: Who cares? Wheres my cheetos?
Sasuke digs into his pocket again. he throws him a bag of chips.
Itachi: These are PORK GRIMES!!! I asked for DORITOS!
Sasuke: Who cares of what you think! Your supposed to be pulling my eyes out!
Suddenly, a big chop sound comes from out of no where.
Director: Okay, Sasuke. I like the anger of your voice, but you said the line wrong.
Sasuke: I said what?
Director: The line is "Your supposed to be killing me with the lil' wayne power right now!"
Sasuke: Okay. Let's start again.
The director leaves the scene.
Sasuke: Your supposed to be killing me with the lil' wayne power right now!
Itachi: Foolish little brother... I almost feel sorry for you.
Sasuke: For what?! Not getting the named brand chips you wanted?!
Itachi shakes his head.
Sasuke: ANSWER ME!!!!!
Itachi: This reminds me of the time back at the Konaha village. We were watching t.v. together, and our dad had an Arnold Shwartzenneger accent.
Sasuke: Yep. We were watching shrek.
Itachi and Sasuke sits on a couch watching shrek.
Shrek: ROAR!!! I'M AN OGRE!!!!
Sasuke: Big brother, he reminds me of dad.
Itachi: Well, its too bad our dad was a major shrek fan. He even has Mike Myers autographed copy of shrek.
Sasuke: (with Itachi voice) We- HEY! I have your voice!
Sasuke: It doesn't seem impossible since I'm using it.
Itachi: (with Sasuke voice) Then I- WHAT?!
Sasuke laughs almost knocking himself on his chow time food. NOTE: Chow time is a real dining resturant. Sasuke just had take-out.
Itachi: This sucks! I have to have a gay voice for a speaking voice!
Sasuke: Now I can show all the girls my true side!
Itachi: (with his own voice) We- YES!!!! My old voice is back!!!
Sasuke: Too bad. I still have your voice!
Itachi growls at Sasuke.
Itachi: THEN I'LL JUST SNATCH YOUR VOICE BOX!!!!
The two brothers' dad can hear them from upstairs.
Fugaku: Hey,boys! Cut all that racket out!
Itachi and Sasuke: Yes sir!
Fugaku: I said CUT IT OUT!!!
The two boys didn't respond then.
Itachi: Goodness, he yells like an old man.
Sasuke: (with his old voice) D- NOOOO!!!! I hated my old voice!
Itachi: Too bad. People have to live with it.
Sasuke: Shhhhhh!!!! This is the best part in shrek!
The two boys turn toward the t.v. screen.
Shrek: Better out than in I always say.
Itachi squints his eyes at Sasuke. Sasuke just sits there smiling.
Itachi: Thats your favorite part?
Sasuke nodded his head.
Fugaku: BOYS, DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE!!!
Sasuke: SE- I mean, See! Your big nasty voice made dad mad!
Itachi: I made him mad?! It was us!
Sasuke: Now your just re-informing me about the froot loops thing!
Sasuke sits at the kitchen table munching away on his froot loops. Itachi walks in.
Itachi: Remember brother, we're in this together!
Sasuke puts a thumbs up with a mouth full of froot loops. A tear of milk goes down his mouth.
back to previous flashback
Itachi: I'm not informing you about that froot loops thing! I'm just saying, we did it together!
Sasuke: There you go again!
Itachi: STOP IT!!!
Sasuke laughs crazily. Itachi covers his ears up and shuts his eyes.
Sasuke: It looks like I got you in the corner, now.
Itachi: Not Exactly.
Itachi: I did that only so you could attack me, thus making me release from that state I was in, thus making me pull out your EYES!!
Sasuke shakes his head.
Sasuke: I don't get it?
Itachi: after all these years, you still haven't gotten smarter?!
Sasuke: No, I just don't see your point.
Itachi: THATS THE KEY OF GETTING SMARTER!!!
Sasuke: Oh, yeah! Now I get it!
Itachi: No you don't.
Sasuke: Yeah, your right.
Itachi: This reminds me of a time I was watching Diary of a mad black women. I was watching that dude that shot that lady's ex, so he was put into a wheel chair.
Sasuke: You wat-
Itachi: SHUT UP!!!! I wasn't done yet! Anyway, The dude that was shot was in an ally talking to the dude that shot him, so they were talking about how to plead the case about the guy that was going to shoot the dude.
Sasuke: Thats it?
Itachi: Not really. I heard he's loose somewhere in the world, but who knows?
Sasuke: What if he's over in the fire country?
Itachi: Impossible! He'd get beat down if that were to happen!
Sasuke: As crazy as this show is, it will happen.
Itachi: Just remember this is the real place, not a set to act on.
Sasuke puffs out air like he was smoking.
Sasuke: I know, okay?
Suddenly, the two brothers hear foot steps running down the hall.
Sasuke: Who could that be?!
Itachi: I heard that every time you hear his foot steps, you can hear them running.
Itachi and Sasuke stare wide-opened eyed at the door way. They gasped at who arrived.
Pein: Yes, its me. I heard that you were having trouble with fighting your brother, Itachi?
Itachi: Get real! He couldn't beat me ten ways to Sunday!
Sasuke: I don't get it??
Pein and Itachi slap their faces.
Itachi: Of course. You couldn't get it ten ways to Sunday.
Sasuke: HEY!!! I didn't join a gangsta filled organization with red clouds on their clothes to listen to 50 cent or Lil' Wayne!!!
Itachi: Of course. You couldn't in the first place.
Pein: I didn't know you two hated each other this much.
Sasuke and Itachi face Pein.
Sasuke and Itachi: OF COURSE!!!!!!
Pein: Hey! I do the all the yelling around here! So you two need to stop before I go mad wack on yo' tails!
Itachi and Sasuke just stare at Pein.
Pein: Oh yeah, I just got done watching Diary of a mad black women the uncut fire country version.
Itachi: So what? I already know about the loose black man and all.
Pein: I thought you were to blind to notice that!
Pein laughs crazily while Itachi squints at him.
Sasuke: So this is what the leader is?
Itachi: Yeah, I know it sucks, but its the only group out there to keep me covered.
Sasuke: Yeah, I know.
A small silence comes while Pein keeps laughing. He finally stops after a few minutes.
Pein: Oh my goodness, that was good. I should write that down.
He pulls out a pad that reads "Itachi jokes."
Itachi: WHAT THE???? Whats that?!
Pein: Just my Akatsuki jokes.
Sasuke: The leader really sucks.
Pein: Hey, don't forget I'm still here!
Sasuke rolls his eyes. Pein puts the pad back into his pocket which mysteriously appeared somehow.
Pein: Itachi, aren't you supposed to be killing your brother now?
Itachi: Um, something came up.
Pein directs his attention at Sasuke.
Pein: Your brother's true side is like this?
Sasuke: Not really. He's just going threw some changes. Just look at him.
Pein looks back at Itachi who was holding a picture of his mom secretly.
Itachi: Oh, mother...
Pein: Were watching Itachi.
Itachi whips away his tears and sniffs the snot back in his head.
Itachi: What? I wasn't doing anything...
Itachi: Oh, shut up, Sasuke! I've been in this world longer than you!
Sasuke: What does this have to do with anything with the world!!!
Itachi: Well. In the future episodes we will be going all over the world and stuff.
Pein: You guys always fight.
Sasuke: And it sucks.
Itachi: What the bond of brothers can do.
Pein: You mean Uchiha brothers.
Suddenly, the three stupid people here running footsteps down the hall. They knew it could be only one person.
Sasuke: OH MY GOODNESS!!!!
Pein: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!?
Black man: Ya'll are my lawyers.
Itachi: What the-? What lawyers!
Sasuke: There's no way in the world we're gonna be your lawyers!
Itachi: Yeah! Maybe Sasuke, but not me!
Black man: Ya'll know where to find me.
And like that, the man from Diary of a mad black women walks off.
Pein: Great. Now we have to do the legacy of the movie.
Itachi: For the first time, I agree with Sasuke. Huh?
Pein: That man will keep bothering us if we don't do the movie play.
Itachi: How do you know this stuff?
Pein: Duh! The dvd cheats.
Itachi: What dvd cheats???
Pein: Theres not time for that, we have to go buy McDonalds to make him satisfied when we meet him.
Sasuke and Itachi dig in their pockets.
Sasuke: I have one dollar and eighty-two cents.
Itachi: I'm dead broke.
Pein slaps his face.
Pein: Itachi, what happened to your savings?
Itachi: I spent it on the Lil' Wayne album.
Pein: THAT MONEY WAS FOR YOUR COLLEGE FUND!!!!
Itachi: Dude, I'm not going to college.
Sasuke: Yeah, he's slow.
Pein slaps his face harder.
Pein: Anyway, we'll just go meet him and get yelled at like an angry women.
Itachi: Let's do it.
The three of them leave with Itachi putting a kick me sign on Sasuke's back. They arrive at the ally.
Pein: Hello? Is anybody here?
There was a long silence.
Pein: I SAID IS THERE ANYBODY HERE!!!!!!!
Slow footsteps can be heard. The black man arrives.
Black man: I've been waiting for ya'll sorry butts for eternity.
Sasuke: But its only been thirt-
Black man: SHUT UP!
Sasuke closes his mouth tight.
Black man: This fool can't be messin' ya'll up like this! NEVER!
Pein and Itachi just stare crazily at him.
Black man: I'm gonna give ya'll this brief case to plead my case at court today. Any questions?
Pein raises hos hand.
Black man: Shoot, fool.
Pein: Yeah, how do we know what to do when we get there.
Black man: You'll know what to do when you get there. Trust me.
Sasuke: How can we trust you?
The black man walks over looking like he was going to kill him. But he just slaps him. SMACK!
Black man: I don't ever wanna hear that from yo' mouth again! Got me?!?!
Sasuke nods his head like a scared cat.
Black man: Now, the case starts in five minutes. Do what you wanna do in those five minutes, but get to the court pronto when the time comes... ya'll dig?
The three idiots shake their heads. Before leaving, the black man looks at Sasuke with an angry eye. Sasuke gulps.
Itachi: See Pein? Looks at the trouble you got us into!
Pein: Well, at least he didn't ask for McDonalds!
Just then, he walks back into seen.
Black man: Yeah, I want my food. Where is it?
The three idiots shake their heads.
Black man: Ya'll lucky I didn't want none today, because I wanted Wendy's.
With that, he leaves.
Itachi: That was close!
Sasuke: He slapped me!
Pein: Yeah! I'm the only one who's supposed to be doing the slapping around here!
Pein grabs Sasuke by the shirt and rips off a paper sign.
Pein: Kick me? Who put this on Sasuke's back?
Itachi laughs inside his head, but tries to hold it in.
Pein: Anyway, the case starts in thirty seconds, so we best be on our way.
The three idiots head for the court room. When they got there, there was a silence. The black man sits in a relaxing position in his chair. The three idiots stand.
Judge: Black man, we find you guilty as charged.
The black man puts his head in his hands. The police comes by and puts him in his cuffs.
Black man: Nice lookin' out.
The black man walks away, while the three idiots just stand there looking at him being taken to jail.
Pein: Well that was unexpected.
Suddenly, the black man pushes the police away. He takes out his gun and shoots the three idiots. Thankfully, Itachi was in front.
Like superman, Itachi stops the bullet with his eye.
Itachi: Wait, let me do the matrix thing!
He reverses the bullet with his eye, and does the scene all over again.
This time, he stopped it with his hand.
Pein: if you keep doing that, Itachi, then we'll be invincible!
The bullet drops to the ground. The black man was caught. He was put in a jail cell all alone, while the three idiots just stand in front of the jail cell.
Sasuke: Itachi, you put this sign on me?!?! HOW DARE YOU!!
Pein takes out Yahiko's body and slaps Sasuke.
Pein: Looks like I'm back in business.
Itachi: Remember Sasuke. I hate you.
Sasuke: Who cares? You know your not supposed to do that to me!!!
Pein slaps Sasuke again.
Sasuke: Why do you keep slapping me?!
Pein: You don't yell at your older brother, punk.
Sasuke: Don't you see he hates me!!!
Pein: Which is exactly why I'm beating you now.
Itachi: No matter what the Akatsuki might say, I'm still going to get your eyes. Just not now...
Sasuke glares at Itachi.
Sasuke: You still be there for me, won't you?
Itachi: LIKE HECK NO!!! I want your eyes! I mean, get real, Sasuke!
Pein: Itachi, I know you still will. Don't hide it.
Itachi: Now why is everybody saying I'll still be there for my brother now??? I wanna know!
Pein: Never mind.
Itachi: I thought so!
Pein: Oh yeah, Zetsu is at Six Flags. He wanted us to come there.
Sasuke: Its too late for that now.
Pein: Be quiet, Sasuke! You don't even know Zetsu!
Itachi: He's got a point. You don't know anything.
Sasuke and Itachi get into an argument about who likes Canada cheese, or about math problems. Pein gets so sick of it, he takes out a paper bomb. KA-BANG!!! The three idiots get blown to Six Flags.
Sasuke and Itachi: Ow!
Pein: It was for the best, so don't ask any questions.
Sasuke: May I get a corn dog?
Pein slaps Sasuke with so much power, it makes a huge dent in the ground.
Pein: Sasuke, you just want to get beat down, do you?
Itachi: Hey, Zetsu is on Mr.Freeze! Can I go get him?
Suddenly, Mr.Freeze goes so fast, it glides off the rails. The whole ride falls to the ground, which causes a huge explosion.
The three idiots (with Zetsu): Team Akatsuki is blasting off again!!!
Then, a weird voice comes up.
Baska: Hello, my name is Baska. I-I heard about you guys somewhere.
Pein: What the? Who are you?
Baska: I just said Baska. I-I wanted to join your group.
Pein: If you want to join, state your reason.
Baska: Oh, I just love cooking. So maybe, I-I could be your chef?
Pein: Hmm. We'll see.
The Akatsuki members fly threw the air back to the base. CRASH! They hit the floor hard. Tobi and Sasori waited impatiently.
Sasori: Where the heck were you guys?! And who's the fat kid.
Baska: hey! D-don't talk about my culture! Don't talk about my culture!
Sasori: Yeah, you said that two times and I get things one time.
Pein: Sasori, where's the Kroger milk?
Zetsu and Tobi didn't like the sight of Baska.
AU: So, how was the first episode? Funny? Retarded? Stupid?
Anyway, just leave comments.
Next time: Will Baska join the Akatsuki?
Will Sasuke and Itachi get done with the fight?
Will Zetsu and Tobi ever accept Baska? Just wait for the next eposde, duh!