Bright golden locks of hair poked out from behind an unsuspecting, healthy looking household bamboo plant, one of the small ones that twisted around in a funky way. The being behind it, however, wasn't quite so innocent. It gulped audibly when a particular inky-haired teenager stopped right in front of it, a very exasperated look covering his features. He began to tap his foot and glanced at his waterproof watch, as if he were a secretary in a dentist's office waiting for a patient to retrieve a lost driver's license from their purse.
"… Nice weather, is it not, Naruto??" he let his eyes travel around the room before returning them to the greenery with the last word. The leaves rustled around a bit before a reply squeaked out in a fake high-pitched voice, complete with a British accent.
"My name's not Naruto, it's Herbert Petey Fernando IV! Don't you know anything?"
Sasuke nearly smiled, nearly, but immediately replaced whatever treacherous twitching of his mouth with another stern gaze. "Alright then, Mr. Fernando, would you care to act as a representative for Naruto, since you have assured me that you are undoubtedly not him? Unless you want to be the unfortunate one to inform him that I personally drank the last of the grape juice?"
"Er… Wait! I believe he's on his way back this moment! Ah, here he… is…" A single azure eye peeped out from the bamboo foliage. The rest of the face followed reluctantly after, rather sheepishly. Naruto looked around, anywhere but at Sasuke. They were standing in the kitchen; two abandon book bags lay scattered about near the doorway, where the prompt chase for Naruto had started. They had just gotten home from school about ten minutes ago. The blonde kept observing the walls for stains until he accidentally met back up with the guy looming in front of him.
"So, um… What is this inane confrontation about, anywho?" He tried his best to grin, but failed quite miserably when his mouth felt as though it hadn't moved in centuries.
"Inane?! It has a point, idiot! And stop trying to sound smart using last year's vocabulary words! Why did you try to punch Dick Willy?!" Better get right to the point.
"Try?! What do you mean, I socked 'im real good!"
"Correctly, it should be 'I socked him very well,' not 'real good.' Don't you ever learn anything? Besides, you actually missed and punched the Promethean board, smart grass."
"My grass is smart, thank you! And what do you mean I missed him?! And why are you fixing my grammar at a time like this?" He shot out an index finger at the boy opposite him accusingly, as if correcting grammar was something unthinkable.
"Bozo, we don't have grass! You punched at him with your eyes closed and then stormed right out of the room before realizing what was going on! You should pay more attention next time! You're lucky you waited until the bell rang, or Iruka-sensei would have given you a good talking to! And I can rectify your grammar all I want, Zac Efron Stalker!"
"Don't bring Zac into this, hen head!"
"Lima bean licker!"
"Octagon! That's right! You're a STOPSIGN!!" As he said this, Naruto stormed out of the kitchen and slammed the door as hard as possible. Just to make the exit more… dynamic, you could say. Sasuke scratched his forehead as he picked up some spoons that Naruto managed to launch at him while screaming. Opening the door, he caught a glimpse of the blond as he, again, slammed the door to the bedroom. He approached the room and leaned his shoulder against it.
"Because of your rash actions, Mr. Jealous, we now have to fish out 1,000 dollars for the repair of the Promethean board you so quickly destroyed." A scoff came as a reply.
"Well? Hand over your secret stash of money."
"What are you talking about? I-I don't have a secret stash!"
"Riiight. What about the one you were going to use for that tile mosaic in the kitchen of Zac Efron's face??"
"Er… oh, that one. Fine, it's under my bed in the PINK box. NOT in the blue one." The spiky haired kid mentally wrote down the instructions and entered the room, right as Naruto snatched the newly purchased bottle of shaving cream and dove into the bathroom. Then he ran out screaming, like a little girl.
"Sasuke, there's… there's a scary spider sitting in the bathtub!!" He clung to his savior's shirt and dug his face in it. Sasuke's breath hitched, he didn't even move an inch.
"Heeeelpppp meeeeeeeeeee!" Naruto whined, looking up at Sasuke, teary-eyed.
"F-fine, what are you, a twelve-year-old?" He sighed, not wanting Naruto to stop clinging to him, but he guessed there was no choice. Picking up a paper towel off of the polluted carpet flooring that was still covered with useless junk, he went to face Naruto's enemy. Naruto sat on the bed, wiping a tear off of his cheek. He's so brave!! Sasuke came out, dangling a still-alive flea-sized creature from his hands.
"Is this it??" He was annoyed at how Naruto, who was almost finished with high school, was so afraid of this….thing. He flung it outside, feeling bad for it ending up in Naruto's and his domain. The blond foxy boy instantly sprang up from his bed, landing in Sasuke's arms.
"I LOVE YOU!!" Oh, how Sasuke wanted those words to be really true. Ahem. What was he saying? Shaking away the thoughts, impending to go further, Sasuke gazed at the blond boy nuzzling his face into Sasuke's chest. Hesitantly, he placed an uncertain hand on his companion's back. Immediately a light pink spread on the ebony-haired male's cheeks, and he coughed before pulling away rather hurriedly.
"Th… The blue box. We need to fetch that blue box to pay for Iruka-sensei's board. Right now."
"Oh, right!!" Naruto jumped away to dive under the bed and grope around. Feeling something square and hard, he grabbed at it and brought it into the light. "Aha! Here it… is? Hey, since when did I keep a box of condoms down here??" He looked towards his roomy who in turn shrugged. He then snapped his fingers in recognition. "Oh! It must've been when Kiba came over that one time and scattered these all around my apartment! That mangy mutt…."
Muttering under his breath, he continued to search around for the blue moneybox. This time when he pulled out an object, he inspected it thoroughly before giving a satisfied nod, confirming it was indeed the correct one.
When they had counted out the amount of bills needed to pay for the broken board, they bound them all together with a rubber band and put it in an envelope safely in a zipper pocket of Sasuke's school bag. Naruto had wanted to put the money in his bag, but was flatly denied, along with a smack on the head from the Uchiha. They couldn't afford to lose the 1,000 dollars.
"I still don't understand why I can't carry the money!" The blonde pouted, looking down at the last few crumpled dollars in his blue moneybox. The pout grew even more when he realized there were only four left.
"Because, you're too irresponsible, idiot." Sasuke said without looking at him, and flicked a piece of lint off his shirt.
"Yeah? Well, we have work in fifteen minutes! I bet you I could beat you there on foot! No bikes!" Crossing his arms, cerulean eyes narrowed competitively. A wide grin spread out, he knew his dark friend would never turn down a challenge.
"Hn. And my hair is red."
"Is that an acceptance? You're on, hen head!"
"HYAA!!" Lunging forward, the foxy boy snatched his work uniform and sprinted out the door, Sasuke following closely behind.
"WAIT." Naruto paused mid-sprint, turning his head around. Sasuke was at the door, fiddling with the keys to lock it.
"Smart thinking, bastard!"
The "bastard" snorted, "Yeah, since there's no way you would have remembered. Sometimes I wonder how you're still alive and a virgin."
"HEY, don't make fun of my virginity, it's very sensitive!" The blonde clinched a fist, shaking it at the verbal attacker. Then he thought better of it and whipped around to continue running to the bookstore. Growling under his breath, the Uchiha also dashed in that direction. Soon, he caught up and they were racing neck-and-neck for the next two blocks, accidentally knocking over a few kids with ice cream cones.
Book's Readalot came into view, and both boys gave an extra burst of speed, despite their burning lungs and heavy panting. Smirking, Sasuke leaned in and made a leap for it, entering the door milliseconds before his opponent. At that particular moment, Sakon, a fellow worker, happened to be strolling by with a stack of books in his arms. Unfortunately for him, those books were soon sent flying through the air as Sasuke, who just came flying through the door, crashed into him. A second later, Naruto also pelted into the both of them, sending them all to the floor in a jumbled dog pile.
Nearby, Sakon's twin brother, Udon, shook his head and continued to sweep up some crumbs in the small café connected to the bookstore.
"BASTARD, you cheated!!" Naruto yelled out at the raven underneath him.
"No, idiot, I won fair and square. You're just a loser." Sasuke smirked up at him, giving off an 'I'm better than you' air.
"Why I 'oughta…!" the blonde's threat was cut short as the body underneath both of them shifted and groaned.
"Are you two just going to lay on me all day and 'violently flirt,' or are you going to move so I can actually breathe?! Some of came here to work, you know!" The boys glared and slowly got up, allowing their poor coworker to hurriedly join his twin.
"Ah, you guys are no fun." Naruto waved them off before turning around to confront Sasuke, who was not there. He was already near the cash register, staring down at the blond with superiority. 'Since when is he that much taller than me?' Naruto wondered, but then noticed a stack of gay romance below Sasuke's feet.
"Oh, so now you're the king of gay porn?" Naruto shouted as he neared the smirking lord, much to a passing-by customer's surprise. The raven, still gazing downward proudly, stepped down and took a good long look at the stack of books. A really, really long and hard look. He even opened one and flipped a few pages.
"This is not porn, Naruto. This is obviously a very sophisticated book about two guys deeply in love." He finally said, standing up.
"Physically in love."
"Right- err, no. Emotionally. Like in soap operas." Sasuke threw a deep gaze at the fox boy. The fox boy, in turn, waved him off and threw him an "Oh you," look. A fake gagging sound came from nearby. They both swiftly turned around to discover Neji. In a skirt.
"Say, do you have a dressing room in here?" Neji looked around as Gaara peered out from behind him and waved at the two boys.
"Neji, this is a book store. Give me one good reason why we would have a dressing room."
"So me and Gaara can form a manly bond of course!" The boys flinched as he said 'manly bond.' "And you two, too." He waggled two fingers in their direction. "I mean, aren't you going out?"
"Er… what?" Sasuke questioned confusedly as a resounding 'EEEEEEEEHHHHH?!' was heard from Naruto's part, his face flushing heavily. Somehow, though, this seemed to go passed unnoticed by Neji.
Flipping his long dark-chocolate hair, the boy gave an exasperated sigh and placed his hands on his hips. "Don't play dumb with me, I know exactly what's going on! You don't have to hide in the closet about being homo, seriously. Me and Gaara can walk out in public and shout out 'Hey everybody, I have an electric back massager!' and walk away as if nothing ha--"
"Wait, what does that have to do with being gay?" Sasuke cut in, raising an eyebrow. He didn't want to admit it, but the thought of him and Naruto dating didn't disturb him as much as it should have. In fact, it sounded like… a good idea. Neji furrowed his delicate brow and contemplated this deeply. Then, shrugging it off, the pale eyes of the teen shone with new thoughts.
"All right, one time while I was in Bed Bath and Beyond I spotted a group of health inspectors, hid behind a shelf, and yelled, 'MATCHING LEATHER PANTS!'" Having actually yelled this out with reciting the anecdote, a few elderly customers turned and stared, gossiping to one another.
"… Neji, that still doesn't have anything to do with being gay."
"Okay… Hm… Well, there was this other time when I was in that candy store down the street and I told the cashier, Kabuto was his name, 'I had sex with socks on last night. It was kink--"
"STOP. Just stop. This isn't going anywhere, and I don't even know why we're listening to you, because Naruto and I are NOT dating. Hell, we might not even be gay. Right, Naruto?" Sasuke glanced to his left—
only to find Naruto giggling at a Zac Efron Barbie doll, Gaara standing by him stoically. The doll was now reciting the song 'We're all in this together…'
"Um… Never mind that last part." The ink haired male mumbled, eye twitching at the sight of yet another Zac-infested product. The blond seemed to notice his friend had turned his attention that way, so he clutched the doll to his chest.
"Saaasukeeeee! This poor little sexy Zac Barbie doll needs me! Just look at him!" He pressed the sound button for emphasis, putting on the most teary-eyed pout as possible. Sasuke twitched some more, only to find himself buying the doll a couple of minutes later. The cashier giggled as she scanned the box, in which the creepily smiling Zac was still singing.
"Batting for the other team, huh?" Sasuke's face resembled a tomato as he quickly snatched the doll and threw money at the grinning girl.
"IT'S FOR A FRIEND!!"
"NARUTO, TURN OFF THAT GOSHDARNED DOLL ALREADY!!" Sasuke threw a book in the doll's direction, as Naruto squealed out a 'oh noes!' and clutched the doll to his chest. They were on their lunch break, and Naruto kept making his newly acquired possession sing the possibly most annoying song on this planet. Having dodged the book, another of Sasuke's depressing poetry books, the blond lunged at his friend's hair and started to mess it up.
"HEY! Hey-stop! NO! NOT THAT!" Naruto swished the Sasuke's hair, making it randomly stick up in different directions. Sasuke bravely defended his hairdo; but his enemy got through and made his bangs spike up like some punk's hair. That was the last straw. Sasuke, without a word, stood up and grabbed Naruto by the wrist.
"You. Me. The bathroom. Now."
"Ooh, sounds kinky!" Naruto said as he grinned and received a smack on the head.
"Not like that." And with those words, he proceeded to drag the helpless boy to the deep dark pits of- er... I mean the bathroom.
Gloomily, Sasuke placed his baggage on the toilet in one of the stalls. Then he pulled out a small round box labeled 'hair gel' and smoothed out his hair in front of the mirror.
"Oh, ha ha ha, I've never seen you do your hair be-"
"DON'T TALK." Naruto moved back in his stall, looking somewhat hurt as the disgruntled raven threw a threatening glare at him.
"I'm... I'm truly sorry, Sasuke..." Sniffing, Naruto kicked at a stray piece of tissue on the damp floor. The dark, gloomy boy's heart could not stand this. Neither could his patience. He entered the stall and closed the door behind him, turning the latch. Without one word, he pulled Naruto's face in and put his lips on his. Letting out a muffled cry of surprise, the blonde's eyes widened and his mouth remained frozen against Sasuke's.
The taller male would not let this discourage him, so he took advantage of the slight part in the other's lips and slipped his own tongue through. This seemed to jerk Naruto out of whatever state of shock he was in, and slowly, very hesitantly, his eyes closed and he shifted his mouth around. Lightly, he probed the wet muscle that was 'sightseeing' nearly down his throat. The Uchiha took this as a good sign, so he snaked his arms around the blonde's waist and up his back while he felt another pair wrap around his neck, allowing them to tilt their heads and get a better, deeper, angle.
The heavy gasping for air filled the small stall, but the two boys would not stop just yet. Sasuke turned them around and pressed Naruto against the side of the stall without the toilet paper dispenser, and began pressing his knee to Naruto's clothed semi-hard cock. The foxy boy moaned when the knee started rubbing against him, instigating what would have been a serious arousal if there hadn't been a smart rap on the other side of their stall door.
"Excuse me, are you okay in there? Do you need some more toilet paper or something? I'd be glad to help any damsel in distress!" more knocks on the door followed shortly after.
Both boys in the stall widened their eyes and looked at each other. That was the unmistaken able voice of their creepy student teacher, Sai. They broke apart quickly, Sasuke coughing a little with embarrassment.
"Everything's fine, don't worry about us!"
"… Us?" Crappy fiddle sticks. "Wait, is that you, Naruto? It's me, Sai!"
"Er… Yeah! Hello, Sai." Sasuke glared darkly at the stall door, then looked over to Naruto, sharing a look that said 'we have to go out now.' They hurriedly tried to fix their disheveled look, but failed miserably.
"So, are you going to come out? Oh wait, are you finished? You need me to leave? Who else is in there with you?" The dark haired student teacher peered down below the door to see two pairs of feet and legs.
In response, Sasuke swung open the door rather forcfully. Naruto frowned as it hit something hard that let out a little "oomph!" of surprise and pain. Opening it further, they saw Sai sprawled out on the tiled bathroom floor.
"OHMYGAWD is he okay?! Is he still alive??" The blonde squeaked out, rushing to said fallen male.
"Oh, I'm sure he's alright. Just a little unconscious." The raven inspected his nails casually, while inside he was yelling victoriously 'JUST AS PLANNED!'
"Oh, so he isn't dead? Ok, then." Dropping Sai's head back onto the floor, Naruto got up and brushed himself off. Then he turned to Sasuke sheepishly. "So… Does this mean we're… you know?"
"Murderers? Nah, I don't think the police will come after us. Yet." The Uchiha smirked evilly, as if they would have to go with the "where should we hide the body?" plan.
"WHAT?! No, that's not what I meant! I mean, in the bathroom stall and all…"
"Oh, why didn't you say so. You want to do it again? Is that it?" He smirked again, this time with a predator-like gleam in his eye.
"No, bastard! Wait, yes, but… That wasn't what I was getting at! Are we, um… Are we, you know?" He made an intertwining motion with his first two fingers. Sasuke just stared at the fingers for a minute. The he burst out laughing.
"Yes, idiot, we are dating."
"HEY, you didn't even ask me first!"
"Ok, fine." Grabbing Naruto's arm, he dragged him out of the bathroom, apparently searching for something. They neared the café part of the store, and Sasuke suddenly dropped the blonde's arm and power-walked over to the goodies in the glass windows. He picked a white powdered doughnut, and placed it inside of a folded napkin. The whole time, Naruto was standing by, watching him strangely. 'What, has he forgotten me and decided to eat something instead? That piggy hen head! How could he?!' He was about to open his mouth to complain loudly, when Sasuke dropped down on one knee and grabbed Naruto's hand.
"Eh?" Several couples in the café were staring at them, some of them with disgusted faces, and a few with just curiosity. The inky-haired teen in front of him looked into his eyes.
"Naruto… Will you," he paused to uncover the powdery doughnut from the napkin, "go out with me?"
Suddenly- a crash.
"Wha?" The startled almost-couple turned around in disbelief. There, at the door, stood their student teacher, Dick Willy.
"WELL, it just so happened that I was standing conveniently concealed by this biscuit stand here when I heard this announcement. But, I am afraid that I cannot let you do that for..." he did a dramatic swoon, leaning against the stand, "I am in love with Sasuke!!"
"WHAT?" A couple of women fainted in the audience.
"I ALSO OBJECT!!" Everyone's heads whirled round. There, poking out of the window was Sai. "I AM IN LOVE WITH NARUTO-AAH!"
Sai fell out of the window into the café, landing on his face next to Dick Willy. There, where Sai was seconds earlier, appeared the face of Kabuto.
"I also demand a say in this!! Sai, I am in love with YOU." Some men gasped at this surprising twist. Orochimaru burst through the door. "SASUKE, KABUTO, YOU CHEATERS!!" But then, he toppled over as Chouji came running in, falling on top of him.
"Chouji, are you also here to reveal some dramatic plot twist?" Naruto inquired.
"Nah, I just wanted a doughnut." Everyone stared in silence but then resumed their bickering afterwards. Sasuke frantically ran around, trying to avoid Dick Willy and some other people who appeared out of nowhere, such as Iruka-sensei, Rock Lee, and Kiba. Seeing as his proposal was not going anywhere he decided to do something drastic. Picking up Naruto bridal-style, and the new couple exited the café, in front of everyone. A couple of minutes later a series of frantic footsteps were heard.
"Am I late?" Kakashi-sensei poked his head in the room, only to find a room full of guys, startled customers, and Kiba telling everyone that he could swear he heard Naruto say "Yes!" and Sasuke tell Naruto, as they were exiting, that they should go make out in the park again.
And things seemed more insane than they ever have before. But, in a good way, because now Naruto knew that was no dream about fantasy birds and white dresses. That was real.
A/N: Omg. The final chapter. THERE WILL MOST LIKELY BE AN EPILOGUE. Key words being "most" and "likely." And, again, sorry for the wait! It was hard because Franklin and I were separated most of the summer and had to juggle the story back and forth through e-mail to get it done.
Benjamin and Franklin, OUT!