Author's Note: Hey guys, long time no see, I know. Forgive me. It's been a long year of chaos, homelessness, heartbreak, more homelessness, some making up and silly drama crap. Suffice it to say, I barely made it through school, nevermind getting to write for myself. :c I missed you guys, however, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.
Thematic Warnings: Nothing new! Some swearing in this chapter.
Theodore Nott hurried out of the hospital wing, clutching his books to his chest. This alone wasn't unusual enough to peak Severus's interests. What was, however, was the bespectacled Gryffindor lurking in the shadows just outside of the hospital wing.
It was originally what caught the potionmaster's attention as he observed the castle from a few floors above. Seeing Harry Potter sitting on the floor near the hospital wing, seemingly with a lot on his mind, wasn't exactly normal. Especially when the hospital wing contained little beyond his godson.
I blinked and turned to find Potter walking towards me via the path Teddy just exited, but instead of feeling terrified like I should have, a peculiar emotion came over me.
I found I didn't care very much that Potter had potentially overheard everything.
Apparently I had lost every ounce of interest in self preservation.
Potter approached slowly, staring at me intently with his lips pursed in a curious frown. My brain was failing to comprehend why I was so calm, and while it was stuck on that, a course of action was not even possible. Luckily, I was used to acting without thinking to save my neck.
"Merlin's beard, what the hell is wrong with boring?" I spat, much without even thinking. Potter rose a brow, but I continued. "Seriously. Everyone's all 'it would be boring'. Well you know what, nothing has been boring for me since I was a child and too stupid to see the truth. Not to mention since I came to Hogwarts, things have royally gone to shit, I blame you for that, by the way." I paused, glancing at him. He blinked a little. "So really. Is it SO heinous to wish for something to be boring? Because if so, fuck it, I'm used to being heinous. I wish things were simple. I wish things were bloody boring."
With a huff, I sat back and crossed my arms in annoyance. Potter stared at me, stopped in his place a few feet away from my bed. I felt an odd smidgen of self satisfaction- until he started to grin.
He let out a laugh, before having the decency to stifle it, and assent only to chuckles. I still turned up my nose, proud of my rant and refusing to let him take that. Not to mention I had no idea what I'd do if he disarmed me.
He continued the last few feet to me and sat in Teddy's empty chair.
"I know how you feel." He stated simply, leaning back and looking at me with an open expression. I blinked, almost letting my face show how much this threw me. But fortunately, my brain had rejoined the situation just in time. I looked at him and frowned, narrowing my eyes
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"I understand you wanting simplicity, Draco. I often wish for it myself." He admitted softly, I frowned and shook my head.
"Did you not just hear what Teddy and I-"
"I heard every word." He interrupted, his gaze meeting mine evenly. I blinked a little and scowled.
"Could you make sense for once in your fucking life, Potter! Why aren't you freaking out!" I snapped, he blinked a little, then gave a tight smile.
"You seem to be freaking out enough for both of us."
My mouth snapped shut and I gave a soft growl, glaring at him.
"Because unlike you, I make sense." I spat, sticking my nose up. It was absurd but I was really hoping he wouldn't catch it.
I'm not a lucky person.
He grinned slightly, his eyes glittering in amusement.
I frowned and snapped my head the other direction, regretting it immediately as my head began to ache. Gritting my teeth, I fought it.
The room was silent for a minute, and then I heard him lean forward, and his hand fell against my arm. I startled and looked at him. He was looking at me with soft eyes, his face serious.
"I already knew, Draco. I told you that already. I've known." He muttered, I blinked a little and squinted
"Merlin, how?" I spat, surprise shocking me. He looked a little grim and sighed, leaning back and vaguely gesturing towards his scar.
"This is more then just...a mark. It links us, Draco." He paused and glanced at me. "I've dreamt about him. And about you. And about what he's asked you to do. And about what he does when you refuse."
I blinked and my eyes began to sting. It was a vague sense of...invasion. Potter knew. That I could handle.
But him...seeing me begging. Crying. Bleeding. Whimpering for my very life.
Well that just made me feel like a broken duckling on the ground. Far from water and my flock. He was silent for a moment, then he let out a soft noise of worry.
I took a deep breath, staring at my hands.
It wasn't strong, but it was audible. Potter paused in surprise and frowned, starting to apologize. I cut him off, looking at him with hard eyes. "LEAVE."
Swallowing, he stood warily.
With a low growl, I clenched my fists.
"Potter get the HELL OUT. LEAVE. JUST GO." I shouted, anger and tears prickling hot on my cheeks. He stared at me, eyes wide and slowly nodded as he backed away.
"Right. Let me know when you're done being immature and reveling in self pity." He said in a soft tone.
His unintended challenge worked.
Growling, I tossed my blankets off and hauled my aching body out of the bed with fury-fueled energy.
Potter's eyes widened as I neared him, but my mind was a sieve of rage.
I grabbed Potter by his silver and blue tie, and slammed him as hard as I could into the wall. The air left his lungs in a sharp gasp and I curled my fingers tightly into his collar.
"Looky here, Potter." I snarled, narrowing my eyes down at him. "You can judge me all you bloody want, but I've seen things, done things you've only seen in NIGHTMARES. I've heard screams that still haunt me." He let out a choking sound that sounded like attempted speech, so I gave him a rough shake, slamming him into the wall again and ignoring the sharp pain that shot up my arm. "I've lived for my family since I was old enough to speak. I was bred, honed and fed on perfection. If you think you have it hard, Potter, walk a kilometer in my shoes. Your life may suck; it may be planned out just as much as mine is, but you get to play hero. You get to be the one everyone adores while I'm stuck with the fucking villain! I'm judged before I'm known, my path forced me right into the arms of the Dark Lord. Tell me Potter, what makes your pity parties more noble then mine? Because you don't have blood on your hands? Because you've never snuffed out a life?" I leaned down into his face, our noses inches apart and sneered cruelly. "Tell my, oh great one, is that what makes you any less pathetic than me? Because no matter how you slice it, I'm out there doing all of this for the ones I love."
Breathing hard, I glared at him as I let my words sink in. His emerald eyes stared up at me, his expression a blank and impenetrable mask. Suddenly, his eyes sparked in something feral and his hand slipped around the back of my neck and pulled me forward, crashing my lips into his.
I stood in shock as he kissed me hungrily, his lips rough and chapped with an edge of something insistent but tender. A sort of twisting heat bloomed deep in the pit of my stomach and though my mind objected even as I did it, I pressed against him with a growl and moved my lips in response.
He inhaled sharply, before tangling his fingers in my hair and lightly running his tongue along my lower lip. I felt a vicious tide of arousal start to take over, and an alarm went off shrilly in my mind.
I stumbled backwards, panting heavily as I fell to my knees.
Shuddering, I licked my lips. "Merlin..."
Potter leaned his weight against the wall, flushed and breathing hard.
"Draco, gods I'm so s-"
"Just shut it." I muttered, suddenly and regretfully aware of my weariness, pain and damnably horrible situation.
Potter frowned and kneeled in front of me, lightly placing his hand over mine.
But for once in his life, he didn't speak.
I looked at him for a long time as my breathing evened. When I had my mind in order, I broke our gaze and mustered the calmest tone I could.
"Potter, I think you need to leave now."
He swallowed hard and gave a meek little nod.
"I...ok. Feel better, mate, alright?" He said, false cheeriness leaking from his voice. He wasn't stupid, he knew something was not right. But he seemed to shove away his hero complex, and stood, his eyes darting around the room nervously. "...bye."
And with that, he turned and hurried from the wing.
I barely had a millisecond to collect my thought before there was a thoughtful grunt and Severus came out of the shadows near the door. I groaned and leaned back, letting my head fall against my bed in exhaustion.
He let out a tutting noise and shook his head.
"I didn't think you would begin our lord's orders so soon." He murmured, looking at me. I felt my face heat up and I cast my eyes at the floor out of guilt. Severus faltered and his gaze widened. "Merlin, Draco...you...you wanted that?"
I let out a groan and looked up at the ceiling helplessly.
"Yes. No. I don't bloody know, ok?" I spat, my voice tired and harsher than I had intended. Severus took it in stride and walked over, sitting on the floor next to me carefully. He folded his robes neatly, then he looked down his nose at me, eyes beady and black.
There was that tone. That tone that told me I was being stupid. That I'd done something wrong. Severus had seemingly adopted it from my father when I was still in the bloody womb.
I felt my hand clench into a vicious fist and looked at the far wall. It took everything in my willpower to not interrupt him in his speech.
"You are treading very dangerous grounds..."
I paused and looked at him incredulously.
"What, exactly, is new, Severus?" I spat, barely restraining my anger. Severus's eyes snapped to me, and his gave me a piercing look.
"Young man, do not mistake me for some apathetic little twit like Lupin. I am your elder, and beyond that, I am your godfather. You will speak to me with some semblance of respect." He said firmly. I stared at him for a moment, and where my anger usually depleted at this moment, I found it instead, soaring.
"No." I growled. Severus blinked rapidly, and his black eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Excuse me?" He asked slowly, it was obvious he was giving me a moment to reconsider my choice of actions. Like an intelligent lad...I didn't.
I shook my head vehemently and scooted away from him, pushing myself across the scuffed linoleum with arms that felt like lead. I faced him with a fierce expression and narrowed my eyes.
"I said no. I'm sick of being told what to do, what's right and wrong. I don't care if something is dangerous. Maybe I want it. It's bloody rare that I do something that I WANT, so if you don't approve of it, you can go bugger a hinkypunk for all I care!" It occurred to me, somewhere deep in my mind, that cursing and yelling at Severus was probably not in my best interest. Unfortunately I just didn't seem to give a shit. "If I want to seduce Potter, I will seduce Potter. If I want to snog him, hold hands with him, hell if I want to bugger him in the middle of the great hall, I'm damn well going to do it!"
Severus stared at me, and a thick, heavy silence fell between us, broken only by my heavy, upset breaths. Severus didn't look angry, in fact, he didn't look much of anything- and that's honestly what worried me most. Finally, he stopped staring at me, and looked at his lap.
"You are so much braver than I am, Draco..." He murmured, shaking his head slightly. I blinked stupidly and he looked back at me, his eyes sad. "I never had the guts to do any of that...and I regret it to this day." He looked at me and licked his lips. "I'm proud of you."
My mouth fell open and I stared at him as he stood up and lightly set a hand on my head, smiling faintly.
"I wish for your sake that everything goes well."
And with that, he was gone as well.
I stared dumbly at the hospital wing doors as they shut and just felt exhausted. I slumped against my bed and let my head fall backwards.
I was fairly certain I'd been on the same page for over an hour. I blinked again, forcing the blurry text to sharpen, and sighed. My head had started to throb at some point, and the windows of the library had grown dark.
Footsteps approached and I looked up to see Weasley walking towards me with his hands stuffed into his pockets. He stopped a few feet away and frowned.
"How's Malfoy doing?" He asked gruffly. I blinked and arched a brow.
"Because you suddenly care?"
He gave a slight grin and held up his hands in surrender.
"Alright, you caught me. Can I sit?"
I sighed and shut the book, chalking it up to a lost cause and leaning back in my chair. I gestured vaguely at one of the free chairs on the other side of the table and he sat obediently, looking at me for a moment before beginning to chew on his lip. I gave him a confused look
"So why are you asking about Draco?" I asked, arching a brow and laying firm gaze on his freckled face. He squirmed slightly and shrugged.
"Icebreaker?" He ventured, his tone weak and sheepish. I smirked and shook my head, eying him in part amusement, part exasperation.
"An icebreaker." I repeated, enunciating the words for him. He blushed a bright red and sniffed, looking at the floor begrudgingly.
"It worked. Look, we're talking."
I couldn't help it. I rolled my eyes.
"Really Weasley..." I murmured, standing and gathering my books. "Pathetic."
I turned to leave, but I only made it a few steps before he grabbed my arm and spun me. My books flew from my fingers and he pressed me against a bookshelf. His grip and expression were both extremely gentle, and for once, Weasley didn't seem like a stupid ogre.
"Parkinson." He paused, licked his lips and looked at me earnestly. "Pansy. I... We need to talk." I blinked slowly, and nodded, allowing him to continue. He took a breath and shook his head. "I'm sorry. For kissing you, that is. It was...uncalled for." The words uncalled for were more of a growl and it became clear to me that Weasley was having just as much trouble apologizing for his actions as I always did. So I took the highest road I could muster. I nodded slowly and gave a small smile, full of manners and sugar and everything nice, but lined with vicious poison.
"Don't worry about it. I forgive you." His hand fell from my arm and he looked down at me for a long moment.
"You do?" He muttered, seeming confused. I nodded again, adding a dose of parent talking to child condescension.
"I do." I repeated. He let out a breath of relief and nodded.
"Good." He muttered as he stepped back, rubbing his neck awkwardly. I smirked and looked at him for a moment.
"However..." I started. He blinked and glanced up in confusion. I grinned evilly and grabbed his tie, pulling him to me and kissing him hard on the lips. He tensed in surprise and confusion for a moment as I enjoyed myself with attacking his lips. Right when I started to feel like he was going to reciprocate, I pulled away and licked my lips. He blinked down at me, owlishly and just seemed utterly confused. I gave him a sly smile, released his tie, and bent down to grab my dropped books. When I straightened up, I looked at him and blinked innocently.
"I guess now you'll just have to forgive me."
The look on his face as I flounced out of the library was delicious.