Disclaimer: I do not own anything.


Summary: After appearing on 'Family Fake Out' the Stevens were so popular, the Disney Channel decided to do a sitcom based on their lives. That show is Even Stevens. What do the real people think of the way they are portrayed on television?


I watched as Louis turned off the TV. He seemed perplexed about something; probably the television sow we had just watched together, as a family. How scary is that? For some reason, since that stupid reality show we were on was so popular, ABC/Disney decided they wanted to do a sitcom about our family. At first they wanted to do one of those reality shows were they follow you around all day with a camera, but Mom put a quick end to that idea. She didn't think it would be a good move for her political career to have a camera around at all times. After the reality show idea was nixed Disney came up with the sitcom, "Even Stevens." Catchy enough title. If only I was portrayed a little less perfect and a little more like me, then things would be fine.

Where should I start? Oh yes, I know. I am only going to say this once so listen closely. I am NOT perfect. Not even close. No one is. The girl they are portraying with the always perfect grades, always perfect behavior, and the infinite number of extracurricular activities, that girl would have a nervous breakdown before high school even started. Now don't get me wrong, I do have straight A's, but I'm not anal about it or anything. Now that we are speaking of my grades, I did not get that upset about the prospect of not getting an 'A' in woodshop. That could be because I have never taken the class and honestly, why the hell would I? Even id I did choose it and I didn't get an 'A,' who cares? Not me, that's who. After all, in second grade I did fail a couple of tests on purpose in order to get a little more attention from my parents (they were busy trying to keep Donny from having to repeat the fifth grade again). But then again, I did go back and beg my teacher to let me retake the tests. Okay, okay, so I am anal over my grades, but that does NOT mean I am perfect.

It's not like I haven't gotten in trouble before. I mean there was that whole free concert on the roof thing. And despite popular belief, that was not the most trouble I had ever been in. First I was grounded for a month for faking sick to go skating with Bobby. And I also got in much bigger trouble for being involved in the Stevens Manor. Somehow, I ended up doing more time for that then Louis did. Apparently, my parents expected more from me and were more upset at me for coming up with the idea to get the guests out of the house then they were at Louis for having them there in the first place. Dad said I had basically come up with a way to steal their money. That got me grounded for three months and I had to pay the guests back out of my allowance. But really, other than those times, I haven't been in any real trouble.

And to even further prove that I am NOT perfect, I have to say that I did not care about that attendance award. I had already gotten one in elementary school, so why would I need another one? Besides, I get all kinds of awards, it's not like that empty space was going to be empty for long. And what the hell was up with that dream? I would never dream about there being a musical at school and if I did, I sure as hell would never join in on their singing. And the project part of the dream, seriously, wtf? I think we have already established that I am anal about my grades, so why would I forget that the project was due that day? Okay maybe they were going on the idea that it would be my worst nightmare, but still, what the heck? And for that matter, again seeing as I am anal about my grades, why the hell hadn't I done any research by then? Had I been sick since the damn assignment was made?

And since we have established that I am incredibly smart, can someone please explain the Gil thing to me? Someone as smart as I am would never believe that mermaids, well mermen, even existed. It never happened, I tell you, just ask Ruby……On second thought, don't ask Ruby. What does she know?

Another problem I had with this show was their exaggerations. I suppose they are supposed to be funny, but I just don't think they are. What kind of exaggerations? Well, let's start with the biscuit Nelson and I made. It wasn't that big. It was more like the size of a small dog, which is still awfully big for a biscuit. I know they were going for a laugh and an enormous biscuit if funnier than a large one, but still, it irks me. Oh well, we still passed the class.

Oh, and the whole Yvette thing, could they have made me look any more psycho? When that one first aired, I started to get funny looks from people, who for some reason, are starting to see me as a lesbian head case. First of all, I wasn't quite as jealous as they portrayed me to be. And second, why did the show have to make it seem like I had a crush on Charlotte? I mean seriously, if I didn't know that I was straight, I would probably be thinking I was gay too.

Then there is the whole Devil Mountain thing. While I fully admit to being completely jealous, (who wouldn't be, she isn't called Mandy 'always gets her man' Sanchez for nothing), I so did not have a fall like the one shown on 'Even Stevens.' A fall like that could have easily killed me, or at the very least I would have broken something other then just a nail. The fall I had was short and I didn't even break the stupid nail.

Oh, and as if all of that isn't bad enough, they had to go and strike me down as a person. I mean seriously, the first episode they make me out to be a real bitch. I so did not say all of those mean things to Ernie, I let him down gently. I just did it in a loud manner, kind of like Louis does. I guess it runs in the family. Even if I did embarrass him a little, what does it matter? He embarrassed me too. Okay, I suppose I can be a vain and pompous jerk sometimes. But did they have to put that part of me on TV?

The biggest thing that bothers me about the show, however, is the fact that the show makes it seem like I can't keep a best friend. On that show, my character has referred to the following people as my best friend: Jewel, Charlotte, Ruby, Monique, Nelson and even Yvette. Did it ever occur to these people that we are all equal opportunity friends? And why did Jewel and Charlotte only appear in a couple of episodes each? And where was Yvette? The girl transferred the next semester, as she said she would, but after that one episode she isn't seen again either. Nelson disappeared after a while as well. Come on people, they didn't disappear off the face of the planet. In fact, the seven of us, often hang out together as a group. Why do this to my friends? They didn't do it to any of Louis's friends. Well, except for that big guy, uh, Lenny I think.

Oh well, at least they got one thing right. I loathe Larry Beale with every fiber in my being. How could one human being possibly be so annoying? Of course that is the only thing they got right. I am NOT perfect, I'm NOT vain and pompous, and I CAN keep a best friend…………Oh who the hell am I kidding? They nailed me perfectly.

Should I continue or not?