Breakdown by blackdragonflower

Summary: Put the gun underneath your chin and pray. Pray someone will stop you before you pull the trigger that ends your life. Matt and Mello

Characters belong to Death Note by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata

Warning: suicide references. Angst. Matt and Mello's real names

Rated: T


'I'm sorry Mihael… I just can't do this anymore…'


Child lock disengaged.

The icy muzzle nuzzled its way underneath the redhead's chin. The deviant voice of his best friend's gun calls him to pull the trigger, to end his life.

Blowing through scarlet locks the wind caresses softly against Matt's face. The gamer closes his emerald eyes. His index finger reaches, curls around the trigger. All he had to do was pull.

"Mail Jeevas don't you dare!"

Eyes open gradually, tears threatening to overflow onto pale cheeks. "Mihael…" Bursting forth from their barrier hot tears seep blistering down Matt's cheeks.

"Mail don't you dare pull that trigger!"

Matt's muscles tensed held in suspension between pulling the trigger or not. The redhead dropped the gun his whole body trembling. It clattered to the ground of the old warehouse. He slowly turned to look at the tenacious blonde. Mello was clutching a ragged looking piece of paper in his hand and a pair of goggles. Recognition hit Matt; the paper was the suicide note he'd left. The note didn't say where he'd be and Matt wondered how the ex-mafia leader had found him.

Mello's angelic azure eyes were filled with vexation, but there was a veiled anxiety. "Mail…" The redhead darted to his best friend and clutched him close. He bawled into Mello's shoulder like a child. Mello wrestled with the natural impulse to push Matt away and let the gamer cry. "Mail Jeevas why the hell would you do this kind of shit?!"

"I'm sorry Mihael… I just can't take it anymore…"

"Can't take what?" Mello rubbed his friend's shoulder blade gently in soothing circular motions. Matt tried to still his sobbing, trying to suck the tears up so Mello wouldn't see him cry. Crying was weak.

"I can't take the pressure anymore…letting you down… I can't accept it."

"Fail? Jesus Christ Mail! You haven't failed me yet!" Mello grabbed Matt's shoulders and pushed him back so he could look him straight in the eyes. "All those failures were mistakes I made or miscalculations on my half. It wasn't your fault Mail. Repeat after me 'it wasn't my fault'."

"I-it wasn't my fault…"

"They were miscalculations on Mello's part."

"T-they were miscalculations on Mello's p-part."

"I will not try to commit suicide or do anything stupid like that again." Matt bit his lip and looked away. Mello growled slightly. "Matt look at me and repeat… please."

The redhead glimpsed into Mello's eyes but couldn't bring himself to say the words. "I'm sorry Mello I can't."

"Say it Matt. I need to hear you say it."

"Why?" The hacker looked down at the floor his voice barely a mutter.

"Matt… You've been my friend since Wammy's and that hasn't changed. Dammit I'm not going to let death snatch you away!" Mello's voice was a low growl, he was serious as it gets. The blonde took the goggles in his hand and slid them over Matt's eyes. "Hey… if it makes you feel better take a slight vacation! I'll even buy you that new videogame. As long as you cheer up and don't do anything stupid like this again."

"Okay…" Matt weakly smiled his red bangs littering his eyes above his bright-lensed goggles.

"C'mon Matt let's go home." The redhead nodded and watched the blonde walk towards the gun on the floor. The mafia leader picked it up and turned the child lock on. He stuffed it into his coat pocket and returned to his friend's side.


"Yes Matt?"

"Thank you for keeping me from pulling the trigger." Matt gave his friend's hand a gentle squeeze then climbed into the car. Mello slid himself behind the wheel and closed the door. Matt leaned the seat back and closed his eyes. "Thanks man."

Mello watched Matt a moment then revved the engine driving away from the deserted building and the warehouse district. Mello sighed. 'No Mail… thank you for all the help you've given me.'


A/N: Please do not think that I support suicide, as I don't believe in it.

I hope you enjoyed the story in all its angst and if it got corny sorry ' ...Please review and share your constructive crit! Thanks for reading.