Disclaimer:All characters, terms and places associated with Harry Potter belong JK Rowling. The concept of Stranger than Fiction belongs to Columbia Pictures. Which, in itself, borrows ideas from the book; The Comforters by Muriel Spark. I have never read this book, but read this piece of information on Wikipedia. The concept of Mary Sue's belongs to no one in particular. I did not invent them, or the idea of this story, it is merely my interpretation of what might happen in such a situation. I have no intention to infringe on any copyright; this fiction is written for pleasure not profit. All I own is the story and of course, the occasional OC. Don't send your lawyers after me, I have no money.
Warnings:Rated M for coarse language and who knows what else that might pop up.
A/N: As usual, in my world, Blaise and Draco are friends, otherwise I can't think of anything that will break the canon, aside from the Mary Sue, of course.
Chapter 1 - Random Sentence Day
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
"What's this?" Draco asked Blaise, sliding a strange looking book from a shelf in Blaise's library. He peered at it curiously as he turned it over in his hands. Bound in what appeared to be pink leather, the cover was covered in faux jewels, stuck on by hand presumably, due to the fact that they didn't appear to be in any kind of pattern, except for a random one.
Blaise walked across the room, his hands were filled with a set of his mother's Quill's & Moon novels, which had some how become mixed in with his potions books. Deciding to sort out and re-categorise his library had turned out to be such a big job, he had had to con Draco into helping with promises of firewhiskey and a trip to the liquid lounge, their favourite Knockturn Alley, knocking shop. He looked at the book Draco had found and shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea, open it up, maybe it was one of my stepfather's and it got mixed in with the rest."
Draco lifted the cover and carefully read the bubble shaped, handwriting inscribed on the first page. "The secret writing of Mary-Sue Alyssa Starhawk." He scratched his head and looked at Blaise. "Ever screw a Mary Sue?"
Blaise looked up to the ceiling and began counting on his fingers. "Hmm, M, let me think... Mafalda, Miranda, Megan, Maria, Maddy, May, Marie, Monique..."
"French." Blaise said with a smile. "You made me forget where I was. Oh yes, let's see, there was Mandy, Melanie, Michelle, Melissa, Monica... Oh!" Blaise said, remembering something. "Monica... she was, amazing I wonder if I still have her address..."
"Alright, Mr My-Dick-Controls-My-Brain, I get it. You have fucked a lot of women, was there a; Mary Sue, in with that lot."
"Nope." Blaise said, grinning.
"You knew that already, didn't you?"
"You just wanted to show off, didn't you?"
"A-huh." Blaise said, nodding vigorously.
Draco raised his right hand and hit Blaise over the back of the head. "Git."
Blaise laughed, and then pointed at the book. "Sorry, mate. Check inside the pages, is there a book mark for Snelson's Second-hand books?"
Draco began to flick through the pages, after a second he pulled out a thick paper bookmark, with the logo for Snelson's books on it. "Ah-ha!" He said. "I have now lost your page, was that the point of the exercise?"
"No, tiny brain." Blaise said, smirking at his friend. "If there was a bookmark in there from Snelson's, it means it probably came from this big box of second-hand books I bought two months ago and just shoved on the shelves."
"So, it's probably one of the books that came in the box, probably some muggle girl's diary." Blaise said.
"Eugh!" Said Draco, throwing the book with the end of his fingers onto a chair. "Why in the name of Merlin's underpants would you buy muggle books? And second-hand ones at that?"
"Every so often I'll buy a pile of books from there, I never know what I've bought till I've got it home and sometimes there are some very useful, out of print, dark arts books. Occasionally, don't ask me how, a few muggle books end up in with what I buy, usually I throw them away, but I must have missed that one." Blaise said, peering at the strange looking book.
"So, what are you going to do with it?" Draco said.
Blaise shrugged his shoulders and sat down on his favourite armchair. "Dunno, open it up, see if there's potentially anything juicy in there."
Draco went to sit on the book table, but stopped himself midway, he had been kicked in the shins more than once by Blaise for sitting somewhere, other than the chairs. He picked the pink leather diary up and sat in the chair, opening the book to its first page, he began to read aloud. "My name is Mary Sue, but all my friends call me by my middle name, Alyssa. This diary belongs to me, so you are reading this diary and you ARE NOT me, I am totally going to come and get you and make you pay!!..."
Blaise leapt from his seat, clamping one hand over Draco's mouth and slamming the book shut with the other. "Stop right there. Don't read another word!" He removed his hand and sat back down in his own chair, to the strange looks he was getting from Draco. "Let's just burn it, right now."
Draco quirked his eyebrow. "What the hell is your problem? It was your idea to read this thing."
"Have I taught you nothing?" Blaise said. "Have you never heard of Sonnets of a Sorcerer? Some books like that are cursed, if you read Sonnets, you'll speak in limericks for the rest of your life."
"So, you are telling me that, if I read this, you think some muggle girl is going to magically appear and make us pay for reading her diary?"
"You're crazy." Draco opened the book and flicked through the pages. "Look, you can relax." He said, showing Blaise the pages in the book. "She's only filled in one page and it seems like some sort of weird description of herself." He held out the page and began reading again. "Name: Alyssa Starhawk. Age: 16. Parents: Jasmine & Jacques Starhawk. Hair: Dark blue looks almost black.... How can someone have blue hair?" Draco commented, with a shake of his head, before continuing. "Eyes: Ice Green...Good lord... Hair length: reaches bottom of back, thick waves... Lives: Crimdon Dean... It just goes on like this." Draco said. "Let's owl it back to her."
"You've completely lost the plot; I refuse to encourage this insanity any further." Blaise said.
"Come on, think about it. It'll be funny, some muggle girl, shitting herself when an owl flies through her window and drops the book in her lap." Draco said, grinning.
"I refuse to have any part in this." Blaise said. "You do that, you do it on your own and before you ask; NO, you cannot borrow our owl."
Draco frowned at his friend. "Spoil sport. Fine, I'm going home then to use our owl."
"You can't go!" Blaise said. "We're not even half way through; we're not even quarter of a way through."
"They are your books." Draco said. "I'm sure you'll be more than capable of sorting them out on your own."
Draco sat in his bedroom at the Malfoy Manor, drinking from a glass of good quality firewhiskey, he was thinking about the look on the muggle girl's face when his family's Eagle Owl dropped her diary back in her lap. He only wished he could have found some way to capture the expression so he could see for himself.
He shook his head with a smile. 'Oh well.' He thought. 'Still, I suppose it was a good laugh, even if Blaise wouldn't play along.'
He sat considering his thoughts for a moment when a voice sounded out, causing him to jump.
"One day, Draco was sat in his bedroom, looking all sexy..."
He looked around for Blaise, but to his great distress, couldn't see him anywhere. "Hello?" He said. "Blaise? Pansy?" He swallowed, his eyes darting around the room. "Anyone...?"
"Draco was scared because that day he and Blaise had, had an argument..."
"Alright Blaise!" Draco said. "Ha-Ha, very funny, now cut it out."
"And Draco didn't know what he was gonna to do fix it."
"We didn't have an argument, you stupid git, now get out here or I'm going to floo directly into your library and burn your little black book!"
"Little did he know, that that day was the day that would change his life forever. Because it was the day he was going to meet the love of his life, Alyssa Starhawk..."
"That's it!" Draco said. "Say goodbye to your whore-list, Blaise." Draco moved across the room and picked up the bag hung next to his fireplace. Grabbing a handful of green powder, he stepped inside the fireplace, throwing the powder and shouting; 'Zabini Mansion!' At the top of his voice.
When the green flames around him died away, he found himself standing in the fireplace in the parlour of the Zabini Mansion. He stepped out, dusting himself down, before he noticed Blaise's mother, sat with a glass of black vodka in one hand and a Quills & Moon book in the other. He straightened himself up and put on what he hoped was his best smile. "Hello, Mrs Zabini, I am sorry for bursting in on you like this. Is it ok if I go to Blaise's library? I think I left something there earlier."
Lucretia Zabini took a sip from her glass and waved her hand in the direction of the door. "Yes, that's fine, Draco. Can you tell him I expect him to emerge from there at some point this evening?" She said.
"Of course." Draco said, offering her a smile and walking across the room as quickly as he could so he could get out of the room as Blaise's mother scared him somewhat. He shut the door behind him and walked to Blaise's library. He opened the door quickly and stepped inside, surprised to see Blaise standing in a pile of books, putting ones in his hands into different piles. "You!"
Blaise peered at Draco curiously and raised his eyebrows. "Me?"
"Oh no. Don't tell me I've missed random sentence day?" Blaise said, smirking at his friend.
"Not. Funny." Said Draco.
"Draco stood in Blaise's house, looking at his friend. He knew he loved him, but he didn't know how to say he was sorry..." The voice spoke again.
Draco curled his lip in anger. "OK. One, I do not love you, I hate you! Two, there's no way that I'm saying sorry to you and three... How the fuck are you doing that?"
Blaise looked confused; he furrowed his brow and cocked his head to one side. "Erm... Draco? I'm Blaise... You are standing in my house and currently you are acting like a crazy man..."
"The voice!" Draco said.
"Erm, what voice?" Blaise asked, looking more confused.
"Draco was still a bit mad at his friend, but he knew he had to forgive him, because he was his only real friend..."
"That voice!" Draco exclaimed. "The voice making sounds now, saying that you were my only real friend!"
Blaise raised his eyebrows and put his books down, walking over to Draco he put his hand on his friends shoulder. "Draco, do you think you maybe want to talk to someone? At the hospital maybe?"
"Blaise, please tell me that this is just a big wind-up and you are making that voice come from somewhere..."
"Mate, I swear, I'm not doing anything."
Draco swallowed and looked up at his friend. "Oh fuck. What has that book done to me?"
Quills & Moon, of course refers to Mills & Boon romance novels, or if you're American, Harlequin press.
I'm not sure what I am going to do with this yet, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I know I told my regular readers I wouldn't start writing anything new until I had completely finished The Story in the Soil, but like most good ideas, this one came out of nowhere.