- K Y O N -
Zack:Well hello there, consider this as a series of random talking without a visible plot if you must but I must humbly ask you to not close the window. Instead consider this as a way for the author to test out how much he knows about the characters of "The Melancholy of Kyon's Probable Girlfriend". He's just dropping his plot-making skills for a while and he's going to try and screw around with his emotion-making skills... I, Zack will be "interviewing" them in a way that a curious kid might do if that curious kid were to interview their favorite superhero...
(Awkward Silence)
Zack:Anyway...With me today is... (Shuffle) (Shuffle) Ky--on...
Kyon: Yo.
Zack:You seem like a pretty cool guy. Kyon, let's skip the introductions for a while. Instead, mind if I ask you a question?
Kyon: Go ahead.
Zack:What's your real name?
Kyon: Oh, it's... why are you asking me this?
Zack: Just felt like it. (Snicker)
Kyon:When you invited me to go here it came with a resume, I filled that out and I wrote it there.
Zack:There was a resume? (Shifts Eyes)
Kyon:Yes.
Zack:How old are you exactly?
Kyon:That was also on the resume.
Zack: Oh! So you're just going to go ahead and answer all of my interview questions with an "it's in the resume" eh? Is that how it's going to work?
Kyon:What? No! I didn't mean--
Zack:(Points and wiggles finger at Kyon's nose) DO YOU HAVE THE HOTS FOR HARUHI!!?
Kyon:That's a little personal and why are you shou--?
Zack: Stop straying from the question KYON!! If that's even your real name! Say you were the last man on earth and you were given the choice of having one other person to stay with you would you rather have A) Haruhi; B) Mikuru or C) Me as your companion?
Kyon:This is getting strange...
Zack:Answer...
Kyon:Well... (Crosses legs) I definitely would hate being stuck with you...
Zack:So you'd rather have your way with one of the girls eh? (Wink) (Wink) (Shove) (Shove)
Kyon:No... it's mainly because you're noisy and random.
Zack: BUT Haruhi's noisy and random too! So I'm concluding that you prefer to be with Mikuru right? Is this because she'll never object to anything you do and is this because of her t-er... br-er... chest?
Kyon:What are you talking abou--
Zack:I should just stop interrupting you while you speak right?
Kyon:Exactl--
Zack: I mean this wouldn't be much of an interview if my words fill up the whole page right?
Kyon:...
Zack:...
Kyon:...
Zack:...
Kyon:...
Zack:...
Kyon:So as I was--
Zack:A B or C, man?
Kyon: (Glare)
Zack:Sorry, couldn't help myself back there.
Kyon:As I was saying... I've been stuck with Haruhi in several situations before so I guess I have a sense of trust with her.
Zack: I'm not talking about you guys getting stuck in an artificial universe wherein you could just leave if you knew how to.
Kyon:Don't remind me of that.
Zack: I'm talking about me walking up to every other person in the world and shooting them in the head before eventually shooting myself, this would leave you and Haruhi alone, left to live with each other.
Kyon:Well I guess. But isn't it natural for a person to feel safer if they're with a person they trust?
Zack:So true! Gasp! (Gasp) Haven't you been alone with Mikuru as well?
Kyon:Well yeah. But I guess that she'll be a little hard to manage. I've spent enough time with her enough to know that she'd probably panic too much in a situation like that. Older Mikuru on the other hand...
Zack:Oh, is it because she "combines cuteness and sexyness"? Unquote from book four.
Kyon: (Slight Blush) How did you know about that? Anyway, I'm sticking to my answer. I'd rather have Haruhi with me because she'll probably be able to keep her cool in a situation like that. Mikuru would probably feel a little confused and disoriented because of the lack of people and I just don't like the idea of being stuck in a world with another guy.
Zack:Su--re Kyon. Th--at's your reason. (End of sarcasm)
Kyon:What are you implying?
Zack: Well if that's the case, mind me asking, what are you planning to give to Haruhi on March 14?
Kyon:March 14?
Zack:White Day.
Kyon:I don't know, chocolates maybe. (Shrug)
Zack: C'mon Kyon, you're better than that.
Kyon: What are you saying now?
Zack: Why don't you take her out? Go see a movie, a walk in the park, a stroll in the mall you know, girls love those things.
Kyon: Why would I need to go through the trouble of doing that? I can just give her some chocolates like the same chocolates that I would give to Mikuru-chan and Nagato.
Zack: I guess, but that would be insensitive. Think of that as a way of... thanking her.
Kyon: What would I thank Haruhi for? The only thing she does to me is drag me around like a ragdoll making me do things I don't want to do. She never listens to me and she just goes on doing things like she's the queen of the universe. Which she is by the way, but she just doesn't know. Hey, maybe if I were to thank her of something it would be about those rare moments when she doesn't run my life like a dictator.
Zack: (Smile) You should thank her you know. If it wasn't for her you wouldn't have met Mikuru, Nagato and Koizumi. You wouldn't have met those three spectacular people. If it wasn't for her you'd still be living a black and white life wherein the only things you'd believe in are the things right in front of your eyes. She taught you that it's ok to believe. If it wasn't for her you'd still be that sarcastic everyday man right?
Kyon: ...
Zack: So how about it? A tryst with Haruhi? I can help you make some arrangements... I have connections you know.
Kyon: ...I'll think about it.
- K Y O N -
Author's Note
Sorry if it got a little short, Kyon's interview isn't over actually. I just need to go and finish something and I also wanted to submit this early. Think of it this way, I'm asking for reviews half-way through the chapter. Also comment on the whole characterization thing.
(Begins working on book of life)