Hello there everyone!
Sorry it's been so long since i've written anything! I've been in Wales, out and about and generally swamped with homework so my creative side took a nose dive. Anyways, this was brought about by my musing about death and suicide while bored out of my skull in the library at school ( sounds emo doesn't it? ). Because of that, i'm sending out a warning of OOCness from both Roy and Ed. This fanfic was just a way of me expressing how i felt about stuff. I don't own anyone from the FMA universe.
Leap of Faith
There was still an inordinate amount of paperwork to be done, but to Roy, taking a breather on the roof was the most important military decision he'd ever had to make. He gave a groaning sigh as he walked through the empty white corridors of HQ.
'Night shift must not have started yet' he mused, rubbing the bridge of his nose vigorously to take away some of the ache in his head. It didn't work. The niggling throb remained in its place behind his eyes, sending bursts of fire-hot pain into his tired head. 'This is what I get for working overtime…'.
He let his hand flop to rest at his side and turned down a dimly lit corridor towards a faded red door at the end. It was the stairwell that led to the HQ roof, and Roy was certain it would be empty. He'd be able to spend a few minutes alone up there with the soft starlight to soothe his head without worrying about being caught.
He stomped up the fifteen or so steps to the top and staggered to the edge of the roof, leaning on the high wall that stopped people walking off the edge to end up as abstract artwork on the pavement below and took a deep breath. Closing his eyes, he allowed his forehead to rest on his forearms. The soft melody of Central at night soothed the savage beast stomping around in his head. 'Aaah, that's much better…I can finally think again.' Minutes passed and Roy stayed as he was, breathing in the slightly dusty city air, enjoying the solitude.
Then, there was another niggle in his head that had nothing to do with his paperwork-induced headache. 'There's someone else out here!' Immediately, Roy's head shot up and his obsidian black eyes scanned the roof top before closing in on a small figure standing on top of the wall, dangerously close to the edge. 'Who the hell is…?' The starlight caught on a shoulder length braid of gold hair and a blood red coat and Roy knew instantly who it was. 'What the hell?' In an instant, Roy was beside the boy, but oddly, made no move to pull him back.
"What do you think you're doing Ed?" he asked mildly. There was no point in angering the boy. He might just do something stupid, like take that final step outwards towards the empty air. "I could ask the same thing of you Colonel." Ed replied in the same tone. His hands were in his trouser pockets and his sharp golden eyes stared downwards at the pavement below. The toes of his combat boots touched the abyss before him, hanging off the edge.
"You could, but I'm not the one about to jump." Roy placed his head in his hands and stared out into the night. Ed removed his gaze from the pavement and sent a piercing glare at his superior officer. "I'm not gonna jump, can't a guy stand on a wall anymore?"
"Your position says different." Roy argued. "Suicide isn't the answer you know."
"Of course I know! That's not why I'm up here!" Ed yelled. Roy sent the boy a flat look and turned himself round, supporting himself with his elbows so he could see Ed's face properly.
The boy seemed to be in another world at the moment, the anger he'd just displayed gone and replaced with a thoughtful look. "Are you going to tell me the reason? Or am I going to have to waste my time standing here to make sure the wind doesn't blow you off?" Roy asked with a smirk. Ed's thoughtful face turned angry again, though he didn't yell or go off on a tangent like he usually would.
"I'm thinking alright!" He finally snapped.
"Thinking about what?" Roy wanted to know what would drive Edward to the HQ roof to think.
"Death." A swift reply with no emotion.
"Ah! So it is suicide!" Roy grinned, though humourlessly. He received a light kick to the head with an automail foot for his pains.
"Stop saying that, or I really will jump." Ed growled. A moment of silence passed between them, a soft wind brushed past and chilled the night air. "How long have you been out here?" Roy asked quietly, not wanting to break the reflective mood they seemed to find themselves in.
"About three hours."
Roy was shocked. He quickly checked the time on his pocket watch. 'It's quarter to 4 in the morning already! And he says he's been out here since one…' "So, with all this thinking you've done. What have you decided about death?" Ed didn't answer straight away, but stared up at the stars, then back to the ground, then to Roy.
"I just keep thinking about what would happen if someone I loved died." He whispered, "Would I keep living? Or would I be so overcome by grief that I'd kill myself?"
"See, you were thinking of suicide." Roy muttered. Another swift kick to his head shut him up.
"Keep saying that and I'll throw you over myself." Ed hissed. "And I'm trying to be thoughtful and deep for once, but you keep interrupting."
"Sorry Fullmetal, carry on. You were saying?" Ed sighed.
"It's hard to explain." Ed hummed, brushing his bangs out of his face before poking Roy in the shoulder. "Stand on the wall."
"What?!" Roy gasped. "Why?"
"Just do it so I can explain!"
"You promise not to push me off?" Ed smiled maliciously at him, but Roy heaved himself up and stood next to the boy, toes hanging over the edge like Ed had his. Like this, Roy could see the entire of Central and standing with his toes over the edge, he felt like he was flying. Ed took a breath and began.
"Standing up here and looking at that drop…" Ed trailed off. Roy could see he was having difficulty putting his thoughts into words. Ed shook his head and began again.
"You hear about all these people dying because loved ones pass away, or committing suicide because they 'can't take it anymore.' I know I'd be tempted to do something if someone close died, hell anyone would, but then I got to thinking, 'what would my death accomplish?'" A breeze pushed against their backs pushing them to the edge, but they stayed put. "My death wouldn't bring them back, and it would only make those left behind sad too. It would be selfish to do that…to pass on your suffering. It's like admitting you're weak." Ed's hand clenched into a fist. "Plus, you'd always be remembered for dying. What kind of memory is that to leave behind?" Ed glanced at Roy with a look of annoyance. "When I die, I want to be remembered for doing something great, not for jumping off the roof of Central HQ, because you know what I finally realised?" Roy shook his head and stayed silent, waiting for the boy to continue.
"Death is for the weak."
Roy stared incredulously at Ed. "What, you plan on living forever? Sorry Ed, not even the best alchemist can do that. You should know that."
"That's not what I said!" Ed shouted, his eyes blazing with passion. "I know I'm gonna die someday, but that someday will be a long way away, and it won't be because I took a knife to my wrist or took too many tablets. I'm saying that, after something terrible, you show weakness by letting that terrible something control you. True strength is being able to kick that something in the face and yell, 'I'm gonna live you bastard!'" Ed added to his last statement by waving a fist in the air. Roy laughed.
"It's strange hearing something so grown-up coming from you Fullmetal."
"I have my moments."
"Not often." There was the thud of metal hitting flesh. "Ow."
"Serves you right."
Silence descended again, peaceful like a warm blanket as the chill winds continued in their task to push both men over the edge. Eventually, Roy checked his watch again and his eyes bulged. "Damn, it's already five thirty?!" He jumped down from the wall and ran to the stairwell. 'Hawkeye'll be here any minute and I still haven't finished that paper work!'
"Stay strong Fullmetal! And I swear if I find a small splat on the pavement, I'll step on it!"
"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULDN'T EVEN FILL A JAM JAR?" With that final jab, Roy was running at breakneck speed back to his office in the hope Hawkeye hadn't arrived yet.
On the roof, Ed sighed and stared once more at the pavement below. "Yep," he told himself forcefully. "Death is for the weak" A hop and he was standing back on the tarmac of the roof. Sauntering to the stairwell Colonel Mustang had fled down, he grinned, "and no matter what happens, I'll survive. I'm strong." He thought of Al. "I have to be."
And there you go.
It's prolly not what you were all hoping for, and to be honest, it didn't really go where i wanted it to, but it's alright in my book.
Also, i wish to say a big thankyou to everyone who's reviewed, favorited or alerted me. It means a lot and i feel wonderful when i read them! Sorry i haven't replied to anyone, but i feel strange if i try, but that doesn't mean i don't appreciate you! i really really do!
So, if you liked this fic, REVIEW!!! hehe.
(PS i plan to do a next chapter of this, though i don't know when it'll be out or if i want to make this into a proper multichapter story...sigh, my brain needs a rest)
Much love, Inuchron