A/N: Uh, last time I checked, Natalya wasn't Asian…

It was Lena.

Dear Rated S for the Slut of SmackDown,

Hi, how's it going? I'm doing just fine, thanks for not asking.

Actually, I'm glad you didn't ask. Your voice makes my blood curdle in fear. You sound like a guy. Really, you do. Your accent sucks and you're a disgrace to Canada. Hell, you can't even wrestle.

But, alas, you're freaking hot and I want to do you. I think I'd have to put a sock in your mouth, though. I don't want your man voice scaring me. I might think I'm sleeping with a guy then. I'd have to kick you out of the room.

You don't have any man parts, do you? It really wouldn't surprise me. I'd just like to make sure before I use you and make you go away.

And what's with your new friends? Since when was trailer trash acceptable?

I don't spear guys,