A/N: Some people say that I'm no good at writing anything that isn't sad. Maybe that is truth. But Axel and Roxas' story IS sad. And that's not MY fault. XD
Summary: Axel reflects about things said and unsaid between him and Roxas.
Disclaimer: I wish Axel and Roxas belonged to me. But they don't, so I'm not making any money on this. Don't sue me, 'cause you'll get nothing.
There was always darkness. Blind darkness. Empty darkness. When you're there, you never know where right and left really are. Or up and down. It's just a never ending place full of... Darkness.
And there were the others. None of them mattered. Just faces. Meaningless faces. So many of them... And none of them important. There were my thoughts. But that's about the only thing they ever were. Mere thoughts. Ideas born of who knows where, never supposed to show that sparkle of life they seem to gain when they become real.
And then... Then... There was him.
At first he was dull like a blank wall painted in white from top to bottom. Even that way I couldn't stop myself from noticing him. But then, gradually, he changed. Defying, daring. A kind of flame appeared in his eyes. A burning bright pair of azure eyes. Burning with some kind of need, some kind of despair. The need for knowledge. He craved desperately for that knowledge.
"I feel empty." - He said once, his voice dry, without inflection. Emotionless, with those gorgeous blues orbs trying to hide everything inside, succeeding marvelously except for small, almost imperceptible hints of anger and sadness. He was not just handsome. He was beautiful. From the top of his head, his spiked disheveled blond hair, to his toes. But he was just a shell. A beautiful shell. Empty. Just like me. Even then, even empty inside, I felt such warmth whenever he was around... I couldn't quite grasp it. Why? I wasn't supposed to feel this way. Not around him. Not around anyone. But I did. And every time he came to me, with that sadness imprinted all over his face, I knew. HIS face was not meaningless. His face MEANT something to me. Something deep. Something precious. And all I wanted was to take away those unshed tears and that boiling anger he had inside his chest instead of the beating thing normal people use to have. Instead of the beating heart that should have been there.
"I have to know." - He said after that, this time that hint of anger grown into an ugly display of rage. Those beautiful eyes holding back tears full of passion and fury, his sharp tongue spitting words at me, that empty space inside my chest transformed into a black hole, swallowing down every single feeling I had there and crushing them to the ground, in spite of the sheer impossibility of their existence, leaving nothing but pain.
"No one would miss me." - His back turned on me, the sound of his footsteps growing more and more distant, his shape disappearing, blending in shadows and silence. The eyes that held unshed tears now were mine.
"That's not truth. I would..."
And I felt myself drowning back into the darkness. Hollow, blind darkness. Meaningless darkness. Meaningless face. Mine. To him. Was it?
Only memories of a few shy smiles given to me when I'd caught him off guard kept me alive. But can a being without a heart truly live? Or is that just another foolish illusion?
It was so easy when he was not here. The darkness, I mean. It was very boring sometimes, but I could accept it. Now all I wanted was to be able to give him the light he so desperately needed to feel whole. Unfortunately that's the only thing I was unable to give, or at least I think so. I don't even know if I have this light myself. But then... Maybe I do. How could I explain the fact that I KNEW I'd fallen in love when I wasn't even supposed to feel anything?
"We're... Best friends, aren't we?" - I almost believed. I wanted to believe you could remember me. You didn't. Things are never easy, are they? But somehow, sometimes, we get what we want. It might not be exactly THE way we want it, but it happens.
"Just because you'll have another life..." - I never had the chance to finish what I had to say to those eyes, sad because they knew me once again. The words finished forming inside my head, a silent thought, while I was carried away again to that cold darkness.
...Doesn't mean that I can't try to find you and have you back by my side...