Five Dreams Bella Has While Watching TV

RATED: T for a lot of Goddamn swearing.

A/N: I hope I don't disgrace all of these too terribly...of course, what is a disgrace is that Minifro is not in my computer dictionary. Pacha!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own these movies/TV shows/Twilight

-One-

She's eating strawberry ice cream, and not the crappy store-bought kind, either. It's homemade and tastes of summer breezes and hot Arizona afternoons, each creamy spoonful a delight.

Edward and Jacob are watching her. The werewolf is smiling, encouraging. "Take another bite, Bella," he says reassuringly "I made it myself." His eyes are soft and coercing, warmth radiating to where she slowly eats more and more. It's so good.

But her lover isn't as enthusiastic. He says nothing at all, just stares at her sadly. Bella waits for him to say something- will he try and stop her from gorging on the delicious treat? Would she stop if he asked her?Another mouthful. He flinches.

"What's the matter, Edward?" She tilts her head to the side "What's the matter?"

Her eyes flutter open just in time to see Grey's Anatomy flash across the TV screen in front of her. Charlie sits, leaning forward, eyes transfixed "Just go with McDreamy already." He mumbles under his breath before realizing that she's awake. Quickly, he picks up the remote and swiftly changes it to the Sports channel. "Morning, Bells." He says, putting on a fake smile "You dozed off there for a minute...I was just, ah, channel-surfing before the game."

"Uh-Huh." Is all she can muster, supporting herself on one hand while her bottom is sprawled across the couch. Hair sticks up in all directions, one side plastered to her face. Bella's eyes (or at least one) are drooping drowzily.

She's sure that if she goes back to sleep now, in a few hours she can convince herself that this was all a dream.

-Two-

Bella's sitting in the theater, tub of popcorn at her lap and Edward at her side. He watches the movie, a good one, over the head of a petite blond- while she is stuck leaning every which way trying to see over a man's minifro.

"Excuse me, sir." She pokes his shoulder "Your minifro is blocking my view. Could you-"

"Mothafucka." Snaps the man, turning around. It's Emmett- only not. Because last time Bella checked, Emmett had neither a minifro, nor a goatee, nor mutton chops. He also didn't grow up on the South side of Funky North Philly "You insulting my 'fro, Mothafucka? Ima gonna bust a cap in yo ass if you're smacking on my 'fro." And apparently Emmett-Only-Not isn't joking, because he pulls out a handgun that's bigger than her head and presses it to her temple. "Well, mothafucka? You smack-talking my do?"

"I-" Before she can reply, his finger pulls the trigger.

"Motherfucker!" Shrieks Bella, sitting straight up and clutching the throw blanket to her chest.

Five pairs of undead eyes focus on her, all confused but seemingly not all that surprised. On the TV screen, John Travolta and Uma Thurmon meander into Jack Rabbit Slim's. "Emmett," She gasps, looking at him with wild eyes that he will later describe as "How I always imagined Jim Jones must've looked" "Don't ever grow a minifro. Ever."

"Aye, capitan." He gives her a two-fingered salute, deciding that it must be better just not to ask.

-Three-

There's sand under her toes and heat beating on her skin- and she's alone, oh so alone. Bella relishes in the feel, shielding her eyes as she stares straight ahead. Under a lavender canopy of sky and on the shoreline of an emerald stretch of water, there stands the sun.

"Edward." Her voice sounds like it's on a trampoline, bouncing to heaven and back. "Edward." He doesn't turn to face her, but moves forward into the curiously coloured ocean. As soon as his calves are engulfed in warm water, she takes off after him.

Bella's gauzy dress offers free movement, but the grain beneath her feet causes her to stumble and loose the wide rimmed hat that had been resting on her head. The girl doesn't bother to get it, but presses on into the liquid. He's already dissipating into the purple horizon, treading water as if it was air. She's up to her neck, fighting waves that threaten to drown her, sucking her down until her lungs burn and black spots mar her vision. Each time Bella resurfaces, she drinks in air like wine and struggles on. Edward is fading fast and the sea is becoming more and more violent, tossing her like a lowly rag doll, until she's swallowed under without warning. Her chest constricts and she opens her mouth to breathe, only sucking in salt water.

When she wakes up, tears blind her vision. She's shaking, sobbing, her hair is plastered to the side of her face with sweat and saline. Her skin is clammy and two sizes too small, and that Damn TV keeps on droning on.

"Bye, Joel."

Water fills the mansion. Jim Carry stands, dumbfounded as she whispers the final words of the scene into his ear. Images of Edward saying that he didn't love her flash past her mind, causing breath to become uneasy. Bella listens as Kate Winslet murmurs.

"Meet me in Montauk..."

-Four-

"Emmett? Why the Hell are you dressed like that?"

The only explanation he offers is a wolfish grin, placing his hands on his fishnet-clad hips and chucking in a psuedo-seductive/manical way. "Don't you know by now, baby? I'm just..." pelvic thrust "a sweet transvestite..."

"Bella? Wake up. Emmett and Alice are about to have a Time Warp-off, and I think you'll want to see this."

-Five-

It's a normal day. Bella's sitting on the couch with Edward, watching TV. Sun filters in from the window, suggesting that it's mid afternoon.

"Dude, I just had, like, a baggilion gallons of Sunny-D. What is up with this shiz?"

Oh, and Edward's suddenly wearing a Forks track uniform that's, well, let's say really short. And she's suddenly eight months preggo. That isn't normal...at least she doesn't think so. Her companion drinks tick-tacks straight from the carton like she takes a swig of orange juice. That isn't normal either.

"Bella? Wake up, the movie's over." Edward shakes her lightly, and Bella notes that he's not in short-shorts (good or bad thing? She can't decide) "What were you dreaming about, love?"

"Just...about how glad I am that dreams are only dreams." She gives him a thin-lipped smile. "Let's go."

A/N: Okay, so the movie in two was Pulp Fiction followed by Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in three, Rocky Horror Picture Show in four, and Juno in five.