Carlisle, Ed, Jasper, and I were sitting around our brand new mahogany poker table when I heard our girls talking in the garage.
"Shhh, guys listen" I put my pointer finger to my lips and the guys immediately grew silent.
"What are we listening to Emmett?" Edward asked. As soon as he said that we all heard giggling from the next room then Esme said, "Carlisle's is my favorite. Very sleek and smooth for riding."
"Yeah, Emmett's is awesome, a little rough around the edges, but I ALWAYS get the ride of my life. It's defiantly for off road-ing." I heard Rose's voice, the girls all giggled again.
"Whoa, are they talking about what I think they're talking about?" Jasper whispered. We all leaned our heads into the middle of the poker table so we could whisper quietly to each other.
"Dude, I think they're talking about our dicks!" I said quietly. "Carlisle…sleek and smooth?" I raised my eyebrows up and down.
"Em, rough around the edges?" Jasper threw it head back laughing.
"Hey, she gets that ride of her life, that's all that matters."
Alice's voice floated in from the next room, a little bit whiny. "No faiir! Emmett's is so big and colorful! I wish Jaspers was like that! But NO. His is TINY! I mean it's good for quick rides, but if was to ride for a while I sometimes slip off because its sooo short!"
"Jasper, you can't please you're woman huh?" Edward broke out into hysterics "'its sooooo short'" Edward mimicked in a falsetto voice. Carlisle and I joined his laughter; Jasper just crossed his arms over his chest and sat back in his chair. I suddenly felt very depressed. "We're just playing Jasper you don't have to shoot out depressed-ness at us." I said punching his arm lightly. Just then I heard Rose again.
"Bella, you haven't commented on Edward's yet?"
"His was really nice" She began. I raised my eyebrows and mouthed 'was' to the guys. "I mean it was really nice, absolutely fabulous. I loved it. It was so, so, so, sooo perfect. I lo-"
"Bella, just get the point!" Alice snapped.
"OK…so it was AWESOME, but…I broke it." Bella finished quietly.
Carlisle, Jasper and I whipped our heads to look at Edward, whose eyes grew huge.
"Oh. My. GOD! What did he say about it?" Alice said through laughter. "You know he loves that thing"
"He doesn't know yet." Bella said sheepishly, I could almost see her hanging her head as she said it.
"Whoa! Man, how do you not know it's broken?!" Jasper asked appalled.
"What- Its not. I mean. I-"
"Edward, do you want me to take a look at it, I mean I can you know. You can always come to me for that kind of thing, I'm sure it would be less embarrassing than going to a regular doctor." Carlisle clapped his hand on Edward's shoulder. I could hear the mocking in his voice.
"Shut up." Edward said through clenched teeth and shrugged Carlisle's hand off. During this I realized we must have missed some part of the conversation, when Bella's voice floated in.
"I do have to admit; once I got rid of mine I had a definite need for Edward's. Even though his is smoother and more compact, I still miss my old one." I looked at Ed. Bella had one? I asked him with my thoughts causing him to shoot a girl-worthy glare at me.
Alice's voice whined yet again.
"It's no fair! Emmett has a big one, Carlisle too, even Edward's before it broke, his is still bigger broken! But Jazzy's is SOoOo small!!"
"Yeah, but at least Jasper's isn't broken like Edward's" Bella shot back.
"Sure, but Edward's, Emmett's, or Carlisle don't run out of gas really fast like Jazzy's."
"Yeah, Carlisle has really good gas mileage, you know?"
"Well…Emmett's eats gas. It goes through it really quickly too, you're not alone Alice."
"Hey, I wonder if Aro could fix that." Esme said.
"What the hell…" Jasper said after hearing that.
"Why would Aro fix our dicks?" I said, "Ha ha, that rhymes. Ha ha."
"Emmett shut up, were trying to listen." Edward shot at me.
Esme was still talking "…I heard he got a new one. I wonder if he would let us try it out, and then make them for our boys?" All of our face got a sour-scared look on them when Esme said that. Why and how did Aro get a new one?
"I'm sure he won't mind that." Rose said.
"Do you think he could custom make one for Jazzy…it can be the same brand, or even look the same just larger and longer."
"I bet Aro could fix Edward's so it's good as new, he could probably even do it without Edward knowing, so he won't be mad at me for breaking it."
"Yeah, he could tune up a few things on Carlisle's." Esme said.
"And Emmett's." Rose said.
"Hey, I have an idea, we could get Aro, Marcus, and Caius all in on it, as a group project kind of thing." Alice shrieked excitedly.
"Yeah, and we could all test theirs out one by one and show them what we like, and don't like about them, and then they could modify a few things for our husbands." Bella said.
"Great idea…." Esme said something else but we were all to disgusted to listen.
"They're going to Aro to test his out!" Carlisle was outraged. "NO! That can't happen, she is my wife."
"My sweet, innocent Bella, going to Aro! He'll ruin her!" Edward was sounding like Alice with his whiny voice.
"She wants me to get a new one, a whole new one…do you know how bad that will hurt….oh my god…" I'm sure Jasper was picturing the pain it would cause him. All of us…this would not be good.
"Well, I'm gunna go ask for permission to grab Edward's" Bella said as the girls came out of the garage, standing there all innocent.
"Guys we decided to go visit Aro in Italy, so were taking a girls weekend." Rose said. "And then maybe you guys can meet us there on Monday?" Yeah to get a penis job. I thought.
Carlisle inhaled deeply. "Are you sure this is what you all want to do, this is a very serious decision."
The girls looked puzzled, no doubt pretending. "Yes…were just going to do some shopping, we wont put a dent in the credit card, don't worry."
"That's not what I'm worried about" Jasper mumbled.
"What was that?" Alice asked curious.
"Uh, um, nothing."
"Ok…well were leaving now, so meet us in Volterra on Monday ok?" Alice said.
I gulped; I knew that all four of us would do anything our wives asked of us, so I responded for all of us. "Ok." I nodded nervously.
They all started towards the door when Bella said to Esme, "Oh, I forgot Edward likes when I ask if it's ok to use his first, hold one, I'll go ask him." Esme nodded and followed Alice and Rose out to the garage. Why the hell does he want her to ask before they have sex? That makes no sense. I thought.
"Edward, can I borrow you're Volvo."
"My what?" Edward asked, like he missed out on something.
"You're Volvo, you know you're car." Bella said a little impatiently.
"My car?" Edward confirmed.
"Yes, that would be what I am asking about." Bella looked a bit curious about his odd reactions.
"Like the thing you ride…god" he slapped his forehead. "I mean like drive around, like to the store or something."
"Yes" Bella nodded.
"Is that what you guys were talking about in the garage?" Carlisle asked.
"There's no second meaning or anything to that?" I asked completely confused.
"No. Edward, I got to go, can I borrow it or not?"
"That's fine Love, have fun in Italy." He said handing her the keys and kissed her briskly on the lips.
As Bella slammed the door shut we all sighed in relief.
"Our cars." Edward said. "They were talking about our cars."
We all laughed at our stupid-ness, picked up our cards, and continued our game of poker.
A/N: Hey, guys, just a funny little one-shot to tide you over till we update Don't Kill the Cullen and Cullen Musical. For now it's just a one-shot, but I may have an idea on how we could make a second chapter. Let us know what you think!
F & J