Her eyes are red and puffy, again. Her hair is limp, and lacks its previous luster, because she's neglected washing it. Sometimes they hear her sobbing in the night, and she can't believe he's gone, because someone like him does not just go. When she wakes up, her eyes are swollen and bloodshot and she's missing another day of work.
The fangirls disgust her. None of them had even known him-- they are superficial, every last one of them. They only care because he was another pretty boy they had no chance of having, knowing, loving- they were no where near where she was. She's the real deal, and they are all imposters.
No one's hiring her anymore. She doesn't know why. She has no cases, no work, nothing to distract her from her life. She's starting to run short on money, and is too proud to accept gifts in the form of cash from any of her friends, despite their offers. At least she kept one thing out of the many characteristics that had faded-- she still has her pride.
One of the twins hears the slosh of her vomit hitting the toilet. He knows she's taken up drinking, for he's found the empty bottles poorly stashed under her bed. He sees that she must be going through a lot of pain. A flash of light to his right catches his attention, and he sees her wedding band, barely peeking out from under a pile of tissues. She must have been crying again, he figures. As he once more hears the gross sloshing, he sighs, walks into the bathroom, and holds her hair back for her, for the third time this week.
She hasn't been eating properly. They all have noticed it, and have tried encouraging her to eat, but she just can't. Every bite she takes makes her feel sick to her stomach and she can't keep anything down and none of her clothes fit properly and she's so goddamn hungry and why can't she eat?
She misses her mother more than ever- her father, too, he passed away a year before- and can't help but wish to be with her parents again. If she were able to be with them, she could be able to be with him, too. The thought of death has never seemed so... appealing to her. She doesn't care that her thoughts are turning morbid, because honestly, she no longer cares for anything.
She's found someone who looks like him. No, not his twin, for they were different people, and she'll never be able to substitute him with his twin because she knows both of them so well, but she has found someone of the same height, same hair color, and if she teases it enough it sort of looks like his hair, and she thinks that as long as he looks similar, she can take the physical pain he inflicts on her, because after all, in a way, she deserves it, right?
She's spiraling even more out of control. She's taken up narcotics, refuses to get help, is bone thin and he's still hitting her. And she looks up, and she sees her friends, telling her not to do it, and she can't help but wonder, why? They know just as well as she that it's the best way out. They try to stop her, but she knows that they'll never reach her on time, although Kaoru does get very close.
And the last thing she sees before she pulls the trigger is Kaoru's face, and for the split second before she's gone she thinks it's him, the love of her life, who had left her a few months previously, but she was now following him to death and with that thought,
She realizes that that moment is the happiest one she's ever had in her life.